Private bedroom and bathroom. Comical poem number 781 by Angela Lansbury

I used to bath, but baths take too much water

More than a shower for parents and daughter

So now I relax in a nice warm shower

And try not to take much more than an hour

Then, warm and clean I can relax

I exercise lying on my back

I count sheep in French or Spanish

Until the sheep race off and vanish

Four-posters for bedsits? I'd love one of those

Discount Dunlopillo's the one which I chose

I'm allergic to feathers, trust what I possess

My duvet's red, like my favourite night dress

When I am asleep I hope none can see

Into the dream places where I'd like to be.

The bedroom's a place for night time privacy

For big secrets known to small pillows and me.

-ends-

11 syllables per line.

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Nothing To Wear comic poem 340 by Angela Lansbury

Drawers full of clothes. Photo by Angela Lansbury.
 

I do not have a thing to wear

I've loads of clothes like uncombed hair

I've silk which does not go with leather

And jeans which do not go with feathers

I've boots although it's hot outside

A missing button, or a stain

I've lots of stuff, too much to hide

Broken umbrellas for the rain

My new top is a size too small

I can't do its zip up at all

And most of the elastic's gone

One dress too short and one too long

I ought to sell what I don't need

But selling's such a dirty deed

An empty shelf? Destroyed! Not freed!

An empty shelf need socks like seeds

Although the bedroom looks like hell

Looking at it makes me unwell

I hunt and sort, but truth to tell

I cannot find one thing to sell.

I cannot throw a thing away

I know selling should start today

What I'd ask is too much to pay

And so the whole lot has to stay.

What do you wear, I hear you say

I cannot make a decision

So I've found a good solution

I wear the same dress every day.

-ends-