First Dolly. Comical poem 769 by Angela Lansbury

 Our child's daughter had a dolly

And First Dolly's friend was Polly

When our dear child went out to tea

Photos showed so dollies could see.

The doll's house has lots of dollies

Our doll Polly's friend was Molly

When we took Polly out to tea

Photos showed so Molly could see

We've wooden plates and plastic cups

A plastic knife will cut cake up

A fine tea pot with lid and spout

We pass it round and pour drink out 

Sometimes we drink more, sometimes less

A paper napkin, I confess

To wipe up when we make a mess

To dry what we spilled down the dress

We and dollies enjoyed our tea

Thanks. Bye. Let's go. It's getting late.

Now we've finished and gone you see

There's only crumbs left on the plate.

-ends-

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The Writing Business comical poem 559 by Angela Lansbury

Communication is a worldwide farm

Writers, like farmers, feed the hungry world, 

While the weather does wonders, or wreaks harm

Write drama, alarm, pass nuggets of charm

Instruction manuals are daily meat

Everyone needs guides, we all need to eat

The promises and hopes of each nation

A team, finds a theme, communication

Bus time tables, toilet signs at stations

At Toastmasters we listen, learn to teach

A set of tools within everyone's reach

To distill a clear message, with a joke

In a crisp five to seven minute speech

Right recalled wrongs, pen poetry and songs

Like icing preserves and decorates cake

Lullabies help restless babies to sleep

Rhythmic songs while you work, keep you awake

Businesses make losses in their first year, 

Be prepared, don't waste time on fears and tears

A cook's first home-made food, feeding only one

Cookbooks and pubs make money, profit, fun

Even a student starts hopeful and keen

But even beginners need small money

They needs lots of input for small output

Like worker bees, produce runny honey

But what I like is solid, thick, honey

It's crunchy and munchy and costs more money

So I can buy, guiltlessly, dear honey

I need to write what sells and makes money

To start a business or book's a worry

You sit up half the night - until daylight

There's hope, after years of experience

You learn what sells and you get it all right.

At last, writing's is easier and quick

The result's writer's and readers' delight.

-ends-

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Fifty Birthdays, Comic Poem 173

Birthdays. Photo from Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Fifty Birthdays, comic poem 173 

by Angela Lansbury

When you reach the age of one

Exploring the world is such fun

First, you step, then fall, then run

The age of one is ever such fun

When you reach the age of two

You find there's so much more to do

Each toy is exciting and new

When you reach the age of two

When you reach the age of three

You climb the cot and you run free

There's so much to explore and see

When you reach the age of three

When you reach the age of four

You run around exploring more

They'd better lock the big front door

When you reach the age of four

When you reach the age of five 

It's so good to be alive

You've survived, so now you'll thrive

When you reach the age of five

When you reach the age of six

You pick up sticks, flail and fix 

Build and break towers of bricks

When you reach the age of six

When you reach the age of 7

Off to school, parents' heaven

You wish that you could be eleven

When you reach the age of 7

When you reach the age of 8

You want to bake a little cake

How long can a bike ride take?

When you reach the age of 8

When you reach the age of 9

You're growing, but you're going fine

You've started stamps, found a fishing line

When you reach the age of nine

When you reach the age of 10

You'll soon mature, not sure when,

You need to grow, and count again

When you reach the age of ten

When you reach the age of 11

Too big for kids of 7

Big school looks just like heaven

When you reach the age of  eleven

When you reach the age of 12

Start to study, dive and delve

Find things hidden on high shelves

When you reach the age of 12

When you reach the age of 13

Raise your eyebrows

Friends start flirting

When you reach the age of  13

 

When you reach age 14

Some big kids have started courting

Tut-tut, noughty-nought teen 

When you reach age of  14

When you reach age 15

More selective, you start sifting

Seek your clique, your king and queen

When you reach age  15

When you reach sweet sixteen

In some places you could marry

Got exams so what's the hurry

When you reach sweet  16

When you reach the age of 17

You think you're a clever teen

But you are still in between

When you reach the age of  17

When you've got to age 18

In some States you can drink

Go to uni, start to think

Adult gaol's what eighteen means

When your birthday hits 19

You're a fine team on the screen

Football, six-pack, makes girls scream

When your birthday hits 19

At the tender age of 20 

Yes, my dear, you've seen plenty

Now set sail cos you can't fail

At the tender age of twenty

When you're over twenty-one

You don't admit to what you've done

Or they'll try to stop your fun

When you're over twenty-one.

When you're over fifty

You forget to count

You ask people to guess your age

But deduct a small amount.

When your child has a baby

Birthday cycles starts once more

You're still far ahead because

You have seen it all before.

This poem on ages took me ages

So I wrote it in slow  stages.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury Sat 4 April 2023

To be published in a forthcoming book of collected comic poems.

You can also read these paperback books by Angela Lansbury

Writing Poetry For Fun

Includes poem examples to inspire you,  for anniversaries, birthdays, trades and professions, Valentine's Day. 

Example Excerpts

If you need someone

Who's good at spelling

I need someone

Who's good at selling.

A Hairdresser gives you a cut

He chops it off, no ifs or buts

I.D. 3182338

www.lulu.com

***

Poetry Workshop Workbook

This handy book is entertaining and educational. It starts with quotations by poets about poetry. It ends with a poet's dictionary giving the structural patterns for poems such as ballads, sonnets, villanelles, and example of each and exercise.  

From Lulu.com ID 2228624

www.lulu.com

https://www.lulu.com/shop/angela-lansbury/poetry-workshop/paperback/product-17dj5d4.html?page=1&pageSize=4

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wedding-Speeches-Toasts-Family-Matters-dp-0706372182/dp/0706372182/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

Free look inside Grief and Us anthology on Amazon in which Angela has a chapter

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Us-When-Here-Want-ebook/dp/B0BTMTGYV7?asin=B0BTMTGYV7&revisionId=9275660&format=1&depth=1

Angela also has chapters in Authenticity & Us (Chapter on Authentic Writing For Your Audience)

Fear & Us (Chapter on How To Unblock Writer's Block)

A to Z of alliteration. Each letter of the alphabet has adjectives, names, places and more suggestions for titles for articles, books and businesses. 

Look inside to see the amusing introduction on alliterative placenames around the world.

I am a teacher and write comical informational poems for children and speak a lot on Toastmasters International where many speakers speak English as a second language. I also trained as a journalist for the tabloids and worked for woman's magazines, and the language must be simple and understood by all, so my poems might strike you as simple. That's what they are meant to be. My 20 books include Poetry Workshop Workbook (written for a UK Writers' Circle meeting. Writing Poetry for Fun. Poetry Pets and Pests was bought by my local school where I gave a workshop. You can read the start of Improve Your English on alliteration using Look Inside on Amazon. Angela Lansbury 

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Positive Thinking - poem 171

Where can we begin? Tell the sinners, no sin 

Call a dripping tap - a waterfall

Tell the fat ones, no lie, they're looking thin

Speak well of all, tell the small ones they're tall

Tell all the frowners how you love their smile

Note in September, swear you remember

You'll find they smile in a little while

Send named Christmas cards, early December

How does a photographer make guys smile?

Think of favourite food, I think of cake

Keep awards on your walls, photos in files

That's how I smile 'though I've  made a mistake

If you can't find a good words for the bad dead

The mourners a mixture of angry and glum

Praise loving, forgiving parents instead

Say, see silver linings in each act done

When you've done your best, but failed every test

When thoughts headed north - but the words headed south

When you tried to speak well, but only spoke ill

Mistaken, badly taken, foot in mouth

When you say sorry, they're not forgiving

They say, 'Sorry's too late, wrong words are gone,'

Don't give up, mate, your life's still worth living

They're still cross? Their loss - it's time to move on

Everyone fell when they were a child

Some got the blame when they were good

Most were or knew teens who went wild

Some, sometimes failed, or feared we would.

Find somebody new, who hasn't a clue

Pretend you are older, wiser and know

As for each fall, you've seen them all

Just listen, nod, eye roll, laugh, smile, and glow

Never complain and never explain

The folk in old folks homes don't know your name

Your old boss gets Alzheimer's, he'll soon forget

The world's full of youngsters you've not yet met

When you are old, darling, if truth be told

Shrug, forget bad things said, by friends long dead

Old enemies greet you like long lost friends

The few left - so glad to meet you again!.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury 2023 March 27th

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Angela Lansbury's books and chapters in anthologies are on Amazon and Lulu.com

Look for Angela Lansbury poet, Angela Lansbury travel writer, and my photo. Books include Poetry Workbook. Improve your English. How to be the Best Man. Grief and Us.

Diet Contest, comic poem 161 by Angela Lansbury

Somewhere far away

In the USA

There is a contest

To see who can eat

More than the others!

Yes, so I have heard -

I think it's absurd!

They like food that's free

They're like you - and me!

Did they have mothers

Who told them to eat

Each piece on the plate?

I had no sisters

I had no brothers

And yet I compete

With every other

Each time that I eat

I loiter and take -

One more piece of cake

I take the last crisp

I don't want to miss

New kinds of biscuit -

See it and take it

I lick both my lips

I don't do cooking

When no-one's looking

I lick the whole plate

And recall what I ate

No crumbs on the floor

I eat one crumb more!

...

But why don't I try

A new way to live?

Instead of taking

It's better to give!

Some guests are quiet

Stick to their diet

Why don't I compete

With those who don't eat?

With those who won't eat!

Over our dinner

Who is the winner!

I know the problem

I know the answer

Just tell her or him

'You look great - so slim!'

Maybe they won't ask

If I wear a mask

I spent my childhood

'Please finish your plate'

Can I change that thought?

It isn't too late

Where should I begin

I have a vision

A new direction

I'll aim to be thin

I must be stronger

I know what to do

So I live longer

I must look away

I just look away

I just walk away

There's no more to say

If I scrape the plate

Then what is my fate?

The scales do not lie

And  no mirror lies

Shock, but no surprise

When our fat friend dies

And his son died, too

So what must we do?

Say, 'I've eaten enough'

It's rough, but I'm tough

So what can I eat?

All kinds of meat

Ending with chocolate

It feels like a feast

Just stick to one piece

I'll eat that later

I'll drink more water

When we are meeting

Instead of eating

Out at a buffet

At home I shall stay

I'll eat less than most

Won't please a keen host

We'll all talk on Zoom

In a food-free room

'cos everyone knows

How to fit in your clothes

Because I confess

At first I say yes

But seconds is no.

I'm saying goodbye

To the weight I hate

It's never too late

To control your weight.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. You may copy a couplet but please include a link back to the original, longer poem.

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You can see my books on Lulu.com and amazon.com and look inside for free or buy one or two and if you meet me ask me to sign a copy for you or to send you a rhyming couplet with your name.

Happy or Unhappy Birthday? Comic Poem No. 139

Happy birthday, tut tut

I love the cake, but but

I'm supposed to be on  a diet

I'll have to eat it on the quiet

Birthdays have changed

Since Covid-19

You cannot blow the candles out

You don't know where the germs have been

Another birthday, boo hoo

I don't want to be older than you

Where has the year gone, I say

I'm a year older than yesterday

Another birthday, today it's yours

That's why I'm sending you applause

It's a piece of cake, a glass of wine

Another photo, I feel fine

Because it's not my birthday

Mine is far away

You can be sighing, nearer to dying

Glad it's not mine, it's yours today

Birthdays are best for children

On the scale between girls and boys

Lots of singing out of tune

Balloons, parcels and noise

Toddlers are easily amused

Every day new food is fun

It's great to have survived your first year

When you are only one

Let's have a smiley photo

One year nearer to walk

One year older, one year dearer

Nearer to thank you, love you, small talk

Happy birthday, happy birthday

Smile Smile Smile

Granny hasn't felt this good

For someone else's birthday, for a long, long while.

Birthday Cake

Birthday cake made for Angela by Trevor. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Cake by Angela Lansbury

Cake, cake, let me eat cake
It's my birthday, for goodness sake
There's a limit to diets that I can take
It's iced and its nice and it's birthday cake

Let the guests in
See what their eyes say
'When can we begin?'
Don't send them away

I know it's not the best food for my health
But don't let me eat it all by myself
You've no idea the time taken to bake
The hours it took me to decorate

Go away, but I'll let you take
A tiny piece of my birthday cake
All those dieting promises I must break
Let me eat cake - and let them eat cake.
-ends-
copyright Angela Lansbury March 18 2018

The Diet Poem by Angela Lansbury

The move which was my worst mistake
Was taking that third chocolate cake
I'm often told, I'm sure it's true
That dieters should stop at two

For health, I eat brown bread with seeds
Jacket potatoes fill other needs
They provide me with vital vitamin C
My favourite foods are lunch, dinner and tea

I want to be healthy, wealthy and strong
But at mealtimes we don't get along
People stare at my plate too long
And tell me what I'm doing wrong

Some choose drink to drown their sorrow
Some parachute for escapist thrills
Some take drugs, others vitamin pills
But I eat like there's no tomorrow

For I have found life's greatest treasure
I have found a lifelong pleasure
Although Champagne's a welcome drink
Flowers or chocolate - what do you think?
-ends-
copyright Angela Lansbury 2107