AI ask Gemini Reviews Angela Lansbury's comic poetry

 This video highlights Angela Lansbury discussing her comical poetry, making it a great resource for seeing her approach to verse firsthand:Angela Lansbury’s comical poems—published on her blog—blend playful humor, lighthearted observations, and rhyme-based structures.

Everyday Life & Domestic Humor

Many poems highlight quirky, relatable aspects of daily routines, health, and aging.

Health & Aging: Topics range from physical ailments and doctor visits in Symptoms and Pills to humorous reflections on growing older in Do You Look Your Age? and So Expensive - So Cheap.

Home & Daily Quirks: Everyday objects take center stage, whether giving a voice to fixtures in The Bathroom Speaks, praising bedroom comfort in Back To Bed - Mine's The Best, or finding humor in fashion and footwear in Funny Hats and Cats and Neat Feet.

Language, Rhyme & Writing

As a prolific writer, she frequently explores the craft of poetry itself, turning the process into a comedic meta-commentary.

Poetic Form & Structure: Works such as How To Write The Perfect Poem, Read And Write A Limerick, and How To Write A Sonnet dissect poetic rhythm, syllable counts, and couplets in a lighthearted, instructional style.

Wordplay & Mishearings: Poems like Changes: Funny Birds And Words Misheard and Easy German Words With Memory Aids play with language learning, misread phrases, and linguistic oddities.

Travel, Transport & City Living

Travel and commuting offer regular fodder for humorous scenarios and public observation.

Public Transit: Poems like The Underground, What You Gain On The Train, and Words & Signs Warn On The Bus And Train capture the shared experience, odd etiquette, and minor chaos of public transit.

Vacations & Journeys: From missed trains in I Miss My Train to holiday misadventures in Volcano You Shouldn’t Know and Writers' Holiday, travel provides a vibrant backdrop for unpredictable setups.

Nature, Animals & Whimsy

Lansbury frequently incorporates animals, nature, and imaginative scenarios to create light, entertaining verse.

Animals & Pests: Creatures—both beloved and annoying—appear in poems like Are Mice Nice?, Daddy Long Legs, and The Toy Mouse In The House.

Seasonal & Outdoor Themes: Short, whimsical observations on nature run through poems like Rain's Good For The Garden, Autumn and Christmas, and I Read A Poem To A Rose.

This video highlights Angela Lansbury discussing her comical poetry, making it a great resource for seeing her approach to verse firsthand: 

Poetic Comedy with Angela Lansbury pt 1.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NMZEnsscDA

First Aid Kit comical poem by Angela Lansbury

First aid kit. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

 I have a first aid kit

But what is inside it?

We should not hide it

High up on the wall

Most days glad to say

We don't need it at all

But for help peep inside

If you have a small fall

The instruction booklet is

Full of surprises

Waterproof sticking plasters

In three handy sizes

I remember from childhood

On a day which was wetter

If I slipped on leaves

Mother's kiss made things better

Think of my poem

What is behind this?

The sunshine of words

Which blow you a kiss.

-ends-

A Happy Poem. Comical poem 858 by Angela Lansbury

 

I opened a newspaper and read about distress

I opened my wardrobe and saw a pretty dress

Why am I bothered about people far away?

Let them ruin their neighbourhood, not my lovely day 

I ask myself questions to which the answer's yes

Do I see sunshine and flowers? The answer's yes

The Chinese greeting is asking, did you eat?

I forget. Think of chocolate, meringue, shops full of sweets

Let's recap. Is the sun shining? It is. The answer's yes.

Did I eat today? I guess the answer's yes

Forget the past, future, think about this place

Just look in the mirror. Smile at my smiling face.

-ends-

How To Write The Perfect Poem. Comical verse 857 by Angela Lansbury

Counting on fingers. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

 I write a poem every day

And after ten years I can say

At last I've grasped rhythm and rhyme

Enough to do it every time

I count on fingers eight or ten

Another line, you count again

Like pairs, couplets, each syllable

Fills up the page until it's full

I count syllables in each line

Numbers of lines, complete the verse

Tomorrow will be better still

I'm better if yesterday's worse 

Today I saved myself some time

Before I start, I plan the rhyme

It is amazing what I know

I wish I'd done that years ago!

The alphabet I don't forget

Find rhymes, race through the alphabet

From climb to dine to fine to wine

I now can do that every time. 

Long ago homework was a chore

Counting syllables was a bore

I'm glad to say that now it's fun

So satisfying when it's done.

-ends-

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The Perfect Policeman. Comical poem 856 by Angela Lansbury

Toy policeman with toy car. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

Detectives do dull paperwork

Dates, times, alibis, which we shirk

They look for two 'facts' which don't match

Alert, for criminals to catch

But in the daytime you don't meet

Enough policemen in the street

When there's too many, you complain

But too few - bring them back again!

Who can you call when others sleep?

Who stays calm when you wail and weep

But when there's fighting all about

Expect to get police who shout!

-ends-

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Autumn and Christmas by Angela comical poem 855 by Angela Lansbury

 

Xmas Santa bag. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Autumn brings the north winter chills

The sniffles, flu and winter ills

Turn heating on, prepare for bills

Granddads, please write or revise wills

Days shorter, darker, longer nights

New seasons brings children delights

Halloween, pumpkins, biscuit frights

Street decorations, trees, Christmas lights.

-ends-

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Funny Hats and Cats. Comical poem 854 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury. Selfie.

 I don't care if you're thin or fat

I love it if you wear a hat

A funny hat or funny cap

Amusing slogans, cartoon cats

Colourful clothes which make me laugh

Two matching tee-shirts, each one half

Even repeating an old joke

But better if it is bespoke

Making me laugh at me or you

Or silly things which people do

Souvenirs from train stations

All nations, start conversations.

-ends-

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First day of Holidays - Rewritten Several |Times. Comical Poems 853 By Angela Lansbury

Today's rewrite is 

On the first day of my holiday I drew a little tree

Two little faces

Three palm tree places

four little cats

five little hats (or bats)

six little dogs

seven little frogs

eight mouths singing

nine arms swimming

Ten little hens

Next version

six dog tails wagging

seven old beds sagging

eight swimmers swimming

nine runners winning

ten climbers climbing

eleven diners dining

twelve drummers drumming

Previously I wrote this 

I was thinking that songs for children should be up-to-date and educational. I want to update a numbers song. I thought of the first day of Christmas.

It was published in 1780 so it is out of copyright. There's a website called songfinder. But I decided it was safer to use Wikipedia. I found the words

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

• four calling birds
• five gold rings
• six geese a-laying
• seven swans a-swimming
• eight maids a-milking
• nine ladies dancing
• ten lords a-leaping
• eleven pipers piping
• twelve drummers drumming

My updated version 1 Holiday with Parakeets starts:

On the first day of Christmas please draw for me

A parakeet in a pear tree

On the second day of holiday please draw for me

two cats and two red roses

three dogs with big eyes and tails and noses

four flower posies

five little fishes

six bowls and dishes

Seven swans all swimming

Eight cows and milking

nine children dancing

Ten gymnasts leaping

Eleven pipers piping

Twelve drummers drumming.

Version 2 On the First Day of Holidays In A Park

During the first day of holidays I went to the park

On a bright afternoon, before it it got dark

We swam in one heated pool

Had two cold shower to stay cool

version 2 On the first day of holidays In a Park

We rode on one wooden donkey

And climbed up two nets like a monkey

Walked on three old brick walls

Making sure we didn't fall

Version 3

We swung on one swing

And climbed up two sets of ropes

We ran through three tunnels

Asked for ice cream, full of hopes

Version 4 Holiday Break By the Lake

We rode on one little train

Which went round twice and round again

We saw three people walking dogs

By ponds with four fish and more frogs

Version 5 Holiday at Soft Play

We went to soft play at a zoo

Saw an animal or two

I saw one long-eared rabbit

Which had a chewing carrot habit

I saw two happy goats

Smiling at me by the moat

I saw three little sheep

Their white wool was very deep.

It grew dark and we were tired 

From running with toys we'd acquired.

That was the most delightful day

Which started our long holiday

Ending it was such a sorrow

But we'll have more fun tomorrow.

***

And once someone fell on muddy ground

For five minutes cried, wailed, dreadful sound

Their Mum found mermaid sticking plaster

Soon I heard giggles, lots of laughter

Then we were yawning, and ready for a sleep

At the end of the day, my eyes could hardly keep (yawn)...

So we fed animals good food

Grandma said, we must go away

I wave goodbye to pigs and say 

I promise to all of you

Grinning goats, my dears, 

Dry your flowing tears, 

Calm your alarming fears

We promise we'll come back again

To feed the ducks, and geese and hens

To feed and play

Another lovely day.

-ends-

Dears hints at deer.

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On The First Day Of Christmas Please draw for me. Comical poem 852 by Angela Lansbury

 

Photo of Xmas tote bag. By Angela Lansbury. 

I was thinking that songs for children should be up-to-date and educational. I want to update a numbers song. I thought of the first day of Christmas.

It was published in 1780 so it is out of copyright. There's a website called songfinder. But I decided it was safer to use Wikipedia. I found the words

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

• four calling birds
• five gold rings
• six geese a-laying
• seven swans a-swimming
• eight maids a-milking
• nine ladies dancing
• ten lords a-leaping
• eleven pipers piping
• twelve drummers drumming

My updated version starts:

On the first day of Christmas please draw for me

A parakeet in a pear tree (or A parrot in an apple tree)

On the second day of holiday please draw for me

two black cats and two red roses

three dogs with big eyes, long tails, black noses

four pretty flower posies

five funny little fishes

six filled bowls and fruit dishes

Seven swans, and cygnets swimming

Eight cows, cups of milk and drinking

nine little children dancing

Ten gymnasts bravely leaping

Eleven pretty pipers piping

Twelve little drummers drumming

Thirteen in a choir, humming

Hum-m-m!

During the holidays I went to the park

Just for the afternoon, it soon got dark

We swam in one heated pool

Had a shower to stay cool

We rode on a wooden donkey

And climbed like a real life monkey

We swung on one swing

And climbed up two sets of ropes

We ran through three tunnels

Asked for ice cream, full of hopes

We rode on a little train

Which went round and round again

We saw people walking dogs

And a pond with fish and frogs

We went to soft play at a zoo

Saw an animal or two

I saw one rabbit

Which had a chewing habit

I saw two little sheep

Their white wool was very deep.

It grew dark and we were tired 

From running around with soft toys we'd acquired

And once somebody fell on the muddy ground

For five minutes they cried and wailed a dreadful sound

But their mother gave them a mermaid sticking plaster

And soon they giggled and I heard lots of laughter

And I was yawning and ready for a sleep

At the end of the day and my eyes could hardly keep ...

So we fed the animals some food

But then grandma said we had to go away

So I waved goodbye to pigs and promised

Grinning goats, dears, we'll come back another day.

-ends-

Dears hints at deer.

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The Bathroom Speaks. Comical Poem 851 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Bathroom basin.

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

At night when I take a walk

I dream the bathroom fittings talk

The carpet feels my large warm feet

And comments every time we meet

Imagine fittings don't forget

But love visits and take a bet

'Our room's important, we shall see ...'

'Sh, here she comes to fondle me!' 

'Hooray, householder's coming back.'

'I bet she'll pee,' 'I bet she'll crap'

'The body parts we must not mention

But, ooh, we do love attention!'

'Toilet's important, crushes mush

And has a satisfying flush ...'

'Turn me, I'm ready, here, hot tap'

'Hooray, my turn, she's coming back.

'I'm pretty towel, lovely, soft'

'I'm toothbrush, please lift me aloft.'

'I'm toothpaste, over here, please.

I love it when I get a squeeze!'

'She done, hooray, we all feel rich'

'Lastly, it's me, I'm the light switch

Whether you're clean, or have been sick

I give a satisfying click'

'I hope you like our happy rhyme

Goodbye, householder, till next time!'

-ends- 

Every time I write a poem, I am so pleased with it. I think, all the other hundreds of poems might be forgotten, but this one will be repeated, remembered and repeated, and give pleasure for centuries.

Which poem is your favourite?

I'd love to have a comment from you. Who was it who said, 'writers ask for criticism, but all they want is praise'? 

I asked Gemini. It was W. Somerset Maugham in his 1938 book Of Human Bondage. He wrote: 'when people ask you for criticism, they want praise'.

-ends-

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The Toy Mouse In The House. Poem Number 850 by Angela Lansbury

Sleeping Unicorn Shoes. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 Once upon a time, not so very long ago

In a house with big windows lived a happy. little girl

She wore a pink, princess dress, and shoes which looked like unicorns

And had hair with plaits, a fringe, and two long curls

She liked to write the alphabet

And numbers to a hundred, in a large white book

And draw flowers, and houses, colour people with black hair

Eat strawberries, do gymnastics, and microwave cook

She lived in a tall house with steep stairs and red chairs

At school she had lots of friends with yellow, brown, black and red hair

She climbed on frames in the park until it got dark

Walked home past shops with windows around a curvy bend

On a holiday, grandparents took her out for the day

To a sandy beach by a lake, with a pirate ship

She rode on a tiny train which went out, and back again

Then she had a big white ice cream and ate every bit

At bedtime her parents would read her a book

With pictures in rainbow colours, red, orange, yellow, green and blue

Some of the pictures told funny, silly stories

But the best books told you things which you knew were true

Her favourite book was about a mouse

Which had lived in Egypt, thousands of years ago

It was terrified of a tall, black statue of a cat

Which stood by a pyramid, near where the Nile River flows

She imagined the descendants of that small, scared mouse

Lived in the field by the forest, far behind her house

Near to the river, but far from the sea

Where they ran about freely, under a tall tree

At night she dreamed she held, for them, a birthday party

She prepared, cleaned the house, swept, then would bake

Wrap ribbons, tie bows on bead bracelet gifts for dolls and toys

And share with the small mice a nice, large, cheesecake birthday cake

She slept soundly all through the night

When all her fears of monsters drifted on clouds far away

So she woke to see the rain stopped, just lovely sunlight

So she could play outside on a great weekend day

Each day ends with dreams of curved moons and straight sunlight rays

Or playing outside by swings on a great weekend day

Her fearful monsters shrank, and floated off, on clouds far away

She slept soundly all night to end a satisfying day.

-ends- 

Inspired by my extended family. The sandy beach, pirate ship and train were at Ruislip Lido in North West London, England, UK.

A child's bedtime story ideally has soothing sounds and lots of monotonous repetition to lull you to sleep, and ends with an image of somebody sleeping.

Please follow my posts and share with your family and friends, children and adults, the links to my blogs, on travel, dress, and comical poem, links to your favourite posts and entertaining poems. 

My books are on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk and Lulu.com

You can peep into some of the books online. If you buy a book and see me at a meeting of Toastmasters in Harrow such as Harrovians or HOD, I will sign a copy of the book and write a rhyming couplet for you, or the recipient, in the dedication.

If you want me to write a poem on any jolly subject, please write to me in the comments in this blog. I would love to hear from you.  I have readers from all over the world, the USA, Singapore, Brazil, France, Bangladesh, Vietnam, Hong Kong, India, the UK, and many more countries - amazing, isn't it!

The Lovely Light. Comical poem 849 by Angela Lansbury

 

At night I'm thankful for the moon

But when day comes I'll love the sun

Next day in the hopeful morning

I'm glad to see fresh light's dawning

All day the sun, the same old sun

My same old words, new faces I teach

Each lesson, day, another one

New face, old words, same rules I teach

I like the candle which I rolled

Instead I use electric light

I love the light, so bright and white

The helpful light extends day's fun.

Feet and Toes. Comical Song 848 by Angela Lansbury.

Here's a story you should know

I said hello to my big toe

I have five toes on both my feet

Five plus five is ten, that's so neat

My big toe said I have a twin

We look alike, we're long and thin

Or short and fat, depending how

We stand and how you think of that

I must ask a simple question

I always really want to know

What time is it, do we start now

Where are we going to go?

I have four little friends

They always like to follow me

We like to go out for a walk

Until we stop somewhere for tea

I shall tell you my life story

I've always stayed close to my twin

We're similar but opposites

You may think that I look like him

I'm a very forward person

And I always step out first

Wherever I go, he'll follow

But I mostly get there first.

I like to walk but not to talk

I like to dance, I like to climb

I like shoes and socks and climbing rocks

And having a good time

My friend the head directs me

The head tells me where to go

But the head says I am important

And smiles at me, so that I know.

I may be hidden in a shoe

But I am always there for you

Ready to leap out of your bed

All through life help you get ahead.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posts. My poems are in books on Amazon and Lulu with books combining funny poems and advice on structures such as ballads and sonnets and villanelles and writing poems easily in the Poetry Workbook.

AI Challenges Comical poem 847 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Querty keyboard, photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

There's such a fuss about AI

Typing, and books, they, too, were new

I wonder why such an outcry

But sad to say I have a clue

When you are faced with something new

At first you don't know what to do

Challenges big, benefits few

But mobile phones now stick like glue

I love AI and join the queue

But who wrote this, me, it or you?

If I'd briefed it, said what to do

I'd share the credit, that is true.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posts. My poems are in books on Amazon and Lulu with books combining funny poems and advice on structures such as ballads and sonnets and villanelles and writing poems easily in the Poetry Workbook.

Night Without Light. Comical Poem 846 by Angela Lansbury

 I knew the time was three a.m.

Everything was dark again

When I wake at night and everything's dark

Darker than trees in a closed park

Darker than streets without any lights

Darker than moonless, cloud-free nights

Darker than oceans of endless deep

Darker than nights of dreamless sleep

So dark that all birds and cats are asleep

Even emails and whatsapp are scared to bleep

Somewhere out there the hiding stars

Like clouds, work done, have all gone home

Leaving me here, all alone

What to wear tomorrow? I can't decide

Every useful thought has died

Even the luminous shoes are hiding

So dark I can't see a single dress

But the lack of light banishes distress

Because everything matches, what could I lack?

My perfect wardrobe's all matching black

All's black as coal in a coal-black sack

The files and socks, the silent clock

But I can tell it's 3 am

Because my black sheets call me back again

I looked for good illustrations

About my poem on black night

I like to end text with happy thoughts

You can't see pictures - they're all white.

Next day in the morning

I can see  that light is dawning

I still need to put on a light

I love the light, so bright and white

At night I'm thankful for the moon

But when the day comes I love the sun

I like the candle which I rolled

Electric light extends day's fun.

-ends-

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Extended with the last two verses on Tuesday September 1st 2026.

I rolled the candle at the Headstone event on bank holiday Monday, the previous day.

I have added it as a separate poem.

Easy German Words With Memory Aids poem 845 by Angela Lansbury

 Flag of the international language, Interlingua. From Wikipedia.

Now German sounds like English

Italian sounds like Spanish

And Latin sounds like Greek

Although some old words vanish

Brand names bring them back

To remind us of words we lack

A gurtel is a girdle

A krawatte is a tie

So many words like English

Have you ever wondered why?

We have words which come from Latin

And words which come from Greek

And the French say le weekend

What a helpful way to speak

Some words are international

I'm sure you know them well

There's computer, and taxi

And menu, whisky, and hotel

Interlingua is a language

Made of words which are well known

But Esperanto sticks to simple rules

Is widely spoken, better known

I want to be bilingual

So I practise every day

At least I can understand and nod

On my next holiday.

-ends-

Gurtel - belt (like girdle)

die Krawette - tie (tie die, die Krawatte; pronounced like cravat, but written with a w like wursht sausage)

Schal - scarf / like shawl

English - German

belt (like girdle) - Gurtel

scarf / like shawl - Schal

 tie (tie die, die Krawatte; pronounced like cravat, but written with a w like wursht sausage) die Krawette 

Useful Websites On International Words

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interlingua

ends-

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Going Back, The Good Old Days Don't Look The Same. Comical Poem 844 by Angela Lansbury.

I go back, good old days have gone

Babies are men, life has moved on

The shops have changed, staff rearranged

Paths motorways, are not the same

The elderly have all passed on

Those teeny cute wild flowers gone

Small houses all doubled in size

That 'stupid' child's now worldly-wise

Dahlias like sunflowers when you're small 

Are gardens buried in concrete

The small cafe has gone away

Italians - kebabs in each street

The teens have married and grown fat

The Dads have all gone bald and old

The teens are wearing caps not hats

No skiing, it's no longer cold

Acorns tall trees, or jungles wild

And yet, some things are better now

The Satnav takes me to the town

I'm never lost with new know how

Fresh fruit - oranges. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

The supermarket offers me

Fresh fruit all seasons from afar

Trikes are replaced by bikes for hire

Maps, languages are on the wire

So going back is not the same

Summers are warmer, not wetter

In truth, I should praise and not blame

On balance, my life now's better.

-ends-

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Strike Struck Home. Comical poem no 843 by Angela Lansbury.

 

For school and work we need fast trains

Where we can read or learn or talk

Business trips, holidays - need planes

Most places are too far to walk

Because our cities aren't designed

So everyone can walk to shops

In Singapore they have a plan

Shops on corners, under each block

In London we have not created

Cities with shops we need built near

No future plans, we're outdated

There ought to be changes, it's clear

Singapore has driverless trains

And glass walls keep you off the track

Their world's drawn so everyone gains

Once you've seen that, you won't turn back

In London I sit, shake my head

And dream of flower bridges, arches

Think how London could move, instead

Like Singapore, where they ban marches

But in our chaotic culture

Anyone can make a puncture

Wreck the city with a fracture

Damaging the infrastructure

Our transport worker went on strike

Rode to the doctor's on his bike

The doctor's sign read, 'Stuck at home

Sorry, this week you're on your own.'

His children could not go to school

At last, he said, 'I am no fool

Misled by leader who's a jerk

So I'll vote, next week, back to work.'

-ends-

Rain's Good For The Garden. Comical poem 842 by Angela Lansbury

The rain is good for the garden

I'm glad it rained during the night

It was still raining this morning

Heavy wine was brought in daylight

The driver told me, 'It's raining!'

'It's good for the garden,' I said

'Good - for the garden,' he agreed

A laugh, and good thought in his head

I'm glad that the drought has ended

A good dose of rain's what lawns need

Though some of the plants have survived

We've grown a strange six-foot weed

The Great Mullein. Planted itself in our back garden in London during the drought of 2026. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

What is its secret? Please tell me

Did it steal the water from grass?

Is it something that someone can sell me?

Never mind, now the worst is past

Grass turned brown in London in hot August 2026. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Today I was glad to see rain

Though the grass is still not yet green

I shall never again complain

Because rain's what colours life's scene.

-ends-

Learning Languages. Comical Poem No 841 by Angela Lansbury.

 I have been learning German

Think and say Deutsch when you speak

I've learned a thousand words this year

That's more than one a week

One new word a day's three hundred

Allowing none on holidays

Being lazy, tired, or busy

Or having a bolshy day

I lay awake at night

Thinking what to say

But often lack a vital word

Or one word has run away

I'm feeling very smug and proud

Enough to mutter words, not loud

Just think of all the time I take

To speak with only one mistake

I'm still perplexed by die and das

The system's failed me, I suspect

But I don't like to make a fuss

Because I'm not yet perfeckt.

-ends-

The English spelling is perfect and the German spelling of the same word is perfekt.

  Where can you learn and practise speaking German? 

Flag of Germany

Flag of Austria

Flag of Switzerland

You can use German in Germany, Austria and German-speaking parts of Switzerland.  Also Luxembourg, Liechtenstein, and parts of Belgium and Italy.

Flag of Luxembourg.

Flag of Liechtenstein.

-ends-

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Let's Send Back The Elgin Marbles. Comical Poem 840 by Angela Lansbury.

Elgin. From Wikipedia. Public Domain.

 Let's send back the Elgin Marbles

Then I'm sure we'll stay close friends

Close down museums, use AI

Create a 3D happy end

We've got far too many statues

Tall town hall columns, big boring busts

Basements where unseen things store dust

We'll send some back, all, if we must

Put packets on a plane or train

Container ships which sail that way

As for post, packing, insurance

I'm sure the Greeks will gladly pay

If they're keen to take old marbles

They'd like enterprising old Greeks

We'll close British Greek restaurants

Done and dusted in just six weeks

Return retsina, rice in vine leaves

We can give it all back to Greece

We can employ our unemployed

As museum and shop police

After we've sorted out Athens

Let's have a look at crumbling Rome

We've too many pre-loved columns

Recycle, send broken ones home

We don't need old Roman villas

We don't need old Hadrian's wall

As for checking health and safety

I'm sure it won't comply at all

I'm sorry to chuck out pizza

The world's kids will miss their ice cream

Dad's spaghetti, Mum's prosecco 

Cappuccino, gelato scene 

I sat on Tesco's wooden bench

Thought, after Greece, and Italy

Return words and foods that are French

Rewriting menus is a wrench

Instead of croissants, we'll have crescents

Not chocolatine, chokky bun

Hazel nut cake and chestnutine

Creative and a lot of fun

Instead of big, sweet baklava

Puff pastry and British honey

Not Champagne, English sparkling wine

I'm sure we'd make lots more money

You heard surprising words I spoke

I was serious, not funny

I've given it a lot of thought

Wrote through the night, 'til it's sunny

For get inclusive, abusive past, rewrite the future

Be modern, make things bright and right

Let's just promote past English Kings

With not one foreign thing in sight

Yes, let's send back the Elgin marbles

Plan more demands, rivals, false friends

But, have we really thought this through?

Where will racist, insular thoughts end?

-ends-

For get with a gap was a typo but I liked it and left it.

My first draft read: I'm sure we'll all stay friends, but I wasn't sure all would, so I changed it to the ironic, some will all stay friends. 

I really did write this in the middle of the night. About 4.30 a.m. for an hour. So next morning at10.30 a.m. I am counting syllables. Cut a syllable by changing or chopping out a word in one line. Adding a word in the next. Work in progress. 1.20 pm, still revising.

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Your Greatest Enemy. Comical poem 839 by Angela Lansbury.

 

 Raid Insect Spray and Stingoes Bite Spray. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Sometimes your greatest enemy

Is something small you did not see

Which sneaked up on you in the night

And left behind a nasty bite

It strikes the poor, bourgeois and rich

You feel a twitch and then an itch

Things went so well, now life's a bitch

Now every other plan is ditched

Smothered in lemon, wrapped up tight

I do not sleep a wink all night

Stalk like a cat, hide like a mouse

You have to leave your haunted house

When something is out to harm us

Better wear winter pyjamas

Forget about the miniskirt

Try floor length skirt and long-sleeved shirt

You feel so bad you want to die

Try not to cry but simply sigh

You call on friends who wonder why

They can only see one eye

Don't ask to be a millionaire

Just pray no nits found in my hair

I'm dreaming of that happy day

When insects and bites go away.

I now recall what went before

To fight each bite and win this war

To launch attack with insect spray

And make those blighters fly away

Sometimes your greatest enemy 

Is something small you cannot see

When this torment comes to an end

I'll call the universe my friend.

-ends-

I put Comical Poem 839 online titled Your Greatest Enemy. Is that too negative? Should I change the title to 'Your Hidden Enemy'? Escaping Your Greatest Enemy? Or leave it succinct?

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Strange Senses; Sweet Smells. Comical poem 838 by Angela Lansbury

 I feel soft carpet on the floor

I feel soft towels, dry, and damp

I clasp hard handles on each door

Watch light cast shadows from the lamp

I hear the hum of traffic noise

Gulp down refreshing cups of water

I see shelves of dolls, big bears, toys

I hear bird song, far, joyful, laughter

Breathe in, aromas fill the room

Lavender, a pale pink spray

Musk, sweet jasmine, strong perfume

One day will all this go away?

No! Yet one day we'll all pass on

We will not sniff, nor touch, nor feel

It will go on, but I'll be gone

Yet what I see now seems so real

Rose in my garden, Hatch End. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Some say slow down, others hurry

I use my eyes, nose, teeth, and toes, 

Some say stay calm; others worry

Life's brief, real, sniff this lovely rose.

-ends-

Please follow my blogs. I write posts on comical poetry, travel, and dress of the day, every day. Other blogs such as the one on successful and winning speeches, are intermittent. Please share with your friends, family and colleagues links to entertaining or useful posts. 

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Now You've Turned Five. Comical poem 837 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Birthday candles. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Now you've reached three, passed four, turned five

Gran's job's still, keep tots alive

Don't race down high streets, I've a plan

You walk by me, and hold my hand

You must not dart across the street

You're big enough to control feet

You can't fight a big, loud lorry

He will win and we'll be sorry

Run as you like around the park

Climb up the slide and push the swing

But when we're by a busy road

That's totally a diff'rent thing

My job's to see you be a teen

Even when grown grumpy and mean

Then you can play in a loud band

But you're still small, so hold my hand

You see how adults walk alone

Talking to friends on mobile phones

Collide with others - shout at them!

They don't learn, just do it again

When I see someone walk alone

Immersed in their own mobile phone

Sorry to say, I'm not sorry

To think the winner's the lorry.

Now you've reached three, passed four, turned five

Gran's job's still, keep small tots alive

Don't race down high streets, I've a plan

You walk by me, and hold my hand.

-ends-

Revised 19 Aug. I repeated the first verse at the end. In novels it could be called bookending or framing.

Don't Believe It! Comical poem 836 by Angela Lansbury

 

Sceptical reader

 Selphie by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Don't believe all that is written

Some of it's always wrong

The worst baddie is good when you're smitten

Everyone changes the words of a song

Nobody knows words and authors of quotes

They change punchlines of jokes and anecdotes

Nobody can remember names

And everone thinks somone else is to blame

Even the best singer sometimes mimes

The smartest people mistake dates and times

Some meetings do not last as long

But others go on. and on, and on

To sum up, I can't remember

Most of the things I and you know

Events from the past never last

Even those from five minutes ago.

-ends-

I wrote this when I wanted to give the dates of next year's annual Writers' Summer School at the Hayes Conference Centre. This year's programme had handily ggiven the dates of next year's conference snd the one after that which had been booked. Abd deposits paid, this year,s chairman told us. Then he said that the date of next year's conference was wrong!

!

Symptoms. Comical poem 835 by Angela Lansbury

 

Reader surprised. Selfie photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I read a list ailments

I see symptoms everywhere

Don't fit my clothes. A sniffing nose

Need a high chair, I'm losing hair

Low thyroid could cause losing hair

Diabetes could cause thirst

On the other hand, it's summer

And the heat is at its worst

I'm not a hypochondriac

But I've got pains both front and back

'Though I no longer have the curse

Some things are better, others worse

I've had another birthday

And everyone's surprised

To see, despite my symptoms

That I am still alive!

I read a list of symptoms

And what you need to thrive

To sum it up, I diagnose

That I am still alive!

-ends-

Please follow my blogs. I write posts on comical poetry, travel, and dress of the day, every day. Other blogs such as the one on successful and winning speeches, are intermittent. Please share with your friends, family and colleagues links to entertaining or useful posts. 

Also take a look at my books on Amazon, and Lulu.com

Pills. Comical poems by Angela Lansbury.

 

Pill boxes. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Pills pills. I have so many pills

By taking them I'm getting well

But signalling that I've been ill

And someone has to pay the bill

Some pills are small, some pills are large

Some are really hard to swallow

If you forget to take a pill

Do not take two tomorrow

I read NHS instructions

Don't rely on my deductions

Now that I've done all that I should

I'm feeling smug, in control, good

My mood is lifted by thyroxine

It adds to my days' enjoyment

Do visits annoy the chemist?

No, they're glad I give employment.

In the scheme of the vast universe

I'm an unimportant minion

I'm happy if my pill taking

Helps to make others millions.

-ends-

A Poet's Confession. Comical poem 833 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury performing a poem in August 2026 at the Writer's Summer School, an annual event at the Hayes Conference Centre in Swanwick, England, UK. The book is her latest book, Embarrassing Moments.

Last night I wrote a poem

For all my fellow poets

Who love to write about themselves

And shamelessly, proudly show it

Not satisfied to fill the page

They -  we, want to prance about the stage

Create a world of illusions

About their, our, private delusions

And my dearest friend Christine

Writes of things others haven't seen.

I dream I'll make lots of money

To replace teeth lost to chocolates and honey

I don't write of love, embarrassed

To admit I'm no longer harassed

By men who are well past eighty

Bothered by troubles more weighty

Those growing older still remember

The distant past like glowing embers

Embellished with relish by rhythm and rhyme

Repeated, like a chorus, all the time

And so I must conclude

I don't use words which are rude

I'm sure you appreciate, it's too late,

For that, my dearest fellow, mellow poets.

Last night I wrote a poem

I could write, and talk, all night

I no longer earn a wage

They'll soon make me leave the stage

I'm sure you understand

So please give me a big hand

Please look at my latest book

It costs nothing to look 

And then I shall look at yours

So we'll enjoy mutual applause.

-ends-

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Changes: Funny Birds And Words Misheard. Comical poem 832 by Angela Lansbury.

Smiley paperclip fridge magnet. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Funny how babies turn into nerds

Funny how worms turn into birds

Funny how strawberries we had for tea

Some turn into you, others to me.

Funny how thoughts turn into words

'though, without hearing aids, much is misheard

Just like baking sponge cake, easily

My mind mixes words and makes poetry.

-ends-

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Whatever Can Go Wrong. Comical poem 831 by Angela Lansbury.

 

I must not wait

Or I'll be late

Do I have time to change odd socks?

When I'm chased by two ticking clocks?

Whatever can go wrong? 

Whatever can go

Whatever can

Whatever

Whatever can go wrong will do so

Whatever, whatever

Can, can, go wrong, I can put right

Do, do! So? So? I can do so!

Whatever can go wrong will do so

Go, go. Go wrong, go wrong

Wrong, wrong, TAKES TOO LONG

Will, will. CHIL. CHILL. Do so, do so

How do I know? OH, NO. No, no

Because I say so. Even though

Sometimes I know

How things will go.

But I don't say so. No? Why so?

'Though erratic, I'm diplomatic

Hesitate to be emphatic.

To be fair, does anyone care?

Is anyone even there?

Everyone knows, But no-one goes

When there's a problem, no-one shows

How do they know? Evidence glows.

Mistakes are like a clicking clock

Which sometimes goes and sometimes stops

When it's important that I share

I watch my watch and then compare.

If I remember my mistakes

I know I can do what it takes

To learn from others' dire mistakes

Fixed! The repeating cycle breaks.

-ends-

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You know things could be worse. Comical poem 830 by Angela Lansbury.

 

You know things could be worse

When you see china break

You know things could be worse

You could get a toothache

Teeth. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

You know things could be worse

When they give you the sack

You know things could be worse

They could ask you back

You know things could be worse

When you follow the hearse

You know things could be worse

You could be in the hearse

You know things could be worse

If this song's long and wrong

You know things would be worse

If it's you who wrote this song.

-ends-

The Visitor. It won't be long. Comical poem 929 by Angela Lansbury

 

Clock watched. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

It won't long now, you are on the train

It won't be long now, you will catch a plane

Neat Feet. Comical poem number 828 by Angela Lansbury.

 I have two feet

I have ten toes

And everywhere I go

They go

I've two big toes

Six un-named, dinky

Two babies outside

Both called pinky

Busy all day

Running and walking

Unlike my mouth

They do no talking

Important work

But sleep at night

When I look down

They're in my sight

Unlike fingers

They wear no rings

But wear out shoes

Cute socks, for bling

To match my suits

I wear smart boots

They. too, look neat

Though hiding my important feet.

--ends-

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