A Poet's Confession. Comical poem by Angela Lansbury

 

Last night I wrote a poem

For all my fellow poets

Who love to write about themselves

And shamelessly, proudly show it

Not satisfied to fill the page

They -  we, want to prance about the stage

Create a world of illusions

About their, our, private delusions

And my dearest friend Christine

Writes of things others haven't seen.

I dream I'll make lots of money

To replace teeth lost to chocolates and honey

I don't write of love, embarrassed

To admit I'm no longer harassed

By men who are well past eighty

Bothered by troubles more weighty

Those growing older still remember

The distant past like glowing embers

Embellished with relish by rhythm and rhyme

Repeated, like a chorus, all the time

And so I must conclude

I don't use words which are rude

I'm sure you appreciate, it's too late,

For that, my dearest fellow, mellow poets.

Last night I wrote a poem

I could write, and talk, all night

I no longer earn a wage

They'll soon make me leave the stage

I'm sure you understand

So please give me a big hand

Please look at my latest book

It costs nothing to look 

And then I shall look at yours

So we'll enjoy mutual applause.

-ends-

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Funny birds. Comical poem 832 by Angela Lansbury.

Funny how babies turn into nerds

Funny how worms turn into birds

Funny how strawberries we had for tea

Some turn into you, others to me.

Funny how thoughts turn into words

'though without hearing aids much is misheard

Just like baking sponge cake, easily

My mind mixes words and makes poetry.

-ends-

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Whatever Can Go Wrong. Comical poem 831 by Angela Lansbury.

 Whatever can go wrong? 

Whatever can go

Whatever can

Whatever

Whatever can go wrong will do so

Whatever, whatever

Can, can

Do, do

So? So?

Whatever can go wrong will do so

Go, go

Go wrong, go wrong

wrong, wrong

Will, will

Do so, do so

How do I know?

No, no

Because I say so.

Even though

Sometimes I know

How things will go

But I don't say so.

Why so?

I'm too diplomatic

To be so 

Emphatic.

To be fair

Does anyone care?

Is anyone there?

Everyone knows

So nobody goes

Nobody shows

How do they know?

'cos the evidence glows.

-ends-

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You know things could be worse. Comical poem 830 by Angela Lansbury.

 

You know things could be worse

When you see china break

You know things could be worse

You could get a toothache

You know things could be worse

When they give you the sack

You know things could be worse

They could ask you back

You know things could be worse

When you follow the hearse

You know things could be worse

You could be in the hearse

You know things could be worse

If this song's long and wrong

You know things would be worse

If it's you who wrote this song.

-ends-

The visitor. It won't be long. Comical poem 929 by Angela Lansbury

 It won't long now, you are on the train

It won't be long now, you will catch a plane

It won't be long now, I'll see you again

It won't be long now, then you can explain

You've such a big bill, it must've been a thrill

You've such a big heart, what did you start?

You're still my old friend, so we'll start again

It's an unbroken chain, 'til we both complain

I've worked all the day, put troubles away

Looked at our old home, wondered what you'd say

Is it glad I'm back? Or, I'll never stay

'cos this time I'm really going away

Well, I won't care, if you're not there

I'll shop again when the shelves are bare

Divide up the goods and I'll keep my share

I've plenty to spare, hidden everywhere   

Yet I have a scheme, I have a sweet dream

That all will be well, I can never tell

If you come back refreshed, and I'm well dressed

All sweet and neat, you'll walk in impressed, I guess.

-ends-                                                                                                                                                                                                       

 

Neat Feet. Comical poem number 828 by Angela Lansbury.

 I have two feet

I have ten toes

And everywhere I go

They go

I've two big toes

Six un-named, dinky

Two babies outside

Both called pinky

Busy all day

Running and walking

Unlike my mouth

They do no talking

Important work

But sleep at night

When I lookk down

They're in my sight

Unlike fingers

They wear no rings

But wear out shoes

Cute socks, for bling

To match my suits

I wear smart boots

They. too, look neat

Though hiding my important feet.

--ends-

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Read And Write A Limerick. Comical Poem 827 and Poetry Information and Instruction by Angela Lansbury.

A teacher wrote a limerick

Sat down and did it very quick

Re-read it, very quickly

Thought adverbs should end l y - quickly

Better change it very quick

Her own error made her sick.

Can you write a limerick about English, grammar - or pronunciation. Remember the song, You say tomato and I say tomato.

I have added an extra line to the limerick. That is two errors in one limerick. 

Here  are some conventional limericks.

  There once was a lady in Harrow

Who lived in a street high and narrow

It took lots of will

To climb up the hill

With her shopping in a wheelbarrow.

Indians moved to Hillview Road

Proud of their new olde worlde abode

Smart garden's foxes

Bred under boxes

Where gold rings and bangles were stowed.

In England's streets we fly our flags

And welcome visitors in drag

We've a king and queen

And royals not seen

On tee-shirts, caps, key rings and bags.

Useful Websites

Pronunciation

Limericks

Useful Websites On Songs, Pronunciation And The Meaning Emotion The Words

https://www.songlyrics.com/ella-fitzgerald/you-say-tomato-i-say-tomato-lyrics/

ELSE SPEAK App reviewed

https://reviewed.app/app/elsa-speak/?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=533039014&utm_content=1351302449186883&utm_term=kwd-84457623781059:loc-188&adId=84456819126071&msclkid=67fcfc89cca0153bdbbd96fb138ad773#google_vignette

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anapaest

 -ends-

My first version of the poem on Hillview Road, was written thinking of my late neighbours Loudon and Alice who had foxes in the back garden. However, Hatch End now has many Indian restaurants and new residents, so I changed the limerick to fit the new reality.

The rhyming scheme is eight syllables for the first couplet. only five for the second two, and return to eight for the fifth and last line. You need two rhymes. Using the letters of the alphabet for short to show the rhyming lines, to aabba.

Now write a limerick using the name of your street, area, city, or country.

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