Hidden Words Revealed

 Words should always reveal

But they sometimes conceal

Now I have forgootten

The meanig I'd hidden

Now I must convess that

I'm in such distress that

If you have clearly seen

what you think that I mean

There are messages you must not send

And loan words which you must not lend

Like in French saying Le Weekend

In case you offend all your friends

You know more than the poet

If that's so you should show it

By writing down new words

To show what you just heard

With some innuendo

To rise to crescendo

There are some things you should

Other which I don't want to know

Your problems with your mental health

I wish you'd keep them to yourself

And if you want to change your sex

And leave your poor parents perplexed

Or change your country or your faith

I'm glad that' I'm not in your place

Words keep changing and so we try

To make our elders wonderi why

The British gay, American guy

And God be with you's now goodbye

I used to worry about Bombay

It's now Mumbia, Beijing, Peking

Constaniple, Instnbul, I don't want to look a feel

Is using AI really cheating?

I still get cross about fewer and less

When foreign students make a mess

Don't call them foreign, or he or she

I wonder what the've calling me?

What can I send the birthday boy

To not give anger, only joy

Once pink for boys, but now it's blue

Not flip flops, thongs, nor brand name shoes

I won't send poems, only floers

But they bothered me for hours

Eigh's lucky, you must avoid four

Wait, even numbers, there's lots more

Some like even, others odd numbers

Like four letter words, make grammar blunders

Red means we're lovers, lllies for the dead

Was it something that I said?

Mustn't say you're thinner or fatter

Shrug it off, spelling doesn't matter

Take out commas, they confuse

Plurals have a lot to lose

There's Thai silk, and faux leather

Sometimes I wonder whether

My pre-loved, worn once clothes were ever loved

By triplets below or someone above

Don't leave yourself or your  reader disayed

By word games which we all have played

Frankly, I've had enough trouble today

Reading the label on my marmalade.

-ends-

Someone above I originally meant one God, but the meaning could be you have inherited never worn clothes fro the clearance f the house of someone who died.

One Word - love comic poem 411 by Angela Lansbury

Happy Birthday plate at restaurant. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

I've just one word

Which I'll repeat

At home, in bed

And in the street

When I'm moody

Look black as coal

You make me whole

You lift my soul

Sometimes you ask

What's here for me?

If you feel sad

I'll set you free

But I am sure

That's you'll soon see

That I love you

And you love me

When I'm moody

And black as coal

You make me whole

You lift my soul

That's why you are

My better half

When I am cross

You make me laugh

You've just one word

Which you repeat

At home, in bed

And in the street.

What is that word

Like sun above

A simple word

That word is love.

-ends-

I watched the Eurovision contest. They brought back three members of once winners ABBA. THye have a one word name.  Easy to type and say. Their hits were easy to sing along to and remember. One or two word ditles. Waterloo. Dancing Queen. Positive, triumphant messages.

How Many Readers have I got? comic poem 410 by Angela Lansbury

Angela, Project evaluator at a meeting of a Toastmasssters International Club. Photograph by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 

How many readers have I got?

Less than fifty, that's not a lot 

Oops, oh no, less should be fewer

I'm a re-reader, re-doer

Charlotte Bronte wrote just four books

She wan't known for her good looks

I've written more, how well I've done!

Though my best book counts buyers - none

Was it the book price or the size?

Was I too shy to publicize?

But I won't worry, nor be perplexed

When one book's done - on to the next!

Anne Frank's hidden diary, later unfurled

Now one of the best-sellers in the world

If you read this, what must I do?

Be proud of one reader, thank you.

-end-

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What I have I done today comic poem 409 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury, timer at a meeting of a Toastmasters International speakers' club. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

What have I done today?

I got up and washed - and dressed!

I have not done a lot

But I have done my best

What have I done today

I had a good night's rest

I got up in dalight

I took my pill, passed today's first test

-ends-

Inspired by Welsh-born poet Davis, who wrote 

What is life if full of care

One has no time to stand and stare.

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Revenge Against Lost Socks comic poem 408 by Angela Lansbury

Matching socks. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 Each day the mystery unlocks

The secret revenge of the socks

Like truants playing hide and seek

I search and gloat, Found! made my week!

I once had an unmatched socks box

Hidden from husband, under locks

One found when I at last washed sheets

Perhaps kicked off from hot night feet

Folded up pairs made my shelves neat

A dating sock, would like to meet\\

One with a hole was used to dust

I'll darn that hole, looks new  - I trust

Where were they lost? Where are they found?

I checked the floor, proudly lsoked round

Behind the basin, bedhead, floor

Behind the door,, the radiator!

Some fell behind a washing machine

Are socks victims, or are they mean?

Last night I found a pair - put back!

Daylight showed  navy with black!

One discarded - it had a hole

Now I darn holes, to save their soul

Yes soles, some are designed with pads

Pretending they are shoes, quite mad

To balance out my lost sock counts

Which hop and leap in large amounts

Today I have some feel good news

I found a lost sock in my shoes

I celebrate this single match

Which helps clear up the lost sock patch

And I've made order in my mess

Whe one small joyful sock success

The question is, that pefect pair,

Is it something I dare to wear?

Should I save it for tomrrow

Warding off a Thursday sorrow?

Let tomorrow pay its own way

I'll say it once and have my say

I celebrate joyful today

I wear a matching pair, hurray!

By catching a pair in that box

A treasure hunt of lost-found socks.

To help you, too, face today's knocks

Good news, I've paired my pair of socks.

-ends-

How do you edit a poem? I go back and count syllables. Classic ballads alternate laaaaaaangths, such as eight and seven or seven then six syllables, or six and five or five and four and so on. 

 It's often easier to add, making all up to eight syllables if you have just one odd line

But somtimes cutting is easy.

. For example, I changed I used to have wich is four syllables to I once had and it is back to three.

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Sleep, sleep, comic poem number 407 by Angela Lansbury

 

Red duvet cover. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Sleep, sleep, sleep, yes, I need deep sleep

I won't waste time on counting sheep

I wake up when the birds go tweet

I haven't slept a wink all week\

Imagine birds sleep in their next

no, hey will not let me rest

On greeting cards birds look so sweet

In real life small beaks

Until at last I drop in slumber

Would not wake to the loudest thunder

Daylight shoves my lids asunnder

I stare at the clock in wonder

What's the time, don't dare to peep

So long as I turn off the light

I might make it rhough the night

Exercise on an invisible bike

Imagine it's a tiring hike

Stick my toes up in the air

Upside down chair if you like

Biking on a trip to nowhere

Shut my eyes, hum a hymn

What I need is a deep sleep

Don't need an expensive gym to thin

Sleep is healthy, sleep is cheap

Whilst I'm lying in the bed

write a poem in my head

Songs are short, poems are long

More money per word from a song.

I haven' slept a wink all week

I dinot waste time counting sheep

Don't complain it's the same refraing

It's a chorus coming round again.

-ends-

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A number of thoughts on numbers, comic poem 406 by Angela Lansbury

 

Do numbers like birthdays matter?

Yes, dear, you know, of course, they do

Being a two year old toddler

Is not like reaching ninety- two

My neighbour Alice is nearly ninety-five

I'm glad but shocked she's still alive

A happy soul, who knows no fear

She's outlived seven neighbours here

Ignoring newspapers and gloom

She travels, with eyes, round the room

Avoiding talk of bills and wills

No visitors, no sharing ills

But daughter in the USA

Watches her on Zoom every day

I have thought long and very hard

Should we send early birthday cards?

-ends-

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Good and evil comic poem 405 by Angela Lansbury

Every day I look out and I find

Evil outside, contrasts good in my mind

Sometimes I don't have lots of news to say

But I like to have my say anyway.

-ends-

Lookout and megaphone from Wiki.

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Sleep, deep sleep, comic poem no 404 by Angela Lansbury

 

Where do you fly to when you're asleep?

Up in blue sky or down in dark deep?

I don't go far, though I've seen the world

Guess where I'm hiding? Under sheets, curled

My eyes are there, resting under lids

My head, like a rock, holds the pillow

My legs, solid tree trunks, lift, shape sheets

Gentle lungs pump, like leaking bellows

My mind's busy sorting out the trash

Inventing movies with silly plots

You can see where I am, still in bed

Have I gone elsewhere? No I have not!

Although my two eyes aren't open wide

I''m gently breathing, pumping red blood

I promise you, there's action inside

Fighting the flu, doing unseen good.

When I wake up, I forget daft dreams

By nine I've had breakfast, smug - washed, dressed

Mind's clean, ready for sensible schemes

Refreshed by rest for doing my best 

I was not away during the night

You could wake me up with noise or light

Alarmed or annoyed after that fright

Then happy, ready to greet sunlight.

In dreams, packed old nonsense, dried out tears

Fondly surveyed photos of past years

I've sorted recent and distant fears

Found stores of smiles, for you. darling dears.

-end-

Photos from Wikipedia article on sleep. Sleeping Girl, Domenico Fetti, c. 1615,

Sleeping Girl, Domenico Fetti, c. 1615

Hours of sleep recommended for each age group^[91]

Age and condition Sleep needs Newborns (0–3 months)14 to 17 hours 

Infants (4–11 months)12 to 15 hours

Toddlers (1–2 years)11 to 14 hours

Preschoolers (3–4 years)10 to 13 hours

School-age children (5–12 years)    9 to 11 hours

Teenagers (13–17 years)8 to 10 hours

Adults (18–64 years)7 to 9 hours

Older Adults (65 years and over)7 to 8 hours

\

In the poem 404 I considered changing one line to

I promise quiet action inside.

When I revise my poems's first draft, or re-read it for typos, sometimes I think of another alliteration to add.

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Italian Food comic poem number 403 by Angela Lansbury

The Italian Trade agency

Set up a central London show

To help its businesses to grow

Sell food and drink we ought to know 

New or well-known in Italy

Looking for wider distribution

Wrote, 'writers,, taste a flight of wine

Register, sign up,' so we signed

Not for the public just the trade

Hoping useful contacts are made

Hoping that some entrepreurs are able

To supply supermarkets and  hotel tables

I'm almost expert, proud to know

Asti, Prosecco, Lambrusco

Eat spagetti, canneloni

Pollo sorpreso - Chianti!

Yesterday's new Italian food

Still on my mind, I'm in the mood

To tell you what I found so good

I'm sure promoters think I should

Events get full, we've often heard

So keen to be the early birds

We got up early, all was fine

Traffic delays - we'd cut it fine

Keen to claim seats, we took the bait

We ran and rushed, our train was late

But luckily, in southern climes

Italians start 'Italian time'

The same is said of 'Polish time', 

And 'Arab time', and 'Jewish time'

Common excuse, so never mind

When nearly late, that suits us fiue

-ends-

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Food and Drink - what I think comic poem 402 by Angela Lansbury

A show which offers food and drink

Promises to be fun and good

You'll guess, like you, I'd not not say no

To fine food and free drink free flow

\

Favourite foods from Italy

Panettone, sure to please

Huge green olives, salami

First the chocolates, then the cheese

.....

Too soon, reluctantly, we go

Shared a hailed taxi from the show

For we'd more, serious, tasting to do

Valpolicella at London Cru

Sat there, I sampled several wines

Don't fall down on the floor, I pray

I sipped and spit in the spitoon

After, food, and sparkling rosé\

That day I'd sipped, spit, forty drinks

Smiled when they asked, "What do you think?'

The trouble was, my first thought,

Was what I need now's forty winks.

-ends-

Photo of London Vru, By Angela Lansbury.

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Am I alone? Comic poem 401

 Some people want a partner

Some people need a friend

A baby, or a cat, or dog

Fill days with waves from start to end

Am I alone when I'm at home?

No, I can play the radio

Listen to angry wartime talk

I'd rather go out for a walk

I could waste several precious hours

Talking to dumb trees and flowers

Watching other people's dogs

Leap about like frenzied frogs

On second thoughts I'll stay at home

Because mealtimes I'm not alone

I can hear fifty-year-old songs

While husband lists what I've done wrong

I could have a vaccination

Save myself and half the nation

Check a statement from the bank

See how interest rates rank

I've had a stretch and had a yawn

Checked how many more are born

Rehearsed what I'm going to say

Recalled delights of yesterday

I sat in buzzy restaurant crowd

Where other people laughed so loud

Sheltered from the cold and rain

Until wine tasters meet again

Heard one strident woman's voice

Tell joys and woes, I had no choice

Moved for a group's reservation

Friends flooded in from the station

Too much food and too much wine

But I had such a good time

Afterwards, had a long, good sleep

Refreshed, check who I must meet

Home and alone, out and aboout

Silent, clock ticks, people shout

Cars are humming, friends are coming

Ears like fridge hum, boiler drumming

Tap drips, stops like wary mouse

Zinging all around the house

Books to tidy, lots to do

I've washed dishes, how about you?

Fill the glass, mow the grass

Watch the children trotting past

Take a walk or sit and talk

Listen - you just have to ask!

Feed the birds with apple trees

Pretty flowers feed the bees

Read how fussy orchids are

Put some petrol in the car

I make the bed, dust the bedhead

Clear an abandoned spider's web

In my clean, cockroach-free home

Sometimes it's good to be alone!

Drink some water, think of laughter

Daughter-in-law, or daughter

Make sure every table's clear

Ready, welcome, phone friends, "Come here!"

-ends-

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Teeth, Teeth comic poem 400 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

My teeth are what you see above

But teeth all have an underneath

Like icebergs, hidden, out of sight

Supporting, or destroying teeth

I hate to have a gaping hole

It makes a hole inside my soul

A nightmare, like a piece of coal

Waiting for fire, to give me grief

The dentist like a fearsome devil

With drills and bills, wholly evil

But I hope I can find a saint

To seal my teeth with sealant paint

To end my woes, in a short while

Either bring tears, or a big smile

And send me home with dancing shoes

Rest like mangy fox in calm snooze

Mangy fox snoozing on lawn in back garden, Hatch End, London, UK, April 2024. Photo by Angela Lansbury Copyright

Hygienists booked April til October

Can't even give me a look over

Fearing appointments will be missed

I settle for the waiting list

A new hygienist I could choose

To end my anxious eating blues

Like a glass of wine, beer or booze -

I hope my dentist gives good news.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems and posts on my blogs.

my other blogs are

travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

You can link to me on LinkedIn or Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest

Or talk to me at a Toastmasters International Club such as

Harrovians in London which is hybrid, online once a month, or

Singapore Online Dynamic Fridays, and LILT multilingual language club online on Sundays.

My books are on Lulu.com and Amazon.com I have ten books by mainstream publishers, such as Wedding Speeches & Toasts. My collections of poems with instructions on how you can write in similar styles include Writing Poetry For Fun and Poetry Workbook.

More recently I have self published Improve Your English with alliteration, assonance and rhyme. I have contributed poems and pieces on writing to Writing & Us, edited by Carolyn Street, which is on Amazon books.

How To Set Life In Order comic poem 399 by Angela Lansbury

 

Order in clear kitchen drawers. All in order. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

What have you done today?

Did you get enough rest?

Did you get up, clean teeth

Wash, get suitably dressed?

Did you eat your breakfast?

Clear old dishes away?

Up at five? Seven? Ten?

A good start to your day?

Is your desk clean and clear?

Have you planned your whole year

Have you done quite enough

To nod proudly, my dear?

Have you eaten five fruits

Ignored tempting toffee?

Marked no alcohol days

Counted cups of coffee?

Order in clear kitchen. Drawers. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Have you thrown out rubbish

Checked what says recycle?

Shared rides with passengers?

Tried to walk more? And cycle?

If you got up early

Confident and well dressed

Please call, encourage me

Help me sort out my mess.

Behind the kitchen door. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

-end-

PS

I hope you're feeling fine

Dine in sunshine like mine

You have spare time, so please be kind

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...

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Birthday Numbers comic poem 398 by Angela Lansbury

Birthday present. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

 When all's said and done 

It isn't much fun

Being aged one

Nor a hundred and one

Can you remember when

You were just ten

Do you think about it

Just now and then?

However, there's plenty

To say about twenty

Twenty-one, life's ahead

Lots of bread, lots of bed

And thirty's not bad

There's more fun to be had

Baby, maybe, even forty

You can be quite naughty

I've seen some at fifty

Still agile and nifty

And if they're not rich

They're expertly thrifty

And as for sixty, and seventy,

I'm sorry to say

As strength fades away

Much to say, do and pray

And when you are eighty

It's your right to retire

But the tax man demands

Work, forms, 'til you expire

Please don't ask me my age

I reached secretive stage

When I don't tell my wage

I've said, done, enough, filling this page.

-ends-

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Magic words, comic poem 397 tby Angela Lansbury

Red tulip, which I mis-labelled poppy, from a London garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright

I''m learning 24 languages, want to be a polyglot

Learned a lot, sounds impressive I know, 

I learned a hundred words each time

But forgot how to say goodbye and hello

If only a terrifying politician in a far off land

Would listen to modest me, and my plea

I would gladly write, then shake his hand

And exxplain how we could all be friendly 

Words, right words, causing action, are practical 

Words which create enthusiasm are magical

I need enough words to fill a blank page

But the first jangled, tangle fills me with rage

The trouble is counting syllables takes so much time

How much easier to be satsfied with rhyme

You need to pay attention to rhythm

Establish the pattern at the beginning

Words can start a war, words can be threats, 

Words can be ambiguous, words can place bets

Words can perfect, words can end and leave lasting peace

We are not there yet, but we've vain hope, started at least.

The world's big place, of pretty flowwers and tragic muddles

In the long run we make a cup of coffee and all decease

So I make a modest, happy magic puddle

In a confused plea for rhythm, rhyme and peace.

-ends-

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What every chiild should know, comic poem by Angela Lansbury 396

 

Kiddie travel toilet. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

What a three year old should know

If you feel the need to go

Find the toilet in a rush ...

knickers up, then you flush

What a ten year old should know

Do not touch another's things

Yes, go with the flow, not with

Another's pens, computers, rings

What's yours is yours, 

What's theirs is theirs

Don't play pranks 

Nor pull out chairs

Respect the flag of every nation

Check change when buying and selling

Learn correc pronunciation

Watch for typos and correct spelling

Don't hit others, don't hair pull

Don't push, don't make faces

Don't call names, act the fool

Act like adults, wear hats in all places

Be kind to the deaf and blind

Don't seek revenge, seek to be friends 

Say 'sorry', Shrug ,'I don't mind'

That's better for you both in the end

What's your aim, what's your mission

Don't wound nor end up wounded, 

Nor spend your years in prison

Stay grounded, by joy surrounded

In school you make friends for life

Guard school's and your own reputation

Find a business partner, wife

Be a credit to your nation.

Don't take candy from a stranger

Always be aware of danger

Don't pick up dead creatures, pet or kick strange dogs

Don't drop rocks, dive off cliffs, nor roll logs.

Don't drive cars when under age

Do not drive too far too fast

You're still at the learning stage

You have a life, make it last

Don't lure soldiers or police

Don't throw sticks, stones, bullets at them

Keep away, survive the day

Toys not guns. Please say amen.

Be proud of your uniform

Check which clothes should be worn

Check times and dates, have all things planned

Find out what's permitted, and what's banned

Note the time and plan your day

Eat and sleep at the right times

Before bed, put your toys away

Beknown for good deeds, not for crimes

Silly games can end in murder

Don't take risks, take the stairs

Life is hard, just try harder.

Stand on ladders not on chairs

Keep books on the shelves, 

Not on the floors

Make the bed early

Don't block the doors 

Everybody has a choice

You can be a saint or sinner

Be good, build, make the whole world proud

Then go safely home to dinner.

ends-

Dress, Dress, comic poem 395 by Angela Lasnbury

Delightful dress

Relieves distress

On my birthday

I looked my best

On other days

I sometimes don't dress

'til just before lunch

I shouldn't confess

Took an hour to prepare

More or less

Keep re-using this picture, 

I shall confess

I practise dressing

Every day

And learned to do it

Many ways

Dressed like a girl

Not like a boy

Not like a robot

But like a toy

Overdressed for work

Undressed for play

Dressed up for night

Dressed down for day

Dress to impress

Dress your best

Hurry up

You look a mess

Dress, fine dress

Toes up to chest

For east or west

Like mother bird in her nest

Dress, dress

I confess

I am half dressed

More or less

Dress foa party

A celebration

A religion

Or a nation

A policeman

Or a nurse

Bandages

Or something worse

Dress as a fairy

Or a witch

Or a dog

Or a bitch

Hire an outfit

Make your own

Split the seams

Lightly sewn

Wear a uniform

Attracting scorn

Attraction pride

Morning suit for a ride

Lots of pockets

Where I hide

Hankies and tampax

Deep inside

Crown it all

With a grand hat

Wear smart shoes

Left on the mat

In the drawers

In a box

Out of season

Winter socks

Clothes for a girl

Clothes for a boy

Dress as you like

More to enjoy.

-ends-

Written Thursday 4th April 2024. Revised Friday 5th 2024. Some people might like the short, snappy first draft of the poem of the day. 

The second version might improve the rhythm, or develop a philosophy, or link one verse with the next or amplify the theme or remove irrelevancies which were stuck in to make a rhyme, when a new, better idea occurs to me later.

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Who Needs Another Name? Comic poem 394 by Angela Lansbury

An Indian said, 'I have one name

And all my tribe are just the same

Why do I need a second name?'

Aghast, I hurried to explain

I've researched and it seems to me

One name reflects your pedigree

The other your personality

Or what your family want it to be.

Wiki picture of twins

I think a dog needs just one name

But if you add the family name

On it's dog collar, or a picture frame

Is lost and found just the same?

I really don't know how to begin

How would you name, if you had twins?

Like the Chinese, call them one and two

Number one son? Yes that would do.

We like to add a family name

When a child is lost at the airport

We can call the name of the mother

That is just my first, and second thought

Historically they passed a law

To change from one name as before

So they could tax, count folks, find more

No second, same name, on the door

A million Mohammeds, a million Patels

Would cause lots of confusion

And lots of Mister Wongs in Hong Kong

Checking passports, no conclusion

In the modern world you see

You need two names, don't you agree

Don't end up all confused, like me

But have your own identity

But you will have a better life

If husband shares a name with wife

A proud family, share a name

Children and parents, just the same

Then strangers say, I knew your mother

I know your father

I've met you brother

Was she your sister? How we've missed her!

And if you do not like your name

Or want to escape your reputation

You have a second name to use

Did you like my explanation?

Did I fulfil your expectation?

A second name reveals your nation

You can copy the name of a film star

Add another name, you'll go far.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury 27 March Wed 2024

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Any other name? Comic poem no 393 by Angela Lansbury

Chocolate at Luton airport. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 Chocolate by another name

I wonder would it taste the same?

Excreta by another name

I wonder, would it smell the same?

Yet Marilyn, they changed her name

Madonna, would she sell the same?

The PR team, are they to blame?

New married name? What a shame 

Don't judge a book by its cover

Cover designer, send another

Interior design, why bother? 

A birthday suit to suit your lover

A poem by another name

Would it attract more

Or just the same?

How long can we play this game?

Sometimes it's right, sometimes its wrong

Sometimes the singer sells the song

Sometimes it yo-yos, yeah, ding dong

Arctic? Nirvana? Or Hong Kong?

Can you renew a famed dictator?

Who's the manager, who's the waiter?

Would my name change change my fate? Or

Should I wait? And change it - later!.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbur. Wed 27 March 2024.

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The Gift Of the Gab Comic poem 392 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury dressed in Polish flag colours, with tablemat of world flags. Photo copyright Angela Lansbury.

 Which gift would I like to have?

Please give me the gift of the gab

Or tell me that I don't need it

It's something I already have!

I can say hallo in English

Greet Americans with hi

Say ni hao in Mandarin

Add Dutch and Polish? Before I die

I'm struggling along with Korean

Not yet tackled Vietnamese 

My bonjour and wilkommen flow fine

Danke's German for thanks, but what is please?

Easy words I already know

Very few, but quite a few

And the Spanish Ola is English hello

I still have quite a lot to do

I'm adding new words every day

To lists which I already have

At first it was work - but now it's play!

I'm giving myself the gift of the gab.

-ends-

Birthday Girl & Boy, To The Restaurant comic poem 391 by Angela Lansbury

This weekend I'm the birthday girl

You should indulge my every whim

Next weekend is our son's birthday

When that weekend revovles round him

I have a hair band for my hair

A tee-shirt with balloons to wear

A badge which shouts, they've let me out

So everyone knows I'm about

I mentioned birthday, when booking

Will they bring a lighted candle?

May I bring in a huge balloon

Or is that too much to handle?

I'll fuss about where I am sat

Will you dim lights and then march in?

Loan me a  funny birthday hat?

Videos are ads, big win-win!

I'm wondering what I should bring

My phone will play happy birthday

Should my group sing, or will you sing?

A gift photo would make my day

They used to give free birthday cake

But nowdays we get one slice

Caterers save lots of money

If in the price, less fat is nice.

My name in chocolate on the plate

Whisper and give the host a wink

And free chocolates, that would be great

And free Champagne, or nightcap drink

Well, if you just leave us alone

I promise I shall not complain

I've chocolates and drink at home

But don't expect me back again.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Little Birds Tweeting Greeting comic poem 390 by Angela Lansbury

A little birdy boy is tweeing

Not saying, 'Boy,  I am annoyed,'

No, it's, 'I'm here, happy greeting

Listen to me talking, tweeting!'

What he means I'll never know

Is it, 'Come here,' or, 'Let\'s go'

My ear hears what he has to show

So I'm going with the flow

I do not hear him the next hour

The silver birch his ivory tower

He hides inside soe garden bower

One sweet son'g enough to empower

 His voice stays higher, never lower

Like me singing in the shower

Always faster never slower

Maybe the dear cat makes him cower

But despite the joy I heard

In my garden not one bird

Leaves, green grass, yellow flowers

I could sit and stare  for hours

But something outside isn't right

Litter strewn throughout the night

In the garden playful foxes

Tore apart discarded boxes

Out I rush, sweep, pick it up

Drop it in a litter bin

I'm not glum, job is done

Fox is out, litter is in

Fox ran off, bird flew away

Now it's time to start my day

I have wasted hours and hours

First pick litter, then pick flower

One must do whatever needs -

Cut dead branches overhead

Cut back roots and pull out weeds

Now a neater flower bed

What a day, a lovely start

Vase of flowers lights my heart

Birds and foxes, beg your pardon

It's my turn to own my garden.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury. Copying a couplet with acknoledgement to the author is fair use. But if you would like to share the entire poem please share the link back to this post. Thank you.

Also see poem 383.

I have books on writing poetry on Lulu.com and Amazon.co.uk

Dressed For Four Funerals And The Body In The Coffin

 

I went to four funeral teas

The living, not the dead, to see

The only good thing I could think

Not say, at least not you, and wasn't me.

Find the right cemetery

The children's  house - what could go wrong

For the album you must write a story

From their life, or the title of a song

The first was double funeral prayers 

For A mother and a son

Three roads which all had the same name

The other son: So glad you came

The second one was cremation

They spoke of his good deeds

Magician's broke a magic wand

Hotel cream tea, forget me not seeds

The third for a jolly, old friend

As students, we met so long ago

From childne I'm now glad to know

I'm glad to hear his voiee on video

The fourth had died overseas

I was asked to read a prayer

Although I'd never met her

Family were glad I was there

And now what do I read

That mourners up in Hull

Made jewellery from wrong ashes

Kissed empty coffins as well

Maybe we should go back

To open coffins like Victorians

And photograph us beside them

To glory them in memorium

Cremation means no floating germs

No headstones, instead plant a rose or apple tree

When my time comes I won't be here

Nor near, to worry what you do with me

Royals have a rule when they pack

Always travel with an outfit that's black

The rest are colours when going away

No funerals, wear colours today

If I wear both black and white

I/m ready for both day and night

Am I in the perfect dress

What dress code? I'm in my best

In Eastern lands white's not allowed

White's for the dead dressed in a shroud

Unless told otherwise, I think

You wear black, not luminous pink

While we're all here together

Celebrate what comes our way

Maybe that's why I'm wasting your money

Spending on my cake saying happy birthday.

-ends-

Useful Websites

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13190037/widow-husbands-ashes-jewellery-police-funeral-home-freezer.html

Please share links to your favourite poems in this comic poetry blog.

Photo of Angela in black and white. Photo by Trevor Sharot

From A Loved One In Heaven comic poem 387 by Angela Lansbury Postscript Poem 388

 Sometimes I feel sad that I've lost my love

But I hear  them laughing up above

They say: I'm getting bored up here

So I thought I'd wave to you, my dear,

I've seen the world from high in the sky

I've seen the planets, clouds and snow

I've said hello to friends that I know

Pharoahs, Elvises and Hitlers all smiled hello

I thought I'd send you a butterfly

A ladybird and a falling leaf

It isn't much but a little sign

For those with lots or a little belief

Escaping from the winter chills

Are gardens full of daffodils

To help climb mountains of Wills and bills

Flowers cure ills with signs of goodwill

Just a little something to bring relief

I'm getting bored up here alone

Far from the loved ones so long known

I hope you've seen the signs I've shown

I know you'll join me before too long

Meanwhile for the others please stay strong

Water the plants and try to get along

Think, a lifetime of love, sing a favourite song.

Please stop doubting, please stop shouting

Up here at last I have found peace

I shake my head and tut at arguments beneath

I don't need towers, flowers or a wreath 

Just keep busy down below

Dusting the dust, or shovelling up soft snow

Think of me smiling up above

Like a hand in a glove, a liftime of love.

When an hour has passed

When a day has passed

When a week, then a year

You'll find peace at last

After the funeral

Don't dwell on what's gone

The world like the traffic is moving on

Enjoy a steak, a lettuce leaf or scone

It's no use asking me to come back

Friends and family can give what you lack

You put away the white and the black

Drink some water, have a small snack

Smile at the memory

Of when we were together

I'm smiling from above

In every kind of weather.

-ends-

Postcript Poem 388

Writing poetry does speed up 

when you stop running gthough the alphabet

 trying to find rhymes 

and instead just google 'rhymes with' 

and the ending of the word on the last line

All of a sudden the poem is done

And you keep writing rhymes, not intended

Like this one..

Please share links to your favourite poems on thse blog posts.

Another Mother's Day in the USA is on the second Sunday in May.

PS Does the spelling of daffodill defeat you. Two (effing) effs and one of everything else.

Ladybird in the US ladybug.

Photo of Angela Lansbury, travel writer and author of 20 books, with daffodils. Selfie taken in March 2024. Copyright.

Hey, Another Mother's Day comic poem 386

  Hey hey! What did they say?

Today's another Mother's Day!

But every day's a mother's day

And a great, grandmother's day

I'll be babysitting today

Lots of laughs will come my way

For two-year-olds, every day

Is mother's and grandmother's day.

We've one day for those in the UK

Another day in the USA

I don't mind, that's very nice

I get to celebrate myself twice.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury 2024 Sunday March 10h 2024.

NB mother's day in the UK and USA are different days. 

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Speaking Contest comic poem 385 by Angela Lansbury

To keep energy in my head

I dressed myself in vibrant red.

Enter contest and speak on Zoom

Like open mike, must read the room

Turn each page, still earn a wage

At my age, still on the stage

Looking for my inspiration

From the landscape or the nation

Seeking twisting in the plot

Finding fun where there's a knot

Interviewed in the interval

How do deal with glass half full?

Some you win and some you lose

Dressed in colours like a cruise

In Zoom waiting rooms, blind as a bat

Beaten by a poet reciting rap

Write my life, tell my story

Interviewed, give myself glory

Avoid  all fiction and faction

End with a clear call to action

Do what all good speakers do

End with smiles and nods to you

Another stop in life's station

Certificate of participation

Even though I did not win

Inspired to rewrite, must begin

But I won a little win

Presented with a Pathway pin

Lots to learn from speech winner

Feel much better after dinner.

Shrugging at the passing time

Eating chocolate, sipping wine

Lastly, before I go to bed

Remember what Napoleon said

He spoke of delights of Champagne

A thought which I'll repeat again

'In victoty you deserve it,' I concede it

'But in defeat, you need it..'

This fond Gran does not back pedal

When three -year-olds all get a medal

My spouse says, 'They must choose

You can't all always win! Be prepared to lose!'

ex

For little children, women and men

Lose, then prepare to run again

Winning is not out of reach

I'm already writing .my next speech

Don't be sadder, just be gladder

One step up the success ladder.

-ends-

I was in the Division L International Evaluation Contest, Saturday March 9th 2024, one of 8 contestants, not placed in the top three. I had previously won at club level, came third at area level, but was a last minute entrant at the third level, Division level, when the person ahead of me had to drop out.

Photo 

 Angela Lansbury wearing red, smiling after losing the speech evaluation contest. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

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Colours Collected So Cute comic poem 384 by Angela Lansbury

Purple and Ginger

Colours, colours, what shall I wear?

Glam purple dress - to match my hair

Ginger - fox with mange sheds red hair

I have mixed thoughts I'd like to share

Brown

Brown is the colour of good earth

Tarnished copper coins of low worth

Something someone left in toilets

Recall tastes of fine chocolates

 (Work in progress saved for security. More verses being added in sequence.)

Red

Bright red, blood red, ripe strawberries!

Red means good luck to the Chinese!

Red's revealed in blood orange knife

Red means death - but also means life

Orange

Dark marmalade, juicy orange

Mandarins, for Chinese New Year

Cut and make a mess everywhere

Paper towel - wish you were here

Yellow

Yellow as sun when day's begun

Yellow as sunflower, Van Gogh

Yellow butter makes you fatter

Cheese, too, today doesn't matter

Green

Green as grass and joyful spring leaves

Green as shading leaves on summer trees

Green mint tea, and healthy green tea

St Patrick's, buy rounds - hats are free!

Blue

Pale powder blue, dark navy blue

Turquoise, calm blue but growth of green

Blue as the sea, blue as the sky

I've learned why but still wonder why

Black

Jet black hair, evening wear

Little black dress, black as night

Black for mourning in the morning

Not for weddings, please get that right

Grey

Pale grey hair not bad as you think

Goes with pale blue, and with pale pink

Charcoal grey goes with all colours

Better with some than the others

Pink

Red army uniforms fade pink

Pink was for boys they used to think

Nowadays a young pink princess

Likes to wear a pretty pink dress

Indigo

Indigo, oh, no, I don't know

What colour is called indigo?

Don't buy 'khaki' nor 'indigo'

I learn, and then forget, you know

Rainbow

Rainbows arch high up in the sky

Myths and science will tell you why

Mixed up rainbows are political

Flowers and rainbows - free for all

Gold

White gold, rose gold, every gold

Price high to buy but low when sold

Does not tarnish, wear when swimming

Reward myself for my slimming

Silver

Silver turns black! What should I do?

Rub the ring, it looks good as new

A silver-plated picture frame

Wafer thin! Lacquered, looks the same

White

Wonderful white, bright as daylight

Catching a gleam  like hospital clean

Ending the stumbling in shadowy night

Fridges with food, inviting sight

Yogurt and milk and things of that ilk

Wedding dresses from parachute silk

White carpet shows foodprints which make me cross

Lace tablecloth with holes are no loss.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury Feb22 2024. You may share a line or couplet providing your mention my name as the author. That would be considered fair use when reviewing. If you wish to recall or direct somebody to the whole poem, please share with friends the links to this post and others on this blog.

English Tweeting Bird comic poem number 383 by Angela Lansbury

 I woke up as the light was dawning

Only six o'clock in the morning

In the bathroom I heard tweet tweet

From a tiny bird out in the street

I said, "Hello,' and then a tweet-tweet

I thought he's so cute and really sweet

But probably calling to his friends

Like police summons, it never ends

I told him, if I may be so bold

I know you're lonely out in the cold

I'll interrupt you, beg your pardon

Feel free to fly into my garden

I love to hear your near tweet tweet tweet

But please don't drop poo onto the seat

Nor on the head of people below

Please tell your friends that I told you so

In my bathroom I did my small wee

Some vulgar people call it a pee

I tell my toddler grand-child wee's twee

I hope you'll agree and copy me

I'm in the bathroom by the bath

Looking through the bathroom window

Wash my hands, smile, give a laugh

But what is on the seat below!

The bird has left there something new

It looks just like some white bird poo

I bang the wondow, crossly shout

The tweeter's gone, to rout about

Later I'll go to clean away

The first outside job of the day

And make the garden clean and neat

Then welcome back the birdy's tweet

It's my first job to clean it all

I must be philosophical

I wish the birds good food to eat

To me - yuk -  worms!  To them it's meat

I, too, must eat, through vegans frown

And when my vegan friend's in town

I stick to eating lettuce leaves

Agree with her so she won't grieve

Then when she's gone, I'm like the bird

Just hop about, unthinking nerd

And eat whatever comes to hand

No planned, whatever's in my land

Drink water, say 'thank you,' and 'please'

The water lubricates your knees

I wickedly eat milk and cheese

Like birds go with the flow and breeze

What goes up must come down, white or brown

What goes around will soon come around

Day after day, birds wee but look sweet

They make my day with their tweet, tweet, tweet.

-ends-

Please share with friends the links to your favourite poems on my blogger post via messanger or to Facebook, Twitter (now X), Instagram, Pinterest and LinkedIn.

https://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.com/2024/02/english-tweeting-bird-comic-poem-number.html

Picture of hat for sale on RSPB website.

RSPB is the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds.

https://shopping.rspb.org.uk/gifts-home/clothing-and-outdoor/fashion-accessories/hats/rspb-beanie-2022.html

The colour is rust and the price is 25 pounds sterling. I have a birthday coming up.

Also see poem 400.

For the Sake of Old Time Friends, comic poem 382 by Angela Lansbury

For the sake of our long lost friends

We have' gathered together today

I want to hear news from you all

But first hear what I have to say

Years ago, small, we went to school

Grew, one teenage girl was randy

The boys were always watching her

One of the big boys was handy

Alas, teachers were too trusting

They lacked a basic roll call rule

In a mixed school get mixed up, lost

Facts of life lessons can be cruel

We still can't be sure why she left

Where she hid, holidayed, was sent

Whether the child survived and thrived

What she did later, where she went

We learned a lot of book lessons

Geography and history

Our schooldays were a comedy

A tragedy and mystery

Some questions still are unanswered

We wonder how each story ends

And that is why we gather here

To learn the secrets from old friends

One of them nods, knows a secret

But says,"Yyou must not pass it on

About the people who're long gone

Friends, after all I could be wrong'

Events and faces in my mind

The last names of all, I forget

But one name I remember well

I found him on the internet

He said, 'I can't come to meet you

I'm caring for my frail mother

But I'm still in touch with schoolfriends

I'll link you up with another

That new one led me to one more

I kept on adding, three to four

Then four to five, remarkable

That they're all thriving and alive

So we agreed a month to meet

We fixed a time to eat, mid-day

A half way point, the countryside

Remote, but it was fair, mid-way

When we met at the pub, for great grub,

A guessing game, black hair turned grey

I know the face, forget the name

How did that shy girl reach such fame?

Time to let quarrels be bygones

Now's not the time for raising blame

Now is a good time to lie again

Pretend, 'Old friend - you look the same'

The pub is comfy and cosy

We choose good food but healthy drink

The past we recall was rosy

We don't say the home truths we think

Although now that we're getting old

We're direct, perceptive and bold

We speak warmly, though once were cold

Now fondly embrace all our fold

We never liked uniform dress

We've made mistakes, laugh and confess

We shrug, waiting,  minor distress

We're glad our shared bill's not more, less

'though randy Joe still looks frisky

He's half asleep after whisky

We're no longer bored by the bores

But kindly smile when somebody snores

With laughter and smiles, roll back years

Forget all fears, wipe joyful tears

Goodbye, I hope that when  next year ends

We'll reunite revived old friends.

If stuck in bed, in a bedroom

Then we can meet again on Zoom.

-ends-

I though I would write a revised version of Auld Lang Syne in modern language. However, it turned into a retelling of the delightful reunion in 2003 of my husband's old schoolfriends from a mixed grammar school in London, Viners, in the UK.

Written Tuesday Feb 20th 2023, the first few lines started as I lay in bed in the early hours of the monring. Fortunately I got back to sleep, but was able to re-create the opening and reach a satisfing ending next afternoon. Copyright Angela Lansbury. But please share with friends links to this post.

Photo of a xoom toastmasters meeting reuniting Angela In London with others in Singapore.

 

Couples Coupling To Solve Life's Jigsaw Puzzle, comic poem 381 by Angela Lansbury

 

Wedding palace in Albania, photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

All over the world couples are coupling

Two's better than one, one's better than nothing

Some hide themselves behind a wall

But others want to tell it all

Most times I like your face, body and mind

But once in a while I think I was blind

You wore a smart suit on our wedding day

It went back to the hire shop the very next day

We try to buy wisely, we struggle and sell

We pretend to the world it's all going well

The old folks died and went to heaven

While the youngsters argue in self-made hell

Our moods go up, our moods go down

From so high it hurts when you hit the ground

We fly to the sun, come back to the rain

We save a fortune, spend all, so must save again

Our life is like a song's refrain

It's easier to say the same things again

Your Mum thinks you're better than all the others

We both think our Mum's better than yours and all others

We wish we had more support from sisters and brothers

We seek solace in potential lovers

Then we realise we must compromise

Now we've become fathers and mothers

Like a jigsaw showing all kinds of weather

All the pieces come together.

Some say the whole things follows a plan

Some say each piece is put in by man

Some say rush in and race to the end

Some say take it slowly, team work with a friend

Life starts as a mystery and a muddle

Yet fits together like a jigsaw puzzle

You can wonder why, or smile, or sigh

Just be satisfied you completed life's puzzle.

-ends-

-ends-

Sleepless Secrets comic poem number 380 by Angela Lansbury

Last night i wen to bed

And tossed and turned my head

I couldnt get to sleep

Although I did the usual things

Which internet advice now brings

Like having sex and counting sheep. 

Creaking radiators, spiders on the walls

It's an omen, my computer calls

I thought it best to not waste time

On useles things, although they please

In stead I rose and washed soem clothes

And learned six words of Japanese

You'd think that some kind deity

Would give me a reward

Perhaps I'll get it later

If St Peter keeps a record

I suppose I''ll have to wait

Until I get to heaven

TodayI woke up late

Athough my sleeping hours hit seven

It really isn't good to wake 

At nine, ten or eleven

Now I'm feeling so tired

That I cannot cook an egg

Though I'm very pleased to say

I can still stand on one leg

Although I'm doing some things wrong

I'm getting others right

Although my morning after poem

Has intonation that's erratic

I've piled on lots of rhymes

Built like a wall of wonky bricks

Google sends readers at all hours

To shake their heads at me

There will always be a market

For a poem, if it's free

And if by midnight tonight 

I duly go to bed

I've near twenty-five good years

Until I reach a hundred!

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury Tuesday 13th 2024

i changed cannot boil an egg to cannot cook an egg because I had a picture of another type of egg. I lost the shock value of not even being abe to do the simplest kinds of egg. But I gained Cannot cook which is alliterative.

What's So Funny? Comic poem 379 by Angela Lansbury

 

 Chaplin puppet from Wikipedia on Chaplin.

What do you think is funny?

Is it standing on your head

Now that's a funny phrase

To keep you tossing in your bed

Some jokes give you a fright

Or keep you awake for half the night

As you ponder over puns

If you're the serious one

Now toddlers like a tickle

And toddlers like a giggle

Yet I'd slap tickling friends or stranger

Who protests ladies are fickle 

I don't like wandering hands

 I don't like loud, popped balloons

But I laugh at stranger's English

And an off-key old guy who croons

The secret of good comedy

Is raised eyebrow and the pause

It's all in the delivery

Which gives stand-ups aplause

If you repeat the stories

Which once made others smile

You will start to see a pattern

In a little, or long, while.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems

Less and Few - comic poem 378 by Angela Lansbury

 Someone used less instead of few

Neither they nor anyone else knew

The diff'rence, except, me and you

Out of the whole world only two

That is far too few, far too few

Two is too few, just me and you

We sigh, and cry, we wonder why

What can we do? What should we do?

Most people do not have a clue

If you can count them, there are few

But countless amounts are more or less

What a to do, and so much stress

Nowadays We hear the word like

Both on the bus and at the mike

And actually is scattered like confetti

Literary, not literally literally

You weigh more or less on the scale

Counting amounts, weight turns you pale

But the phrase which causes most distress

I confess, is just more or less.

-ends-

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-ends-

Who am I and who are you? comic poem number 377 by Angela Lansbury

Big Hotel Bedroom, Campanile Hotel, Montpellier, France.

Where am I? In a hotel!

I thought I knew this pillow well

Which city, region? I can't tell

I'm in heaven, or five star hell.

 I woke up puzzled in the dawn

Faced my first question of the morn

The questions is, am I still me?

Am I the person I'd like to be?

Angela Lansbury in the mirror. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

I see my mirror then my face

I look round the familiar place

Yes, everything's where it sould be

I'm glad to see that I'm still me

My soul's not swapped and gone away

I'll stay me all night and day

I'm satisfied with all I see

It's reasssuring I'm still me

I haven't changed my height or hair

Though I can change the clothes I wear

In dreams my mind had wandered free

Now in daylight it's back with me

I'm older than I'd like to be

And shorter than I'd like to be

Not as thin as I'd like to be

Yet, on the whole, I like being me

I'm not in some house down the road

I haven't turned into a toad

And though my troubles are a load

My books show me how much I knowed

And I am glad you're still the same

Although sometimes we forget names

I hope you won't hold me to blame

But you'll be pleased to see I'm me

I've got my marbles, got my brain

Yes, everything still looks the same

No Alzheimer's, no claims of fame

I'm not Napoleon, I'm me

I may not answer very fast

But all mistakes are in the past

Forgive and start again, at last

I'm sure you're glad with what you see

I'm sure you're glad that I'm still me

And almost all I used to be

And you are you, we're stuck like glue

Don't set me free, I'm glad we're we

We are we, and parents, too

When adding up, I'll think of you

And analyse statistically

Count a child, that makes us three..

So all in all, no more to do

Although the night is now a blur

The surroundings are what they were

Let's sleep, or act, not just infer.

As antidote to tragedy

I add a dose of comedy

To sum it up, as you can see

I'm happy to wake up as me.

Now here's a phase which you can say

To keep you happy all the day

I'm happy to wake up as me

I'm very happy to be me!

-ends-

My original version ended I'm vry happy to be me. The first version was a cheery and plebeian affirmation. I have changed that to, I'm happy to wake up as me. It's more orignal. However, if you think the earlier version is easier to say, and a more relevant affirmation to everybody's day, for me and you to keep thinking and repeating to ourselves. Why not add both as a couplet, like a Shakespearean sonnet. 

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So now you see the final version..