Strike Struck Home. Comical poem no 843 by Angela Lansbury.

 

For school and work we need fast trains

Where we can read or learn or talk

Business trips, holidays - need planes

Most places are too far to walk

Because our cities aren't designed

So everyone can walk to shops

In Singapore they have a plan

Shops on corners, under each block

In London we have not created

Cities with shops we need built near

No future plans, we're outdated

There ought to be changes, it's clear

Singapore has driverless trains

And glass walls keep you off the track

Their world's drawn so everyone gains

Once you've seen that, you won't turn back

In London I sit, shake my head

And dream of flower bridges, arches

Think how London could move, instead

Like Singapore, where they ban marches

But in our chaotic culture

Anyone can make a puncture

Wreck the city with a fracture

Damaging the infrastructure

Our transport worker went on strike

Rode to the doctor's on his bike

The doctor's sign read, 'Stuck at home

Sorry, this week you're on your own.'

His children could not go to school

At last, he said, 'I am no fool

Misled by leader who's a jerk

So I'll vote, next week, back to work.'

-ends-

I'm Glad I Wasn't There: comical poem 728 by Angela Lansbury

 I'm glad to say I wasn't there

When the hairdresser cut your hair

When bin men forgot to empty the bin

When the lounge ceiling fell in

I wasn't there when the British empire ruled

I hadn't even started school

I wasn't there in World War two

So I have got no beef with you

I'm glad to say I don't do law

Though I will witness what I saw

Not much happens and so I win

A day of peace in my kitchen.

-ends-

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems

Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

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Nits Driving Them Nuts comical poem 525 by Angela Lansbury

 Nits are going around the school

Grand-child hot-headed, now is cool

Parents invested in nit combs

They did not want nits in their homes

Nit comb from bent twigs, about 2700 B C E.Wikipedia.

I asked family round for tea

But now hear they're more sick than me

So it's a case of wait and see

And hope they don't see two, or three

I phoned and heard they used a gel

And for the moment all is well

They'll repeat in a week or two

So nothing's passed to me and you.

When you're widowed you cry a bit

And seek consolation in verse

And think you've faced fate's hardest knocks

There cannot be anything worse

But toothache strikes, and then the flu

Things can get worse, I know it's true

The only thing that I can say

It's good when small things go away

I know I can't bring back the dead

All I ask is a little plus

Get rid of tootheache, and the nits

And vomiting nonovirus

When loved ones are no longer near

I pray aloud for fate to hear

When struck down by an urgent task

Just cure these ills - that's all I ask.

-ends-

The Bridge From Night To Day comic poem 226 by Angela Lansbury

I dreamed I suffered mild distress

At a hotel breakfast wearing my night dress

 Daylight blows guilty nonsense far away

So I'm glad to greet and start my innocent day

Down by a big cool blue swimming pool

Are teachers from the tiny tots morning school

Teachers blow away small adult troubles

Busy blowing giant rainbow bubbles

Delighted children race around

As elusive bubbles drift down to the ground

A happy chance lets me glance

As burst bubbles weave a broken rainbow dance

I trot off merrily on my way

But there's another joy today

On the other side of the pool

Is another cute kiddie school

The kids line up in height mismatched

To play a joyful game of throw and don't catch

To take their turn to throw a ball

To bounce against - or miss - the wall

Inside they go to learn much more

To fold torn paper into four

Such keen and anxious little faces

Learning how to tie their tiny laces

The tots don't have a single care

They wear bright ribbons in their hair

At lunch time proudly show what they now know

The joy of tying an untidy big ribbon bow

The lesson is to be like them

And let my child mind fill again

With simple tasks I'll learn somehow

In the oft repeated stopped watch now.

I've lots of time to fill my mind

With joy and leave my cares behind

Now I'm retired, my life's all play

Each day starts one long, wasted holiday

I must let happy visions fill my mind

And leave all niggles far behind

I can fill day's long, languid hours

Day-dreaming of fairytale ivory towers

I step outdoors to a fairtale scene

Of palm trees framing a sea of green

Across the red bridge, where tall palm trees show red

Lovely visions of  small orange flowers fill my little, empty head.

-ends-

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Fifty Birthdays, Comic Poem 173

Birthdays. Photo from Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Fifty Birthdays, comic poem 173 

by Angela Lansbury

When you reach the age of one

Exploring the world is such fun

First, you step, then fall, then run

The age of one is ever such fun

When you reach the age of two

You find there's so much more to do

Each toy is exciting and new

When you reach the age of two

When you reach the age of three

You climb the cot and you run free

There's so much to explore and see

When you reach the age of three

When you reach the age of four

You run around exploring more

They'd better lock the big front door

When you reach the age of four

When you reach the age of five 

It's so good to be alive

You've survived, so now you'll thrive

When you reach the age of five

When you reach the age of six

You pick up sticks, flail and fix 

Build and break towers of bricks

When you reach the age of six

When you reach the age of 7

Off to school, parents' heaven

You wish that you could be eleven

When you reach the age of 7

When you reach the age of 8

You want to bake a little cake

How long can a bike ride take?

When you reach the age of 8

When you reach the age of 9

You're growing, but you're going fine

You've started stamps, found a fishing line

When you reach the age of nine

When you reach the age of 10

You'll soon mature, not sure when,

You need to grow, and count again

When you reach the age of ten

When you reach the age of 11

Too big for kids of 7

Big school looks just like heaven

When you reach the age of  eleven

When you reach the age of 12

Start to study, dive and delve

Find things hidden on high shelves

When you reach the age of 12

When you reach the age of 13

Raise your eyebrows

Friends start flirting

When you reach the age of  13

 

When you reach age 14

Some big kids have started courting

Tut-tut, noughty-nought teen 

When you reach age of  14

When you reach age 15

More selective, you start sifting

Seek your clique, your king and queen

When you reach age  15

When you reach sweet sixteen

In some places you could marry

Got exams so what's the hurry

When you reach sweet  16

When you reach the age of 17

You think you're a clever teen

But you are still in between

When you reach the age of  17

When you've got to age 18

In some States you can drink

Go to uni, start to think

Adult gaol's what eighteen means

When your birthday hits 19

You're a fine team on the screen

Football, six-pack, makes girls scream

When your birthday hits 19

At the tender age of 20 

Yes, my dear, you've seen plenty

Now set sail cos you can't fail

At the tender age of twenty

When you're over twenty-one

You don't admit to what you've done

Or they'll try to stop your fun

When you're over twenty-one.

When you're over fifty

You forget to count

You ask people to guess your age

But deduct a small amount.

When your child has a baby

Birthday cycles starts once more

You're still far ahead because

You have seen it all before.

This poem on ages took me ages

So I wrote it in slow  stages.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury Sat 4 April 2023

To be published in a forthcoming book of collected comic poems.

You can also read these paperback books by Angela Lansbury

Writing Poetry For Fun

Includes poem examples to inspire you,  for anniversaries, birthdays, trades and professions, Valentine's Day. 

Example Excerpts

If you need someone

Who's good at spelling

I need someone

Who's good at selling.

A Hairdresser gives you a cut

He chops it off, no ifs or buts

I.D. 3182338

www.lulu.com

***

Poetry Workshop Workbook

This handy book is entertaining and educational. It starts with quotations by poets about poetry. It ends with a poet's dictionary giving the structural patterns for poems such as ballads, sonnets, villanelles, and example of each and exercise.  

From Lulu.com ID 2228624

www.lulu.com

https://www.lulu.com/shop/angela-lansbury/poetry-workshop/paperback/product-17dj5d4.html?page=1&pageSize=4

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wedding-Speeches-Toasts-Family-Matters-dp-0706372182/dp/0706372182/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

Free look inside Grief and Us anthology on Amazon in which Angela has a chapter

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Us-When-Here-Want-ebook/dp/B0BTMTGYV7?asin=B0BTMTGYV7&revisionId=9275660&format=1&depth=1

Angela also has chapters in Authenticity & Us (Chapter on Authentic Writing For Your Audience)

Fear & Us (Chapter on How To Unblock Writer's Block)

A to Z of alliteration. Each letter of the alphabet has adjectives, names, places and more suggestions for titles for articles, books and businesses. 

Look inside to see the amusing introduction on alliterative placenames around the world.

I am a teacher and write comical informational poems for children and speak a lot on Toastmasters International where many speakers speak English as a second language. I also trained as a journalist for the tabloids and worked for woman's magazines, and the language must be simple and understood by all, so my poems might strike you as simple. That's what they are meant to be. My 20 books include Poetry Workshop Workbook (written for a UK Writers' Circle meeting. Writing Poetry for Fun. Poetry Pets and Pests was bought by my local school where I gave a workshop. You can read the start of Improve Your English on alliteration using Look Inside on Amazon. Angela Lansbury 

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How To Write A Pretty Poem (Comic poem 135)

 

Angela Lansbury reciting poems at poetry night, organized by Alison Chisholm, Writers' Holiday, Fishguard, Wales, UK

How to write a pretty poem?

Very soon we're going to grow

But before you rush to write it

Here are top tips you need to know

Some folks think poems are just verse

Instead of commas, make a break

That's just staccato prose, or worse

Confusing cuts, a half-cooked cake

Poems start with a simple rule

People remember lines which rhyme

This is what I was taught at school

So now I use rhyme all the time

When you stand up, proud to recite

You want to smile and look around

At open mic, or a planned night

Not at your page, the sky, the ground

In the good old days, few could write

They could not read poems nor songs

A chorus repeats - you get it right

Those who recite or sing along

One more thing, alliteration

You repeat a strong first letter

Rhyme and a beat are good enough

Alliteration - even better

You need a beat so words will flow

Grab attention, get feet tapping

Like strong heart beats and nodding heads

So you end up hearing clapping.

-ends-