Now you've turned Five.comical poem 837 by Angela Lansbury

 Now you've reached three, passed four, turned five

It's still Gran's chief job to keep you alive

When you run down a busy high street I've a plan

You walk by me and hold my hand

You cannot dart across the street

You're big enough to control your feet

You cannot fight a big, loud lorry

He will win and we'll be sorry

You can run as you like around the park

Climb the slide and push the swing

But when we're by a busy road

That's a totally different thing

My job's to see you grow to a teen

Even if you're grumpy and mean

Then you can play in a loud band

But while you're small you hold my hand

When you're adult you can walk alone

Talking to a mobile phone

Collide with others. Shout at them

Never learn, just do it again

When I see someone walk alone

Immersed in their mobile phone

Sorry to say I'm not sorry

To think the winner will be the lorry.

-ends-

Don't Believe It! Comical poem 836 by Angela Lansbury

 

Sceptical reader

 Selphie by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Don't believe all that is written

Some of it's always wrong

The worst baddie is good when you're smitten

Everyone changes the words of a song

Nobody knows words and authors of quotes

They change punchlines of jokes and anecdotes

Nobody can remember names

And everone thinks somone else is to blame

Even the best singer sometimes mimes

The smartest people mistake dates and times

Some meetings do not last as long

But others go on. and on, and on

To sum up, I can't remember

Most of the things I and you know

Events from the past never last

Even those from five minutes ago.

-ends-

I wrote this when I wanted to give the dates of next year's annual Writers' Summer School at the Hayes Conference Centre. This year's programme had handily ggiven the dates of next year's conference snd the one after that which had been booked. Abd deposits paid, this year,s chairman told us. Then he said that the date of next year's conference was wrong!

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Symptoms. Comical poem 835 by Angela Lansbury

 

Reader surprised. Selphie photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I read a list of symptoms

I have symptoms everywhere

Don't fit my clothes. A sneezing nose

Like a high chair, I'm losing hair

Low thyroid could cause losing hair

Diabetes could cause thirst

On the other hand, it's summer

And the heat is at its worst

I'm not a hypochondriac

But I've got pains both front and back

'Though I no longer have the curse

Some things are better, others worse

I've had another birthday

And everyone's surprised

To see, despite my symptoms

That I am still alive!

I read a list of symptoms

And what you need to thrive

To sum it up, I diagnose

That I am still alive!

-ends-

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Pills. Comical poems by Angela Lansbury.

 

Pill boxes. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Pills pills. I have so many pills

By taking them I'm getting well

But signalling that I've been ill

And someone has to pay the bill

Some pills are small, some pills are large

Some are really hard to swallow

If you forget to take a pill

Do not take two tomorrow

I read NHS instructions

Don't rely on my deductions

Now that I've done all that I should

I'm feeling smug, in control, good

My mood is lifted by thyroxine

It adds to my days' enjoyment

Do visits annoy the chemist?

No, they're glad I give employment.

In the scheme of the vast universe

I'm an unimportant minion

I'm happy if my pill taking

Helps to make others millions.

-ends-

A Poet's Confession. Comical poem 833 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury performing a poem in August 2026 at the Writer's Summer School, an annual event at the Hayes Conference Centre in Swanwick, England, UK. The book is her latest book, Embarrassing Moments.

Last night I wrote a poem

For all my fellow poets

Who love to write about themselves

And shamelessly, proudly show it

Not satisfied to fill the page

They -  we, want to prance about the stage

Create a world of illusions

About their, our, private delusions

And my dearest friend Christine

Writes of things others haven't seen.

I dream I'll make lots of money

To replace teeth lost to chocolates and honey

I don't write of love, embarrassed

To admit I'm no longer harassed

By men who are well past eighty

Bothered by troubles more weighty

Those growing older still remember

The distant past like glowing embers

Embellished with relish by rhythm and rhyme

Repeated, like a chorus, all the time

And so I must conclude

I don't use words which are rude

I'm sure you appreciate, it's too late,

For that, my dearest fellow, mellow poets.

Last night I wrote a poem

I could write, and talk, all night

I no longer earn a wage

They'll soon make me leave the stage

I'm sure you understand

So please give me a big hand

Please look at my latest book

It costs nothing to look 

And then I shall look at yours

So we'll enjoy mutual applause.

-ends-

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Changes: Funny Birds And Words Misheard. Comical poem 832 by Angela Lansbury.

Smiley paperclip fridge magnet. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Funny how babies turn into nerds

Funny how worms turn into birds

Funny how strawberries we had for tea

Some turn into you, others to me.

Funny how thoughts turn into words

'though, without hearing aids, much is misheard

Just like baking sponge cake, easily

My mind mixes words and makes poetry.

-ends-

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Whatever Can Go Wrong. Comical poem 831 by Angela Lansbury.

 

I must not wait

Or I'll be late

Do I have time to change odd socks?

When I'm chased by two ticking clocks?

Whatever can go wrong? 

Whatever can go

Whatever can

Whatever

Whatever can go wrong will do so

Whatever, whatever

Can, can, go wrong, I can put right

Do, do! So? So? I can do so!

Whatever can go wrong will do so

Go, go. Go wrong, go wrong

Wrong, wrong, TAKES TOO LONG

Will, will. CHIL. CHILL. Do so, do so

How do I know? OH, NO. No, no

Because I say so. Even though

Sometimes I know

How things will go.

But I don't say so. No? Why so?

'Though erratic, I'm diplomatic

Hesitate to be emphatic.

To be fair, does anyone care?

Is anyone even there?

Everyone knows, But no-one goes

When there's a problem, no-one shows

How do they know? Evidence glows.

Mistakes are like a clicking clock

Which sometimes goes and sometimes stops

When it's important that I share

I watch my watch and then compare.

If I remember my mistakes

I know I can do what it takes

To learn from others' dire mistakes

Fixed! The repeating cycle breaks.

-ends-

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