Let's Send Back The Elgin Marbles. Comical Poem 840 by Angela Lansbury.

 Let's send back the Elgin Marbles

Then I'm sure we'll stay close friends

Close down museums, use AI

Create a 3D happy end

We've got far too many statues

Tall town hall columns, big boring busts

Basements where unseen things store dust

We'll send some back, all, if we must

Put packets on a plane or train

Container ships which sail that way

As for post, packing, insurance

I'm sure the Greeks will gladly pay

If they're keen to take old marbles

They'd like enterprising old Greeks

We'll close British Greek restaurants

Done and dusted in just six weeks

Return retsina, rice in vine leaves

We can give it all back to Greece

We can employ our unemployed

As museum and shop police

After we've sorted out Athens

Let's have a look at crumbling Rome

We've too many pre-loved columns

Recycle, send broken ones home

We don't need old Roman villas

We don't need old Hadrian's wall

As for checking health and safety

I'm sure it won't comply at all

I'm sorry to chuck out pizza

The world's kids will miss their ice cream

Dad's spaghetti, Mum's prosecco 

Cappuccino, gelato scene 

I sat on Tesco's wooden bench

Thought, after Greece, and Italy

Return words and foods that are French

Rewriting menus is a wrench

Instead of croissants, we'll have crescents

Not chocolatine, chokky bun

Hazel nut cake and chestnutine

Creative and a lot of fun

Instead of big, sweet baklava

Puff pastry and British honey

Not Champagne, English sparkling wine

I'm sure we'll make lots more money

You heard surprising words I spoke

I was serious, not funny

I've given it a lot of thought

Wrote through the night, 'til it's sunny

For get the past, write the future

Be modern, make things bright and right

Promote only past English Kings

With not one foreign thing in sight

If we send back the Elgin marbles

More demands, enemies, false friends

Yes, have we really thought this through?

Will racist, insular thoughts end?

-ends-

For get with a gap was a typo but I liked it and left it.

My first draft read: I'm sure we'll all stay friends, but I wasn't sure all would, so I changed it to the ironic, some will all stay friends. 

I really did write this in the middle of the night. About 4.30 a.m. for an hour. So next morning at10.30 a.m. I am counting syllables. Cut a syllable by changing or chopping out a word in one line. Adding a word in the next. Work in progress. 1.20 pm, still revising.

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Your Greatest Enemy. Comical poem 839 by Angela Lansbury.

 Sometimes your greatest enemy

Is something small you did not see

Which sneaked up on you in the night

And left behind a nasty bite

It strikes the poor, bourgeois and rich

You feel a twitch and then an itch

Things went so well, now life's a bitch

Now every other plan is ditched

Smothered in lemon, wrapped up tight

I do not sleep a wink all night

Stalk like a cat, hide like a mouse

You have to leave your haunted house

When something is out to harm us

Better wear winter pyjamas

Forget about the miniskirt

Try floor length skirt and long-sleeved shirt

You feel so bad you want to die

Try not to cry but simply sigh

You call on friends who wonder why

They can only see one eye

Don't ask to be a millionaire

Just pray no nits found in my hair

I'm dreaming of that happy day

When insects and bites go away.

I now recall what went before

To fight each bite and win this war

To launch attack with insect spray

And make those blighters fly away

Sometimes your greatest enemy 

Is something small you cannot see

When this torment comes to an end

I'll call the universe my friend.

-ends-

I put Comical Poem 839 online titled Your Greatest Enemy. Is that too negative? Should I change the title to 'Your Hidden Enemy'? Escaping Your Greatest Enemy? Or leave it succinct?

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Strange Senses; Sweet Smells. comical poem 838 by Angela Lansbury

 I feel soft carpet on the floor

I feel soft towels, dry, and damp

I clasp hard handles on each door

Watch light cast shadows from the lamp

I hear the hum of traffic noise

Gulp down refreshing cups of water

I see shelves of dolls, big bears, toys

I hear bird song, far, joyful, laughter

Breathe in, aromas fill the room

Lavender, a pale pink spray

Musk, sweet jasmine, strong perfume

One day will all this go away?

No! Yet one day we'll all pass on

We will not sniff, nor touch, nor feel

It will go on, but I'll be gone

Yet what I see now seems so real

Some say slow down, others hurry

I use my eyes, nose, teeth, and toes, 

Some say stay calm; others worry

Life's brief, real, sniff this lovely rose.

-ends-

Please follow my blogs. I write posts on comical poetry, travel, and dress of the day, every day. Other blogs such as the one on successful and winning speeches, are intermittent. Please share with your friends, family and colleagues links to entertaining or useful posts. 

Also take a look at my books on Amazon, and Lulu.com

Now You've Turned Five. Comical poem 837 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Now you've reached three, passed four, turned five

Gran's job's still, keep tots alive

Don't race down high streets, I've a plan

You walk by me and hold my hand

You must not dart across the street

You're big enough to control feet

You can't fight a big, loud lorry

He will win and we'll be sorry

Run as you like around the park

Climb up the slide and push the swing

But when we're by a busy road

That's totally a diff'rent thing

My job's see you be a teen

Even when grown grumpy and mean

Then you can play in a loud band

But you're still small so hold my hand

You see how adults walk alone

Talking to friends on mobile phones

Collide with others. Shout at them

They don't learn, just do it again

When I see someone walk alone

Immersed in their own mobile phone

Sorry to say I'm not sorry

To think the winner's the lorry.

Now you've reached three, passed four, turned five

Gran's job's still, keep tots alive

Don't race down high streets, I've a plan

You walk by me and hold my hand.

-ends-

Revised 19 Aug. I repeated the first verse at the end. In novels it could be called bookending or framing.

Don't Believe It! Comical poem 836 by Angela Lansbury

 

Sceptical reader

 Selphie by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Don't believe all that is written

Some of it's always wrong

The worst baddie is good when you're smitten

Everyone changes the words of a song

Nobody knows words and authors of quotes

They change punchlines of jokes and anecdotes

Nobody can remember names

And everone thinks somone else is to blame

Even the best singer sometimes mimes

The smartest people mistake dates and times

Some meetings do not last as long

But others go on. and on, and on

To sum up, I can't remember

Most of the things I and you know

Events from the past never last

Even those from five minutes ago.

-ends-

I wrote this when I wanted to give the dates of next year's annual Writers' Summer School at the Hayes Conference Centre. This year's programme had handily ggiven the dates of next year's conference snd the one after that which had been booked. Abd deposits paid, this year,s chairman told us. Then he said that the date of next year's conference was wrong!

!

Symptoms. Comical poem 835 by Angela Lansbury

 

Reader surprised. Selfie photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I read a list ailments

I see symptoms everywhere

Don't fit my clothes. A sniffing nose

Need a high chair, I'm losing hair

Low thyroid could cause losing hair

Diabetes could cause thirst

On the other hand, it's summer

And the heat is at its worst

I'm not a hypochondriac

But I've got pains both front and back

'Though I no longer have the curse

Some things are better, others worse

I've had another birthday

And everyone's surprised

To see, despite my symptoms

That I am still alive!

I read a list of symptoms

And what you need to thrive

To sum it up, I diagnose

That I am still alive!

-ends-

Please follow my blogs. I write posts on comical poetry, travel, and dress of the day, every day. Other blogs such as the one on successful and winning speeches, are intermittent. Please share with your friends, family and colleagues links to entertaining or useful posts. 

Also take a look at my books on Amazon, and Lulu.com

Pills. Comical poems by Angela Lansbury.

 

Pill boxes. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Pills pills. I have so many pills

By taking them I'm getting well

But signalling that I've been ill

And someone has to pay the bill

Some pills are small, some pills are large

Some are really hard to swallow

If you forget to take a pill

Do not take two tomorrow

I read NHS instructions

Don't rely on my deductions

Now that I've done all that I should

I'm feeling smug, in control, good

My mood is lifted by thyroxine

It adds to my days' enjoyment

Do visits annoy the chemist?

No, they're glad I give employment.

In the scheme of the vast universe

I'm an unimportant minion

I'm happy if my pill taking

Helps to make others millions.

-ends-