My Left and Right. Comical Poem number 809 by prolific poet Angela Lansbury.

 

There's only one of unique me

But just a select few, that's you

Know the secret, strangest truth

Important parts of me share two

I have two hands, ten fingers, too

Ten toe nails, and toes on two feet. 

Gloves, shoes and socks, odd socks grew

Odd socks I hope will meet and greet

I have two eyes, and spectacles

I have two ears, and eary things

I have an awful lot of hair

Enough to scatter everywhere

Few fears and tears

One brain, high hopes, hectares of hair

Lots of wrinkles show many years

Some fading scars from fights with cars

One tummy, full

One busy, beating heart

But let me go back

To the thoughtful counting start

I need two gloves, I need two shoes

And pairs of socks enough to lose

Ang for my head many hats

My neighbour's cat breeds filling flats

Well, back to me, as you can see

There's only one of unique me

But fate has kindly granted two

Of my best parts, just like you

-ends-

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My books on Amazon and Lulu have amusing poems, eg Poetry Pets and Pests, which is educational, and Poetry Workbook has a list of poetry patterns so you can write similar structured poems.

Performance Poets comical poem 642 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury with her 2025 book Embarrassing Moments. Left, Emma Purshouse, with her book It's Honorary, Bab, which I bought and she signed, and Steve Pottinger with his book Snapshots from the fall of home, which I bought and he signed. 

These people jump around the stage

And make their words leap off the page

They wave their arms, exuding charm

Extend alarm and life's choices in funny voices

With black and white looks

And red and black books

Beard, brunette, blonde, words stick like honey

Always say yes, do anything for money

Putting a new slant on old news

Guess which rhymes follow from old clues

Rainbows of fun flow like clouds across the blues

A heady mixture of truths, lies and surprise.

-ends-

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Too Much Drink. Comic poem 441 by Angela Lansbury

Too much drink

One drink more

To tell the truth

I'll be sitting, 

And lying 

On the floor

He has to spit

He has to drive

He has to keep

Me alive

At a tasting

You should spit

But drinks are to be drunk

That's the point of it

You should spit

In a spittoon

You should not sing

A jolly tune

I'll keep quiet

Like a cork

This is not

The time to talk

It's time to talk

But not for me

I'll simply say

That I agree

There is not much

Inside my head

I'll just agree

With what they said

Drink I've drunk

Think I've thunk

Wink I've wunk

Don't think I'm drunk

I am drunk

Hope they don't know

Before I leak

I must go

Then we must go

I am yawwning

Half asleep

Keep eyes open

I must keep, awake, not sleep

I need water

Or coffee or tea

If you drink less

There's more for me

If I drink less

There's more for you

I wonder what

We should do

I stayed awake

I did well

No-one will know

If I don't tell

If I told you

If you don't tell

It's our secret

All is well.

Less likely to dance

More likely to rhyme

I hope we'll meet

Another time

The bottle's empty

It's time to leave

We've more dates planned

So do not grieve

Drink to be happy

That's a good cause

I think we all

Deserve applause.

-ends-

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Food Addiction comic poem 220 by Angela Lansbury

 Interlude on Food 

Don’t tell me that eating food’s an addiction

You will add to today’s friction - and fiction

I eat to live and I live to eat -

But the internet says give up chocolate and meat

Why am I so obsessed with food?

Because food does me good and improves my mood

When I am late or in a bad state

I can cheer myself up with a big box of chocolate

I like two big portions of roast potato

Can I compensate with one sundried tomato?

I love spuds baked, mashed, chipped or sauté 

Give me potatoes, any way, every day

Alas, the weighing machine’s news is sad

It tells me the truth and I am not glad

That ice cream and chocolates will bring me more sorrow

If I leave my diet, again, ‘til tomorrow.

-ends-

Angela Lansbury copyright Saturday September 9th 2023

My Good Friend Ruth, comic poem 164

 I have a friend, whose name is Ruth

The kind who always tells the truth

If you promise, please deliver

She'll recall and tell for ever

She won't lie, she'll tell passers-by

If you're the crying sort, you'll cry

I haven't seen her, for so long

I wonder: What did I do wrong?

I'll phone her up, give her a shout

Ask what her exit's all about

She's pleased to speak, seems glad to hear

"I've only got a minute, dear!

I'm tired of speaking, and room booking

Left Toastmasters, back to cooking 

Here's a reminder, tell the truth

At cooking classes, run by Ruth.

-ends-

Photo of Trevor cooking with home made bread. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Tell Me Your Troubles Version 1

Do tell me all of your troubles
Deaths and divorces, don't ask mine
'cos I'll tell then regret it
I say too much, all the time

I'll tell the stranger on the train
Someone I'll never see again
So if they think I'm mad or bad
They won't say so and make me sad

I'll offload sadness and sorrow
To strangers who are gone tomorrow
Who won't still be there to remind me
So I can put it all behind me

But tell me all your troubles
So I can sympathise
I won't pretend I'm a success
No need to tell you polite lies

I won't tell you all my troubles
Revive what I'd rather forget
I don't dare tell uou the whole truth
Sometimes it's better not

Books talk about self-doubt
And the imposture syndrome
Ive come here for a holiday
To escape my problems at home

But I watch the woman confessing all
On stage, in poems, I sympathise
I want to tell you my truth and my lies
And share all with your smiling eyes.
-ends-
Written at Swanwick Writers' Summer School
Angela Lansbury copyright Aug Sunday 25 2019

Tell Me All Your Troubles version 2

Do tell me all of your troubles
Deaths and divorces, don't ask mine
'cos I'll tell then regret it
I say too much, all the time

I'll tell the stranger on the train
Someone I'll never see again
So if they think I'm mad or bad
They won't say so and make me sad

I'll offload sadness and sorrow
To strangers who are gone tomorrow
Who won't still be there to remind me
So I can put it all behind me

But tell me all your troubles
So I can sympathise
I won't pretend I'm a success
No need to tell you polite lies

I won't tell you all my troubles
Revive what I'd rather forget
I don't dare tell you the whole truth
Sometimes it's better not

Books talk about self-doubt
And the imposture syndrome
Ive come here for a holiday
To escape my problems at home

But I watch the woman confessing all
On stage, in poems, I sympathise
I want to tell you my truth and my lies
Unburden, share all with smiling eyes.
-ends-
Written at Swanwick Writers' Summer School
Angela Lansbury copyright Aug Sunday 25 2019

The Truth by Angela Lansbury

The Truth

by Angela Lansbury

Now is the time

To tell the truth

To all my fans

And dearest friends

You see your life

Much more clearly

You join the dots

As your life ends

Dreams take me back

To my childhood

When I was small

I ould not see

Couldn’t answer

When they asked me

When you’re adult

What will you be?

I was silent

I wish I’d known

All I needed

A happy home

I left my home

I grew and grew

I searched the world

Stiil never knew

My parents died

Left me alone

Now all I want

Is home sweet home

Now is the time

To tell the truth

To all my fans

And dearest friends

All I need is

A table and chair

A bed, smart head 

And friends who care

I am so glad

When we all meet

That’s all I need

Then life is sweet

There are true friends

I can’t forget

Good souls like you

I’ve not yet met.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury, March 23 2016
See books on writing poetry by Angela Lansbury on Lulu.com

Comments, commendations, suggestions for improvement or publication welcome.