Rain's Good For The Garden. Comical poem 842 by Angela Lansbury

The rain is good for the garden

I'm glad it rained during the night

It was still raining this morning

Heavy wine was brought in daylight

The driver told me, 'It's raining!'

'It's good for the garden,' I said

'Good - for the garden,' he agreed

A laugh, and good thought in his head

I'm glad that the drought has ended

A good dose of rain's what lawns need

Though some of the plants have survived

We've grown a strange six-foot weed

The Great Mullein. Planted itself in our back garden in London during the drought of 2026. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

What is its secret? Please tell me

Did it steal the water from grass?

Is it something that someone can sell me?

Never mind, now the worst is past

Grass turned brown in London in hot August 2026. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Today I was glad to see rain

Though the grass is still not yet green

I shall never again complain

Because rain's what colours life's scene.

-ends-

Nobody Knows. Comical poem 826 by Angela Lansbury.

 

What you do in the bathroom

Nobody knows

If you wash your hands after 

Blowing your nose

If you are wearing too small, or too large

Or stained underclothes

If you don"t tell, nobody knows

If you keep a secret which nobody knows

So long as you don't forget and tell

Nobody cares, because nobody knows

After death if you go to heaven or hell

If you don't tell, nobody knows.

-ends-

Private bedroom and bathroom. Comical poem number 781 by Angela Lansbury

I used to bath, but baths take too much water

More than a shower for parents and daughter

So now I relax in a nice warm shower

And try not to take much more than an hour

Then, warm and clean I can relax

I exercise lying on my back

I count sheep in French or Spanish

Until the sheep race off and vanish

Four-posters for bedsits? I'd love one of those

Discount Dunlopillo's the one which I chose

I'm allergic to feathers, trust what I possess

My duvet's red, like my favourite night dress

When I am asleep I hope none can see

Into the dream places where I'd like to be.

The bedroom's a place for night time privacy

For big secrets known to small pillows and me.

-ends-

11 syllables per line.

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The Yin and the Yang 760

 

Yin and Yang from Wikipedia.

The symbol so succinct, the black and white

The contrast so clear is like day and night

The Chinese call it the yin and the yan

A circle, or sphere, ends where it began

It's like a school year, back home, then back here

Or a holiday, places far away

Let's try something new, an expensive game, 

Spice makes it taste nice, it looks just the same

Like breakfast and lunch, I have a hunch

A Writer's Big Decision comic poem number 338 by Angela Lansbury

 

A writer's one big decision

Is producing fact or fiction

Careful not to upset factions

Of well organized religion

when can you reveal a secret

When they'd said promise you'll keep it

Years later, when they're dead and gone

Surely you can speak up, move on?

Until you unexpected find

That distant folk are not so blind

For unaccountably they mind

Protecting what\s been left behind

They think of their reputation

Of their family and nation

Is it damaged beyond repair

We share our ancestors as heirs

So in the writer's anxious eyes

Is built the heaviest disguise

For no matter how hard one tries

The world fights over all your lies

And when you smiling read aloud

To entertain a happy crowd

Prepare, when cornered, what to do

When one demands, was that girl you?

Be honest, is that story true?

You can think and blink, um and ah

But saying no won't get you far

When you sell signed books in the bar

So here's the safest thing to do

You must pretend it isn't you

Set your wild plot up in the stars

Put your whole family on Mars

You can't defame the old, deceased

And at the very, very least

You can escape, and find release.

Pretend the villains wanted peace

Of course you pity those who hide

Of course you pity those who died

It's tempting to kill enemies

Wishful thinking is sure to please

However much the readers scoff

You can't kill hated villains off

That's not the clever thing to do

You need to save them for book two.

-ends-

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The Beautiful Broom comic poem 211 by Angela Lansbury

 I'm here to praise the humble broom

Which cleans the floor in every room

The sturdy broom which you can trust

To move around dead dirt, dire dust

To leave the foor and shelves quite clean

To make your home gleaming, pristine

To make the old place look like new

It seems to know just what to do

It does the job, thorough, and yet

Why does it suffer such neglect?

We decorate the walking stick

With handles carved to lure the quick

That parasol displays its paint

Each broom grows dirty, pale and faint

Finally, bristles twisted, thin

It's thrown aside, beside the bin

The broom removes dead spiders' webs

It finds odd shoes under the beds

Under sofas, roll tins of drink

Last night's party? We nod and wink

Let's carve each broom's handle, paint it

Give it honour, give it glory

Each battered broom keeps us healthy

Knows our secrets, tells no story.

-ends-

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Running In The Gym

I see earnest people jogging
Running to the gym
And then I see them running
They are running in the gym

Where are they running?
Where are they going?
Are their minds racing?
There's no way of knowing

Are they running from their past?
Or chasing youth which will not last?
Or running to their fit future self
A mirage of fitness and health

Where will all this running end?
Why did it ever begin?
Let me in on the secret
The thought wipes grins, makes me grim

When I walk past the gym

I want to run away

I know I ought to be there

I really must - another day!

Now I swim back and forth
But I'm not in the open sea
I'm just in a huge swimming pool
But that's okay by me

But maybe runners think the same
That I'm playing a silly game
That swimming back and forth is funny
I'd be better off earning money

A running machine, a rowing machine
And a tiny towel to wipe it clean
Jim's answer to, "Where have you been?"
"I'm fit. Try it!" I saw him coming

At the end of life, how many will say
I didn't go anywhere today
I didn't have to dress to impress
I did my thing - that's my success!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury. Copyright. Tuesday 21 Aug 2019.

10 Egg Tricks - and an egg poem which I was egged on to write

I'll have to beg

I'll have to beg
You to go shopping for a pint of milk
Another box, I need another egg
I shall reward you with a great surprise
Not just an egg, a shape to please your eyes

It's just five minutes walk, my dear
It's exercise, not losing a whole day
Besides, I have a secret plan
Something I'll do while you're away

Please don't suspect I'll phone another
Friend, or mother, or waste time watching porn
Trust me, I have a tea-time plan
I promise something new will soon be born

I long for your return each time we part
I shall create messages of love upon the plate
For cookery is just another love, another art
To give, and to receive, an egg - shaped like a heart!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2017. Wed 2nd August.