Buy, sell, swap, recycle comical poem 637 by Angela Lansbury

 In large firm with many accounts

Some customers owe large amounts

Some people shrug about their debts

And hope the world will just forget

I always like to pay my way

Don't say I'll pay another day

I like to see numbers look neat

And that I stand on my own feet

So often when the urge has gone

It's time to pass old craftwork on

Give ski boots, lilos, high heeled shoes

Gain a wheelchair, what good news

But I have learned don't lend nor borrow

Owing money brings you sorrow

If you give someone what they lack

Earn kudos, don't expect it back 

In our street we have a whatsApp

People say what they'll give away

A useful way to clear your clutter

If you don't earn it doesn't matter

We clear out old baby clothes

And each year kids want different toys

Get rid of things which you can't sell

Musical toys which just make noise

Put surplus apples in a box

Make pairs of puppets from odd socks

Donate a bench to view the docks

On an old t-shirt paint a fox

So much to do now I'm retired

I wake each day with ideas fired

Recycle paper, in its place

An empty box makes a crayon case.

.

Emptly chocolate box from France made into a crayons case. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

We give somebody what they lack

We don't earn, but we don't pay tax

Just drop it round, no need to pack

Friends give to us - and we give back.

-end-

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The Immortal Spider. Comic Poem number 147 by Angela Lansbury

The Immortal Spider - comic poem by Angela Lansbury

Subtitle: The immortal spider, on parole, gets the last laugh on spider police person

 Last night I woke up with a dreadful fright

I heard a little noise moving on the left - or right

I thought a ghost - or  burglar - had touched my shoe

Then suddenly my bladder told me what to do

I rushed to the bathroom, tripped on shoes in a rush

But felt much better when I heard the toilet flush

Then I saw a large black spider, hiding in the white bath

But you hear this from far away, so you can simply laugh

It's not that I'm a spider lover, we're not friends

But to throw it out the window seems a kinder end

I grabbed a mug to catch it, chased it round - and round again

I had no choice, sorry, I had to flush it down the drain.

I took a shower with one leg in the bath, one out

Ready to retreat if the plug's strength was in doubt

But, by the time the day's over, I no longer care

Wrong. There's danger - every day - and everywhere

Tonight that damned spider's back, 

Peeping round the washbasin tap

Is that the same spider? Or its close cousin or wife?

Did I give it a second chance when I saved its life?

Are the bath and basin connected by a pipe?

If so, washing it away is just a load of hype

I know I shouldn't say it, but to me all spiders look the same

We weren't that close, I didn't see its face or get its name 

This is not the time, to waste, on philosophy

The issue is quite simple, it's either it or me!

The spider's big, too big, trapped in a basin which is small

Catching it inside a toothmug wasn't hard at all

The bathroom window's opened,

 I quickly throw it out

No - It's climbing up the windowsill ...!

I'm ready to kill it - if only looks could kill

I quickly slam the window shut -

Hurray, hurray - it's out!

Do I need to wash the toothmug?

Why is there any doubt?

The job is done, and I have won

I've cleaned the bath and bathroom -

And I've just saved a life!

I'm the world's most perfect mother, wife and housewife!

Today I'm proud to say there's no spider in my bath

But you are far from my help, so I can laugh

I know you'll phone me, panicking, and ask me what to do

If my - living - spider takes a walkabout, and decides to visit - you!

-ends-

Copyright July 7th 2022.

Yes, both incidents true, in 24 hours. I cannot take credit for the plot, simply for the way of telling the story.

Spider emoji by Google.

Happy or Unhappy Birthday? Comic Poem No. 139

Happy birthday, tut tut

I love the cake, but but

I'm supposed to be on  a diet

I'll have to eat it on the quiet

Birthdays have changed

Since Covid-19

You cannot blow the candles out

You don't know where the germs have been

Another birthday, boo hoo

I don't want to be older than you

Where has the year gone, I say

I'm a year older than yesterday

Another birthday, today it's yours

That's why I'm sending you applause

It's a piece of cake, a glass of wine

Another photo, I feel fine

Because it's not my birthday

Mine is far away

You can be sighing, nearer to dying

Glad it's not mine, it's yours today

Birthdays are best for children

On the scale between girls and boys

Lots of singing out of tune

Balloons, parcels and noise

Toddlers are easily amused

Every day new food is fun

It's great to have survived your first year

When you are only one

Let's have a smiley photo

One year nearer to walk

One year older, one year dearer

Nearer to thank you, love you, small talk

Happy birthday, happy birthday

Smile Smile Smile

Granny hasn't felt this good

For someone else's birthday, for a long, long while.