My Shadow. Comical poem number 808 by Angela Lansbury

No matter where I choose to go

My faithful shadow follows me

I don't print gold invitations

To breakfast, lunch, dinner - or tea

Shadow from hand forms an animal face. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

My shadow patiently sits there

It hides behind me til day's end

Not like an enemy or spy

As harmless as a dimwit friend

That shadow's strangely very dark

When there's a strong, bright mid-day light

Like me the shadow goes to sleep

When I turn off the bed-time light

I've strange, important news for you

You have a hidden shadow, too

Our shadows meet when we shake hands

I guess deep down you always knew

But what use to me's a shadow?

To a child I can explain

My hand makes shadows on the wall

Gone? Back again - I entertain.

-ends-

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My books on Amazon and Lulu have amusing poems, eg Poetry Pets and Pests, which is educational, and Poetry Workbook has a list of poetry patterns so you can write similar structured poems.

Tea For Three With Me: comical poem number 722 by Angela Lansbury

Breakfast

Traditional English breakfast

Porridge oats, sugar or honey

Then baked beans, egg and bacon grill

Hotels give this thrill, for money

For daily grub go to the pub

Avoiding big hotels' big bills

Choose sausages and black pudding

Fried potato, and tomato

Lunch

For lunch you could choose a Scotch egg

Sardines on toast, a healthy fish

Fish and chips is what we like most

Sundays Yorkshire pud with beef roast

If you're adding roast potatoes

Careful. You'd better keep quiet

Please don't spoil my good gourmet day

By reminding me to diet

For weekday lunch we have salad

And smoked salmon in a bagel

Supermarket sushi, garlic

We buy half price when we're able

Tea

Each afternoon we stop at four

Or four thirty, or even five

By which time we're yawning and tired

Need food and drink to stay alive

Tea time in London"s any time

No longer always Earl Grey tea

We drink hot coffee, apple juice

Lemon, ginget or mint for me

 If you've never had hot crumpets

Your gourmet life has not begun

If you"re offered two with butter

Please don't stick to half or just one

Scones feature in Cornish cream tea

Spread thick cream, then strawberry jam

Some say you should put jam on first

Avoid arguing, if you can

We sometimes choose a restaurant

But most of our food's home made

We make brown bread with seeds and nuts

Seville oranges marmalade

We clear the table, wash the dishes

And load the dishwashing machine

It does a very good job

Of keeping our plates sparkling clean

Dinner

Then it's time to lay the table

And get ready for dinner

For me, it's brussels sprouts

Chicken and chips is a winner.

Plates of steak, add English mustard

Chocolate pudding, with custard

Christmas pudding, then easter eggs

Build balloon tums and tree trunk legs

Tea Tomorrow

I hope you'll come to tea with me

But I must tell you with sorrow

I ate the last baklava and chocolate

My fruit diet starts tomorrow.

-Ends-

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The World Hides On My Plate comical poem 675 by Angela Lansbury

It's time for lunch, what can hungry souls munch?

Pull out cartons, wash hands, don plastic gloves

We chop up greens, big leaves like fans with seams

Heat bread with small holes, and warm dead sausage rolls

 The whole world's on my plate - it's worth the wait

Red, white, orange, green, life's never better

Soft white cheese labelled where? Guess. Don't just stare. 

Greek, Turkish, Beirut, Israel, Feta

Now let's begin? Take palm hearts from a tin

What shall I grab? Dad chooses the pink crab

Spicy tomato soup, cumin, gloop, gloop

Glass of fine rose wine, well past its time

Leave room for mushroom, the size of tea spoons

Sliced up, stir-fried, soft small, button mushrooms

Lastly, strong coffee, no chokkies, toffee

Turkish delight? Rose smell, saved for tonight.

For dinner, choose solid protein to eat

Not just chopped up mush, a big piece of meat

'Don't cook too much!' That's no cause for sorrow

Leftovers hide in loved lunch tomorrow

Eat drink and be merry, I always say

For tomorrow you may die, so might I

So let's enjoy ourselves and feast today

Nobody feel sad after chicken pie.

Pie made by Trevor Sharot. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

-ends-

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Time To Diet - A Distraction comical poem 662 by Angela Lansbury

First thing - I ought to weigh myself

It's up to me it's my own health

My buttons burst, I've split my skirt

I must admit it's me I've hurt

I know when I'm on a diet

Don't tell your friends, best keep quiet

Eat half or whole? You're in control

When faced with breafast's brown seed roll

 Is time an enemy or friend?

It warns, bad start, good - break time ends

The one thing dieters can't stop

Is time's march like a ticking clock

I have a hunch it's time for lunch

To chew, to chomp, swallow and munch

At waiting I'm still a beginner

I struggle to wait for dinner

If I can't wait I'll take a date

Next time my loot's a piece of fruit

A glass of water helps me wait

Weigh myself in my birthday suit

Open the fridge, I look for tea

A host of food is calling me

Until I see the warning clock

Slam the fridge door, this search must stop

Postpone pleasure, postpone sorrow

Once more, diet starts tomorrow

Once a sinner, now a winner

Just say 'no seconds' at dinner

Old friends praise me, "You look thinner!"

I've a secret, I won't keep it

Avoid trouble, don't eat double

Snacks?  Half a chocolate biscuit.

Brain and tummy, like dad and mummy

Fight over who will win this time

Wine? Just one sip, Water first. Win!

Let's fight off hunger writing rhyme.

-ends-

Version one of thi poem read I gihgt off hunger writing rhyme. I thought that was a surprise. I changed it to let's fight off hunger writing rhyme. More inclusive of the reader. A message. Now I'm wondering if the first version was more original. I have left the second version but added this note, so leave it to the poem reader or poem performer to choose.

Let's fight off hunger writing rhyme is also an instruction to yself in the future. Distraction. Distraction activity. 

Holidays, Hotels, Homes, Husbands - The Opposite Of What You'd Expect comic poem 650 by Angela Lansbury

Pretty Riversides - Insects Beside

 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things don't turn out the way you think they should

Those cute hotels perched by fly riversides

Attract unwary diners, backless brides

Attractive Perfume On Holiday

My flower perfume attracts mosquitos

In New Zealand as ev'ry Kiwi knows

You need to wear long sleeves and covered toes

Ugly, triple layer, repellent clothes

Homes By Sweet Streams

And if your house stands beside a sweet stream

Life's not the pretty dream which it might seem

It's dangerous to toddlers, backing cars

And drunks who walk out watching up there stars

Lovely Lakes - Fun For Dog Detectives

Rivers and lakes look lovely in the day

Until at night a car misses the way

Long after parents die, children dry tears

Dogs find six drowned wrecks, after sixty years

Growing Fig Trees - Like Jack & The Beanstalk

And my small fig tree which refused to grow

For years had only one small fig to show

Wrong kind of figs, small, hard, only for stew

Now giant fig tree shoves our home askew

Fruit - Tasteless Blueberries & Tasty Strawberries

The blueberries we think will be a treat

Have no taste, though they are easy to eat

Bright red strawberries are hard as we fear

Yet really tasty, one week of the year

Fruit - strawberries, raspberries and blueberries,. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Hopeless Or Helpful Husbands

I married late, I thought worst of the bunch

Grumpy husband, gave hugs, made lovely lunch

 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things often don't end how you thought they would.

-ends-

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A Full Meal comical poem 566 by Angela Lansbury

 How should we start breakfast, lunch - or dinner?

With an olive or a glass of sherry

With brown bread and butter, or still water

Prosecco's fun, but it doesn't matter

Water or alcohol adds lubrication

Relaxes the mind and starts conversation

What is the best thing to talk about?

Thoughts which cause passion but don't make you shout

I like salad and fruit, something that's fresh

Something surprising in ev'ry great dish

Different colours, some vitamin C

Some A, and D, lots of variety

Some potatoes or bread, meat or fish

Something substantial in the main dish

I think of dessert but have to wait

For pudding, petits four, chocolate (cake)

I was on a diet but I'm not a fool 

In the short-term we're kind, though long-term we're cruel

Resisting it all cannot be done

Why stick to one when we're having such fun?

Last, espresso coffee, maybe mint tea

Something refreshing, I think you'll agree

Ginger and flavours you know I adore

Offer seconds, thirds, 'til guests gasp, 'No more!'

-ends-

A Quick Poem comical poem 556 by Angela Lansbury

I do not wish

To cause you harm

But there's a ping

From our alarm

Don't discuss it

Over coffee

Let's calm down and

Then see clearly

Let's make a list

Of what to do

This half for me

That half for you

Write make it short

Let's both be quick

Write succinctly

So your thoughts stick

I  pomise I'll

Soon go away

Others have called

So I can't stay

I know you've lots

You want to say

But I've a lot

To do today.

Just tell me what

Don't tell me why

This is hello

Then it's goodbye

I've got no time

For longer rhymes

But I'll come back

Some other time.

The clock won't wait

Now here's the crunch

I did one thing

It's time for lunch

Legislation

Is changing soon

What happened to

The afternoon?

Thank goodness that

We got it right

Look at the time

Already night.

In any time

In any place

Our day look like

A hurdle race.

-ends-

Warm Feelings About Worms

Warm Feelings About Worms
by Hazel Nutter also known as Angela Lansbury

A garden's got a million worms
Your eyes are filled with doubt
Just go and watch those little birds
Which keenly hop about

They know something which we don't know
As each bird taps its beak
They seem to be the winners
In their game of hide and seek

I'm standing at the window
And watch the daily show
Nasty worms aerate lawns
But taste good when birds swallow

I try to see the bright side
Worms do a lot of good
I try to see the light side
To birds a worm is food

I've a sandwich in my hands
I lick my lips and munch
All those birds with open beaks -
Those birds are out to lunch!
-ends-
out to lunch, idiom meaning crazy

Text Copyright Angela Lansbury 2018.
Photo by Per Harald Olsen.
My draft of the poem had the pun, but look good to a swallow. I hoped some readers would spot the pun on the birds, swallows.
I checked what swallows eat and they eat flying insects, not worms. So I changed the line to read But tast good when birds swallow 
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Read my travel posts, too. Many of them have a hidden irony, or damn with faint praise.
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Packing List Poem

Packing List Poem
by Angela Lansbury

Every day I make a list
To make sure nothing vital's missed
The suitcase must be in the hall
Packed and locked for the taxi's call

I start to pack a month before
My bedroom looks like there's a war
The swimsuit, cap and new pool shoes
Papers to read - all last years' news

Dress, warm coat, skirt, shirt, light jacket
I can't find it - did I pack it?
The hat and gloves, map and notebook
Chocolate, sardines - no need to cook

The night clothes and the towel shoes
I might get more but can't be sure
A lipstick, pencil, pen and comb
Each thing I use each day at home

A toothbrush, toothpaste, a small soap
'though I'll get more when there, I hope
Hand cream, conditioner, shampoo
Repellent, empty food box - more to do

Count days away, work, sport and play
Clothes for touring, evening and day
Pickpocket proof - sew pocket zips
Add clipboard, sewing kit, paper clips

The underwear, the socks, the vest
Old clothes for hiking, dress that's 'best'
I'll always need smart clothes I know
For last night dinner and the group photo

I have to buy new hiking shoes
I'll go online, what should I choose?
Find old spare socks, they're clean but gosh
They're gray, they need another wash

Print long lists of what we should see
(To find one on which we agree!)
Check opening times, put numbers in phone
Neighbours, taxi for coming home

The reason I've so much to do
Is 'cos my phone update's not new
The passport, ticket, padlock - lock it
Lastly what goes in my pocket?

The keys, the fruit, water, spare bag
The pills, the ones which beat jet lag
A note to tell me empty bin
Take milk to neighbours if they're in

Remind the kids to water plants
Give them address, and phone the aunts
The doctors, dentists, clinics here
Check destination, what is near?

Yes, just in case I fall or slip
Check or buy insurance for the year, trip
Check time zones, sleep early or late
Set six alarms - prevent mistake

And make sure that when I'm away
When I arrive, the date, the day
I lose a day when flying east
Get jet lag; book tours, folklore feast

Cancel the meetings I can't make
I list and photo what I take
I'm sure that everything is planned
So all goes smoothly when I land

Plus list those vital words I'll need
If I lose my passport, I'm sick or bleed
Spanish, French, German, Russian, Chinese
Lunch, how much, too much, thank you, please.

Because I've learned from past mistake
The vital things I need to take
The sting relief and sticking plaster
Songs and jokes, for traffic jam laughter.

Am I a pessimist, or an optimist
No, I think I'm a realist

I'm overweight, re-pack, "We're late!
You're always late! The plane won't wait!"
I've packed too much, leave half behind
I was prepared, in my mind.

***
Copyright Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, poet, performer author and speaker.
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About the author

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

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