Holidays, Hotels, Homes, Husbands - The Opposite Of What You'd Expect comic poem 650 by Angela Lansbury

Pretty Riversides - Insects Beside

 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things don't turn out the way you think they should

Those cute hotels perched by fly riversides

Attract unwary diners, backless brides

Attractive Perfume On Holiday

My flower perfume attracts mosquitos

In New Zealand as ev'ry Kiwi knows

You need to wear long sleeves and covered toes

Ugly, triple layer, repellent clothes

Homes By Sweet Streams

And if your house stands beside a sweet stream

Life's not the pretty dream which it might seem

It's dangerous to toddlers, backing cars

And drunks who walk out watching up there stars

Lovely Lakes - Fun For Dog Detectives

Rivers and lakes look lovely in the day

Until at night a car misses the way

Long after parents die, children dry tears

Dogs find six drowned wrecks, after sixty years

Growing Fig Trees - Like Jack & The Beanstalk

And my small fig tree which refused to grow

For years had only one small fig to show

Wrong kind of figs, small, hard, only for stew

Now giant fig tree shoves our home askew

Fruit - Tasteless Blueberries & Tasty Strawberries

The blueberries we think will be a treat

Have no taste, though they are easy to eat

Bright red strawberries are hard as we fear

Yet really tasty, one week of the year

Fruit - strawberries, raspberries and blueberries,. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Hopeless Or Helpful Husbands

I married late, I thought worst of the bunch

Grumpy husband, gave hugs, made lovely lunch

 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things often don't end how you thought they would.

-ends-

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A Full Meal comical poem 566 by Angela Lansbury

 How should we start breakfast, lunch - or dinner?

With an olive or a glass of sherry

With brown bread and butter, or still water

Prosecco's fun, but it doesn't matter

Water or alcohol adds lubrication

Relaxes the mind and starts conversation

What is the best thing to talk about?

Thoughts which cause passion but don't make you shout

I like salad and fruit, something that's fresh

Something surprising in ev'ry great dish

Different colours, some vitamin C

Some A, and D, lots of variety

Some potatoes or bread, meat or fish

Something substantial in the main dish

I think of dessert but have to wait

For pudding, petits four, chocolate (cake)

I was on a diet but I'm not a fool 

In the short-term we're kind, though long-term we're cruel

Resisting it all cannot be done

Why stick to one when we're having such fun?

Last, espresso coffee, maybe mint tea

Something refreshing, I think you'll agree

Ginger and flavours you know I adore

Offer seconds, thirds, 'til guests gasp, 'No more!'

-ends-

A Quick Poem comical poem 556 by Angela Lansbury

I do not wish

To cause you harm

But there's a ping

From our alarm

Don't discuss it

Over coffee

Let's calm down and

Then see clearly

Let's make a list

Of what to do

This half for me

That half for you

Write make it short

Let's both be quick

Write succinctly

So your thoughts stick

I  pomise I'll

Soon go away

Others have called

So I can't stay

I know you've lots

You want to say

But I've a lot

To do today.

Just tell me what

Don't tell me why

This is hello

Then it's goodbye

I've got no time

For longer rhymes

But I'll come back

Some other time.

The clock won't wait

Now here's the crunch

I did one thing

It's time for lunch

Legislation

Is changing soon

What happened to

The afternoon?

Thank goodness that

We got it right

Look at the time

Already night.

In any time

In any place

Our day look like

A hurdle race.

-ends-

Warm Feelings About Worms

Warm Feelings About Worms
by Hazel Nutter also known as Angela Lansbury

A garden's got a million worms
Your eyes are filled with doubt
Just go and watch those little birds
Which keenly hop about

They know something which we don't know
As each bird taps its beak
They seem to be the winners
In their game of hide and seek

I'm standing at the window
And watch the daily show
Nasty worms aerate lawns
But taste good when birds swallow

I try to see the bright side
Worms do a lot of good
I try to see the light side
To birds a worm is food

I've a sandwich in my hands
I lick my lips and munch
All those birds with open beaks -
Those birds are out to lunch!
-ends-
out to lunch, idiom meaning crazy

Text Copyright Angela Lansbury 2018.
Photo by Per Harald Olsen.
My draft of the poem had the pun, but look good to a swallow. I hoped some readers would spot the pun on the birds, swallows.
I checked what swallows eat and they eat flying insects, not worms. So I changed the line to read But tast good when birds swallow 
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Read my travel posts, too. Many of them have a hidden irony, or damn with faint praise.
travelwithangelalansbury.blogger.com

Packing List Poem

Packing List Poem
by Angela Lansbury

Every day I make a list
To make sure nothing vital's missed
The suitcase must be in the hall
Packed and locked for the taxi's call

I start to pack a month before
My bedroom looks like there's a war
The swimsuit, cap and new pool shoes
Papers to read - all last years' news

Dress, warm coat, skirt, shirt, light jacket
I can't find it - did I pack it?
The hat and gloves, map and notebook
Chocolate, sardines - no need to cook

The night clothes and the towel shoes
I might get more but can't be sure
A lipstick, pencil, pen and comb
Each thing I use each day at home

A toothbrush, toothpaste, a small soap
'though I'll get more when there, I hope
Hand cream, conditioner, shampoo
Repellent, empty food box - more to do

Count days away, work, sport and play
Clothes for touring, evening and day
Pickpocket proof - sew pocket zips
Add clipboard, sewing kit, paper clips

The underwear, the socks, the vest
Old clothes for hiking, dress that's 'best'
I'll always need smart clothes I know
For last night dinner and the group photo

I have to buy new hiking shoes
I'll go online, what should I choose?
Find old spare socks, they're clean but gosh
They're gray, they need another wash

Print long lists of what we should see
(To find one on which we agree!)
Check opening times, put numbers in phone
Neighbours, taxi for coming home

The reason I've so much to do
Is 'cos my phone update's not new
The passport, ticket, padlock - lock it
Lastly what goes in my pocket?

The keys, the fruit, water, spare bag
The pills, the ones which beat jet lag
A note to tell me empty bin
Take milk to neighbours if they're in

Remind the kids to water plants
Give them address, and phone the aunts
The doctors, dentists, clinics here
Check destination, what is near?

Yes, just in case I fall or slip
Check or buy insurance for the year, trip
Check time zones, sleep early or late
Set six alarms - prevent mistake

And make sure that when I'm away
When I arrive, the date, the day
I lose a day when flying east
Get jet lag; book tours, folklore feast

Cancel the meetings I can't make
I list and photo what I take
I'm sure that everything is planned
So all goes smoothly when I land

Plus list those vital words I'll need
If I lose my passport, I'm sick or bleed
Spanish, French, German, Russian, Chinese
Lunch, how much, too much, thank you, please.

Because I've learned from past mistake
The vital things I need to take
The sting relief and sticking plaster
Songs and jokes, for traffic jam laughter.

Am I a pessimist, or an optimist
No, I think I'm a realist

I'm overweight, re-pack, "We're late!
You're always late! The plane won't wait!"
I've packed too much, leave half behind
I was prepared, in my mind.

***
Copyright Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, poet, performer author and speaker.
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About the author

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

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