I'm feeling hot, I've got a cold
I'm feeling young but looking old
Terrified inside, acting bold
I'll praise this rubbish 'til it's sold
There's some buyer for everything
There's some suitor for everyone
You just have to keep searching
To find the one 'til the job's done
Cynthia's mother said, 'Never fight
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Don't claim a right, feel jealousy
There's enough for both you and me.'
-ends-
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We never asked why we were born
Why we start young, but end up old
Yet we start timid in sun cream
Then dive, brave the cold, ski, are bold.
As teens, silently wonder why
The old are still there and don't die
Don't ask what's best to do today
But ask where singles holiday
We all like to work from home
Be all alone, yet on the phone
Wear small clothes, cheap, and like that look
To maximize likes on Facebook
The world's so big, yet all in reach
To climb, hike, ski, or surf the sea
To sunbathe on the sandy beach
Where's hot, but cool, free, luxury?
Our son thought he'd save, buy a tent
Astonishing how much he spent
Whilst I, just like a frugal mouse
Decided we should swap our house
We found, like us, they lived in hell
We broke cheap cups, cleaned up the smell
So now at last we broke the spell
Don't ask why we booked a hotel
So now at last, no mystery
Our puzzled days are history
What's cheap is cheap, what's dear is dear
Five star hotel, that's why we're here.
-ends-
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Facts. Our son practised camping by putting up a tent in our garden.
My husband spent more than the cost of a night in a hotel, and a taxi to a hotel, on buying a tent, and a on a sleeping bag, bag liner, hiking boots, torch and most of the contents of the camping shop website.
We did a home swap with a family in the Channel Islands. Packing for a holiday takes time. But clearing your house for a family of four to move in takes longer. You need to pack away valuables and clear space, and leave new matching crockery in sets of four.
Updated lengthened poem and added comments on July 10th 2026.
Do you sincerely look your age
When you're out having too much fun?
When you're so drunk you tell your age
Kind strangers lie - 'You look so young!
'Your birth certificate told lies!'
You know you're old when your dog dies
When grandpa dies and no-one cries
Great grandchild shrugs, the widow sighs
Babies are born wrong years and days
Babes should smile, sleep all the time
They don't behave in baby ways
Ungrateful, cry all night, wake, whine
Some of them look like old bald men
When you undress them, fountains go
Some babies small like opium dens
How would I know.! Just guessed - don't know
Then when teens grow and want a drink
They lie about their real birth age
They do not look the age you think
Drive, accidents, get in road rage
Then when they reach the age of thirty
People say they still look twenty
When they reach the age of forty
People say they look like thirty
When they reach the age of fifty
Nifty people say, you look forty
When they reach the age of sixty
People say you look like fifty
When you reach your seventies
People say you look like sixty
If a few do not believe it
They never say it's like it is
Then when you reach seventy nine
You're still having a great time
But when you reach the age of eighty
Your new stage is 'past my bed time'
Sadly the mirrors do not lie
And you do not fit in your clothes
Too fat to walk, belly balloon
Or skeleton thin, gone 'too soon' friends die
Your hair falls out, your legs give out
You need to wear reading glasses
You grow deaf, people say, 'Don't shout'
Younger folk stop making passes
And ageless singers who took drugs
Have faces like maps, full of wrinkles
Now look like bugs living in fugs
Can't keep it up, keep needing tinkles
Fond grandchildren will run away
When they need you on reaching teens
It's time they heard what you should say
But you daren't tell them what you mean.
-ends-
When you are young everything's fun
You start then leave most things half done
But when you're old everything aches
You're guilt-tripped eating birthday cakes
You lay awake for half of the night
Wondering if you got things right
Worry about tax, fines, mistakes
You try to shrug when a cup breaks
A broken cup is not a war
There's more, others, sold in the store
Though things aren't like they were before
Just sweep up, shut up, close the door
When there's a bully, what you do
Is take a train to somewhere new
Look for new friends and in a while
You'll smile, they'll smile, a world of smiles
Bad things are omens, we must speak
In worst cases, mourn, just one week
Then play music, and sing and dance
When all else fails, see Spain or France.
-ends-
After writing this, I remembered that in traditional Jewish custom, after a death you sit 'shiva', which means seven, seven days and nights. Don't cook or work. After that, carry on with life.
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I sometimes think it's very strange
The way the world has been arranged
For everything that's been arranged
Another thing is disarranged
It's good that day will follow night
But also night will follow day
For everything that's wrong turns right
Then right goes wrong or runs away
The food that's hot will soon grow cold
People are born, the young grow old
Some always laugh, whilst others scold
It's always been that way, we're told
The sun will come to grow the seeds
Rain waters trees as well as weeds
The plant does not care who it feeds
But paints patterns like pretty beads
One rose is red, another white
Each blooms then petals blow away
Yet every day brings new delight
New perfume blows old cares away.
-ends-
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Every morning starts with bright and fresh dawn
The clock tick tocks regularly until night
Each day dozens engrossed walk and talk
One sits alone, weeps, from the fright of a fight
While dozens go out to drink and eat
Under the palm trees, parasols, pines
One stays home, enjoying deep sleep
New readers, new times, I can re-use old rhymes
Look at an old couple's son or daughter
Their faces reflect like the blue pool's water
Daytime and life take us down the same road
But we all end at a private abode
Grandchildren are passing exams in their head
Grand-dad's beyond caring, because he is dead
The young folk take taxis away from dangers
Country folk dance, with friends, not strangers.
The young have jokes, and songs and laughter
With not a thought for what comes after
Each new day there's strong sun and light, fine rain
And this cycle repeats, again and again.
-ends.
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My goodness - they have filled the room
With exes of the bride and groom
I've got a lot that I could say
But they would wish I'd stayed away
I could say that she's been around
I could say he's hard to tie down
I could say, I really worry
I could ask them, what's the hurry?
I could say, yes, she is a dear
You should have married her last year
I could have asked, what took so long?
Those ons and offs! Now, what went wrong?
They won't let me give a speech
At top table we're out of reach
Our chief job is to sit and smile
Not tell the bride to run a mile
I sat and read the seating list
I've noted all the good friends missed
But out of that small, happy crowd
When they said their vows, who laughed so loud?
I saw the tall, wheelchairs, the small,
The old, the young, the thin, the fat,
That girl who wore the biggest hat,
The usher with no tie, nor hat
They say our son is quite a catch
They don't say my hat doesn't match
It's what it is, not what it ain't
Because the room's too hot - I faint
I sit down. But soon recover
Looking pale like a grandmother
Our minister, we'd two, now one
Just carries on until he's done
We've donned finest hats and dresses
For two hours forget all stresses
A voice declared them man and wife
In other words, you're stuck for life
We're off to lunch to eat our fill
Just pay the bill, son, change your will
You two are now hitched up for life
Politely called a man and wife
The best man, who should be on guard
To stop a fight, is trying hard
Best man's a Dad and looking thin,
His girl's had five - they live in sin
Thee best man wore a funny hat
He stood up, his first joke fell flat
He hints secrets he'll never tell
Unless he's drunk - let's wish them well!
The groom is swaying, too, I think
He must have had too much to drink
He's lots to hide from his new bride.
Her parents, and exes beside
I've got so much I want to say
I'll leave it till another day
I won't tell them all that I know
I'll never say, I told you so.
She chose to forsake all other
Mother, father, sister, brother
He never heeded our advice
Although we told him once, then twice
Once married, he will quickly find
His wife will want to change his mind
On everything he thought was right
What he buys and does, dawn 'til night
Yet she will think the same is true
Once being wed's no longer new
Though two can live as cheap as one
To overspend's now twice the fun
I'm not sure which one's the winner
Just McDonalds making dinner
I'm sure they'll muddle through somehow
Best news - it's not our problem now.
Photos show us in our glory
That picture tells half the story
The photos show how glad I feel
Her lot, like ours, not down at heel
There's no cost for simply bedding
But you need cash for a wedding
The newly-weds to work must set
To pay off all their wedding debt
I hope their marriage lasts a year
So I'll retire and disappear
We've a spare room, with junk, at home
If they want me, I'll Answerphone
Being a mother was quite tough
But I've survived hurdles and rough
I've done enough. But I can't quit -
They'll soon demand I babysit!
A wedding proves what we all know
All that can go wrong will do so
I hope that you'll give me applause
Was our wedding like yours - or worse than yours?
-ends-
Angela Lansbury Nov 15 2020
Poetry Revision Notes
The first draft improved after i made every line eight syllables
I made each verse end with a surprise
I changed 'and one or two others beside' to the more specific
Her parents, and exes, beside
I changed
Two can get twice as little done
Alternative endings:
Our wedding was the same as yours
Was our wedding the same as yours?
About the Author
Angela Lansbury is the author of 20 books, 10 by traditional publishers, ten self-published through Lulu.com the print on demand system.
Angela's books include:
Poetry Workbook - A handy book for yourself or a friend who is a poet, adult or schoolchild. The poems are amusing and there's a handy guide to all the formats, such as the two main styles of sonnet, the numbers of syllables in haiku, villanelles and so on.
In addition to other posts on this blog, please bookmark and share linkes with your colleagues and friends and family to the two most written and most read of my other 20 blogs:
travelwtihangelalansbury.blogspot.com
dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com
