The Cup On the Saucer Went Round And Round THE FISH ON THE DISH. Comical dinner Table poem number 771 by Angela Lansbury

 

Round Nespresso saucer with square centre. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I was inspired to write a parody of The wheels on the bus. But instead of simple repetition, for pre-schoolers, the poem took another direction. 

It became more like an ironic ballad. Such as, A hole in my bucket, Dear Liza. 

Another influence, is the exaggerated cautionary tale. For want of a nail the battle was lost.  Humorous examples are The Lion And Albert, and Matilda told such dreadful lies. 

My poem tells a tale of endless dining disasters, and constant disagreements. And how we tried to cope and cover up. 

I started with the title The Cup On the Saucer Went Around and \around, but changed the words 

THE FISH ON THE DISH

On the day we dined up in town

We arrived soon, late afternoon,

First had water, black or green tea

Hubby, rich son, wife, Teeny-tot, poor me

The balcony table was round

It was the largest one we found

But cutlery fell on the ground

With a dreadful, clattering sound

The cup's saucer was square on round 

The cup on the saucer went up and down

Up to my mouth, I made slurping sound

My husband's hand waved, 'Tone it down!'

's

My coffee was strong, it sat too long

My cream was white the sugar brown 

I twirled the spoon in my cup round

It made a dreadful squeaky sound

The water jug was passed around 

It got lost and was never found

Somebody must have put it down

On another table or on the ground.

The sugar lump bowl sent around 

I sighed, 'I've put on half a pound!'

I took two lumps, put a third down

Dad shook his head, tutted and frowned.

The mixed fish cake dish went around 

'Is this cod?' 'Salmon.' 'Tuna.'  'Trout?

'It's monster fish - it's been renamed

All doled from the same tin no doubt!'

To go with fish, the chips went round 

The tomato ketchup bottle went round

Dad shook it up, and down his shirt

He said short words, 'Fish!' I looked hurt

The plate of pizza passed around

So everybody took one slice

The pineapple pizza looked so nice

That I took two, nobody knew

The birthday cake had candle flames

The chef had mis-spelled both our names

I said, 'Never mind, Grandpa's blind, pass the cake around!'

The sponge, jam, cream all soon went down

(

The waiter said, 'Happy Birthday' to me

I said, 'It's our anniversary

For last week's birthday, an anniversary cake

'Sorry, Ma-am. A mistake.'  'Three mistakes!'

The box of chocolates passed around

But 'baby' knocked them on the ground

You can't eat chocolates when they fall.

(At home I washed and ate them all!)

I ordered coffee but got tea

I complained, 'both taste the same to me

Both taste like coffee-tea, the same

Where's the manager?' 'Gone home. Not to blame'

I asked, 'Why is this bill so large?'

They said, 'It's our high service charge,'

Son smiled, 'That's fine, I understand -

There's always something underhand.'

-ends-

True story: Our Happy Birthday cake was given to a couple celebrating their wedding anniversary at the Alpine Restaurant, (in Bushey, London) - which later closed down.

Coffee-tea was a story told about some airlines. I thought it was a joke. But somebody who worked in the industry said it was true, to save time. 

 (More verses later on salt, pepper, bread, olives, ice cream, coffee, juice, milk, sweets)

Make up tea or dinner related words.

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Much too long was a parody of all day long.  

Here Is The Barn. Comical Poem Updated From Old Nursery Rhyme 770 By Angela Lansbury

 

Here Is The Barn

Here is old the barn, let's open doors wide,

Let’s all look inside where animals hide. 

Left are the horses, and right are the cows, 

They’re eating dinner and drinking right now. 

They’ll sleep here till night turns into day light. 

When we open doors, they’ll all trot away. 

Out in the pasture, they’ll eat grass and hay. 

Cows will moo loudly, glad horses will neigh.

-Ends-

Here Is The Barn is a secular version of the old nursery rhyme, 

'/Here is the Church, here is the steeple, open the gates and see all the people, Here is the person going upstairs, here is the person saying his prayers.'

The updated version of the poem, The Barn, either the original or my version, is one you can recite to children at dinner in restaurants and coffee shops. It also fills in time and amuses everyone when you are  seated waiting for transport and on long journeys on planes.

What did I change?

Line 1 I added 'old'. I changed 'it; to 'doors'.

Line 2 I deleted 'the' before animals and added 'all'

Line 3 I changed 'here' and 'here' to 'left' and 'right'.

Line 5 I added 'light'

Line 6 I added 'trot'

Line 7 Line 8 I deleted the word 'the' twice, in order to add moo, and glad.

You might prefer the version I originally saw, being simpler, easier to remember, easier to understand for younger children. However, I thought that my version was more visual and therefore clearer and easier to understand.

It really doesn't matter which version you remember, of if you accidentally or deliberately make up another version.

Useful Websites

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Performance Poetry

Strictly speaking, this is a piece of performance poetry. But it is only suitable for close up around a table, or at a bedside. On stage the performers hands would be rahter small, unless enlarged on Zoom, or using a large screen.

First Dolly. Comical poem 769 by Angela Lansbury

 Our child's daughter had a dolly

And First Dolly's friend was Polly

When our dear child went out to tea

Photos showed so dollies could see.

The doll's house has lots of dollies

Our doll Polly's friend was Molly

When we took Polly out to tea

Photos showed so Molly could see

We've wooden plates and plastic cups

A plastic knife will cut cake up

A fine tea pot with lid and spout

We pass it round and pour drink out 

Sometimes we drink more, sometimes less

A paper napkin, I confess

To wipe up when we make a mess

To dry what we spilled down the dress

We and dollies enjoyed our tea

Thanks. Bye. Let's go. It's getting late.

Now we've finished and gone you see

There's only crumbs left on the plate.

-ends-

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Guilty -The Young And Old. Comical poem 768 by Angela Lansbury,

 When you are young everything's fun

You start then leave most things half done

But when you're old everything aches

And you feel guilty eating cakes

You lay awake for half of the night

Wondering if you got things right

You worry about your mistakes

You ought to shrug when a cup breaks

A broken cup is not a war

There's more, others, sold in the store

Though things aren't like they were before

Just sweep up, shut up, close the door

When there's a bully, what you do

Is take a train to somewhere new

Look for new friends and in a while

You'll smile, they'll smile, a world of smiles

There's bad things of which we should speak

But do not mourn more than a week

When all else fails, just go to France

Or play music and sing and dance.

-ends-

After writing this, I remembered that in traditional Jewish custom, after a death you sit 'shiva', which means seven, seven days and nights. Don't cook or work. After that, carry on with life.

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A Letter From Angela to Angela. Comical poem 767 by Angela Lansbury.

 Though you and I are far away

I think about you every day

When I wake up, my hair's a mess

So I think of you smartly dressed

So colourful, matching and grand

Although your clothes were second-hand

Nowadays pre-loved's what we say

Best clothes like us are packed away

I think of wise words you would say

For questions you had smart replies

No good friend grows old nor dead

They live, still young, inside my head

We've been apart for quite a while

I wish that I could make you better

I thought I'd send a poem or letter

Send you my smile to make you smile.

-end-

It looks like I've written this poem for myself, looking at myself in a mirror. However, it was actually written to my namesake, Angela Hook, a former member of HOD Toastmasters, who was very active in finding us new venues when our group had to move. She also performed poetry at our club meeting and at larger multi club area contests. In 2025 she fell and is now in bed and cannot attend meetings, although she has been visited by busy club President Martin Doe.

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A day of Journeys on Trains on the Underground. Comical poem 766 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Sherlock Holmes tiles on platform wall of the underground railway. Baker Street station. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Green Park underground railway station. Tiles on platform walls, showing leaves. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Lift guide in the lift. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Stairs to the underground to down

Escalators and lifts go down

The trains on the underground go round

On the circle line, round and round

On platforms, trains stop and start

Only statues sit admiring art

Tiles show boats, floats, churches and steeples

Queens, kings, Sherlock, famous people

Brunel statue at Paddington Station.

Commuters rushing everywhere

Foreigners calculating their fare

Children stare at Paddington bear

Brunel sits, calm, on his chair

Confused tourists go round and round

Excited laughter, guitar sounds

Standing, swaying, laughing, shout

Riding up lifts, pushing in and out

Long skirts, short skirts, old jeans, smart shirts

Ear-rings, nose rings, large tattoos

Posters, poets, tiles, mosaics

Accents, 'Move along,' high heeled shoes

Rushing back with all day tickets

Off to football, on to cricket

Off to opera, after high tea

Riders entertain you and me

At the end of the day, back again

Running to catch the very last train

Free newspapers, read in the deep

Last stop. Wake them! They fell asleep!

-ends-

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Fusspots Stop At The Door. Comical poem 765 by Angela Lansbury.

Door knocker. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

A fusspot knocks, stops at the door

She said, 'Sorry, I won't come in

I've seen enough of your clutter 

Half of this should go in the bin

Shelf showing old books, certificates from speech contest, and awards. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'Your hallway makes me feel ill

It looks like you've been in a war

Shelves of ornaments.' 'Vital bills,

Prizes.' 'Shoes all over the floor.'

My spouse said, 'Our milk's become cheese

I've swept the floor, cleared up the dirt.

Vintage? Dated jackets and skirts!

Why are you looking cross and hurt?'

I'm tired, sick, the house still a mess

It takes an hour to shower, dress

I've tidied the desk, I'm doing my best

On teaching days, ignore the rest

After meeting fusspot, I'd felt depressed

Next day, gone noon when I got dressed

Five! Welcomed small pupils inside

One girl, so sweet, I nearly cried

Large red fan on wall. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

'My goodness,' she said, 'a huge fan!

'What a house, full of foreign stuff

There's so much to see and discuss

Just an hour here isn't enough

'I love your smiley door knocker

The pictures and hooks in the hall

You've more books than a library

You did those paintings on the wall!

Self portrait by Angela Lansbury. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'Colours like a birthday party

Like Christmas day in a toy shop

A doll's house, so much to touch, do

I  won't stop coming to see you

Tall dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

'My home is clean, empty, and dull

When my homework's done, I feel bored

You've always time to talk, listen

Mum's so busy, I feel ignored

'Your house is just the very best

Every room is full of treasure

It's fun, exciting, yet a rest

Visiting you is such a pleasure.'

-ends-

Five means five o'clock. After school tutoring.

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