Throw It Away comical poem 571 by Angela Lansbury

 

I've been throwing it all away

All yesterday and all today 

Old clothes with mysterious stains

And cryptic notes I can't explain

Old newspapers torn to shreds

Faded sheets which don't fit current beds

Ornaments with missing heads

Out of date seeds for bare flower beds

Thermal underwear when I tried to ski

A torch with a leaking battery

A glued up cup, an odd, chipped plate

Tinned food ten years past the eat by date

Good items which I ought to sell

Hide in a shed, attic or well

Will you come home a happy you?

Or frown and sigh, 'Lots more to do!

'You've filled this house with junk for years!'

I refuse to be moved to tears

For if I stop, five minutes, too long

I'll never fix up what's gone wrong

So many things have been forsaken

Two tickets for journeys both have taken

Menus of restaurants closed long ago

Business cards of dead people we used to know

Boxes with hinges beyond repair

Out of date fashions even I won't wear

Cushions which don't match any chair

A fraying soft toy which I won at a fair

Our neat friend claimed she keeps everything

Not just old-fashioned diamond rings

Every ad, packet, envelope, box

Keys with locks and keys without locks

One day soon they'll be vintage things

What a fortune an old Steiff teddy can bring

You should be grateful and not grouse

You should have bought us a mansion-size house

So much dust stirred up, I'm feeling ill

Then you look for a missing - important bill!

You insisted, told me, 'It all goes, or I'll go!'

I warned you. I don't say, 'I told you so!'

-ends-

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Bread and Board, Never Bored comical poem number 534 by Angela Lansbury

Sometimes children, and adults, too

Complain that they are feeling bored

They can't be short of things to do

Maybe they simply mean ignored

I've always got too much to do

Thoughts twirling in my busy head

Write poems, paint, try phoning you

Or exercise, lying in bed

Bread made by Trevor Sharot. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

If you are short of things to do

Why not try making home-made bread

You need flour, water, oil - and yeast!

Without yeast you will get flat bread

Yeast for baking. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Coyright.

You need to check the recipe

Yours hand-written or theirs online

You'll need to knead, remember salt

Set buzzers, check, that fills up time

First you must go to buy the yeast

Unless sour dough bread is your dream

There's always some new bread to try

Add nuts and seeds, that's my new scheme

Before or after making bread

Invite a new friend to try it

If your bread's not wild success

Compare commercial bread - buy it

First home made bread, like you, might sink

Stay stuck to the base of the pan

Plan to repeat recipes twice  

Before dinner parties, you can

But if your bread does not work well

You'll admire big, sliced, shop-bought bread

Read the long ingredients list

'How do they make that?' in your head

You can try making home made jam

Salted or unsalted butter

Serve your bread hot or serve it cold

Last week's first failure won't matter

The solution is be doing

Not worrying, idly thinking

Not spend time on over-eating

Nor staring into space, drinking

If you've tried something new each day

You'll have a lot of tales to tell

Of how you first failed, got it right

Explain how others do it well

Next time you get to taste good bread

Or see it sit on a wood board

You'll think, 'Did they add sugar, salt?'

I guarantee, you'll not be bored.

-ends-

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Life Is A Metaphor comic poem 228 by Angela Lansbury

My friend, please use a metaphor

Or say 'like ...', that's a simile

A metaphor or similar

Comparisons - the same to me

Describe life with a metaphor

It may sound new yet deja view

Tell new friends that we met before

Repeat a lie and it sounds true

Some say life's like a theatre

Some say life's like a big, grand stage

Life's like a book, an empty slate

Life starts like a new, pristine page

Birthday flowers, Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansury

What is baby's new life like?

A train, a bike, a climb, or hike

A river, stream, or waterfall

It's like them all, but yet unlike

You can say life's like a journey

It has many stops and stations

Life's a world which keeps on turning

Life's a team of many nations

Life is like a box of chocolate

A wrapped parcel, a birthday gift

A tall mountain, gushing fountain

Challenging peak, not aimless drift

Life's a swift river, a slow road

A grand palace or small abode

A deck of cards, jigsaw puzzle

A knitting pattern, or muddle

Life is a merry metaphor

Life's a vision, open window

Life's a closing then opened door

Life's seeds breed oasks, grow what you sow

Life has a start, a welcome start

But you can't see around each bend

But we applaud a eulogy

Pretend a satisfying end

Life's like a drunk who is unsure 

Life is a simple metaphor

Life is like a crochet pattern

Like a sea with boats, beach and shore

Life's like a happy, hearty meal

Life's like a long and quenching drink

Life is what flowers make you feel

Life's what animals make you think.

Flowers in Hayes Conference Centre, for Writers' Summer School, Swanwick, Derbyshire England, photo by Angela Lansbury.

Life's like your chosen metophor

Life's like a prose piece or poem

Life's like a novel, or a frame

It leads back where you were before.

You choose and use your metaphor

Your dictionary of words in reach

You picture what you want to teach

For sales, for marketing, a speech.

To impress use a metaphor

To describe any endeavor

Grab one of the common cliches

Metaphors make you sound clever.

-ends-

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Wonderful Weeds comic poem 209 by Angela Lansbury

 

Inside each body and soul are seeds

Which grow and spread like tangled weeds

When not blessed born in a flower bed

They plant themselves in cracks instead

The elegant ivy inches through town

Its work brings the ancient brickwork down

Looks great until you want to paint

And mouldy walls make you feel faint

What do all plants and humans need

To grow a big plant from a tiny seed?

Just water, sunlight and some heat

Add daily nutrients to eat

That's why the world is full of weeds

Because they grow as well as seeds.

Admire the wonderful world of weeds

Letting wilkflowers thrive is a modern good deed

Yellow dandelions can make soup

I tried it once but just got gloop

Yes tiny white daisies make pretty posies

While my garden's overgrown with rampant red roses.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury August 29th Tuesday 2023

Weeds on the patio. Stanhope Gardens, London. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

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Gardening Success (and Failure) comic poem by Angela Lansbury, number 177

Seeds. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2023.April 3rd.

Weeds by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2023 April 3rd.

Gardening Success (and Failure) comic poem number 177 

by Angela Lansbury

 I can't grow seeds but can grow weeds 

Which proves that I do something right, 

They all get water from the rain, 

And lots of warming sunlight. 

I am active with my pruning, 

And although it needs fine tuning, 

My weeds don't need much space to grow, 

They do not need active feeding, 

I don't talk to weeds, with kind words,

I'm just frowning as I'm weeding, 

I should make dandelion soup, 

Horrid, hardy plants keep breeding. 

I should forget exotic fruit,

Which I had hoped one day to share, 

Perhaps it's time that I gave up,

And ate what's growing everywhere.

Today's soup not potato nor pea

It must be that dandelion

'cause, frankly, it's not up to me

It's all that I can rely on.

-ends-

Poetry Lesson of the day

Save a syllable by changing 'ought to' to 'should'.