Don't Ask Us Why! Comical poem 776 by Angela Lansbury

We never asked why we were born

Why we start young, but end up old

Yet we start timid in sun cream

Then dive, brave the cold, ski, are bold.

As teens, silently wonder why

The old are still there and don't die

Don't ask what's best to do today

But ask where singles holiday

We all like to work from home

Be all alone, yet on the phone

Wear small clothes, cheap, and like that look

To maximize likes on Facebook

The world's so big, yet all in reach

To climb, hike, ski, or surf the sea

To sunbathe on the sandy beach

Where's hot, but cool, free, luxury?

Our son thought he'd save, buy a tent

Astonishing how much he spent

Whilst I, just like a frugal mouse

Decided we should swap our house

We found, like us, they lived in hell

We broke cheap cups, cleaned up the smell

So now at last we broke the spell

Don't ask why we booked a hotel

So now at last, no mystery

Our puzzled days are history

What's cheap is cheap, what's dear is dear

Five star hotel, that's why we're here.

-ends-

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Facts. Our son practised camping by putting up a tent in our garden. 

My husband spent more than the cost of a night in a hotel, and a taxi to a hotel, on  buying a tent, and a  on a sleeping bag, bag liner, hiking boots, torch and most of the contents of the camping shop website.

We did a home swap with a family in the Channel Islands. Packing for a holiday takes time. But clearing your house for a family of four to move in takes longer. You need to pack away valuables and clear space, and leave new matching crockery in sets of four.

Updated lengthened poem and added comments on July 10th 2026.

Tea For Three With Me: comical poem number 722 by Angela Lansbury

Breakfast

Traditional English breakfast

Porridge oats, sugar or honey

Then baked beans, egg and bacon grill

Hotels give this thrill, for money

For daily grub go to the pub

Avoiding big hotels' big bills

Choose sausages and black pudding

Fried potato, and tomato

Lunch

For lunch you could choose a Scotch egg

Sardines on toast, a healthy fish

Fish and chips is what we like most

Sundays Yorkshire pud with beef roast

If you're adding roast potatoes

Careful. You'd better keep quiet

Please don't spoil my good gourmet day

By reminding me to diet

For weekday lunch we have salad

And smoked salmon in a bagel

Supermarket sushi, garlic

We buy half price when we're able

Tea

Each afternoon we stop at four

Or four thirty, or even five

By which time we're yawning and tired

Need food and drink to stay alive

Tea time in London"s any time

No longer always Earl Grey tea

We drink hot coffee, apple juice

Lemon, ginget or mint for me

 If you've never had hot crumpets

Your gourmet life has not begun

If you"re offered two with butter

Please don't stick to half or just one

Scones feature in Cornish cream tea

Spread thick cream, then strawberry jam

Some say you should put jam on first

Avoid arguing, if you can

We sometimes choose a restaurant

But most of our food's home made

We make brown bread with seeds and nuts

Seville oranges marmalade

We clear the table, wash the dishes

And load the dishwashing machine

It does a very good job

Of keeping our plates sparkling clean

Dinner

Then it's time to lay the table

And get ready for dinner

For me, it's brussels sprouts

Chicken and chips is a winner.

Plates of steak, add English mustard

Chocolate pudding, with custard

Christmas pudding, then easter eggs

Build balloon tums and tree trunk legs

Tea Tomorrow

I hope you'll come to tea with me

But I must tell you with sorrow

I ate the last baklava and chocolate

My fruit diet starts tomorrow.

-Ends-

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The Bridge From Night To Day comic poem 226 by Angela Lansbury

I dreamed I suffered mild distress

At a hotel breakfast wearing my night dress

 Daylight blows guilty nonsense far away

So I'm glad to greet and start my innocent day

Down by a big cool blue swimming pool

Are teachers from the tiny tots morning school

Teachers blow away small adult troubles

Busy blowing giant rainbow bubbles

Delighted children race around

As elusive bubbles drift down to the ground

A happy chance lets me glance

As burst bubbles weave a broken rainbow dance

I trot off merrily on my way

But there's another joy today

On the other side of the pool

Is another cute kiddie school

The kids line up in height mismatched

To play a joyful game of throw and don't catch

To take their turn to throw a ball

To bounce against - or miss - the wall

Inside they go to learn much more

To fold torn paper into four

Such keen and anxious little faces

Learning how to tie their tiny laces

The tots don't have a single care

They wear bright ribbons in their hair

At lunch time proudly show what they now know

The joy of tying an untidy big ribbon bow

The lesson is to be like them

And let my child mind fill again

With simple tasks I'll learn somehow

In the oft repeated stopped watch now.

I've lots of time to fill my mind

With joy and leave my cares behind

Now I'm retired, my life's all play

Each day starts one long, wasted holiday

I must let happy visions fill my mind

And leave all niggles far behind

I can fill day's long, languid hours

Day-dreaming of fairytale ivory towers

I step outdoors to a fairtale scene

Of palm trees framing a sea of green

Across the red bridge, where tall palm trees show red

Lovely visions of  small orange flowers fill my little, empty head.

-ends-

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Boom boom - comic song by Angela

Boom Boom Be Doom
comic song by Angela

(Chorus)
Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

When you come over here
To be close to me, my dear
Your dreams will all come true
With what I've got 'inn' mind for you

(Chorus)
Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Last time we didn't finish

What we hoped but didn't start

But when you disappeared

That didn't break my heart

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

'Cos I knew that you'd be back

This time I'll give you what you lack

Yes, I heard what you hinted

I nearly had a heart attack!

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Keep both your eyes on me

Think what fun it would be

You'll have pendulum eyes

Your hands will hold a great surprise

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

You have skills which I admire
Your looks and words set me afire
When I see you in the street
My heart will race and skip a beat

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

When can we be alone?
I want to take you home!
But you live too far away
I'll make your night - you made my day

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Maybe an unknown hotel - sh!
Would suit as just as well
One thing is certain
I'll slowly draw the heavy curtain

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

There's just one small thing more
You'll click-ly lock, and bolt, the door

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury copyright 2017 Sept 30.
The sound of Amy Winehouse's beat backing, and Eartha Kit's suggestive smouldering.
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