Who am I and who are you? comic poem number 377 by Angela Lansbury

Big Hotel Bedroom, Campanile Hotel, Montpellier, France.

Where am I? In a hotel!

I thought I knew this pillow well

Which city, region? I can't tell

I'm in heaven, or five star hell.

 I woke up puzzled in the dawn

Faced my first question of the morn

The questions is, am I still me?

Am I the person I'd like to be?

Angela Lansbury in the mirror. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

I see my mirror then my face

I look round the familiar place

Yes, everything's where it sould be

I'm glad to see that I'm still me

My soul's not swapped and gone away

I'll stay me all night and day

I'm satisfied with all I see

It's reasssuring I'm still me

I haven't changed my height or hair

Though I can change the clothes I wear

In dreams my mind had wandered free

Now in daylight it's back with me

I'm older than I'd like to be

And shorter than I'd like to be

Not as thin as I'd like to be

Yet, on the whole, I like being me

I'm not in some house down the road

I haven't turned into a toad

And though my troubles are a load

My books show me how much I knowed

And I am glad you're still the same

Although sometimes we forget names

I hope you won't hold me to blame

But you'll be pleased to see I'm me

I've got my marbles, got my brain

Yes, everything still looks the same

No Alzheimer's, no claims of fame

I'm not Napoleon, I'm me

I may not answer very fast

But all mistakes are in the past

Forgive and start again, at last

I'm sure you're glad with what you see

I'm sure you're glad that I'm still me

And almost all I used to be

And you are you, we're stuck like glue

Don't set me free, I'm glad we're we

We are we, and parents, too

When adding up, I'll think of you

And analyse statistically

Count a child, that makes us three..

So all in all, no more to do

Although the night is now a blur

The surroundings are what they were

Let's sleep, or act, not just infer.

As antidote to tragedy

I add a dose of comedy

To sum it up, as you can see

I'm happy to wake up as me.

Now here's a phase which you can say

To keep you happy all the day

I'm happy to wake up as me

I'm very happy to be me!

-ends-

My original version ended I'm vry happy to be me. The first version was a cheery and plebeian affirmation. I have changed that to, I'm happy to wake up as me. It's more orignal. However, if you think the earlier version is easier to say, and a more relevant affirmation to everybody's day, for me and you to keep thinking and repeating to ourselves. Why not add both as a couplet, like a Shakespearean sonnet. 

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So now you see the final version..

The Fall comic poem 376 by Angela Lansbury

 One minute I was walking

the next minuute I fell

How many bones were broken

It's rather hard to tell

Everyone who has a whole set

Has two hudred and six

I fell over a tree root

Fell like a ton of bricks

Look ahead for traffic and trees

Look down if it is snowing

Watch those leaping pavying stones  plesae

Look where you're not going

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury

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Photo of Angela Lansbury with black eye after a fall over a raised paving stone in Brixton, London, UK, in 2024.

Black and White At Night, Comic Poems and Rhymes for Road Safety 375

White hat and scarf for night. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Catchy and memorable safety messages abound. My favourites are>

1 Wear white at night. (UK road safety.)

2 When thunder roars, stay indoors. (Swimming pool sign in singapore.)

3 He was right, dead right as he sped along but he's just as dead as if he were wrong. (Victorian gravestone. Is - were is subjunctive.)

The Scottish lorry driver's song is in this 

Useful Website

https://www.headington.org.uk/adverts/pifs/roads/index.htm

Poem 376

Wear white at night

Seen in headlights

And reflectors

Even better

Alive, not dead

Just think ahead

Dead cats and dogs

On roads well known

Stay safe, night white 

Go safely home

White's safe and seen

Black's for burglars

White's for walkers

Black's for murders

White's for children

Fathers, mothers

Adults teachers

And all others.

White's much safer

For dotor and nurse

Wear white walking

Not in a hearse

White is light, right

Wear white at night

White looks so clean

White's safely seen.

Why wear black shoes?

They don't show mud

Black coats and hats

They won't show blood

White hat, scarf, matching gloves

Safer for all your loves

If you don't want them back

Send them out wearing black..

-ends-

..

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Humorous Misunderstandings In Pronunciation comic poem 374 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Humorously speaking with puppet and microphone. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.
 

I've English friends from the Carribean

On Zoom Central America, too

Our Nigerian friends have lost their g 

Are they thinkin' talkin' like you?

Some lose keys and some lose a letter

The lost letter is h, we teachers aren't cranks

With our help armies do better

Please send thanks, but not tanks

The Chinese lose h ut keep the tea

One mum told me her children were tree

I thought they must liked climbing trees

But they were bookish, yes, all three

There's a silent b, e, h, and g 

Pronunce most letters in every word

Th in thee, th in three

Remember to say third and not turd

Tongue under teeth when saying third

I hope dear friends you won't forget

To say exactly the word you heard

A turd is something you see in the toilet.

Do you think we're born perfect, the Engllish Nation?

No, my Mum paid a teacher of elocution

Some adults still have good pronunciation

Listen to me, that's a cheap solution.

-ends-

You Count comic poem 373 by Angela Lansbury

 A child must learn to count

The numbers one to ten

The fingers on both hands

Then start to count again

To reach number twenty

As everybody knows

Count to ten on fingers

The next ten on your toes

Adults must learn to count

And think of writing cheques

Hundreds of large amounts

Not just of food and sex.

you count all the hours worked

You count till pay day

You cound praise and count blame

What you pay, what you say

You count all the time

That what good folks all do

Yes, you can count on me

As I can count on you.

Make sure no hugs are missed

I know you cant resist

Count small gestures which count

So I'll blow you a kiss.

-ends-

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What Keats Would Say Today comic poem 372 by Angela Lansbury

In anticipation of Burns night, inspired by A Facebook group, Mary's Law of English Rhyme.  I wrote this:

Angela Lansbury

Around the world groups greet new year

Briefly give last year's wins review

Reunion with friends old and new

Resolve what we and teams should do

Aultd lang syne's sung worldwide by all

'though we don't understand the words

We link arms, unless Covid calls

Sing, reading phones, repeat what's heard

Drive home on our old winding road 

"Police!" Drivers don't dare to drink 

Although a drop of warm whisky

Might help him talk and laugh and think 

Bounce over potholes, brave the bumps

They teach it's time for us to slow

Our party is with us right here

Wherever we may ride and go

We wait until we reach our home 

Where, law abiding as I am

At last together and alone 

I pour prosecoo, your wee dram  

 

I sink on my soft, sofa bed

My foam pillow's in silk, clean, deep

"Good night, my love, now you rest well,

Forget bad news, think sheep, and sleep."

Old love is like a long dead rose

Like a favourite comfy boot

But like a gnarled black winter tree

In spring it brings grandchildren, fruit.

My thoughts run races through my head

Before the nobile's  morning bleep  

I smile and chat with folks long dead

Then wake refreshed from drunken sleep.

-ends- 

Copyright Angela Lansbury. You may quote a couplet (two lines), which is fair use, providing you attribute the words to the author and provide a link to the original. 

Thanks. Please share links to your favourite posts which are on my blog. I also have other blogs on travel and dress.

Note for poetry purists and the curious> When I wrote, 'Sing reading phones', I meant reading the words from phones. I was thinking of being at the last night of Writers Summer School when we sing Auld Lang Syne out of season.  Presentation and slide were words too long tor the line so I changed it to reading off a mobile phone. The unintended secodn meaning could be that people are reading whatsapp messages on their phones instead of singing Auld Lang Syne because they cannot understand the words and got distracted when looking for the words.

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Night Light Toilet Trip comic poem 371 by Angela Lansbury

 

It's dark at night

There is no light

I won't wake others

And give them a fright

So when I feel

That nature calls

I creep out

And collide with walls

I hope that I

Won't trip and fall

At first I am not

Pleased at all

But in the bathroom

In the light

Shut door, and wait

Turn on the light

Here I am

It's only me

I can see

The colour of wee

Turn off the light

Now I don't mind

Learn what its like

When you are blind

It's not to bad

I quicly find

I'll leave the bathroom

Far behind

I feel the carpet

On the floor

I feel hard hadnle

On the door

Tiptoe along

Holding the walls

I'm confident

That I won't fall

In the bedroom

Knees reach soft bed

Feel for the pillow

Rest my head

My silk pillow

Strokes my soft cheek

I'm calm and I'll

Review my week

But now the now

Is in my mind

If I were blind

I would not mind

You lose one sense

Don't worry much

You find another

With your touch

Now here's a thought

I want to keep

But in seconds 

I'm fast asleep.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. Wed Jan 17 2024

Bilingual Song, Chanson 370 by Angela Lansbury

The English say Paris

The French say paree

It's written the same

As you can surely see

Yes, yes, oui, oui

London, Paris

And gay Paree

 Some accents go up

Some accents go down

A hat means a lost S

But don't look around

Yes, yes, oui, oui

London, Paris

And gay Paree

You've heard of Franglais and Spanish

Ladino and Spanglish

Creole and Pidgin

And la! ma? That's Singlish!

Yes, yes, oui, oui

London, Paris

And gay Paree

But if it's problem minglish

Don't get in a state

Just use Google translate

Find Language - it's English

We've learned lots of words

What shall we do next

Like Hebrew, drop vowels

And write words in Text.

Yes, yes, oui, oui

London, Paris

And gay Paree

I love romance, languages

As you can see

But Chinese and Korean

Are all Greek to me

Yes, yes, oui, oui

London, Paris

And gay Paree

But, ja, ja, I know who you are

I recognize accents from all foreign lands

I learned Italian from Duolingo

I just  raise eyebrows and wave both hands.

Yes, yes, oui, oui

London, Paris

And gay Paree

Grateful, thanks

Gratuit, free

It's easy, facile

In gay paree.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2024, January

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See my book  POETRY WORKSHOP which you can buy from Lulu or Amazon.

Bilingual Song, Mann comic poem 369 by Angela Lansbury

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is Mann

Und Mann ist man

 The English say yes

Ja, Germans needn't guess

The French nod a oui

The Spanish agree si

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

Would you like to speak

To friends you don't yet know

You could learn easily

Made up Esperanto

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

I'll remind you of words you've heard

Foreign words you already know

I bet you know Spanish amigo

For friend, wearing a big brimmed, sombrero

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

Do you speak Swahili

You journey, safari

But you also know

The big word, it's jumbo

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

The French offer fine food

You cannot forget

Croissant, cafe, bouquet

For a tête-à-tête, (sit) on a banquette

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

Ja, kinder, and garden

We learn in kindergarten

Adult's first easy lesson

Is essen in delicatessen

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

I've found some new words

Which we all know, at least

Taxi, and menu, wine beer

For help, just look for the language, police

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

To emphasize letters

Add a dash or a dot

Those strange diacritics

Save you from critics, help you a lot,

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

Try to learn German

It's not hard to guess

Ja is yes

You double the s

Try to learn German

I'm sure you can

Man is mann

Und Mann ist man

 -ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2024, January

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See my book  POETRY WORKSHOP which you can buy from Lulu or Amazon.

The French, Spanish And The Double Dutch comic poem by Angela Lansbury 368

 

It's amazing how well the French all speak French

And the Dutch they all speak Dutch

I speak a word or two, si, oui, ja

But so far not very much

I speak English, as you can see

But if I spoke French I wouldn't be me

If I try I shall soon speak both fluently

Will I still be me, we shall see..

Si, si, we shall all see

When we speak Spanish perfectly

If you are in Spain

And you want a wee

Just look for two letters

Double you and see.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2024, January

See my book  POETRY WORKSHOP which you can buy from Lulu or Amazon.

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Tree Pantoum Revised, comic poem number 367 by Angela Lansbury

  In Singapore I went to a Toastmasters club where a speaker who is bilingual in English and Malay told us about the Malay form of poetry, the pantoum. Afterwards I looked it up online. In Wikipedia and other places.

 I looked in my own poetry book, Poetry Workshop and discovered I had listed the form in the appendix where I gave the structures of sonnets, haikus, pantoums etc.

 Later I discovered that I had actually written a pantoum. However, here's my latest version, based on the English oak tree.

A Tall Tree  a pantoum by Angela Lansbury

A small shy seed grew a flower

Small acorns grow to tall oak trees

Over time the hidden bower

Is the tower all our street sees

 

A little acorn grew a tree

Higher and higher, never timed

A place where squirrels built their nests

Big boys with ladders and ropes climbed

 

Higher and higher never timed

A nest for birds, a lure for cats

Big boys with ladders and ropes climbed

Rooks, parakeets, owls, maybe bats

 

A nest for birds, a lure for cats

Until one day a giant storm

Rooks, parakeets, owls, maybe bats 

Scattered all to earth fearing harm

 

Until one day a giant storm

Struck down the old oak tree's bower

Scattered all to earth fearing harm

Each small seed grew a new flower.

The swing swung round, the hammock tipped

The climber fell and broke a bone

When I see trees I have one thought

That's don't climb, leave trees alone.

Climbers all risk broken bones

On this subject I could write tomes

Yes, please, climbers, leave trees alone

Let Mum and I sit safe at home.

-ends-

This was originally wirtten as a classic variation on the theme of small acorns growing into tall oak trees, and small seeds growing into flowers. On revising, I lost the pantoum effect, but gained a humorous cuationary verse.

The tall oak tree is in the garden of our neighbours the Serby family in Hatch End, London, England. 

When they were children, Paul Serby used to climb regularly. Occasionally unbeknown to me, my son would join in, alhough I had told him not to. My son assured me that nobody ever had an accident. Years later I heard they gave up climbing after an accident.

The last line means I and my neighbour, whose garden has the tree, sit safe because we are not climbing and feel safer and more content if our children don't climb.

I have a sample pantoum and the rhyming scheme in my book  POETRY WORKSHOP which you can buy from Lulu or Amazon.

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2024, January

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Hear About A Polyglot's Day, Dia, comical poem number 366 by Angela Lansbury

I learned to speak in fluent French

And 'useless' Latin when at school

I passed A level, with effort

No fool, I learned the words and rules

And then I met a polyglot

His languages, not four, but eight!

For years I dreamed of my hero

But thought for me it was too late

Than along came Duolingo

And Google hit and miss Translate

What great joy, I started German

I learned, it is never too late

Each day I learned twenty new words

'though each day I forget thirty

Each day I learn to say, It's new

Can't say, It's old, dear, or dirty

I'm learning twelve new languages

Sometimes get a bit confused

I learn a lot of obscure words

Practise tenses I've never used

Yet I am learning every da y

I say all new words twice out loud

Ten words I read but cannot say

Of that I am extremely proud.

I'm always keen to add some more

New languages are what I seek

I want to add Esperanto

To my list of those I can't speak.

Acquaintances are so impressed

Just when I open with hello

In lots of foreign languages

Tell waiters yes, (but can't say no).

I say what I know how to say

Hello, Hallo, ola, bonjour

The latter is French for good day, 

Of that, at least, I'm almost sure

They think because I know two words

I must be very brainy

At least I've got something to do

Like cross words, when its rainy.

I'm learning twelve new languages

Yes, strangers are impressed

Learn one new word, then confuse two

Before I'm even dressed.

When people ask, how many

I have a good reply

"How many can  you really speak?"

I smile and reply, "Why?"

"Are you glad you've met me?

Please remember my name

Just read my blogs and learn new words

Then you can do the same

"Alas you will not understand

Those who speak too fast

But sighing, 'I can't speak one word,'

Is in your long lost past."

You stare excitedly with me

Look in the same direction

On hearing, "Look, you look it up!"

Fun spreads like an infection

And if you are not understood

And you do not know why

At least in 12 languages

You quickly say goodbye.

I cannot teach you many words

I won't confuse with thirty

Just adios, and hej hej

Au revoir, arrivaderci.

-ends-

The last verse last two lines say goodby in Spanish, Danish, Swedish and Norwegian, French, and Italian.

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The poem title contains the word dia, Spanish for day, a pun on the English word dear, addressing the reader as dear, which sounds the same. Hear and dear rhyme, which is a clue. Dia is actually di-a, but near enough.

Comic and tragic sound the same. Strictly speaking, 

That Fox, Comic poem 365 by Angela Lansbury

Family of foxes in a garden in London, England, UK. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 I thought our fox had gone away

And did not like a rainy day

But it raced in, hole in the fence

And stopped, in case it caused offence

The vixen ran the other way

From left to right, it made our day

Two foxes, oh what excitement

That diversion made us content

'though I watch when in the garden

'Sorry fox, I beg your pardon,'

I won't intrude on its domain

Unless it certainly will rain

We used to guard treasured apples

We installed a high gate with locks

But nought deters low-life squatters

That litter-spreading married fox.

-ends-.

Holey Clothes - cross with moths, comic poem number 364 by Angela Lansbury

 Holey, holey, holey, shame

My green silk vest is full of holes

It looks just like my garden

Dug up by voles or moles

I'll have to go on Amazon

And buy moth repellent pills

I'm feeling very ill

I hope those moths will soon feel ill

Meanwhile I pop clothes in the freezer

Hope my husband never knows

Why the freezer has no food

'cos it's filled up with clothes

I'll spend hours sewing up the holes

And hope no-one can tell

So I can wear my clothes

With such holes I cannot sell

Are they carpet moths or clothes moths?

I really do not care

I'll eliminate all of them 

Be really glad when both aren't there

Photo by Angela Lansbury

Moths may look cute like butterflies

But I'm a simple soul

Let them go to heaven elsewhere

And take with them their holes.

-ends-

How to tell the difference between carpet and clothes moths.

https://www.xterminate.co.uk/flying-insects/clothes-carpet-moths

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