Christmas Day - The Truth comical verse 707 by Angela Lansbury

It's shristmas day, don't say, no way

Time flies so fast that I'm caught short

No Xmas prezzies have been bought

Just poems on what I've been taught

I've rushed about, I'm getting fraught

Afraid plus plans will come to nought

Last night I had a drink, a few

Today, it's none, just one, or two

As designated driver

Saving license, car and liver

I hope that nobody suspects

I'm already planned what comes next

When prices are not quite so dear

I'll buy my outfit for next year

In sales we'll buy more sweet mince pies

Terrific, calorific and good

Leftover turkey, Christmas cake

Nuts, silver tinsel, Christmas pud

Maybe Champagne, a drink or two

Sequins, red Santa hat and wig

A photo showing what we do

Before we all fall off the twig

Imagine Santa in the sky

Is where we all good children go

To get rewarded when we die

To race across the snow cloud sky

We get rewarded with a sleigh

I'd like a new Rolls Royce I'd say

We wrote letters back in the day

I guessed I wouldn't get my way

The plastic reindeer glowing bright

Never seem to sleep tight at night

Alas I'm wise, I've learned the truth

'You can't park your sleigh on my roof'

I believed in Santa Claus

Got prezzies in bows by the tree

Years have flown by so fast

Now old, white-haired Santa is me.

-ends-

Granny's Dolls' House, version 3 with detailed illustrations comical poem number 562 by Angela Lansbury

Granny had a little dolly

And the dolly's name was Molly

Molly had a taller sister

And her sister's name was Elsa

Doll sisters lived in a big house

Which had a dog, a cat, and mouse

It had a garden, pots with flowers

The clock sundial counts hours

 

Dolls' house entrance with policeman and cars.

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

By the front door shines a blue car

If dollies want to travel far

A train parks in the train station

Police guard their police station 

Dolls' house dog. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

In a tall box store outdoor shoes

The best ones you don't want to lose

On the dog house is a big dog

A hedgehog but no green frog

In the hallway see a round rug

Where Molly meets all with a hug

At parties many times a year

For both their birthdays and New Year

Japanese dolly. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Korean fridge magnet doll. Packaging saved from Fortnum & Mason chocolate selection. 

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

But the party which they like best

Is the one in national dress

See their Japanese housekeeper

Plus visitors from Korea 

Bed from wooden pen case. Japanese doll head. Cork body. Small soft toy lion. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

In the hallway by the window

Is a long inviting settee

When you have nowhere else to go

Shut your eyes, dream of sea - or tea

MAGA advertising on mini chef for a restaurant in Poland. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

In the kitchen, a chef and cook

Have hat, apron, bowl, dishes' book

In the kitchen the best honey

Which must cost a lot of money

DIY bed for dolls house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Upstairs, on floor three there's a bed

A pillow where dolls lay their head

Halloween walking toy. Guatemalan (anti) worry dolls. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

A toy box, plus small and big toys

Silent toys which won't make a noise

Small pictures fixed on ev'ry wall

(Gran used blue gum to fix them all)

A wardrobe with a long mirror

Smart dolls, and friends, dress for dinner

Up on the roof's a helipad

Where you can land a little plane

A tower and a sloping roof 

Which makes a run'way for the rain

The monster on the roof. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

The roof has statues of a dog

A Noah's ark, tortoise and frog

A cow, a horse, even a bear

A small monster with lots of hair

Santa saved from a Christmas cake, on the roof of my dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Santa and reindeer saved from a Christmas cake, on the roof of my dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

On the roof's a big cat with claws

Which sits beside the Santa Claus

Who lives, hides, on the roof all year

Deer waits to bring their Christmas cheer

Yes, dolly does have a brother

And a father, and a mother

Dolly-sitter Grans gladly stay

While dollies' Dad's on holiday.

Each day dolly girls go to school

The school has lots of written rules

About the times when you can play

A calendar of holidays.

Until at bedtime, yawn and sigh

Tired Dolly has to say goodbye

Gran and our dolls are here to stay

Ready to play another day

So Ava shuts the door, the house

Puts in the cat, puts out the mouse

She says, 'dear dollies, please sleep tight

I wish you, all, a peaceful night'.

-ends-

A new version, cut or expanded to fit 8 syllables per line, added jokes, with illustrations added later today.

Note to poem writers and readers: -

To cut out a syllable, change mother to mum, father to Dad, granny to gran, every to each, dollies to dolly, many other plurals to singular, little to small, a lot of to lots of, past tense and present continuous to simple present tense. To add a syllable, do the reverse, change small to tiny or little. Sometimes by making change you can add an alliteration. 

I needed an extra syllable in the line about the monster. Should I add the words bit or small. The monster was small. A small monster adds the inconguity which is amusing.

I needed to lose a syllable to the last line, ending a very good night. I changed it to peaceful night. That was slightly more original than good night.

Toys and DIY

It would be easy to print a tiny list of rules for a school wall, or dolls' house kitchen. Six point type. Or a postage stamp size piece of white paper with your best calligraphy. Or a piece cut from one of those irritating instruction books in tiny print in multiple languages. Or a postage stamp with the head of the president or king or hero or your country or the country you visit on holiday.

Please share links to your favourite posts.

Ava's Dolls' House comical poem 560 by Angela Lansbury

  Ava had a little dolly

And the dolly's name was Molly

Molly had a taller sister

And her sister's name was Elsa

The sisters lived in a big house

Which had a dog, a cat, and mouse

It had a garden, pots with flowers

A clock and sundial counted hours

 

Outside was small blue car

If dolly wanted to go far

And a train in the train station

And police in the police station 

In the hallway was a rug

Where Molly met you with a hug

In the hallway by the window

Was a long inviting settee

When you had nowhere to go

Shut your eyes, dream of the sea - or tea

In the kitchen the best honey

Which had cost a lot of money

In the kitchen was a cook

With an apron, bowl, and book

Upstairs was an attic bed

A pillow where you put your head

And a box with lots of toys

But the toys made no noise

And a wardrobe with a mirror

Where dollies could dress for dinner

And some pictures on the wall

With blue gum to fix them all

On the roof a helipad

Where you could land a little plane

Some of the roof was sloping

Made a runaway for the rain

The roof had statues of a dog

A Noah's ark, tortoise and frog

A cow, a horse, even a bear

A monster with a lot of hair

On the roof the cat with claws

Sat beside the Santa Claus

He hid on the roof all year

Waiting to deliver Chistmas cheer

Yes, dolly did have a brother

And a father, and a mother

Dolly-sitter Ava came to stay

When dollies' Dad went on holiday.

But the dolly girls went to school

And the school had lots of rules

About the times when you could play

The long weekends, and holidays.

At bedtime with a sigh

Dolly had to say goodbye

But Dolly was here to stay

Ready to play another day

So Ava shut the door, the house

Put in the cat, put out the mouse

She said, 'dear dollies, please sleep tight

I wish you, both, a very good night'.

-ends-

A new version with illustrations will be added tomorrow.

Suitcase Insecurity comic poem number 465 by Angela Lansbury

 Suitcases. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Whever you go

Wherever you are

Secure your suitcase

But also the car

A suitcase in a car

I must say

Is not safe when

Your car's towed away

You can sew a zip

Inside your pocket

But that's no use

If they take the whole jacket

So buyer beware

The thief doesn't care

He's not like Snnta

With goodies to share

If the thief is arrested

He's bailed and then

He's back at the station

Stealing again

So buyer beware

Traveller beware

Don't say no-one warned you

My dears, please take care

It isn't enough

Just to stay alive

Make sure that your chattels

Also surive

When you have travelled

To so many places

With fond memories

Of kind, smiling faces

Never confidently leave

Your bags all alone

Be glad to arrive

With your bags safe at home

Now you know what you should

And you shouldn't do

I don't know all of you

But I care about you

I hope you will heed

The words that I say

And have a safe

Barricaded, happy holiday.

-ends-