Roses and noses. Comical poem 799 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Garden roses. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

How tall the standard roses grow

The heat wave hit us without warning

I've never seen flowers so tall

Nourishing rain! Or global warming?

They're best picked in the early morn

'though each bloom lasts only a week 

First, with care, cut, kill, each thorn, then

Feel petals soft as baby's cheek

A heady scent, all different

Reach roses, colourful and fun

They paint the garden, glow and flow

New pink grows, seeks life-giving sun.

Standard Roses Towering Above A Car. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

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Do you look your age? Comical poem number 772 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury.

Do you sincerely look your age

When you're out having too much fun?

When you're so drunk you tell your age 

Kind strangers lie  - 'You look so young!

'Your birth certificate told lies!'

You know you're old when your dog dies

When grandpa dies and no-one cries

Great grandchild shrugs, the widow sighs

Babies are born wrong years and days

Babes should smile, sleep all the time

They don't behave in baby ways

Ungrateful, cry all night, wake, whine

Some of them look like old bald men

When you undress them, fountains go

Some babies small like opium dens

How would I know.! Just guessed - don't know

Then when teens grow and want a drink

They lie about their real birth age

They do not look the age you think

Drive, accidents, get in road rage

Then when they reach the age of thirty

People say they still look twenty

When they reach the age of forty

People say they look like thirty

When they reach the age of fifty

Nifty people say, you look forty

When they reach the age of sixty

People say you look like fifty

When you reach your seventies

People say you look like sixty

If a few do not believe it

They never say it's like it is

Then when you reach seventy nine

You're still having a great time

But when you reach the age of eighty

Your new stage is 'past my bed time'

Sadly the mirrors do not lie

And you do not fit in your clothes

Too fat to walk, belly balloon

Or skeleton thin, gone 'too soon' friends die

Your hair falls out, your legs give out

You need to wear reading glasses

You grow deaf, people say, 'Don't shout'

Younger folk stop making passes

And ageless singers who took drugs

Have faces like maps, full of wrinkles

Now look like bugs living in fugs

Can't keep it up, keep needing tinkles

Fond grandchildren will run away

When they need you on reaching teens

It's time they heard what you should say

But you daren't tell them what you mean.

-ends-

Knock, Knock, Who's There? Comical poem 736 by Angela Lansbury.

Knock-knock, knock-knock, knock-knock - 'Who's there?'

It's a stranger, better beware

A single, couple, plain, but odd

I do not wish to change my God

Don't get me started, not today

Although in debates I'm hearty

I don't want to change, with strangers 

My secret vote for my party

I won't tell if I like vegans

Or choose kosher or halal meat

I don't want to buy fruit or fish, 

Or to reveal which food I eat 

I am not keen on trick or treat

Please don't knock on the locked front door

Then run away, it makes your day

It's fun, until you see a gun

Angela Lansbury with the Singapore flag. Photo by Trevor Sharot.

In Singapore it is not allowed

To go around knocking on doors

Laws scared me, my first year out there

Thirty years on, I give applause.

-ends-

I Meant To Write A Song comical poem/song 648 by Angela Lansbury

 I wrote a poem today

Cute, Clever. So what went wrong?

I wrote a poem today

But I wished I'd written a song

A funny poem can be a moment's fun

It's personal, when aimed at one

But a song can entertain the world

Brighten dim dawns, console setting suns

A simple phrase can become all the rage

Words which dance, leap off the page

I'd rather enhance, strut across a stage

Despite age, wave a mike, sing a song

One famed speech for an investiture

Inspires students of tender years

Calms fears, moves to laughter or tears

But a strong song adds emotional gestures

Songs evoke nostalgia, love and laughter

Provoke, stoke, stroke, prevent a murder

Songs entertain, drummed, hummed forever

Bring millions hope and lasting pleasure.

-ends-

Bird Songs, Cats And Dreams comical poem 593 by Angela Lasnbury

Why do I hear a bird chirping

When outtside, and in, it's still dark

That bird transforms our small garden

Into a great safari park

I ought to buy binoculars

And cameras with night vision

Until it's caught on camera

Big cat reports cause derision

I dream I'll run a business

Printing tickets, selling honey

Drive visitors on a lawnmower

Making a lots of easy money

At four a.m. I hear bird song

I relax, happiness abounds

I ought to sleep, sleep rights all wrongs

I promise shortly I'll lie down

My happiness would be complete

If I could eat and not grow fat

Hear bird song all day, all around

And never see black lurking cats

But joyful bird song's so cheerful

It proudly spreads its joy around

I wish earlier I'd not seen

A feather lying on the ground

Feather in garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

Why do we love the fox and cat?

 Here's a fact you can rely on

Nervous, kind folk will fear for deer

Whilst stoics shrug, cheer the lion.

'Don't interfere, let nature be,'

My ruthless husband said to me

It's easier to nod, agree

And wear leather, feathers, drink milk

I wonder what that bird is singing?

Mourning morning rain, fearing black cats

'Let most live, love, fly away

When one's lost, don't think, speak of that!'

Each day some die, others are born

My job's to bring the world great joy

Enjoy each minute that you have

Each precious bird, cat, girl and boy

So, when you can, enjoy your rest

With confidence face every test

Each day given shares some heaven

In each cloud, sun, day, see the best

Enjoy the rain, enjoy the sun

Think of the smile, think of the fun

Then when your happy day is done

Be glad of all the good you've won.

-ends-.

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Left and Right Shoes - Choose comic poem 461 by Angela Lansbury

Now left or right

Which do you choose

First from the box

Two neutral socks

Then on the floor

Far from the door

I found my shoes

But got the blues

Two red sandals

They looked a match

Alas there was

An awrful catch

I found I did

Not have a pair

But two left shoes

I could not wear

That was something

Which did annoy

I looked again

And, oh, what joy!

Another pair of 

Two right shoes

It dis not take 

Me long to choose

I'm now wearing

One matchd pair

No longer fear

Of others' stare 

I must have bought

Two pairs in red

They found their freinds

Beside my bed

One moment's stress

I'm in a mess

A small effort

Joy of successs!

After I'd had

A little think

I matched them up

With each strap link

I'm very proud

Of what I've done

And hope that you

Enjoyed the fun.

-ends

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A Pantoum Has Repeated Lines comic verse 348 by Angela Lansbury

 

A pantoum has repeated lines

You start and end it with line one

It saves the poet lots of time

It\s easy, looks smart, lots of fun.

You starts and end it with line one

Lines two and four in the next verse

It's like a wave, start and be brave

You need a strong line like a curse

Lines two and four in the next verse 

End with four verses, made from three

You need a strong line like a curse

It's easy friends, don't you agree?

End with four verses, made from three

It's easy, looks smart, it's good fun

It's easy friends, don't you agree

You start and end it with line one.

-ends-

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Photo of Angela Lansbury with large pencil.

Swim, Swam, swum - comic poem by Angela Lansbury number ...

Today I thought

That while I swim

I'll not waste time

I shall begin

From Wikipedia. Swimming

So let's dive in

We shall begin

The sooner we start

The sooner we win

 Today I swam

Today I've swum

The grammar lesson

Has begun

In the beginning

I'd thought of swimming

My dearest dears, here's the thing

You add ing when continuing

I hope that's clear

It should clear up a lot of tears

And add a laugh

To conquer fears

While done, and won

Far past, contract

Add ing to things

Which are abstract

Yesterday we began

With verbs known to

Each English man

And women, too

Add me and you, and others, too

I have begun, to have some fun

I had planned the lesson

While I had swum

I did have fun, made a beginning

To teaching you

The past was swam

Whilst I was swimming.

In marriages you say I do

What's in the past is gone and done

In the beginning, swimmers keep on winning

Look back at the past, and say I won.

In the future I shall begin

In the future I shall win

In the infinitive, what I want to do

Is to teach swimming and grammar to you.

I know that we have hardly begun

In the future you'll be able to pass it on

In the future you'll be able to reflect on what you've done

Your past successes, didn't we have fun!

-ends-

About the Author of this blog, Author Angela Lansbury

BIOGRAPHY

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time 

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

I  also have a blog on comic poems.

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Love is like a cuckoo

Love is like a cuckoo
by Hazel Nutter (aka Angela Lansbury)

Love is like a cuckoo
I love to hear it sing
But other people warn me
It's fun, it's false, it's bling

It wants to shove the others out
It wants to be the one
It does not care for others
When all is said and done

A cuckoo starts off small
But it grows big and hungry
You race about to feed it
It's ungrateful - and angry!

Cuckoo from Wikipedia.

If you suspect a cuckoo
What is it you should do?
Make sure you are not cuckoo
And the cuckoo's not with you.

-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury.
Photo by Per Harald Olsen.

Poem inspired by Dolly Parton's Love Is like a Butterfly.
I watched a butterfly flutter past and thought, just write a song starting  LOVE IS, making a metaphor from something you see. My first thought was bird.

I thought of names of birds, Magpie, Robin, cuckoo. Cuckoo offered the greatest opportunities for puns and metaphors. I might try Robin next.
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See my travel posts on
travelwithangelalansbury.blogger.com

Gone But Not Forgotten - Dancing On The Grave

One day, years ahead, I'll be gone
But I hope I'm not forgotten
Even though undulating earth
With ups and downs, spoiled me rotten

One day all my generation
Will have had fun, come, and then gone
And your, bright, new, generation
Will dance along, stop, look, walk on

I'm sorry to leave, but leave you
A poem, one good thing I've done
Wish you a lovely, living day
Full of wonder, like mine, have fun!

Angela Lansbury. Copyright. Aug 2nd 2017.

NOTICE, I Hazel Angela (née) Lansbury, hereby assert and give notice of my right under section 77 of the UK Copyright, Designs and Patented Act 1988, to be identified as the author of all works presented within this website, http://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.co.uk
 and other related sites on blogger.com. Some of the poems have appeared in one form or another, in the following websites: Facebook; and in books such as: Writing Poetry For Fun With Angela; Poetry Workshop.

Poem: Raisin Children

Raisin Children 

By Angela 

 Years ago the day started with bacon and egg 

If you wanted some more you did not need to beg 

A big breakfast's a dream, 

in our new healthy scheme 

Hotel buffets, tut-tut, cost a fat arm and leg 

 Thank you, darling, for starting our breakfast with fruit 

As a sat in my silk wrap and clean birthday suit 

For more, "seconds?" we plead, as we lick the last seed As pleased picking out nuts as pirates listing loot 

A big spoon makes your milky porridge go faster 

A small spoon makes your dwindling porridge go laster 

How much food do you need? 

No, it isn't just greed 

Food is fun - plus emotional sticking plaster. 

 copyright Angela Lansbury Jan 4th 2017 

Just in case anybody missed it, there's a pun on raising children and raisin children, children raised on raisins, the modern fad for fruit and nuts. 

Costing an arm and a leg, meaning a lot of money, is also taken literally to mean making you fat. 

I hope you enjoy the alliteration: big breakfast, seconds and seek, pleased picking and pirates, listing loot, small spoon, food and fun, seconds and seed. 

Also notice assonance and rhyme: silk and milk, egg and beg and leg, dream and scheme, buffet and tut tut, buffet and fat, sat and wrap, plead and seed, need and greed, faster and laster, and plaster.

New Year Poem by Angela Lansbury

New Year Wishes Poem

 by Angela Lansbury 

I hope each New Year brings to you 

The season's days of joy and ease 

Like happy birds which sing and dance 

And bounce each dawn and break the trees 

 Please, every year when you look back 

List all you've done as each year ends

Smile and recall laughter and fun 

And family and your ex friends. 

Ignore small things missed or done wrong

The childlike adults who rowed and swore

Let's hope next year's a bit better

And naughty friends learned, don't keep doing more.

 Copyright Angela Lansbury 2016

 I woke early and heard a bird singing. My neighbour Alice says it's probably a starling. 

*** Above is my first draft.

 I might change the I thought of changing the word 'your' in the last line to 'our'. 

Let's compare it to the hymn All Things Bright And Beautiful. That has a new image in each line. So let's put more images in my poem. I've seen several people composing their own poems for Christmas cards or emails. 

If you want to share this poem, please send your friends and family a link to this post. Thank you.

 I must try a parody of Old Lang Syne. 

 Every year Grapedeal.com sends out a Christmas song parody using words relating to wine or wine bottles. 

See grapdedeal.com 

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