Whose Point Of View? comical poem number 724 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury, author, smiling with a large yellow smiley sculpture. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Please share photo and caption.

 

From a mosquito's point of view

The main purpose of me and you

Is to provide a tasty treat

Make sure it gets enough to eat

And from a worms eye point of view

The main purpose of me and you

Is to provide a feast for worms

Full of vitamins and nice germs

From a God's long term point of view

We are not put here to complain

About the rain, nor pray for rain

The water circles round again

From reincarnation's strange view

The next purpose of me and you

I'll see your view, then I'll be you

You'll see like me, and you'll be me.

-ends-

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

include  Poetry Pets & Pests

Poetry Workbook

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We Happily Met On the Internet Then He Asked Me For Too Much Money (part 2) 597 comic poem/song - how I revised my song

 Version 2 comical poem by Angela Lansbury

I met you on the internet

You sent a link, to meet on zoom

I set alarms, must not forget

 Frantic, tidy my messy room

I'd well prepared washed my long hair

I found short jokes, cut canned laughter

Threw dice to choose ten tops to wear?

Poured a whisky glass of  - water

Background Checks

Two strangers had a bad moment

A sensible moment of doubt

I checked on you on - everywhere

I hoped you, too, had checked me out

PR &SALES

In PR and sales, you're no fool

You asked me, 'Are you ready?

'Are you prepared to follow rules?''

'Happy, solvent, thrifty, steady  

TEACHERS

I knew mentors ask for money

It's what good teachers deserve

You must pay more for good honey

 I said, 'No, Wait.' I'd lost my nerve

PRICES

It seems a very large amount

So I'm waiting for a discount

I wait to hear tips as you speak

And ask how much it costs per week

Maybe one day I shall return

If money fell from heaven

For what you teach and I could learn

At sale prices like Seven Eleven

 SALES OPTIMIST

Once you have given your sales pitch

Don't despair, you're not in the ditch

Although a slow sale is a hitch

Just one in ten can make you rich

Maybe today they got the sack

Just wait til they are on the track

If you can offer what they lack

Maybe one day, one will come back

***

PROMISES & DREAMS

Some promise you a wedding

Some help you with divorce

Some promise you a fortune

Spend a fortune on a course

Then we'll meet on the internet

I'll open my file, teach you to smile

Our happy song will make us strong.

You'll pay me. Do you want to bet? 

-ends-

I added questions for suspense. I ended on a positive note. I changed the rhyming scheme from aabb, too predictable, to abab.

I changed won't take long, rather a weak phrase containing two negatives, won't and take long, to make us strang which is more positive.

won't forget is also a negative, double negative. But ir rhymes with intenet.

Set an alarm to not forget, a piece of history, or advice for children and adults. Not right for a song. A celebratory song, a song of ups and downs.

I changed set an alarm to not forget, which is mundane, changed to afraid to forget, adding emotion.

I set alarms Must not forget.

I started this thinking of an internet romance.The plot morphed into a business relationship, or an educational relationship in which the pupil overtakes the teacher. It's really what you want it to be, all kinds of internet relationships everywherer all day long.

I Got Up comical poem number 576 by Angela Lansbury

 I got up, great -

So I've survived!

I'm glad to know

That I'm still alive

I could say that

I got up late

But that puts us

In a bad state

I'll smile and lie

Got up early

Happy to join

Life's hurly burly

First of all

I washed my face

To make the world

A better place

My first success

Is getting dressed

Before I clear

Yesterday's mess

Took my pill and

Drank some water

Wrote this poem

Time-killing laughter

More hours on earth

I've matched up socks

To prove my worth

Matched keys with locks

I always seek

New things to do

They may not sound

So big to you

But if you're bored

Come over here

There's lots to do

And clear, my dear.

-ends-

Drinks Good And Bad comical poem 539 by Angela Lansbury

 

Author Angela Lansbury with a glass of blush wine. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Drink's not neutral, a loaded word

Sounds very bad or really good

'You don't drink enough water, dear'

Or 'more alcohol than you should'

A vital drink is refreshing

Eases sports injuries and pains

Too much, even water, is bad

A little seems good and gives gains

What helps a hedgehog to survive?

Milk helps newborn babes stay alive

Champagne for new year, wedding toasts

On hot days water helps revive

Signs say bring water on the train

Carry a drink to run or walk

I don't think I need to explain

A drink, like tea, is shared with talk

I don't write this to earn a fee

Just to sip and smile, feel jolly

Merely to amuse you and me

While we drink our daily coffee.

-ends-

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Quick Change From Zero To Hero comic poem 490 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury, in London, December 2024. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

From water to wine

From wine to water

In moderation,

Smiles, not loud laughter

There was some laughter

I learned a lot

From the new contacts

I have got

I have a lot

Of tales to tell

The best news is

That I slept well

From friend to lover

From drunk to sober

From youth to wisdom

I'm not hungover

From wake to stare

From now to where

From here to there

From table to chair

From walk to talk

From board to chalk

From reader to preacher

From learner to teacher

From search to mess

From shower to dress

From smile to kissed

From wrist to list

From what shall I say

To have a nice day

From inner swearword

To please go away

From a simple poem

To lots of knowing

From understanding

To telling and showing

From minus one

To starting snowing

From getting ready

To I'm not going

From late breakfast

To a late lunch

From Americanisms

To thanks - a bunch

To wondering whether

I'm wasting time

From checking my clock

Your time or mine

From ups and downs

To shrugging off pains

From smiles to frowns

Write down small gains

From getting a parcel

To thanks to send

From a stranger

To a new friend

From day to night

In winter time

The days are short

In a seasonal climes

Just when you bought 

Big winter boots

The garden shows

Small green spring shoots

From wondering what

Is round life's bend

From a quick start

To surprise sudden end.

-ends-

Too Much Drink. Comic poem 441 by Angela Lansbury

Too much drink

One drink more

To tell the truth

I'll be sitting, 

And lying 

On the floor

He has to spit

He has to drive

He has to keep

Me alive

At a tasting

You should spit

But drinks are to be drunk

That's the point of it

You should spit

In a spittoon

You should not sing

A jolly tune

I'll keep quiet

Like a cork

This is not

The time to talk

It's time to talk

But not for me

I'll simply say

That I agree

There is not much

Inside my head

I'll just agree

With what they said

Drink I've drunk

Think I've thunk

Wink I've wunk

Don't think I'm drunk

I am drunk

Hope they don't know

Before I leak

I must go

Then we must go

I am yawwning

Half asleep

Keep eyes open

I must keep, awake, not sleep

I need water

Or coffee or tea

If you drink less

There's more for me

If I drink less

There's more for you

I wonder what

We should do

I stayed awake

I did well

No-one will know

If I don't tell

If I told you

If you don't tell

It's our secret

All is well.

Less likely to dance

More likely to rhyme

I hope we'll meet

Another time

The bottle's empty

It's time to leave

We've more dates planned

So do not grieve

Drink to be happy

That's a good cause

I think we all

Deserve applause.

-ends-

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Drink More comic poem 418 by Angela Lansbury

Angela drinking mango lassi. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright.

 I think I need another drink

The drink I need's not what you think

I need drinks of sparkling water

That's the drink which I need after

I see the room of jollity

Where most are drinking more than me

What kind of company they keep!

That much wine would put me to sleep!

I see groups, serious drinkers

Expert tasters, genned up thnkers

They swirl, take notes and then they spit

Don't look like they like it a bit

But even when I merely sip

Soon no armomas meet my nose

I must admit I wriggle toes\\

Spill water on my shrimking clothes

I see teens full of  loud laughter,

Sharing some jokes, they shout and scream.

Someone says, dear, you've had enough

They're such a killjoy, so it seems

I think I know what I must do

Make a quick dash towards the loo

And then return to drink some more

Some more of what I liked before.

I like a drink full of bubbles

A sparkling wine to pop all troubles

Prosecco, cava or Champagne

Whatever it was, I'll have it again.

-ends-

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Coffee comic poem 355 by Angela Lansbury

  When you start to cough

It means you are dry

So have some water

Yes, give it a try

When you are tired

Make yourself coffee

Invigorating

Off you go, lovely

Some like drinking tea

Don't start with whiskey

That is not for me

I stick to coffee

When I have a cough

It won't bother me

How to ward it off?

Just drink some coffee.

-ends-

Copyright. Please do not copy the poem, but instead share the link. Thank you.

Gardening Success (and Failure) comic poem by Angela Lansbury, number 177

Seeds. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2023.April 3rd.

Weeds by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2023 April 3rd.

Gardening Success (and Failure) comic poem number 177 

by Angela Lansbury

 I can't grow seeds but can grow weeds 

Which proves that I do something right, 

They all get water from the rain, 

And lots of warming sunlight. 

I am active with my pruning, 

And although it needs fine tuning, 

My weeds don't need much space to grow, 

They do not need active feeding, 

I don't talk to weeds, with kind words,

I'm just frowning as I'm weeding, 

I should make dandelion soup, 

Horrid, hardy plants keep breeding. 

I should forget exotic fruit,

Which I had hoped one day to share, 

Perhaps it's time that I gave up,

And ate what's growing everywhere.

Today's soup not potato nor pea

It must be that dandelion

'cause, frankly, it's not up to me

It's all that I can rely on.

-ends-

Poetry Lesson of the day

Save a syllable by changing 'ought to' to 'should'.

Reflections On Reflections comic poem 172

 I look at myself in the mirror 

What do I think of that? 

I think I am thin and beautiful 

Why does the mirror say that I'm fat? 

Reflections in the pool, Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. March 2023. 

I exercise while the day's still cool

I swim to get slimmer

I look at reflections in the pool

Kind tall trees wave, and weave and glimmer

I'm reflecting on the reflections

It's something new to do

Never mind, forget introspection

It's a lovely world for me and you

Why does the water reflect blue sky?

I read but I forget

Keep reading, one day I'll remember

Sadly. I haven't remembered yet

Someone stops to talk, reflects my mood

He's a cheerful neighbour

I reflect all interaction's good

Despite mad chats and weird behaviour

I reflect the time for swimming's past

I've stopped swimming, just float

I reflect I'm ready for my breakfast

Solid, secure, thoughtless, like a boat.

-ends-

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My Diet to Save My Life by Angela Lansbury, comic poem 165

 For Carolyn’s Diet anthology

My Diet to Save My life

by Angela Lansbury

You are what you eat.

You are what you don’t eat.

Angela Lansbury

Poem

The Desperado Diet

By Angela Lansbury

When you find your buttons popping

You need large clothes with batwing sleeves

Clearly, it’s time to go shopping

For loads of shredded lettuce leaves

I used to dream of chocolate

Bread puddings and roast potatoes

With focus I can concentrate

On cucumber and tomatoes

We could have a lot of laughter

Full of fruit and drunk on water 

Look like my mother or daughter

Pictures show before and after.

-ends-

Photo of salad ordered at Gotti restaurant, Singapore. Photo y Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Biography of Angela Lansbury

Angela is a contributor to books compiled and edited by Carolyn Street

Authenticity and Us - Angela Lansbury’s chapter on Authentic Writing For Your Audience

Fear and Us - Angela Lansbury’s chapter on How To Unblock Writer’s Block

Grief and Us - Angela Lansbury’s chapter on Coping with Bereavement and Depression.

Angela has a blog called Dressofthedaywithaangela.blogspot.com which shows more than 500 outfits.

She has also written a book called How to Get Out of The Mess You’re In

Play With Puppy Dogs (Comic Poem 130)

Buy a puppy

it won't fail

to greet you with

a wagging tail

Every day

Start with a walk

A one to one

Private talk

You can be sure

it listens well

Your secrets it

Will never tell

Don't lose it

Fit it with a bell

And a collar with 

Your name as well

And to make sure

That it trots home

A dog bed, water

And a bone

Its nose sniffs down 

Along the ground

Its big ears hear

The smallest sound

You never need

Be bored at all

Play catch and fetch

A doggie ball

And when it passes

You'll be fine

They breed lots more

To the same design.

-ends-

Community of the Retiree (Comic Poem 123) by Angela Lansbury

I don't live in a grand commune

But in a small community

Worldwide writers seeking readers

Facebook and blogs bring them to me

That little baby which I carried

Is now a father, newly-married

They hate advice; avoid dangers

So, instead I'll advise strangers

The smallest unit's when pregnant

Mother cum baby, you'll agree?

But suddenly when you give birth

Two turns into a harassed three

What can you do, what can you say

This Gran's on Zoom, too far away

Life's lonely in a silent room

Toothless smiles with waves make my day

Yes, your nearest help's your neighbours

I'm sure you've heard of this before

It's easy to make friends nearby

Start knocking on your neighbours' doors

Then when you're running from a fire

Or hear shrill alarm bells ringing

You can shout warnings as you pass

Even if you're bad at singing

I gave Chinese friends oranges

To celebrate Chinese New Year

Their food and fruit fed me a month

Of fruitless, lazy, living here

My recipe is, all grow fruit

Veggies and flowers in old boots

I find new use for broken pots, 

Save landfill from trash can what-nots 

We need to save small precious seeds

And think of Kiev, under siege

You never know what we might need

Nurture green talent in our liege

'Dig for victory', nuclear war

Britain's World Wars, and Singapore

Tsunami, hurricane, who knows

What weather, war or Covid blows

Then we'll be grateful, you will see

Each linked to our community

To prove we care, prepared to share

Mushrooms and fruits grown in old boots

Do you know Basil? I have thyme

To grow whatever suits this clime

Not green-fingered? Don't despair, a

Rampant as rabbits aloe vera

I've trouble keeping things alive

But ants, cockroaches, fruit flies thrive

The Chinese, on starvation bred

Eat crispy insects, live or dead

Eat oysters live, Maoris drink blood

Moths eat my clothes, everything's food

Ignore rules saying don't, or should

When starving, foreign food tastes good

So pray, whatever you believe

God, send good neighbours in my need

I gave them mushrooms, may they show

With tomato or potato

Thank you, it's free? I pounce with glee!

It's pale or stale? That's fine by me

Smile, water plants is what I do

Give thanks, advice, send words to you

If you've no fruit, send calories

In tins, plastic, bottles, wink, wink

You know, when pushed, I won't say no

Tap water, wine - 'reviving' drink

Think about it, and we'll agree

I'll give to you, you give to me

They can't tax friendship, sharing's free

Joyful retired community.

-ends- 

Green beer for St Patrick's Day.

Author's notes:

Dig for victory was a WW2 government slogan in the UK during rationing.

Drink, Drink, Drink - water

Drink, d-rink d-r-rink, water

I'm scared to tell you what I think
On holiday give up the drink
You'll lose your passport, Dad, son, daughter
Just stick to juice, milk, tea, or water.

In strange places stay alert
To be sure that you don't get hurt
Make sure that you avoid a fight
Don't walk into a tree at night

Drink, drink, drink water
Drink, drink, drink water

You bought a bottle then ordered a magnum
Went on to hoist a jereboam
You cannot drink all that alone
Call a taxi, let's go home

The local drink is very strong
They drink it, so what could go wrong?
You do know that they don't live too long?
No wonder they sing such bad songs.

After a drink you feel alive
Except you're not allowed to drive
You sing well, tell jokes and hear laughter
But find the toilet's too far after.

You buy a round, what could go wrong?
Nothing, until the money's gone
Remember your child, what you taught her
Sit down, shut up, drink your water.

-ends
Copyright Angela Lansbury 2018
Please read the posts on my travel blog
travelwithangelalansbury
You'll find lots of irony and subtle humour. Please share links to my posts with your friends and family.

Please don't bury me in a cemetery

Tomb of Oscar Wilde. France.

by Angela Lansbury

Please don't bury me in a cemetery
Where I'll be stuck for eternity
With words declaiming misery

Sit me in the box of a theatre
Until you can think of something better
A comedy to distract my debtors

When you are sure that I'm deceased
Prop me up at a table watching a feast
Give me bread and water and fruit, at least

I'd like a coffin with a window
Flowers and gold and a silken halo
And a phone in case I don't want to go

Romanian gravestones get biscuits and beer
Write on my headstone, 'Wish you were here'

Like primitives, dig me up a every year
Each year wash me off, provide a new dress*
In Sulawesi they say it saves children distress
So make me and my dead friends all look our best

If you have to pay for a cemetery
To please somebody from the powers that be
Then publish my books of comedy
Because laughter's the best tribute to me.

Angela Lansbury
copyright 2017

Inspired by Wolfe's poem about the burial of Sir John Moore at Corunna in Spain.
Toraja, Sulawesi, Indonesia
*http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2745169/Zombie-chic-Indonesian-village-Toraja-s-bizarre-annual-ritual-Ceremony-Cleaning-Corpses-MaiNene.html

Additions July Wed 26, written at the request of Alison Chisholm, poetry teacher, for performance at the last Summer Writers' Holiday in Fishguard, Wales. (You can still book for a spring weekend, Feb 2018. See www.writersholiday.net.

The Graveyard
by Angela Lansbury

Please

Landlord's Lament

Landlord's Lament
by Angela Lansbury

I should call myself landlady
Yes, but that's my smallest worry
Because I've got bigger problems
I must write this quickly, hurry

You'd think that it would be easy
Just sit back and count the money
Yet today I feel quite queasy
Flats smell of smoke, drugs, fire, curry

If it isn't fire its water
Leaking down from the flats above
Can't decorate, wait -  one more leak
On the soft carpets which I love

Look - the leaking gutters spread mould
Which has ruined the walls and floors
Pay plumbers quick, I'm feeling old
Wish the problems weren't mine but yours

Why do firms make an admin charge
It's the money, and time, and stress
Now I see the cost in time's large
We're sorting out the constant mess

I bought an expensive oven
Tenants roasted, set on the grill
The fire brigade has just left them
Oven destroyed - who'll pay the bill?

-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury