Our Sea Is Deep comical poem 794 by Angela Lansbury

 

Tenerife. Canary Islands. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

The sea is wide, the sea is deep

To me at mid-day silver-blue

How many secrets does it keep?

Colours and moods may change for you

Crashing white waves mean racing surf

For shops and tourists that's good news

I'd rather sit on solid earth

Drink and watch the sea's changing blues

The palm trees flutter in the breeze

The butterflies fly dipping by

Birds with wide wings glide through the sky

My balcony is bird's eye high

The troubled word seems far away

The deep blue sea, the wide blue sky

I'll treasure my last happy day

Fixed in my mind's best mirror eye.

It's not a sea, it's an ocean

Power like a magic potion

It looks like the world's half unfurled

But big Pacific's half the world.

-ends-

I changed grey blue to the more positive silver blue.

Here Is The Barn. Comical Poem Updated From Old Nursery Rhyme 770 By Angela Lansbury

 

Here Is The Barn

Here is old the barn, let's open doors wide,

Let’s all look inside where animals hide. 

Left are the horses, and right are the cows, 

They’re eating dinner and drinking right now. 

They’ll sleep here till night turns into day light. 

When we open doors, they’ll all trot away. 

Out in the pasture, they’ll eat grass and hay. 

Cows will moo loudly, glad horses will neigh.

-Ends-

Here Is The Barn is a secular version of the old nursery rhyme, 

'/Here is the Church, here is the steeple, open the gates and see all the people, Here is the person going upstairs, here is the person saying his prayers.'

The updated version of the poem, The Barn, either the original or my version, is one you can recite to children at dinner in restaurants and coffee shops. It also fills in time and amuses everyone when you are  seated waiting for transport and on long journeys on planes.

What did I change?

Line 1 I added 'old'. I changed 'it; to 'doors'.

Line 2 I deleted 'the' before animals and added 'all'

Line 3 I changed 'here' and 'here' to 'left' and 'right'.

Line 5 I added 'light'

Line 6 I added 'trot'

Line 7 Line 8 I deleted the word 'the' twice, in order to add moo, and glad.

You might prefer the version I originally saw, being simpler, easier to remember, easier to understand for younger children. However, I thought that my version was more visual and therefore clearer and easier to understand.

It really doesn't matter which version you remember, of if you accidentally or deliberately make up another version.

Useful Websites

Wikihow

Wikipedia

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Performance Poetry

Strictly speaking, this is a piece of performance poetry. But it is only suitable for close up around a table, or at a bedside. On stage the performers hands would be rahter small, unless enlarged on Zoom, or using a large screen.

Christmas Day - The Truth comical verse 707 by Angela Lansbury

It's shristmas day, don't say, no way

Time flies so fast that I'm caught short

No Xmas prezzies have been bought

Just poems on what I've been taught

I've rushed about, I'm getting fraught

Afraid plus plans will come to nought

Last night I had a drink, a few

Today, it's none, just one, or two

As designated driver

Saving license, car and liver

I hope that nobody suspects

I'm already planned what comes next

When prices are not quite so dear

I'll buy my outfit for next year

In sales we'll buy more sweet mince pies

Terrific, calorific and good

Leftover turkey, Christmas cake

Nuts, silver tinsel, Christmas pud

Maybe Champagne, a drink or two

Sequins, red Santa hat and wig

A photo showing what we do

Before we all fall off the twig

Imagine Santa in the sky

Is where we all good children go

To get rewarded when we die

To race across the snow cloud sky

We get rewarded with a sleigh

I'd like a new Rolls Royce I'd say

We wrote letters back in the day

I guessed I wouldn't get my way

The plastic reindeer glowing bright

Never seem to sleep tight at night

Alas I'm wise, I've learned the truth

'You can't park your sleigh on my roof'

I believed in Santa Claus

Got prezzies in bows by the tree

Years have flown by so fast

Now old, white-haired Santa is me.

-ends-

Doctor Calls The Pub comical poem 698 by Angela Lansbury

 

The crowded Atlas pub, where I got a personal call from a doctor. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Our wine tasting's Champagne then grub

Next Christmas party - via pub

My doctor calls me! I must have forgotten!

Body and mind must be going rotten

All doctors ask, 'How much are you drinking?'

Four drink rounds, what were they, and I, thinking!

Can't hear his questions, makes no sense

Noise, shout, about incontinence?

Now, on to gynaecology

Nobody shares, nobody cares

Pub's just the place for privacy

Drunk strangers, a doctor and me!

-ends-

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POETRY WORKSHOP  Workbook, 

Poetry Pets & Pests

Seriously Funny Poems

on Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com

Day Broke And I Woke comical poem 683 by Angela Lansbury

A happy sound. Somebody spoke.

They made a joke. Nudged me and poked.

I saw the light. I knew day broke.

I tried to sleep. No good. I woke.

You have to rise when nature calls

I felt dizzy and grabbed the walls

Don't sway. Stand upright and don't fall

Small problems but I fixed them all

I clean my teeth, brush and toothpaste

Water. Don't waste. Then spit a bit

Washed hands, face, more, now I can sit

At my desk, to capture my wit

Early rising's good for the soul

I'm in control. It's a tonic

I take my first pill of the day

The label calls it Alendronic

The leaflet warns me, 'stay upright

For half an hour'. I do that right

Small simple things in my power

My mind's re-fuelled in the night

The clock told me I rose at six

I checked my list of things to fix 

Most days a porridge and nut mix

Today make do with Weetabix

I rose too soon, wait for my mate

He weighed out porridge, then we ate

Our breakfast helps me to lose weight

Helped by the size of my small plate

I do not like to multi-task

When I'm on a super diet

I chew each mouthful twenty times

Drink water, and enjoy quiet

Blueberries, kiwi, fibe fresh fruits.

Shower, thermals, long sleeves to wear

Choose one of six, red, sequined suits

Day-dream of yellow ordered boots

American-style we say

'Goodbye, darling. Have a good day!'

I wave goodbye. He doesn't stay. 

Runs on his way to work and play

To meet good friends. When this verse ends

I shall click send, to my best friends

Let verses go, good things to show

To more dear souls I don't yet know

So in a while we all can laugh

Wipe up news bile, goodwill not guile

If something's nice, like cooking rice

In a trice say it twice, even thrice

I'm so happy! The world can see

Youngsters ask me the recipe -

Each day ensure good words are heard

Like shaking hands with other lands

At eighty I'll be worldly wise

Give praise and never criticize

Send souvenirs of laughing eyes,  

Spread by my smile, delight, surprise.

First Draft

Who spoke?

Or poked?

Day broke and

I woke

Just nature calls

I grab the walls

So I don't fall

I've fixed it all

I clean my teeth

And spit a bit

And then I sit

At my desk and

Capture my wit

Early rising

Is a tonic

Take a pill called

Alendronic

The box says 'stay upright

Half an hour'

Small simple things

Are in my power

It's only six

Thoughts I must fix

'Not yet eat nix'

Dream Weetabix

Wait for my mate

He weighed, we ate

Our breakfast

Only half a plate

On a diet

All was quiet

I eat fresh fruits

I shower and wear

One of seven red suits

Dream of yellow boots

And then we say

'Have a good day'

I wave goodbye

He's on his way

To work or play

To meet good friends

When this verse ends

I shall click send

To my good friends

Let verses go

Something to show

To more dear souls

I don't yet know

And in a while

We all can laugh

Wipe up news bile

Goodwill not guile

If something's nice

Like cooking rice

I'll say it twice

Or thrice, in a trice

I'm so happy

The world can see

You can come to me

And ask for the recipe

I can ensure

Good words are heard

Like shaking hands

With other lands

Add laughing eyes

A small surprise

To share my smile

Spread my big smile.

-end-

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A Drink Is As Good As A Wink comical poem 609 by Angela Lansbury

 

A sparkling drink's  good as a wink

It makes you say - um - what you think

The trouble is, when I've had fizz

Gee and tonic, I feel, gee whizz

When one Champagne goes to my head

I can't rmember what I said

No matter what we say and do

I hope the same applies to you

The trouble is - can't remember

But if a bystander's sober

They'll still remind me what I said

Next September, and October!

I make sure I am sitting down

I can't lurch, sway, or fall at all

If there's no writing on the wall

Next day I can deny it all

I stick to one drink, maybe two

Reject a third, I always do

When waiters re-fill glasses up

I'll pour mine in my coffee cup

Once when my date declined to drink

'I'm driving' - I began to think

I'll stay sober as my great-aunt

I poured my wine into a plant

No point in drinking when I'm home

No chats nor quips when I'm alone

But if I wrote poems when drunk

Next day I'd know what I had thunk.

-ends-

First Rose comical poem 567 by Angela Lansbury

 

Pink rose in May 2025. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Guess what joy in my garden grows

In May, yet a first summer rose

When others buds will wait til June

One rose thinks that May's not too soon

This big rose, framed in green, bright pink

It's seen the sun, and had a drink

It's bold, attracts me like a wink

It makes me stop and look and think

Nearby I see small, lower weeds

Struggling up boldly, from wild seeds

Proclaim the gard'ner's lack of deeds

Dandelion soup, when in dire needs

My eye returns to that sole rose

Which grows where almost no-one goes

The back garden, where a fox shows

Slugs stop me wearing open toes 

April's cut roses wilt in vases

Whilst outside a real rose is born

A rose whose sent attracts my nose

But look, don't touch, for it has thorns

Today there could be sun or rain

Proudly proclaim, 'Summer, again!'

I'll smile all day, the whole world knows

What I saw first, that first, pink rose.

-ends- 

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Drinks Good And Bad comical poem 539 by Angela Lansbury

 

Author Angela Lansbury with a glass of blush wine. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Drink's not neutral, a loaded word

Sounds very bad or really good

'You don't drink enough water, dear'

Or 'more alcohol than you should'

A vital drink is refreshing

Eases sports injuries and pains

Too much, even water, is bad

A little seems good and gives gains

What helps a hedgehog to survive?

Milk helps newborn babes stay alive

Champagne for new year, wedding toasts

On hot days water helps revive

Signs say bring water on the train

Carry a drink to run or walk

I don't think I need to explain

A drink, like tea, is shared with talk

I don't write this to earn a fee

Just to sip and smile, feel jolly

Merely to amuse you and me

While we drink our daily coffee.

-ends-

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Thoughts On Poems comic poem 496 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury selfie photo with a smiley. Copyright.
 

What can a simple poem do

To entertain both me and you?

A poem helps to pass the time

To fill up lines and draw the line

Like needles, in, out, pretty pink

Food for the brain, refreshing drink

Washed dishes drying by the sink

A smile, a laugh, a nod, a wink

At best, it's like a magic potion

Soothing, smoothing, all emotion

It captures like a photograph

A nod, a wink, a smile, a laugh.

-ends-

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Too Much Drink. Comic poem 441 by Angela Lansbury

Too much drink

One drink more

To tell the truth

I'll be sitting, 

And lying 

On the floor

He has to spit

He has to drive

He has to keep

Me alive

At a tasting

You should spit

But drinks are to be drunk

That's the point of it

You should spit

In a spittoon

You should not sing

A jolly tune

I'll keep quiet

Like a cork

This is not

The time to talk

It's time to talk

But not for me

I'll simply say

That I agree

There is not much

Inside my head

I'll just agree

With what they said

Drink I've drunk

Think I've thunk

Wink I've wunk

Don't think I'm drunk

I am drunk

Hope they don't know

Before I leak

I must go

Then we must go

I am yawwning

Half asleep

Keep eyes open

I must keep, awake, not sleep

I need water

Or coffee or tea

If you drink less

There's more for me

If I drink less

There's more for you

I wonder what

We should do

I stayed awake

I did well

No-one will know

If I don't tell

If I told you

If you don't tell

It's our secret

All is well.

Less likely to dance

More likely to rhyme

I hope we'll meet

Another time

The bottle's empty

It's time to leave

We've more dates planned

So do not grieve

Drink to be happy

That's a good cause

I think we all

Deserve applause.

-ends-

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Drink More comic poem 418 by Angela Lansbury

Angela drinking mango lassi. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

 I think I need another drink

The drink I need's not what you think

I need drinks of sparkling water

That's the drink which I need after

I see the room of jollity

Where most are drinking more than me

What kind of company they keep!

That much wine would put me to sleep!

I see groups, serious drinkers

Expert tasters, genned up thnkers

They swirl, take notes and then they spit

Don't look like they like it a bit

But even when I merely sip

Soon no armomas meet my nose

I must admit I wriggle toes\\

Spill water on my shrimking clothes

I see teens full of  loud laughter,

Sharing some jokes, they shout and scream.

Someone says, dear, you've had enough

They're such a killjoy, so it seems

I think I know what I must do

Make a quick dash towards the loo

And then return to drink some more

Some more of what I liked before.

I like a drink full of bubbles

A sparkling wine to pop all troubles

Prosecco, cava or Champagne

Whatever it was, I'll have it again.

-ends-

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Food and Drink - what I think comic poem 402 by Angela Lansbury

A show which offers food and drink

Promises to be fun and good

You'll guess, like you, I'd not not say no

To fine food and free drink free flow

\

Favourite foods from Italy

Panettone, sure to please

Huge green olives, salami

First the chocolates, then the cheese

.....

Too soon, reluctantly, we go

Shared a hailed taxi from the show

For we'd more, serious, tasting to do

Valpolicella at London Cru

Sat there, I sampled several wines

Don't fall down on the floor, I pray

I sipped and spit in the spitoon

After, food, and sparkling rosé\

That day I'd sipped, spit, forty drinks

Smiled when they asked, "What do you think?'

The trouble was, my first thought,

Was what I need now's forty winks.

-ends-

Photo of London Vru, By Angela Lansbury.

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What Is Life? comic poem 229 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Cut coconut. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Life's sometimes like a playing card

Like a coconut, it seems hard

Sometimes it seems it is broken

Most times you must cut it open

Look inside, ask what does it hide?

It makes a child's eyes open wide

Don't hesitate or over think

Just enjoy the lovely fresh drink.

-ends-

Life Is A Metaphor comic poem 228 by Angela Lansbury

My friend, please use a metaphor

Or say 'like ...', that's a simile

A metaphor or similar

Comparisons - the same to me

Describe life with a metaphor

It may sound new yet deja view

Tell new friends that we met before

Repeat a lie and it sounds true

Some say life's like a theatre

Some say life's like a big, grand stage

Life's like a book, an empty slate

Life starts like a new, pristine page

Birthday flowers, Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansury

What is baby's new life like?

A train, a bike, a climb, or hike

A river, stream, or waterfall

It's like them all, but yet unlike

You can say life's like a journey

It has many stops and stations

Life's a world which keeps on turning

Life's a team of many nations

Life is like a box of chocolate

A wrapped parcel, a birthday gift

A tall mountain, gushing fountain

Challenging peak, not aimless drift

Life's a swift river, a slow road

A grand palace or small abode

A deck of cards, jigsaw puzzle

A knitting pattern, or muddle

Life is a merry metaphor

Life's a vision, open window

Life's a closing then opened door

Life's seeds breed oasks, grow what you sow

Life has a start, a welcome start

But you can't see around each bend

But we applaud a eulogy

Pretend a satisfying end

Life's like a drunk who is unsure 

Life is a simple metaphor

Life is like a crochet pattern

Like a sea with boats, beach and shore

Life's like a happy, hearty meal

Life's like a long and quenching drink

Life is what flowers make you feel

Life's what animals make you think.

Flowers in Hayes Conference Centre, for Writers' Summer School, Swanwick, Derbyshire England, photo by Angela Lansbury.

Life's like your chosen metophor

Life's like a prose piece or poem

Life's like a novel, or a frame

It leads back where you were before.

You choose and use your metaphor

Your dictionary of words in reach

You picture what you want to teach

For sales, for marketing, a speech.

To impress use a metaphor

To describe any endeavor

Grab one of the common cliches

Metaphors make you sound clever.

-ends-

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Reflections comic poem 223 by Angela Lansbury

 

Cashew Heights Condo Swimming Pool. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Every morning starts with bright and fresh dawn 

The clock tick tocks regularly until night

Each day dozens engrossed walk and talk

One sits alone, weeps, from the fright of a fight

While dozens go out to drink and eat

Under the palm trees, parasols, pines

One stays home, enjoying deep sleep

New readers, new times, I can re-use old rhymes

Look at an old couple's son or daughter

Their faces reflect like the blue pool's water

Daytime and life take us down the same road

But we all end at a private abode

Grandchildren are passing exams in their head

Grand-dad's beyond caring, because he is dead

The young folk take taxis away from dangers

Country folk dance, with friends, not strangers.

The young have jokes, and songs and laughter

With not a thought for what comes after

Each new day there's strong sun and light, fine rain

And this cycle repeats, again and again.

 -ends.

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How To Plant A Poem For Action, comic poem number 190 by Angela Lansbury

 Bunched, jumbled words jump in my brain

I sort them into sentences

Space them like trees down my clean page

And decorate new thoughts again

I let the prefixes explain

Recall poets should not complain

And throw out all their dirty words

Like drenching rain down a dark drain

But after each poem's begun

Plant seeds, prune, 'til verses harden

Through wild meadows lay a clear path

To secluded, secret gardens

Thoughts start to flow, start to grow

You do as much as you are able

You think of seeds, uproot a weed

The day's tasks listed like flower labels

Where choruses like trellis grow

And in full sun bright colours glow

End with faint glow like setting sun

You, and the last perfect word, go.

Go to picnic, go to dinner

Go to rest, to drink or party

Go to sweet sleep, resigned to die

Leave behind gardens you started.

-ends-

The poem is a joke about how you wake up muddled in the morning and try to sort out your thoughts day with lists. The joke in the last verse but one is that the last word is short, go, and ends the distraction and inactivity of writing or reading a poem. Then I added the last verse. Go to party, go to sleep, go to die. Prepare to die is less hard but resigned echoes the vowel. Your choice when copying and reprinting. But remember to add by Angela Lansbury.

 

I Have To Start Somewhere comic poem by Angela Lansbury 187a

I turn on the Zoom

And what do I see?

Some funny faces

All looking at me!

Some sit in smart suits

And some look quite odd

But they stare at me

As if I'm a God!

Some are my old friends

And some must be new

Some look familiar

But I have no clue

 Some  people are hot

Some people are cold

Some wide-eyed, so young

Some wrinkled, gray, old

Some silent and shy

Sit back with clasped hands

Some bright, forward, bold

When asked, wave hands

One speaks upside down

Teeth glow in the dark

A dog in a mask

Drags  twins round a park

One poet's fat, in sparkling pink

One strokes a long, white divided beard

One is pouring a frothing drink

No, they're not, as weird, as I feared

I do hope, my darlings

I've caused no offence

I swear, I don't swear

That was not what I meant

That was not my intent

Some have been slimming

Just back from swimming

They shrug when losing

Smile wide when winning

I am not perfect

But have a good plan

When things go haywire

Change subjects, you can

Some leaders look warm

Some stay calm and cool

Some fine as wine, wise

Or well-meaning fools

I hear clocks ticking

I'll read you what's new

I have lots to say

My poems aren't few

Maybe you wonder

Where we are going?

Wait 'til I tell you

You've no way of knowing!

My words like balloons

Words float like bubbles

We're carried away

Forget our troubles

Word rivers flowing

Coming and going

We've so much to do

I reach out to you

I won't give you fears

I won't give you tears

I collect laughter

Joy heard through the years

Soon I must move on

Soon we'll all be gone

But in a small while

I'll leave - a big smile,

-ends-

The word leave in the last line is ambiguous. leave the room, but also leave behind warm, happy smile

Fifty Birthdays, Comic Poem 173

Birthdays. Photo from Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Fifty Birthdays, comic poem 173 

by Angela Lansbury

When you reach the age of one

Exploring the world is such fun

First, you step, then fall, then run

The age of one is ever such fun

When you reach the age of two

You find there's so much more to do

Each toy is exciting and new

When you reach the age of two

When you reach the age of three

You climb the cot and you run free

There's so much to explore and see

When you reach the age of three

When you reach the age of four

You run around exploring more

They'd better lock the big front door

When you reach the age of four

When you reach the age of five 

It's so good to be alive

You've survived, so now you'll thrive

When you reach the age of five

When you reach the age of six

You pick up sticks, flail and fix 

Build and break towers of bricks

When you reach the age of six

When you reach the age of 7

Off to school, parents' heaven

You wish that you could be eleven

When you reach the age of 7

When you reach the age of 8

You want to bake a little cake

How long can a bike ride take?

When you reach the age of 8

When you reach the age of 9

You're growing, but you're going fine

You've started stamps, found a fishing line

When you reach the age of nine

When you reach the age of 10

You'll soon mature, not sure when,

You need to grow, and count again

When you reach the age of ten

When you reach the age of 11

Too big for kids of 7

Big school looks just like heaven

When you reach the age of  eleven

When you reach the age of 12

Start to study, dive and delve

Find things hidden on high shelves

When you reach the age of 12

When you reach the age of 13

Raise your eyebrows

Friends start flirting

When you reach the age of  13

 

When you reach age 14

Some big kids have started courting

Tut-tut, noughty-nought teen 

When you reach age of  14

When you reach age 15

More selective, you start sifting

Seek your clique, your king and queen

When you reach age  15

When you reach sweet sixteen

In some places you could marry

Got exams so what's the hurry

When you reach sweet  16

When you reach the age of 17

You think you're a clever teen

But you are still in between

When you reach the age of  17

When you've got to age 18

In some States you can drink

Go to uni, start to think

Adult gaol's what eighteen means

When your birthday hits 19

You're a fine team on the screen

Football, six-pack, makes girls scream

When your birthday hits 19

At the tender age of 20 

Yes, my dear, you've seen plenty

Now set sail cos you can't fail

At the tender age of twenty

When you're over twenty-one

You don't admit to what you've done

Or they'll try to stop your fun

When you're over twenty-one.

When you're over fifty

You forget to count

You ask people to guess your age

But deduct a small amount.

When your child has a baby

Birthday cycles starts once more

You're still far ahead because

You have seen it all before.

This poem on ages took me ages

So I wrote it in slow  stages.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury Sat 4 April 2023

To be published in a forthcoming book of collected comic poems.

You can also read these paperback books by Angela Lansbury

Writing Poetry For Fun

Includes poem examples to inspire you,  for anniversaries, birthdays, trades and professions, Valentine's Day. 

Example Excerpts

If you need someone

Who's good at spelling

I need someone

Who's good at selling.

A Hairdresser gives you a cut

He chops it off, no ifs or buts

I.D. 3182338

www.lulu.com

***

Poetry Workshop Workbook

This handy book is entertaining and educational. It starts with quotations by poets about poetry. It ends with a poet's dictionary giving the structural patterns for poems such as ballads, sonnets, villanelles, and example of each and exercise.  

From Lulu.com ID 2228624

www.lulu.com

https://www.lulu.com/shop/angela-lansbury/poetry-workshop/paperback/product-17dj5d4.html?page=1&pageSize=4

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wedding-Speeches-Toasts-Family-Matters-dp-0706372182/dp/0706372182/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

Free look inside Grief and Us anthology on Amazon in which Angela has a chapter

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Us-When-Here-Want-ebook/dp/B0BTMTGYV7?asin=B0BTMTGYV7&revisionId=9275660&format=1&depth=1

Angela also has chapters in Authenticity & Us (Chapter on Authentic Writing For Your Audience)

Fear & Us (Chapter on How To Unblock Writer's Block)

A to Z of alliteration. Each letter of the alphabet has adjectives, names, places and more suggestions for titles for articles, books and businesses. 

Look inside to see the amusing introduction on alliterative placenames around the world.

I am a teacher and write comical informational poems for children and speak a lot on Toastmasters International where many speakers speak English as a second language. I also trained as a journalist for the tabloids and worked for woman's magazines, and the language must be simple and understood by all, so my poems might strike you as simple. That's what they are meant to be. My 20 books include Poetry Workshop Workbook (written for a UK Writers' Circle meeting. Writing Poetry for Fun. Poetry Pets and Pests was bought by my local school where I gave a workshop. You can read the start of Improve Your English on alliteration using Look Inside on Amazon. Angela Lansbury 

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Drink, Drink, Drink - water

Drink, d-rink d-r-rink, water

I'm scared to tell you what I think
On holiday give up the drink
You'll lose your passport, Dad, son, daughter
Just stick to juice, milk, tea, or water.

In strange places stay alert
To be sure that you don't get hurt
Make sure that you avoid a fight
Don't walk into a tree at night

Drink, drink, drink water
Drink, drink, drink water

You bought a bottle then ordered a magnum
Went on to hoist a jereboam
You cannot drink all that alone
Call a taxi, let's go home

The local drink is very strong
They drink it, so what could go wrong?
You do know that they don't live too long?
No wonder they sing such bad songs.

After a drink you feel alive
Except you're not allowed to drive
You sing well, tell jokes and hear laughter
But find the toilet's too far after.

You buy a round, what could go wrong?
Nothing, until the money's gone
Remember your child, what you taught her
Sit down, shut up, drink your water.

-ends
Copyright Angela Lansbury 2018
Please read the posts on my travel blog
travelwithangelalansbury
You'll find lots of irony and subtle humour. Please share links to my posts with your friends and family.

Ten Would-be Writers by Angela Lansbury

Ten newbie writers, backed against the wall
If they had too much to drink,
The tipsiest might fall
Leaving nine scared new writers, backed against the wall

One would-be writer fancied cosy crime
Did too much research, so now he's doing time
Climbed the highest mountain, so he had a nasty fall
Leaving eight scared new writers, backed against the wall

Eight dropped out of poetry and went to write a song
Severn was left wing and went to right the world's wrongs
Number six tossed dice and wrote a convoluted plot
Five co-authors, wrote five suspects and four endings they forgot

One slept on the floor, he was number four
A mystery writer vanished, that left only three
One would be writer ran off to reality TV
One writer left, one reader stayed - two, only you and me

I've been writing my first novel twenty years or more
I'm no longer a newbie, I'm the one you saw before
Why aren't you writing? Don't be a zero
Write me praise and thank yous and you will be my hero.

-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury