A Poet's Confession. Comical poem 833 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury performing a poem in August 2026 at the Writer's Summer School, an annual event at the Hayes Conference Centre in Swanwick, England, UK. The book is her latest book, Embarrassing Moments.

Last night I wrote a poem

For all my fellow poets

Who love to write about themselves

And shamelessly, proudly show it

Not satisfied to fill the page

They -  we, want to prance about the stage

Create a world of illusions

About their, our, private delusions

And my dearest friend Christine

Writes of things others haven't seen.

I dream I'll make lots of money

To replace teeth lost to chocolates and honey

I don't write of love, embarrassed

To admit I'm no longer harassed

By men who are well past eighty

Bothered by troubles more weighty

Those growing older still remember

The distant past like glowing embers

Embellished with relish by rhythm and rhyme

Repeated, like a chorus, all the time

And so I must conclude

I don't use words which are rude

I'm sure you appreciate, it's too late,

For that, my dearest fellow, mellow poets.

Last night I wrote a poem

I could write, and talk, all night

I no longer earn a wage

They'll soon make me leave the stage

I'm sure you understand

So please give me a big hand

Please look at my latest book

It costs nothing to look 

And then I shall look at yours

So we'll enjoy mutual applause.

-ends-

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My books on poetry, and quotations, are on Amazon.com and Lulu.com

Money Secrets Revealed: comical poem 730 by Angela Lansbury

New hats and clothes give us a thrill

Our heart sinks when we see the bill

Money comes in, quickly goes out

Like sweet honey, won't hang about 

Window cleaners give house a fizz

No point in taking references

On every count they're bound to fail

They gladly tell shock tales of gaol

The government and common man

All follow one same simple plan

Here's a clue into what they do

Spend! Me first, family - last you

Glum accountants keep our accounts

Warns we, and they, spent large amounts

'The world's debts will end in sorrow.' 

'Spend today - we'll die tomorrow!'

-ends-

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About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems

Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

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Precious Perfume comical poem 591 by Angela Lansbury

 What are the words describing smell?

Perfume, aroma, smell, poo, stink 

 I can tell I'll describe each well

Just sniff a flower, need not think

Roses in pale pink and drak pink. Photo by Angela Lansburyl Copyright.

I love herbs, I cut rosemary

Mint grows green along the border

The catalogues are temping me

Not dried herbs, new plants to order

But better still, describe each rose

The way you sniff, breathe in and out

The colour, pink, soothes, wrinkling nose

It's sweet, and deep. Fridge food brings doubt

Is this milk off? It's sour, not right

There's something bad about this smell

I ought to get my money back

If they refuse, I'm going to fight!

That house is musty, smells of mould

With spider's webs, rubbish, decay

It's dusty, dirty, very old

Don't buy it. Let's go away

Why's the baby loudly crying?\

It smells odd, so no-one's happy

It s just fed well, it's not dying

It smiles, smells sweet, a new nappy

At airports skip happily round

Testers, try musk, whisky, honey

I breathe in - exhilarating!

And so it should be, for that money

My friend has bought a case of smells

It seems a waste of money

I could create the smae thing from

My fridge, mustard, garlic, honey

With spray I can pefume my room

With lavender, rose or lemon

Freshly cooked bread is welcoming

Smells and tastes of earthly heaven.

-ends-

When buying roses for our front garden, I did not use a catalogue. I went to a garden centre to sniff the roses. I did not want to buy roses which look good with no aroma. Some catalogues will tell you which roses have an aroma. However, if you have the opportunity, its's better to buy one which you know smells great.

Givers and Takers comic poem number 463 by Angel Lanssbury

Angela Lansbury at a Toastmasters International meeting as Project Evaluator. Copyright Angela Lansbury.
 

Some people are givers

Some people are takers

Some people are builders

Some people are breakers

Some good people are like me

Some good people are like you

Some  puzzled ask us what to do

Some certain tell us what to do

Though some are smart and some are fools

They all can follow simple rules

To save their money and build wealth

To exercise and guard their health

Some people are fixed from age three

Others are late developers

The world is full of different kinds

When in need, look for kind helpers

Some people nod, 'Wise words are nice ,'

Others shout, 'Don't give me advice!'

It looks good to help out strangers

Never put yourself in dangers

When old fok and places have gone

Make time to mourn, but then move on

Find the best which you can preserve

Give out praise to those who deserve

There's time for work so do not shirk

There's sme for fun and time for play

Use each hour of every day

And always put your toys away

A place for all, all in its place

And put a smile on every face

When no friends are in the room

Contact colleagues and friends on Zoom

Don't moan if you must work from home

If you must, then do what you must

To avoid Covid and the flu

Choose protection which you can trust

You can wear shorts, flip flops or silk

Any time, drink coffee oor tea

Select full cream, order skimmed milk 

Wine, water, your choice, you are free

-ends-

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Hello, Santa, Ho, Ho, Ho comic poem 360 by Angela Lansbury

 Santa's in the shopping mall

Santa in the grotto

Nowadays you have to pay

I wonder what's his motto?

Santa's sleigh isin the high street

Singing and ask for money

So he can give to others

Don't you think that's funny?

You don't tell kids it's make believe

In school or in a church

Don't say it's Mum and Dad who love you

They will leave you in the lurch

I don't know what a Iurch is

But we wear our Santa hats

We don't believe but party

Like the geese we're gettig fat

Fancy Dress at Tanglin Club, Singapore.

HOD toastmasters International club, Chantal, bilingual in French and English, wearing a santa hat, Angela Lansbury in a Xmas jumper. Sent from Chantal. Photo from Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 We wear our Xmas jumpers

The Americans say sweaters

You can buy one in Asda

And read the ho ho letters

Is it wrong to wear a symbol

Who's got rights to green and red?

A pagan, season symbol

A red hat upon my head

Let's just enjoy the great goodwill

Let's not think too much about it

Worrying might make you ill

So don't worry and don't doubt it.

Christmas is the season

Of presents, sales, and cost

Santa is the symbol

Of goodwill he is the boss

A pagan symbol, dark green holly

Americans opt for candy canes

Oh, well, might was well by jolly

Joyeux anniversaire again..

-ends-

What Is Love by Angela Lansbury Comic poem 174

 

Love is saying, I love you dear

I'm always right, you're always wrong

You spend too much, the money's gone

I may be mad, it may look sad

Daft, not all bad, 'cos aren't you glad

That I'm still here, I love you dear.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury 2023 April 2nd Sunday

As Busy As A Bee, Boasting of My Magical Book On Alliteration At Riotous Writers Summer School, poem 154

version 1

I'm sure you and beautiful Bea would like to be as busy as a bee

I've seen a lot of busy bees, but few as busy as marvellous me

 

I'm not busy like a has been, I don't dwell on what I might have been

I'm tutting, clearing up the typo mess I made, so silly spelling errors won't be seen

I'm angelic Angela, amazing and amusing 

I like planes and boats and trains, no camping, yes cruising

I like any kind of meeting which includes a lot of eating

I like chauffeurs and cooks, and those who buy my books!

I like to diet, because I don't want to die

From overeating at a meeting

Or dinner, when I try

Not to eat seconds every mealtime, every day

Instead a doggie bag, for a bitch's brilliant take away

I wrote Improve your English

I do not approve of Singlish

I used to be easy-going and obese

Now I'm thin as a thong, and I work, very long, 

As a volunteer, with grammar police

My book contains alliteration, 8

Plus assonance and rhyme 6

I'll teach you alliteration, 

Give me just five minutes of your precious, ticking time

I shall speak of dashing Dennis, 

And barmy, brainy Bill

Darling Denise who pays the club's food and drinks bill

Helped by our cook, generous, Gill

I shall go on and on about Johnson And Johnson and John

Add add Peter the painter to the metre

And because it's already after dark

I won't meet mysterious Marc in the park

I've joined generous Gerald and Jewish Julian

Pushed poor Pauline towards pretty Penny

Added Aunt Anita and cute Carolyn

And jubilant Julie and genuine Jenny

I've met most of the host of awesome authors

And heard lots of ingenious plots 

If I share alliteration with you,

We're both bound to make money, lots and lots.

If you have any questions

I'd be glad if you don't ask

Just buy and read my book

You'll absorb all, from that quick and simple task.

Goodbye. Goodbye to Gregory. My book's a very good buy

Buy it and you'll be as busy as a bee and start talking and twittering on just like me

Alliteration is a habit, once you try

Just read it, you need it - a great, good buy, a great goodbye.

Version 2 (Syllable count at end of each line)

Be like me, busy as a bee 8

No-one's busy like me

I'm not busy like a has been,

Shrug - what I might have been

I'm clearing the typo mess made, 

Spelling errors unseen

I'm your angelic Angela

Amazing, amusing

I like big planes, small boats, long  

Hate camping, love cruising

I love any kind of meeting

Which has  lots of eating

 I like chauffeurs, chefs and good  cooks

And those who buy my books

My new book's Improve Your English

I don't mention  Singlish

Once easy-going - and obese

Now I'm thin as a thong

As a volunteer I work long

With the  Grammar Police

My book contains alliteration, 8

Plus assonance and rhyme 6

I'll teach you alliteration, 

Give me five minutes time

I shall speak of dashing Dennis, 

And barmy, brainy Bill

Denise pays the club's food and drinks bill

Helped by our cook, generous, Gill

They'll go on and on, Johnson John

I see David but it's dark

Peter the Painter, add metre

Don't meet Marc in the park

I've joined Gerald and Julian

Pushed Pauline to Penny

Add Anita and Carolyn

Jolly Julie and Jenny

I've met hosts of awesome authors

Hear lots of clever plots

I'll share my rhyming tricks with you

Write songs, make money -lots!

If you've any burning questions

Keep silent, please don't ask

Just buy and find all in my book

Quizzes teach - easy task

Goodbye, my dear, it's a good buy

You'll talk in rhyme like me

Alliterations' a habit

Need it? Read it! Goodbye.

-ends-

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Today Is A Day

Today is a grey day
A nothing to say day
The day, or I, should go away
No sun, no fun, no play, no way




So I shut my eyes and dream of honey
Dream even harder and dream of money
I'd be satisfied if it were sunny
Or lots of pals were smiling and funny

I smile at the mirror and see my smile
Maybe life'll change in a little while
The chairs are green as stain-free grass
Lamps beam sunlight which lasts and lasts.

by Angela Lansbury
Fab Feb 2020. 

Drink, Drink, Drink - water

Drink, d-rink d-r-rink, water

I'm scared to tell you what I think
On holiday give up the drink
You'll lose your passport, Dad, son, daughter
Just stick to juice, milk, tea, or water.

In strange places stay alert
To be sure that you don't get hurt
Make sure that you avoid a fight
Don't walk into a tree at night

Drink, drink, drink water
Drink, drink, drink water

You bought a bottle then ordered a magnum
Went on to hoist a jereboam
You cannot drink all that alone
Call a taxi, let's go home

The local drink is very strong
They drink it, so what could go wrong?
You do know that they don't live too long?
No wonder they sing such bad songs.

After a drink you feel alive
Except you're not allowed to drive
You sing well, tell jokes and hear laughter
But find the toilet's too far after.

You buy a round, what could go wrong?
Nothing, until the money's gone
Remember your child, what you taught her
Sit down, shut up, drink your water.

-ends
Copyright Angela Lansbury 2018
Please read the posts on my travel blog
travelwithangelalansbury
You'll find lots of irony and subtle humour. Please share links to my posts with your friends and family.

You're So Funny

You're So Funny
by Angela Lansbury

You're so funny
You're my honey
You spend my money
But you're so funny

You're always late
I'm glad to wait
Dear Little bunny
'cos you're so funny


It's half past seven
But you're forgiven
I'm soon in heaven
'cos you're so funny

You always lose
Your keys my honey
Yet, it's you I choose
'cos you're so funny

For six days after
Tears of laughter
You're so much smarter
You're so funny

I wait a while
My eyes still runny
You made me smile
cos you're so funny

You're the one I choose
What can I lose
You cure my blues
You're so funny

You wear big hats
You keep cute cats
You're on the money
cos you're so funny.
-ends-
copyright 2018 March 27

Landlord's Lament

Landlord's Lament
by Angela Lansbury

I should call myself landlady
Yes, but that's my smallest worry
Because I've got bigger problems
I must write this quickly, hurry

You'd think that it would be easy
Just sit back and count the money
Yet today I feel quite queasy
Flats smell of smoke, drugs, fire, curry

If it isn't fire its water
Leaking down from the flats above
Can't decorate, wait -  one more leak
On the soft carpets which I love

Look - the leaking gutters spread mould
Which has ruined the walls and floors
Pay plumbers quick, I'm feeling old
Wish the problems weren't mine but yours

Why do firms make an admin charge
It's the money, and time, and stress
Now I see the cost in time's large
We're sorting out the constant mess

I bought an expensive oven
Tenants roasted, set on the grill
The fire brigade has just left them
Oven destroyed - who'll pay the bill?

-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury