Happy Birthday, comical poem 538 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury's portrait on a birthday cake. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 Happy Birthday! Darling. Happy Birthday!

I bet you know half of what I will say

If you have lived twenty to fifty years

You've outlived half of your friends far and near

If you have lived sixty to eighty eight

It's far too late to be told to lose weight

So, whatever your fate, please never curse

You already know that things could be worse

When you lie awake and worry at night

You know that I'm right - a mosqito bite!

Worse than news you saw, a faraway war

It's worse, that's the truth, losing half a tooth

When you reach ninety to one hundred years

Yesterday's troubles don't move you to tears

Whether good people go or bad ones stay

By ten you're in bed and they're far away

If you should reach a hundred and twenty

You'll have gained and lost friends, you've had plenty

No point in mourning the good who have gone

Smile at four-year-olds' birthdays, life moves on.

Because when you reach a hundred plus years

You've outlived most of the world far and near

But there's one last thing which seems rather nice

Everyone listens to your good advice

The question they'll ask, you always knew it

Is, dear one, tell us, how did you do it?

Don't admit that haven't done all that you should

No-one else was there - make up something good.

-ends-.

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Sleep, Deep Sleep, comic poem no 404 by Angela Lansbury

 

Where do you fly to when you're asleep?

Up in blue sky or down in dark deep?

I don't go far, though I've seen the world

Guess where I'm hiding? Under sheets, curled

My eyes are there, resting under lids

My head, like a rock, holds the pillow

My legs, solid tree trunks, lift, shape sheets

Gentle lungs pump, like leaking bellows

My mind's busy sorting out the trash

Inventing movies with silly plots

You can see where I am, still in bed

Have I gone elsewhere? No I have not!

Although my two eyes aren't open wide

I''m gently breathing, pumping red blood

I promise you, there's action inside

Fighting the flu, doing unseen good.

When I wake up, I forget daft dreams

By nine I've had breakfast, smug - washed, dressed

Mind's clean, ready for sensible schemes

Refreshed by rest for doing my best 

I was not away during the night

You could wake me up with noise or light

Alarmed or annoyed after that fright

Then happy, ready to greet sunlight.

In dreams, packed old nonsense, dried out tears

Fondly surveyed photos of past years

I've sorted recent and distant fears

Found stores of smiles, for you. darling dears.

-end-

Photos from Wikipedia article on sleep. Sleeping Girl, Domenico Fetti, c. 1615,

Sleeping Girl, Domenico Fetti, c. 1615

Hours of sleep recommended for each age group^[91]

Age and condition Sleep needs Newborns (0–3 months)14 to 17 hours 

Infants (4–11 months)12 to 15 hours

Toddlers (1–2 years)11 to 14 hours

Preschoolers (3–4 years)10 to 13 hours

School-age children (5–12 years)    9 to 11 hours

Teenagers (13–17 years)8 to 10 hours

Adults (18–64 years)7 to 9 hours

Older Adults (65 years and over)7 to 8 hours

\

In the poem 404 I considered changing one line to

I promise quiet action inside.

When I revise my poems's first draft, or re-read it for typos, sometimes I think of another alliteration to add.

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Teeth, Teeth comic poem 400 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

My teeth are what you see above

But teeth all have an underneath

Like icebergs, hidden, out of sight

Supporting, or destroying teeth

I hate to have a gaping hole

It makes a hole inside my soul

A nightmare, like a piece of coal

Waiting for fire, to give me grief

The dentist like a fearsome devil

With drills and bills, wholly evil

But I hope I can find a saint

To seal my teeth with sealant paint

To end my woes, in a short while

Either bring tears, or a big smile

And send me home with dancing shoes

Rest like mangy fox in calm snooze

Mangy fox snoozing on lawn in back garden, Hatch End, London, UK, April 2024. Photo by Angela Lansbury Copyright

Hygienists booked April til October

Can't even give me a look over

Fearing appointments will be missed

I settle for the waiting list

A new hygienist I could choose

To end my anxious eating blues

Like a glass of wine, beer or booze -

I hope my dentist gives good news.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems and posts on my blogs.

my other blogs are

travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

You can link to me on LinkedIn or Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest

Or talk to me at a Toastmasters International Club such as

Harrovians in London which is hybrid, online once a month, or

Singapore Online Dynamic Fridays, and LILT multilingual language club online on Sundays.

My books are on Lulu.com and Amazon.com I have ten books by mainstream publishers, such as Wedding Speeches & Toasts. My collections of poems with instructions on how you can write in similar styles include Writing Poetry For Fun and Poetry Workbook.

More recently I have self published Improve Your English with alliteration, assonance and rhyme. I have contributed poems and pieces on writing to Writing & Us, edited by Carolyn Street, which is on Amazon books.

Comic Writer and Editor - comic poem number 199

 

There twice was a poor, rich comic writer

Who wrote to a poem book editor

She wrote, 'I write poems, as you can see

If you need some poems, why not call me!

'I can write an amusing limerick

I promise no four-letter words in it

And cautionary tales about naughty fools

Just the thing for teachers at failing schools

'I can write you a classical sonnet

With a caricature of a dinosaur on it ...'

I've been planning this poem for twenty years

I hope it'll move you to laughter - or tears

As soon as you can, relieve my distress

Please send an advance. I trust you'll say yes

If commissions for me aren't piled high on your plate

Just note down my details - if I must, I can wait.

"Thank you for reading so far, can't complain

Angela Lansbury's my memorable name,

I can write a poem about your name too

Whatever you need, prose or poem, I'll do."

"A poem, or novel, or begging letter

Is hard to start, you think you'll do better

You write and rewrite, and stay up half the night

 It still doesn't look right, when re-read in daylight.

 "The difficult part is not how to end it

The hardest part is the courage to send it.

Some poems are written to cause a commotion

But others are glimpses of hidden emotion.

Some poems aggressively rumble and shout

Some poems let author's wild anger break out

Others whisper a secret, share common distress

"Do you feel this, too?" The sweet reader nods, yes.

-ends

Copyright Angela Lansbury. Friday 21st July 2023 at 3.29 a.m. 

I changed fire anger to wild anger. Fire is stronger and more original. But wild is easier to read and perform.

Why not buy both! See Lulu.com and amazon.com /amazon.co.uk

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I Have To Start Somewhere comic poem by Angela Lansbury 187a

I turn on the Zoom

And what do I see?

Some funny faces

All looking at me!

Some sit in smart suits

And some look quite odd

But they stare at me

As if I'm a God!

Some are my old friends

And some must be new

Some look familiar

But I have no clue

 Some  people are hot

Some people are cold

Some wide-eyed, so young

Some wrinkled, gray, old

Some silent and shy

Sit back with clasped hands

Some bright, forward, bold

When asked, wave hands

One speaks upside down

Teeth glow in the dark

A dog in a mask

Drags  twins round a park

One poet's fat, in sparkling pink

One strokes a long, white divided beard

One is pouring a frothing drink

No, they're not, as weird, as I feared

I do hope, my darlings

I've caused no offence

I swear, I don't swear

That was not what I meant

That was not my intent

Some have been slimming

Just back from swimming

They shrug when losing

Smile wide when winning

I am not perfect

But have a good plan

When things go haywire

Change subjects, you can

Some leaders look warm

Some stay calm and cool

Some fine as wine, wise

Or well-meaning fools

I hear clocks ticking

I'll read you what's new

I have lots to say

My poems aren't few

Maybe you wonder

Where we are going?

Wait 'til I tell you

You've no way of knowing!

My words like balloons

Words float like bubbles

We're carried away

Forget our troubles

Word rivers flowing

Coming and going

We've so much to do

I reach out to you

I won't give you fears

I won't give you tears

I collect laughter

Joy heard through the years

Soon I must move on

Soon we'll all be gone

But in a small while

I'll leave - a big smile,

-ends-

The word leave in the last line is ambiguous. leave the room, but also leave behind warm, happy smile

Swim, Swam, swum - comic poem by Angela Lansbury number ...

Today I thought

That while I swim

I'll not waste time

I shall begin

From Wikipedia. Swimming

So let's dive in

We shall begin

The sooner we start

The sooner we win

 Today I swam

Today I've swum

The grammar lesson

Has begun

In the beginning

I'd thought of swimming

My dearest dears, here's the thing

You add ing when continuing

I hope that's clear

It should clear up a lot of tears

And add a laugh

To conquer fears

While done, and won

Far past, contract

Add ing to things

Which are abstract

Yesterday we began

With verbs known to

Each English man

And women, too

Add me and you, and others, too

I have begun, to have some fun

I had planned the lesson

While I had swum

I did have fun, made a beginning

To teaching you

The past was swam

Whilst I was swimming.

In marriages you say I do

What's in the past is gone and done

In the beginning, swimmers keep on winning

Look back at the past, and say I won.

In the future I shall begin

In the future I shall win

In the infinitive, what I want to do

Is to teach swimming and grammar to you.

I know that we have hardly begun

In the future you'll be able to pass it on

In the future you'll be able to reflect on what you've done

Your past successes, didn't we have fun!

-ends-

About the Author of this blog, Author Angela Lansbury

BIOGRAPHY

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time 

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

I  also have a blog on comic poems.

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Funny Flowers In The Snow

It's sunny, then it's snowing
I see new flowers in the snow
The weather has confused them
I wonder if the dumb things know

They're silly, but they're pretty -
Now the sun's come out again!
I suppose they had a nice drink
From this morning's dismal rain

The whole world is a cemetery
The dinosaurs are turned to stone
But we've got cute little plastic ones
To please keen kids in every home

The pharaohs left a lot behind
Dead bodies wrapped in gold
Paintings on floors and ceilings
Great, cursed wonders to behold

The Romans with their weapons
Left their helmets, walls, old stones
Left their language, their heritage
Their glory, gravestones, meatless bones

Scary Vikings under London's buildings
Plague victims under passing trains
Madame Tussaud's, pop stars and horror
Some things best not seen again

Yes, the whole world's a cemetery
Great-grandparents buried underground
Just as well, they wouldn't like it
With our neighbour's loud jazz sounds

After my life's rollercoaster
I don't want to leave you tears
Better some jokes and laughter
To help you struggle through your muddled years

Yes, the whole world is a cemetery
Know we're all built on crumbled past
As we've been taught, life is too short
Most things, thank God, do not last

Shut your eyes, in prisons, hospitals
So in your last dark hours
In your mind paint pretty pictures
Of the stupid, happy flowers

Be mindful, in the present
Watch where you leap, step, go
But when in doubt, remember
Daft, sweet flowers in the snow.

copyright Angela Lansbury Feb 15 2018