The Visitor. It won't be long. Comical poem 929 by Angela Lansbury

 

Clock watched. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

It won't long now, you are on the train

It won't be long now, you will catch a plane

My Left and Right. Comical Poem number 809 by prolific poet Angela Lansbury.

 

There's only one of unique me

But just a select few, that's you

Know the secret, strangest truth

Important parts of me share two

I have two hands, ten fingers, too

Ten toe nails, and toes on two feet. 

Gloves, shoes and socks, odd socks grew

Odd socks I hope will meet and greet

I have two eyes, and spectacles

I have two ears, and eary things

I have an awful lot of hair

Enough to scatter everywhere

Few fears and tears

One brain, high hopes, hectares of hair

Lots of wrinkles show many years

Some fading scars from fights with cars

One tummy, full

One busy, beating heart

But let me go back

To the thoughtful counting start

I need two gloves, I need two shoes

And pairs of socks enough to lose

Ang for my head many hats

My neighbour's cat breeds filling flats

Well, back to me, as you can see

There's only one of unique me

But fate has kindly granted two

Of my best parts, just like you

-ends-

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My books on Amazon and Lulu have amusing poems, eg Poetry Pets and Pests, which is educational, and Poetry Workbook has a list of poetry patterns so you can write similar structured poems.

Clocks Go Back comical poem 673 by Angela Lansbury

 Clocks go back

Now some new clocks are smart

Rado controlled

Automatic like your heart

October 26

On the last Sunday

So I'm late for my book group

Not late for work on Monday

Spring forward is what they say

In autumn fall back

So every hour is earlier

Daylight at tea time is a lack

I'd like to put an end to this

If I were king or queen

And I'd leave my clocks on their old time

The way the previous month has been

I know I'm not the only one

They say that it has to be done

For the farmers to feed cows

So they get their night and day fun

Bird clock. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

But I think it's absurd

So I.m spreading the word

Please leave clocks alone

It's confusing the birds

They are all tweeting

Their morning greeting

But there's no traffic hum

Birds think, "What have we done?"

Please hear my pleas

It's not just me. It's not right

Accidents saved in mornings 

Increase in the night

We'd get more hours of light each night

And if I should sleep late

I'd still enjoy a longer day

And not make people wait.

-ends-

The Perfect Body comical poem number 542 by Angela Lansbury

 The human body's wonderful

Until something goes badly wrong

All bits of of me work perfectly

Until I try to sing a song

Angela Lasnbury with smiley face balloon. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

When others sing happy birthday

You wonder why I shut my mouth

And why I have bought thirty bras

Because some parts start going south

The heart is an amazing thing

Goes tick-tock like a wound-up clock

Runs the whole body happily

Till it decides enough, I'll stop

I'll sleep in - I don't need an alarm

At six a.m. I wake, sadder

I haven't yet had eight hours sleep

I'm woken by my busy bladder

Somewhere between distand childhood

And the fast race towards old age

My whole body goes out of tune

It's lost and sings from the wrong page

A baby learns to walk and run

 It learns to crawn, ignores a fall

Maybe Alzheimer's a blessing

So the old don't worry at all

No, when your step is unsteady

Just shrug it off and then maybe 

The world will stay a happy place

Meet challenges like a baby.

-ends-

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Where Does A Poem Come From? comic poem number 488 by Angela Lansbury

Where does a poem come from?

It's not floating in the air

It's pushing to be written

I wake from dozing in my chair

A poem starts like a dream

Ready to be recollected

From a dictionary of ideas

To be sorted and selected

The dictionary's a house of words

Short? Long? words aren't all the same

Your choice, your voice calls to be heard

Rhyme and rhythm rule the game

***

Messages prompted by emotion

Advertising, propaganda

I frown and scratch my tangled hair

I yawn and scrawl, right-hander

I'm glad I learned to touch type

Thoughts rush like waves, like pop-up toast

Re-writing not just a hype

Re-typing's what I do the most

I have tools correcting spelling

Which keep checking while I am dressing

Whatever thoughts I'm selling

The computer helps compressing

And if banal words bore us

AI, yet to try, is on hand

Inspiration from thesaurus

Helps me, clarify, you, understand

Even without a reader

My effort's not diminished

I can show it to the world

As soon as I have finished

A poem is a joy, 

A comedy to share

To prove one has a heart.

To tell the world you care

To lighten, brighten up your day

A good poem's worthwhile

For both writer and dear reader

To provide a daily smile.

-ends-

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10 Egg Tricks - and an egg poem which I was egged on to write

I'll have to beg

I'll have to beg
You to go shopping for a pint of milk
Another box, I need another egg
I shall reward you with a great surprise
Not just an egg, a shape to please your eyes

It's just five minutes walk, my dear
It's exercise, not losing a whole day
Besides, I have a secret plan
Something I'll do while you're away

Please don't suspect I'll phone another
Friend, or mother, or waste time watching porn
Trust me, I have a tea-time plan
I promise something new will soon be born

I long for your return each time we part
I shall create messages of love upon the plate
For cookery is just another love, another art
To give, and to receive, an egg - shaped like a heart!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2017. Wed 2nd August.

Your Pilot Speaking

(See explanation and background to this poem on my travel blog.) To be performed wearing a cap with gold buttons. Your Pilot Speaking by Angela Lansbury

 "This is your co-pilot speaking
I promise we're leaving on time
I know you feel like you're dying
Just breathe deeply, and you'll be fine ..."

"This is your co-pilot speaking
I'm sorry about the delay
If you look out of the windows
You'll see goat herds on the runway

"We don't usually tell you
When we see a snake on the plane
I lift my feet in the cockpit
Calmly sigh, 'Oh no - not again!'

"Whilst I am waiting for the vet
I announce, 'We're waiting for parts ...'
I send for vets - and two doctors
Mine quickly checks my waltzing heart!

"We know you've paid lots of money
We pretend complaints don't cause stress
Altitude makes food taste funny
Crew clean toilets, they do their best

"I hope you enjoy a pleasant flight
A safe journey, a lovely day
Remember whilst you have a holiday
We're working, driving, smiling, all day."

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury April 21 2017 Sorry, readers - I typed this out as verse but it appears on the page you read without the breaks because somewhere I have clicked on showing the HTML which means I have to insert the instructions for line breaks. One day, when I've sorted this out, I shall go back and check and change every post. Meanwhile I have to rush off to meetings.