Yin and Yang For Every Plan comical poem 802 by Angela Lansbury

 You need yin but also need yang

Yin and yang for every plan

Just as day will follow the night

Watch for wrongs to make things go right

Every project needs risk assess

Even washing then when you dress

Comb your hair, and don't look a mess

Dress your best so you will impress

You need to drink, watch food you eat

The table height, the back of chairs

But give yourself a tiny treat

Exercise, but don't fall down stairs

List good and bad events in reach

Teach troubles in a funny speech

A day when everything goes wrong

Feeds plots for novels or a song

Even if it won't bring you wealth

You cure your health and heal yourself

Although much money has been spent

You're reborn, called resilient.

-ends-

Your troubles make a funny speech

became

Teach troubles in a funny speech

which adds assonance.

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My poetry books on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk and Lulu.com include: Poetry Workbook inspired by teaching haiku and sonnets to pupils needing help with homework and writing groups such as one at Watford; Pets and Pests (bought by an elementary school)

Happy Birthday, comical poem 538 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury's portrait on a birthday cake. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 Happy Birthday! Darling. Happy Birthday!

I bet you know half of what I will say

If you have lived twenty to fifty years

You've outlived half of your friends far and near

If you have lived sixty to eighty eight

It's far too late to be told to lose weight

So, whatever your fate, please never curse

You already know that things could be worse

When you lie awake and worry at night

You know that I'm right - a mosqito bite!

Worse than news you saw, a faraway war

It's worse, that's the truth, losing half a tooth

When you reach ninety to one hundred years

Yesterday's troubles don't move you to tears

Whether good people go or bad ones stay

By ten you're in bed and they're far away

If you should reach a hundred and twenty

You'll have gained and lost friends, you've had plenty

No point in mourning the good who have gone

Smile at four-year-olds' birthdays, life moves on.

Because when you reach a hundred plus years

You've outlived most of the world far and near

But there's one last thing which seems rather nice

Everyone listens to your good advice

The question they'll ask, you always knew it

Is, dear one, tell us, how did you do it?

Don't admit that haven't done all that you should

No-one else was there - make up something good.

-ends-.

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Drink More comic poem 418 by Angela Lansbury

Angela drinking mango lassi. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

 I think I need another drink

The drink I need's not what you think

I need drinks of sparkling water

That's the drink which I need after

I see the room of jollity

Where most are drinking more than me

What kind of company they keep!

That much wine would put me to sleep!

I see groups, serious drinkers

Expert tasters, genned up thnkers

They swirl, take notes and then they spit

Don't look like they like it a bit

But even when I merely sip

Soon no armomas meet my nose

I must admit I wriggle toes\\

Spill water on my shrimking clothes

I see teens full of  loud laughter,

Sharing some jokes, they shout and scream.

Someone says, dear, you've had enough

They're such a killjoy, so it seems

I think I know what I must do

Make a quick dash towards the loo

And then return to drink some more

Some more of what I liked before.

I like a drink full of bubbles

A sparkling wine to pop all troubles

Prosecco, cava or Champagne

Whatever it was, I'll have it again.

-ends-

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My Phone And My Rule

 My Phone 

by Angela Lansbury

You are never alone

With a mobile phone

It's the link between

Yourself and your home

It's like a mother which minds your day

You panic when it goes astray

I might never find it again

My God - have I left it on the train!

I tell my family, "I think I've lost it!"

They snap, "Not again! Empty your pockets!"

No luck. "Then empty out your bag.

Why d'you have two tote bags, like an old hag!

"You do this to us, every time

Why don't you remember where you put it!

I'm not going to help you out again

This time you go back and look for it 

I regret that the whole world would agree

That most of my troubles are caused by me

I make the whole world grumpty and cross

As I lurch through the day with loss after loss

But now I'm a granny so I can teach

And demonstrate, show, tell and preach

"Knot every knot, tie every lace

And make sure each item's in its home place

Don't live you live a crumpled mess

Know your phone number, your hotel's address

List what you packed in your suitcase

So you can win life's potholed race.

-ends-

Written at Swanwick, Writers Summer School.

Tell Me Your Troubles Version 1

Do tell me all of your troubles
Deaths and divorces, don't ask mine
'cos I'll tell then regret it
I say too much, all the time

I'll tell the stranger on the train
Someone I'll never see again
So if they think I'm mad or bad
They won't say so and make me sad

I'll offload sadness and sorrow
To strangers who are gone tomorrow
Who won't still be there to remind me
So I can put it all behind me

But tell me all your troubles
So I can sympathise
I won't pretend I'm a success
No need to tell you polite lies

I won't tell you all my troubles
Revive what I'd rather forget
I don't dare tell uou the whole truth
Sometimes it's better not

Books talk about self-doubt
And the imposture syndrome
Ive come here for a holiday
To escape my problems at home

But I watch the woman confessing all
On stage, in poems, I sympathise
I want to tell you my truth and my lies
And share all with your smiling eyes.
-ends-
Written at Swanwick Writers' Summer School
Angela Lansbury copyright Aug Sunday 25 2019

Tell Me All Your Troubles version 2

Do tell me all of your troubles
Deaths and divorces, don't ask mine
'cos I'll tell then regret it
I say too much, all the time

I'll tell the stranger on the train
Someone I'll never see again
So if they think I'm mad or bad
They won't say so and make me sad

I'll offload sadness and sorrow
To strangers who are gone tomorrow
Who won't still be there to remind me
So I can put it all behind me

But tell me all your troubles
So I can sympathise
I won't pretend I'm a success
No need to tell you polite lies

I won't tell you all my troubles
Revive what I'd rather forget
I don't dare tell you the whole truth
Sometimes it's better not

Books talk about self-doubt
And the imposture syndrome
Ive come here for a holiday
To escape my problems at home

But I watch the woman confessing all
On stage, in poems, I sympathise
I want to tell you my truth and my lies
Unburden, share all with smiling eyes.
-ends-
Written at Swanwick Writers' Summer School
Angela Lansbury copyright Aug Sunday 25 2019