Thursday, June 18, 2026

Later. Comical poem by Angela Lansbury

Watch the watch. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright .


'I promise I'll do it - later,'

Means no-one will get the job done

Later is a mythical land

Where neither good nor bad folk come


Later is like a reminder

But alas it will ever come

Like heaven, all wait for later

Where forgotten deeds will be done


At four you think that later's soon

At six it's myth like life on moon

At eighty you no longer care

Later is neither here nor there


Later is a kind of polite

Way of saying, no, not tonight

If later's what they want to say

I don't mind, I live for today.

-ends-

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Happiness Is Shopping Hopping. Comical poem number 792 by Angela Lansbury

 


Happiness is a smart new hat

Happiness is a new soft dress

Happiness is pretty colours

A big, red ring, bound to impress


Happiness is a cute necklace

Happiness is a heart-shaped ring

What I chose for myself, or you

Free gifts, discounts on anything


Happiness is on holiday

Nothing needs to be done today

Happiness is when you and me

Go with the flow and both agree


I'm happy when they speak English

But smile when I say por favor

I've shown goodwill, I spoke two words

And maybe know two or three more.

-ends-

Written in Tenerife, Canary Islands.


Sunday, June 7, 2026

Volcano you shouldn’t know . Comical poem 791 by Angela Lansbury

 The Canary Islands started life as volcanoes

Like all islands, millions of years ago

So there's no need to panic

When you learn that they're volcanic


Why did I say no need to panic?

In the long run we"re on Titanic

Some like to know. Go with the flow

But others prefer not to know


I must admit with a sigh

That my years are rushing by

I'm no longet keen on hikîng

Driving, walking. Nor mountain biking


My exercise is not taking a lift

I'm sure you smart folk get my drift

"How are you?', friends want to know

I'm oldet than two years ago


A volcano museum on Tenetife

Was free and fun and a relief

A second free exhibit on honey

Wine tasting with cheese took some money


But on La Palma, I must reveal

How their recent volcano makes me feel

When my friends want to look inside -

Only for those who pay a guide


I'll take photos of those I've known

My hotel could be my new home

I said, 'Stay in the hire car, please,’ 


Mount Teide, Tenerife, Canary Islands. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

But he left with the hire car keys.

-ends-


Photo: Memory of Mount Teide  Tenerife, Canary Islands. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.





Saturday, May 30, 2026

Deadlines - Plan B. Comical poem 790 by Angela Lansbury.

  Don't miss deadlines or your lifelines

Sadly I missed my very first

So I was born Caesarian

My delay had not been rehearsed


Our five-year-old learned about time

She demanded a big pink clock

She watches as the hands turn round

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, school, bed, stop



She asked what is a lifeboat for

We don't want to make her panic

No need to tell her of shipwrecks

Rules dating from the Titanic


We tell her you must have plan B

For each eventuality

If your big boat is stuck on rocks

Go home on small boats pulled from blocks


Another deadline passed today

My poem missed it yesterday

So it will not be in a book

But it's on here, dear, if you look.

-ends-

Monday, May 25, 2026

Daddy Long Legs. Comical poem 789 by Angela Lansbury.

 


A fluttering noise gave me a fright

Noise signals something isn't right

Came into our kitchen last night

Something attracted by the light


Insects don't respond to your tears

I have over my many years

Found how to conquer silly fears

You can run, but I choose to be near


You can talk though it doesn't hear

Say, 'Don't be afraid of me, dear

The one thing which you need to know

Is why I opened the nearby window


'I did it hoping you would go

But I'm still taking photos of you

You don't do what I want you to

You do not seem to have a clue


'Go back the way you got inside

Or join others who died inside

How come that you do not know

Your escape is through the window?


'I even opened up the door

Your biggest danger is the floor

Where accidents likely catch you

With a blow or blind accident shoe.'


All my life I looked the other way

Until I researched them today

If only they and I could speak

Alas they only live one week


That Daddy seeks a Mummy mate

I hope that it is not too late

Before it meets its fated fate

And crosses Daddy Long Legs' gate


What use is it to the universe?

It wasn't born to help my verse!

It's eaten by birds, bats or frogs 

I wouldn't feed it to your dogs


It seems to have some legs to spare

As thin as all my shedding hair

It sheds a leg, though never taught

A quick defence so it's not caught


So if you try to grab a leg

That crane fly will shed its leg

And simply pull and fly away

And live to dance another day.

-ends-


Sunday, May 24, 2026

Insects Repelled By Lemon - Tea. Comical poem 788 by Angela Lansbury.

 


When I see insects I don't know

Which of the crowd is friend or foe?

Which moths are fond of eating clothes

Only its friend, the moth God. knows.


The pesky things come in at night

From miles away they see our light 

We open windows for ventilation

And turn into an insect station


A harmless 'daddy longlegs', also more properly called a crane fly. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


Some small insects have bitten me

They treat me like I'm family

Obliged to give them lunch and tea

A tasty feast, timeless and free


I need to leave more vital tasks

The web gives answers when I ask


I learned a very simple fact

Flower perfume, I thought attracts

Adoring men to me and you

But alas attracts insects too


Insects don't leave when I tell them

I need to scare them off with lemon

Lemons taste sour, and insects learn

One sniff's enough , they won't return.

-ends-

Useful Websites on Daddy Longlegs

https://thenaturenetwork.co.uk/why-the-daddy-long-legs-is-natures-most-misunderstood-flying-nuisance/#google_vignette

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Friday, May 22, 2026

There's someone for everyone. Comical poem 787 by Angela Lansbury.

 

 Tissue box with gold circles. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

I'm feeling hot, I've got a cold

I'm feeling young but looking old

Terrified inside, acting bold

I'll praise this rubbish 'til it's sold


There's some buyer for everything

There's some suitor for everyone

You just have to keep searching

To find the one 'til the job's done


Cynthia's mother said, 'Never fight

There's plenty more fish in the sea

Don't claim a right, feel jealousy

There's enough for both you and me.'

-ends-

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Saturday, May 16, 2026

The Good Listener. Comical poem number 786 by Angela Lansbury.

 


Do you feel that you ought to speak

You've said just proverbs all the week

And when you get a chance to say

What you think, you say cliches


It doesn't matter what you do

If great invention's not for you

Everyone needs one who listens

Small neighbours, big politicians


For many speak and just tell lies

No-one says so until he dies

So kudos goes to you and me

Who didn't say, yes I agree


Some are tall and some are small

Some are wall flowers, some are the wall

Some rise, and speak, and shout, then fall

And the wise ones say nothing at all.

-ends-

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Thursday, May 14, 2026

I read a poem to a rose. Comical poem, post 785 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Orange standard rose. London
Photo by Angela Lansbury
 Copyright.


I read a poem to a rose

But what it thought nobody knows

Maybe it thought, 'Is that for me?

I'm the prettiest that can be!


'Please do not read me poems

They take your eyes away

Just sniff and smile and look at me

That's all I have to say


'Do your write poems to daisies?

And dandelions too?

And lupins and the other flowers

Your love for me cannot be true


'You don't really care for roses

You admire the taller trees

It's a good thing I'm not jealous

And I'm easy to please.'


We will never know

If a rose is smart or dumb

There are wicked roses which have thorns

Waiting to prick your thumb


But let us look on the bright side

Be on our dear rose's right side

Petals have their dark and light side

Their perfumed day and night side


A rose, everyone smart knows

Always dresses in her best

Every day, a rose always poses

So photogenic, perfect roses.

-ends-

Poems Are Everywhere. Comical Poem 784 by Angela Lansbury.

I find my poems everywhere.

They seem to hide under my hair.

Each time I sit upon a chair

Each rhyming line begets a pair.


I pick poems like wild flowers

Growing thoughts like April showers

Must stop myself wasting hours

Stacking lines like leaning towers


I've stacks of poems in my head

Bits of them on notes by my bed

For all, new born or wed or dead

I write them down, hope they'll get read


Though fanciful, some parts are true

So they're not plagiarised but new

Each needs one line which sticks like glue

Makes blue days pink, my gift to you.



-ends-

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Wednesday, May 13, 2026

Remember - too late, someone I never met. Comical poem 783 by Angela Lansbury

 


I've had loads of invitations

About somebody who died

I have never ever met them

They have gone out with the tide


I'm sorry friends are sorry

When someone's died or they are ill

It's too late to wish them well

And I don't wish anybody ill


I'd be pleased to hear about them

If retelling brings no stress

I'm sure you can say something good

About their joys and their success


I am reading what is said of them

Will the same apply to me?

Will I live and die differently?

Oh, well. What will be will be.

-ends-

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Tuesday, May 12, 2026

Nurse And Friend. My advice. Comical poem 782 by Angela Lansbury. Notes on Numbering Poems.

 

Photo by Angela Lansbury.


When I'm looking for a good friend

I think, 'Am I a useful friend?;

When I am looking at myself

 I check my words show mental health


When I visit a friend for tea

When a friend comes to visit me

When I'm asked around for dinners

Host and guest, are we both winners?


We take our child around to play

Don't want sad tales of yesterday

We want to eat today, and more

Not tears about hunger before


We're ill and call a hospital

We want to meet a smiling nurse

Not one in tears about a death -

An ambulance, and not a hearse


As parent, nurse, doctor, teacher

Writer, author, mentor, preacher

Our job is to give out good news

Not dwell on the unlucky few


If you call me to call today

My reply reflects what you say

If I can hear your smiling face

I'll rush my smiles round to your place.

-ends-

The numbers on my comical poem posts are useful in several ways.

1 They enable me, and you, to find a poem even if I changed the title.

2 They enable me to search for a recent or early poems.

3 I can compare styles and themes of early and late poems.

4 I can keep numerical track of proportions of themes, eg 20 out of 100 poems are on a particular.

 subject.

5 I can see whether I can publish all my poems in one book, or if a book is 100 poems, or 50, or 25, or 250, or a bumper 500, how many books can I publish, taking into account the printer's limit on pages, the cost to me as self-publisher, and the cost to potential buyers. Am I better off publishing an e-book?

6 I can work out how long it would take to read all my poems to select some for a book, the best ones, or those on a particular theme, assuming a theme is easier to sell.

Sunday, May 10, 2026

Private bedroom and bathroom. Comical poem number 781 by Angela Lansbury



I used to bath, but baths take too much water

More than a shower for parents and daughter

So now I relax in a nice warm shower

And try not to take much more than an hour


Then, warm and clean I can relax

I exercise lying on my back

I count sheep in French or Spanish

Until the sheep race off and vanish


Four-posters for bedsits? I'd love one of those

Discount Dunlopillo's the one which I chose

I'm allergic to feathers, trust what I possess

My duvet's red, like my favourite night dress


When I am asleep I hope none can see

Into the dream places where I'd like to be.

The bedroom's a place for night time privacy

For big secrets known to small pillows and me.

-ends-

11 syllables per line.

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Saturday, May 9, 2026

Back To Bed - Mine's The Best. Comical poem 780 by Angela Lansbury


 


I lay half the day on my comfy bed

Better than a chair, my feet in the air

On my silk pillow case I lay my head

Supposed to smooth wrinkles, and soften hair


The mattress won't say which way I should lay

Nor when I rise or return, where to go

Sometimes it's lumpy, sometimes it's bumpy

When I need soft support, it seems to know.


A child likes to explore, learns to share, loan

'It's mine!', my own, familiar, feels 'at home'

I'm not Picasso nor Shakespeare

But I made this, it's mine, it's here


Your own bed, car, father, mother

Your own chair, house, or dress

It's everybody's favourite

'though you'd like more, your own's the best.

-ends-

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Thursday, May 7, 2026

If only my teeth could speak. Comical poem 779 by Angela Lansbury



 If only my dear teeth could speak

And tell me what they'd like to eat

And warn me when my broken tooth

In truth will send me through the roof


If only teeth would tell the truth

If only molars were willing

To say if ice cream's good for them

Or leads to needing a filling


In fact my teeth do talk to me

Then tell me if food's hot or cold

If something is stuck between

And if I'm starting to look old


My gums don't complain, they're friendly

Although I often neglect them

I take no notice til they bleed

And the dire dentist inspects them


I wish my teeth were pearly white

And they made me look fantastic

Though one girl who had super teeth

Admitted that hers were plastic.

-ends-

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Monday, May 4, 2026

Who Needs A Nearby Place To Grieve? Comical poem 778 by Angela Lansbury.

 Who do we need a place to grieve

A tombstone, monument with names?

Or tee-shirts, tattoos, names on sleeves

Old pictures in new picture frames


Some like to move old dead away

Cemeteries, later move old bones

Cemeteries car parks, parks for play

Hidden, stored on walls, old tombstones


While some move on, gran's gone away

Graves once a year seclude your tears

Whilst others want the dead to stay

Say angels on shoulders calm fears


Some think souls live and will return

Fly past as short-lived butterflies

(Yet not as bugs in rugs nor worms)

Sweet memories when someone dies


We give them little when they live

Spend our money on us instead

Then spend huge sums on wakes and graves

When it's too late and they are dead


A quick death brings one day of pain

The birth and death dates make a frame

New birthdays, weddings aren't the same

But old pix show joys lived again.


And now money they saved is spent

On building a fine monument

A statue, standing, or reclined

In an upstanding frame of mind.

-ends-

Spike Milligan statue and commentary plaque in park in Finchley, north west London. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I changed the last line of the penultimate verse

from

But photos show joys lived again

to

But old pix show joys lived again.

Photos is a much better word than the horrid neologism (recently new word) pix. But I wanted to clarify that it is photos of old weddings, not photos of new weddings, which revive happy memories.

I added the last verse when I came back to add a photo on Saturday May 9th 2026.

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Sunday, May 3, 2026

That Hat. Comical poem 777 by Angela Lansbury.

See this summer sun hat's wide floppy brim.

I sewed on pink ribbon under my chin. 

I don't want my new hat flying away

On a bike or boat to ruin my day


It could be lifted by a sneaky breeze

If I read, take photos, or a strong sneeze

Where I am going five minutes sewing

Secures my hat for smart outfit showing.
-ends-
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Wednesday, April 29, 2026

We Do Not Ask! Comical poem 776 by Angela Lansbury

We have never asked to be born

Nor to start young, nor end up old

Yet we can choose to stay timid

Or brave the cold and to be bold.

-ends-

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Sunday, April 26, 2026

Words & Signs Warn On The Bus And Train. Comical poem 775 by Angela Lansbury.


One of the joys of modern life

Robots nag like an alert wife

Phone's to do list says: Mow the grass

In five minutes your bus will pass.


ZOOM

Up pops a message about Zoom

Requesting, 'Ma'am, please join the room,'

The word Ma'am tells me caller's Delhi,

Like Bollywood on the telly


BUS

I won't say, 'No. I'm on a bus.'

I never like to make a fuss

I quickly mute, I have no choice

Can't broadcast bus's robot voice


TRAIN

Then next I'm sitting on a train

With groups I'll never see again

Their clothes boast about where they've been

Who they are, and what sights they're seen.

Sweatshirts promoting a group. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Roller shoes. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

When not on trains some like to run

On sunny days jogging is fun

I saw roller shoes on that train

Which took me out then home again.

-ends-

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Thursday, April 23, 2026

How Are You? Comical poem 774 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury with Union Jack umbrella. Photo by Angela Lansbury. 

 When the English ask, 'How are you?'

They really don't want to know

Everything that's wrong with you 

From left to right, and head to toe


The Brits don't want to know

About short sight and wonky teeth

Miscarriages, car accidents

Skin problems, troubles underneath


Nor morning sickness, a blocked nose

Nor vomiting and diarrhea

Dandruff. Sore throat and hammer toes

Lost weight, lost socks, and broken nose


'How are you'? is just a greeting

So answer, 'very well,' 'great', or 'all right'

Then add, 'how are you?' But neither of you

Should  list aches and pains all the night


I've heard that Russia's different

They tell the truth and want to know

So if you want to tell your troubles, 

That's the place where you should go


Long ago I went to Russia

And I hope I've got this right

'cause when my date asked, 'How are you?;

I talked throughout the night


I told him troubles Brits don't know

Aches and pains, again and again

From left to right, right through the night

From left to right and head to toe


Old-style British are so polite

They'll listen while you talk all night

At dawn, yawn, 'To put things right

Next time, when you're in distress, don't tell me, please call the NHS.'

-ends-

NHS stands for National Health Service.

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With all your friends and colleagues, both oh them. I mean both friends and family, or friends and colleagues, hundreds of them, or the two of them, if you have only two.



Is This Poetry Or Prose? Comical poem 773 by Angela Lansbury



 Who knows, and do you really know

If you wrote poetry or prose?

If you've read lots of poetry

When you write prose, strong feeling shows


But is it really poetry

With rhythm and with proper rhyme?

Did you count feet or syllables

Make sure each line took the same time?


A poem can be short, sharp, swift 

Be a piece of propaganda

Unlike a smart, reasoned essay

Which should be an even-hander


I often see so-called poetry

Religious rant, or political

It doesn't sound quite right to me

Cut lines are verse, not poems at all.


Some people write a quick, loud rant

Whilst others moan and groan all day

if you've got no rhyme nor rhythm

Maybe you should write sn essay


If you are so fraught with strong thought

But lack time for punctuation

Don't foist muddled struggle on us

Send words to another station.

-ends-



Do you look your age? Comical poem number 772 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury.

Do you sincerely look your age

When you're out having too much fun?

When you're so drunk you tell your age 

Kind strangers lie  - 'You look so young!


'Your birth certificate told lies!'

You know you're old when your dog dies

When grandpa dies and no-one cries

Great grandchild shrugs, the widow sighs


Babies are born wrong years and days

Babes should smile, sleep all the time

They don't behave in baby ways

Ungrateful, cry all night, wake, whine


Some of them look like old bald men

When you undress them, fountains go

Some babies small like opium dens

How would I know.! Just guessed - don't know


Then when teens grow and want a drink

They lie about their real birth age

They do not look the age you think

Drive, accidents, get in road rage


Then when they reach the age of thirty

People say they still look twenty

When they reach the age of forty

People say they look like thirty


When they reach the age of fifty

Nifty people say, you look forty

When they reach the age of sixty

People say you look like fifty


When you reach your seventies

People say you look like sixty

If a few do not believe it

They never say it's like it is


Then when you reach seventy nine

You're still having a great time

But when you reach the age of eighty

Your new stage is 'past my bed time'


Sadly the mirrors do not lie

And you do not fit in your clothes

Too fat to walk, belly balloon

Or skeleton thin, gone 'too soon' friends die


Your hair falls out, your legs give out

You need to wear reading glasses

You grow deaf, people say, 'Don't shout'

Younger folk stop making passes


And ageless singers who took drugs

Have faces like maps, full of wrinkles

Now look like bugs living in fugs

Can't keep it up, keep needing tinkles


Fond grandchildren will run away

When they need you on reaching teens

It's time they heard what you should say

But you daren't tell them what you mean.

-ends-



Monday, April 20, 2026

The Cup On the Saucer Went Round And Round THE FISH ON THE DISH. Comical dinner Table poem number 771 by Angela Lansbury

 

Round Nespresso saucer with square centre. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I was inspired to write a parody of The wheels on the bus. But instead of simple repetition, for pre-schoolers, the poem took another direction. 

It became more like an ironic ballad. Such as, A hole in my bucket, Dear Liza. 

Another influence, is the exaggerated cautionary tale. For want of a nail the battle was lost.  Humorous examples are The Lion And Albert, and Matilda told such dreadful lies. 

My poem tells a tale of endless dining disasters, and constant disagreements. And how we tried to cope and cover up. 

I started with the title The Cup On the Saucer Went Around and \around, but changed the words 

THE FISH ON THE DISH

On the day we dined up in town

We arrived soon, late afternoon,

First had water, black or green tea

Hubby, rich son, wife, Teeny-tot, poor me


The balcony table was round

It was the largest one we found

But cutlery fell on the ground

With a dreadful, clattering sound


The cup's saucer was square on round 

The cup on the saucer went up and down

Up to my mouth, I made slurping sound

My husband's hand waved, 'Tone it down!'

's

My coffee was strong, it sat too long

My cream was white the sugar brown 

I twirled the spoon in my cup round

It made a dreadful squeaky sound


The water jug was passed around 

It got lost and was never found

Somebody must have put it down

On another table or on the ground.


The sugar lump bowl sent around 

I sighed, 'I've put on half a pound!'

I took two lumps, put a third down

Dad shook his head, tutted and frowned.


The mixed fish cake dish went around 

'Is this cod?' 'Salmon.' 'Tuna.'  'Trout?

'It's monster fish - it's been renamed

All doled from the same tin no doubt!'


To go with fish, the chips went round 

The tomato ketchup bottle went round

Dad shook it up, and down his shirt

He said short words, 'Fish!' I looked hurt


The plate of pizza passed around

So everybody took one slice

The pineapple pizza looked so nice

That I took two, nobody knew


The birthday cake had candle flames

The chef had mis-spelled both our names

I said, 'Never mind, Grandpa's blind, pass the cake around!'

The sponge, jam, cream all soon went down

(

The waiter said, 'Happy Birthday' to me

I said, 'It's our anniversary

For last week's birthday, an anniversary cake

'Sorry, Ma-am. A mistake.'  'Three mistakes!'


The box of chocolates passed around

But 'baby' knocked them on the ground

You can't eat chocolates when they fall.

(At home I washed and ate them all!)


I ordered coffee but got tea

I complained, 'both taste the same to me

Both taste like coffee-tea, the same

Where's the manager?' 'Gone home. Not to blame'


I asked, 'Why is this bill so large?'

They said, 'It's our high service charge,'

Son smiled, 'That's fine, I understand -

There's always something underhand.'

-ends-

True story: Our Happy Birthday cake was given to a couple celebrating their wedding anniversary at the Alpine Restaurant, (in Bushey, London) - which later closed down.

Coffee-tea was a story told about some airlines. I thought it was a joke. But somebody who worked in the industry said it was true, to save time. 

 (More verses later on salt, pepper, bread, olives, ice cream, coffee, juice, milk, sweets)

Make up tea or dinner related words.

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Much too long was a parody of all day long.  


Here Is The Barn. Comical Poem Updated From Old Nursery Rhyme 770 By Angela Lansbury

 

Here Is The Barn

Here is old the barn, let's open doors wide,
Let’s all look inside where animals hide. 
Left are the horses, and right are the cows, 
They’re eating dinner and drinking right now. 
They’ll sleep here till night turns into day light. 
When we open doors, they’ll all trot away. 
Out in the pasture, they’ll eat grass and hay. 
Cows will moo loudly, glad horses will neigh.

-Ends-





Here Is The Barn is a secular version of the old nursery rhyme, 

'/Here is the Church, here is the steeple, open the gates and see all the people, Here is the person going upstairs, here is the person saying his prayers.'

The updated version of the poem, The Barn, either the original or my version, is one you can recite to children at dinner in restaurants and coffee shops. It also fills in time and amuses everyone when you are  seated waiting for transport and on long journeys on planes.

What did I change?
Line 1 I added 'old'. I changed 'it; to 'doors'.
Line 2 I deleted 'the' before animals and added 'all'
Line 3 I changed 'here' and 'here' to 'left' and 'right'.
Line 5 I added 'light'
Line 6 I added 'trot'
Line 7 Line 8 I deleted the word 'the' twice, in order to add moo, and glad.
You might prefer the version I originally saw, being simpler, easier to remember, easier to understand for younger children. However, I thought that my version was more visual and therefore clearer and easier to understand.

It really doesn't matter which version you remember, of if you accidentally or deliberately make up another version.

Useful Websites
Wikihow

Wikipedia
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Performance Poetry
Strictly speaking, this is a piece of performance poetry. But it is only suitable for close up around a table, or at a bedside. On stage the performers hands would be rahter small, unless enlarged on Zoom, or using a large screen.

First Dolly. Comical poem 769 by Angela Lansbury




 Our child's daughter had a dolly

And First Dolly's friend was Polly

When our dear child went out to tea

Photos showed so dollies could see.


The doll's house has lots of dollies

Our doll Polly's friend was Molly

When we took Polly out to tea

Photos showed so Molly could see


We've wooden plates and plastic cups

A plastic knife will cut cake up

A fine tea pot with lid and spout

We pass it round and pour drink out 


Sometimes we drink more, sometimes less

A paper napkin, I confess

To wipe up when we make a mess

To dry what we spilled down the dress


We and dollies enjoyed our tea

Thanks. Bye. Let's go. It's getting late.

Now we've finished and gone you see

There's only crumbs left on the plate.

-ends-

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Thursday, April 16, 2026

Guilty -The Young And Old. Comical poem 768 by Angela Lansbury,

 

When you are young everything's fun

You start then leave most things half done

But when you're old everything aches

You're guilt-tripped eating birthday cakes


You lay awake for half of the night

Wondering if you got things right

Worry about tax, fines, mistakes

You try to shrug when a cup breaks


A broken cup is not a war

There's more, others, sold in the store

Though things aren't like they were before

Just sweep up, shut up, close the door


When there's a bully, what you do

Is take a train to somewhere new

Look for new friends and in a while

You'll smile, they'll smile, a world of smiles


Bad things are omens, we must speak

In worst cases, mourn, just one week

Then play music, and sing and dance

When all else fails, see Spain or France.



-ends-

After writing this, I remembered that in traditional Jewish custom, after a death you sit 'shiva', which means seven, seven days and nights. Don't cook or work. After that, carry on with life.

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A Letter From Angela to Angela. Comical poem 767 by Angela Lansbury.

Queen Elizabeth II postage stamps, no longer usable.

 Though you and I are far away

I think about you every day

When I wake up, my hair's a mess

So I think of you smartly dressed


So colourful, matching and grand

Although your clothes were second-hand

Nowadays pre-loved's what we say

Best clothes like us are packed away


I think of wise words you would say

For questions you had smart replies

No good friend grows old nor dead

They live, still young, inside my head


We've been apart for quite a while

I wish that I could make you better

I thought I'd send a poem or letter

Send you my smile to make you smile.

-end-

It looks like I've written this poem for myself, looking at myself in a mirror. Or even to my mother. However, it was actually written to my namesake, Angela Hook, a former member of HOD Toastmasters, who was very active in finding us new venues when our group had to move. She also performed poetry at our club meeting and at larger multi club area contests. In 2025 she fell and is now in bed and cannot attend meetings, although she has been visited by busy club President Martin Doe.

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Tuesday, April 14, 2026

A day of Journeys on Trains on the Underground. Comical poem 766 by Angela Lansbury.

 


Sherlock Holmes tiles on platform wall of the underground railway. Baker Street station. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.



Green Park underground railway station. Tiles on platform walls, showing leaves. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Lift guide in the lift. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Stairs to the underground to down

Escalators and lifts go down


The trains on the underground go round

On the circle line, round and round




On platforms, trains stop and start

Only statues sit admiring art

Tiles show boats, floats, churches and steeples

Queens, kings, Sherlock, famous people


Brunel statue at Paddington Station.

Commuters rushing everywhere

Foreigners calculating their fare

Children stare at Paddington bear

Brunel sits, calm, on his chair


Confused tourists go round and round

Excited laughter, guitar sounds

Standing, swaying, laughing, shout

Riding up lifts, pushing in and out


Long skirts, short skirts, old jeans, smart shirts

Ear-rings, nose rings, large tattoos

Posters, poets, tiles, mosaics

Accents, 'Move along,' high heeled shoes


Rushing back with all day tickets

Off to football, on to cricket

Off to opera, after high tea

Riders entertain you and me


At the end of the day, back again

Running to catch the very last train

Free newspapers, read in the deep

Last stop. Wake them! They fell asleep!

-ends-

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Sunday, April 12, 2026

Fusspots Stop At The Door. Comical poem 765 by Angela Lansbury.

Door knocker. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

A fusspot knocks, stops at the door

She said, 'Sorry, I won't come in

I've seen enough of your clutter 

Half of this should go in the bin

Shelf showing old books, certificates from speech contest, and awards. Photo by Angela Lansbury.


'Your hallway makes me feel ill

It looks like you've been in a war

Shelves of ornaments.' 'Vital bills,

Prizes.' 'Shoes all over the floor.'


My spouse said, 'Our milk's become cheese

I've swept the floor, cleared up the dirt.

Vintage? Dated jackets and skirts!

Why are you looking cross and hurt?'


I'm tired, sick, the house still a mess

It takes an hour to shower, dress

I've tidied the desk, I'm doing my best

On teaching days, ignore the rest


After meeting fusspot, I'd felt depressed

Next day, gone noon when I got dressed

Five! Welcomed small pupils inside

One girl, so sweet, I nearly cried


Large red fan on wall. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

'My goodness,' she said, 'a huge fan!

'What a house, full of foreign stuff

There's so much to see and discuss

Just an hour here isn't enough


'I love your smiley door knocker

The pictures and hooks in the hall

You've more books than a library

You did those paintings on the wall!


Self portrait by Angela Lansbury. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'Colours like a birthday party

Like Christmas day in a toy shop

A doll's house, so much to touch, do

I  won't stop coming to see you

Tall dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'My home is clean, empty, and dull

When my homework's done, I feel bored

You've always time to talk, listen

Mum's so busy, I feel ignored


'Your house is just the very best

Every room is full of treasure

It's fun, exciting, yet a rest

Visiting you is such a pleasure.'

-ends-

Five means five o'clock. After school tutoring.

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Friday, April 10, 2026

Preventing And Moulding Mold. Comical poem 764 by Angela Lansbury


THEN - FIFTIES HEALTH

A single widow in the Fifties

A German refugee, with white hair

Europeans open their windows daily

She did, too, each morning, for fresh air


Took tea outside in the open air

Left a mould-free flat to unheeding heirs

Her Fifties beds and chairs had space below

Advantages Brits forgot, didn't know why nor care


NEXT - HOUSES LIKE GRENHOUSES


Then came the joys of central heating
Double glazing, and big meetings
Cold floors, draughty homes, we'd rather forget
Buy thick drapes, duvets, and wall-to-wall carpet


Outside, rainwater pours down ivy leaves

Inside, you breathe out water when you breathe

You exercise, cough, blow your nose

You wash lots of the dishes, bedding, clothes


Every adult, child and cat

Each wet umbrella, raincoat, rain hat

Around the bath, under the bathmat

Around the sink, that dripping tap


We bought a big, noisy, dehumidifier

List in inventory. Plug in to check it's working

Overnight fills with water - tenant's shock!

Can't keep emptying it. Unwanted. Storage stock


NOW

Well after the Millennium

The occupants had changed again

Two bedrooms, two tenants became a family of five

Suffered mould. Why? That was a surprise


The law has changed yet again

A child's death governments mention

The landlord must: fix problems fast

Advise tenants on prevention!


CAUSE - OBSERVATION - EVIDENCE

The cause of mould is no mystery

Water, in the buildings' history

Black ceilings, from gutter leaks overhead

Skirting boards - rising damp from leaning flower beds


Builders long gone, might have done their best.

Let's walk round, observe, an easy test

Blocked drains and flooding bring more pain

Report quickly. Landlord paints. All do your best


You're spreading water everywhere

Every time you wash your hair

Every time you flush the toilet

Under the rim, how often d'you clean it?


You shut the windows when it's cold

Windows steam up, water makes mould

The mould will give you colds and coughs

Asthma, worse, carries small kids off


OUTSIDE MOULD CAUSE And COURSE

A damp course, horizontal line

Walk outside, foot high, you'll see it

Unless the plants touch bricks above

Gardeners should cut, agree it


ANALYSE & DECIDE ACTION

What causes moisture and mould? You must decide

Is it from outside, or inside?

If you see drips or mould, warn landlords, don't delay 

The longer it's left, the more landlords pay


The leaking radiator burst, turns into a flood

The hall floor mould looks like a river of mud

The maintenance will rise, the exhausted landlord dies

At the end of the day rents rise and drive tenants away


INSIDE - MOULD CURES

Proverbs say a stitch in time saves nine 

Is all that mould their fault - or mine!

Even though nobody's looking

Put lids on saucepans when you're cooking



Duvets and cushions away from walls

Clothes in cupboards in a basket

Buy a wall moisture detector

Is it too much to ask it?


I known skiers keep warm in snow

So warm clothes are the way to go

Save money to dispel the gloom

Heat up the person, not the room


Dress for the outside, take a walk

Even the old won't feel the cold

But what if you lot only slouch?

Buy electric blankets, for bed - and couch!


INDOORS CAUSES

You breathe out water through the night

Open the windows in daylight

And keep them open half an hour

Before, during, after a shower


Either banish water, or make spills vanish

Ban wet clothes on the radiator!

Kettles, covered coffee cups, big dinners

A warning sign, misted windows and mirrors


From hot countries, other nations

Aren't prepared for so much rain

Causing so much condensation

Global warming, yet more rain


The Moist Millennium

Double glazing, central heating,

Extended families, big meetings

Instead of people living alone

MOH, and working from home



Paranoid, put lids on glasses of water

Cover coffee, like a lurking Turkish bath attendant watch mirrors for mist

Buy a dehumidifier for each room

Keep adding to the minimise mould action list


INDOORS MOULD CURES

We can't fix the sloping grounds

Rebuilding walls costs thousands of pounds

But now we're wiser, now we know

The simple, cheap answer - open the window!

 

-ends-

Easy rhymes, observation, observe.

Please share links to your favourite poems and posts.

Wednesday, April 8, 2026

Grammar. Police Traffic Lights. Comical |Poem number 763 by Angela Lansbury



 I am very fond of grammar

For just a wee dram shows my skills

Glad to correct stranger's for free

Send thanks, but help teachers pay bills



I am proud to be a teacher

Of the words from yesterday

I try to save words from the past

Which naive newbies throw away



Yet I do not speak like Shakespeare

I admit fashions change, move on

Scatter poems like confetti

Words which will stay when we've moved on


Like graffiti from poor Romans

Near 3D trompe loeil on rich walls

Everyone shouts out their message

To leave love, hate, pride from their falls


A child starts with grunts, screams, and smiles 

Pets wants attention, food, walks, love

Patterns predictable like day

But varied like the clouds above


We find pleasure in stillness, rest

Yet like adventure, news, movement

Common sense, from experience

But also novelty, improvement


You must know the rules to change them

Like Tarte Tatin, upturned cake

There's a place and time to break things

But I love to build, make and create


The joy of language and grammar

Is not to kick and hurt the fools

It is like offering a paintbrush

The rules are simply tools


I am not a cat chasing a mouse

I wear a smile, give praise, not grouse

Like ordered shelves so you find things

In your brain's big cluttered house .


Each day I expand my dictionary

List new words I didn't know

I add a page of glossary

Add slush, to fifty words for snow


Build a house with a hammer

Like planning walls, pillars and beams

I will help you build with grammar

So you can express your dreams.

-ends-.


Please share links to your favourite poems.


Useful Websites

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ode_to_the_West_Wind

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems



Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds


My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

Please follow me and share links to your favourite poems and posts.

Tuesday, April 7, 2026

Alive or Dead In Bed comical poem 762 by Angela Lansbury

I wake, there's silence in the room

I feel a dreadful sense of doom

Right now snoring would be relief

Hearing a grunt or something brief


 There is a body in the bed

Still sheet over body and head

I cannot see the body breathe

I wonder if I ought to leave


It's not a murder, there's no knife

We're simply at the end of life

I know this news is rather dire

The time you die's when you retire


I stand and watch, there is no sound

I try to pull the sheet right down

But it is tightly wrapped around

Two empty slippers on the ground


A tickle or a gentle stroke

Hurray, he turned, at last he woke

He's wide awake and he is cross

Much better than a total loss


Grumpy has a cup of coffee

I prepare a cup of tea

I am smiling, I am happy

I've got him back alive with me.

-ends-


Please share links to your favourite poems.


Useful Websites

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ode_to_the_West_Wind

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems



Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds


My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

Please follow me and share link