Boom boom - comic song by Angela

Boom Boom Be Doom
comic song by Angela

(Chorus)
Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

When you come over here
To be close to me, my dear
Your dreams will all come true
With what I've got 'inn' mind for you

(Chorus)
Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Last time we didn't finish

What we hoped but didn't start

But when you disappeared

That didn't break my heart

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

'Cos I knew that you'd be back

This time I'll give you what you lack

Yes, I heard what you hinted

I nearly had a heart attack!

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Keep both your eyes on me

Think what fun it would be

You'll have pendulum eyes

Your hands will hold a great surprise

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

You have skills which I admire
Your looks and words set me afire
When I see you in the street
My heart will race and skip a beat

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

When can we be alone?
I want to take you home!
But you live too far away
I'll make your night - you made my day

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Maybe an unknown hotel - sh!
Would suit as just as well
One thing is certain
I'll slowly draw the heavy curtain

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

There's just one small thing more
You'll click-ly lock, and bolt, the door

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury copyright 2017 Sept 30.
The sound of Amy Winehouse's beat backing, and Eartha Kit's suggestive smouldering.
Please share links to your favourite posts.
Look at my books on Lulu.com
I have two books on writing poetry.

I've got bills to pay

I've got bills to pay
comic song by Angela Lansbury

I've got bills to pay
Yes, I've got bills to pay
There's only one thing I can say
Honey, I've got bills to pay

You're not the kind romantics sigh on
But you're the one that I rely on
Because I've got bills to pay
Yes, I've got bills to pay

You ask me if I care
Yes, I've got a lot to share
Seeing you has made my day
Because I've got bills to pay

I love the way you do accounts
And you earn such large amounts
And you pass some crumbs my way
When I've got lots of bills to pay

Yes, what gives me great delight
And what helps me sleep at night
Is the lovely things you say
When I've got bills to pay

They ask what I see in you
And they ask me what you do
The only thing that I can say
Is you earn a lot of pay

There's a lot that I could say
About the way we pass the day
But what's important is you help
When I've got bills to pay.

I would love to reward you

With a gold coin or two

Instead I've chocolate gold coins

I hope that that will do.
-ends-
Words composed whilst listening to the song Lay The Blanket On The Ground sung by Billo Jo Spears. I was working on the principle that you make a song more immediate and original if you simply take comedy and song themes from observation of life.
Copyright Angela Lansbury, 2017

Song Hot Memories by Angela Lansbury

Hot Memories 
by Angela Lansbury

When I am hot

I go for a swim

It cools me down

And makes me thin

I went for a swim
But the pool was closed
So I ran in the gym
And I thought about him

He had a name
I can't forget
So I searched for him
On the Internet

I wrote to him
But he never replied
I used to wonder
If he had died

Over the years
I met other men
But I still dreamed
That we'd meet again

We'd both recall
Old memories
But life moves on
That's how it is

I'm glad that we met
We both would say
It's for the best
We part today

Fond memories
But love turns cold
It's long ago
We're both too old

I must admit
You look the same
So there's no point
In finding blame

Life has been kind
I can't complain
Goodbye old love
Let's meet again

Here's the problem
Here's the danger
Rapport takes time
We're now strangers

Life has been kind
I can't complain
Yet I still dream
We'll meet again.

-ends-
Old - different
Feb 23rd 2014
Copyright Angela Lansbury

Ten Old Writers by Angela Lansbury

10
Ten old writers typing in the hall
If one old writer should accidentally fall
There'd be nine old writers
Typing in the hall

9
Nine old writers typing in the hall
But if one wore a wig
To a fancy dress ball
There's be eight old writers
Typing in the hall

8
Eight old writers typing in the hall
But if one old writer answered nature's call
There'd be seven

7
Seven comic writers joking in the hall
But if one drunk writer dressed for Dracula's Ball
There'd be six horror writers

6
Six shy singers, singing in the hall
One said 'singers'? I signed up for swingers
There'd be Five

5
Five YA* writers typing in the hall
But if one YA writers got an agent's call
There'd be Four

4
Four old writers typing in the hall
But if one lost his pen and went to the shopping mall
There'd be three

3
Three old writers
There'd be Two

2
Two tired writers
One took a nap

1
One stepped forward and stood proud and tall


0
No
But if they all died, we'd find another ten
Ten new writers - would have to start again.
-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury
*YA - Young Adult (fiction)

Ten Would-be Writers by Angela Lansbury

Ten newbie writers, backed against the wall
If they had too much to drink,
The tipsiest might fall
Leaving nine scared new writers, backed against the wall

One would-be writer fancied cosy crime
Did too much research, so now he's doing time
Climbed the highest mountain, so he had a nasty fall
Leaving eight scared new writers, backed against the wall

Eight dropped out of poetry and went to write a song
Severn was left wing and went to right the world's wrongs
Number six tossed dice and wrote a convoluted plot
Five co-authors, wrote five suspects and four endings they forgot

One slept on the floor, he was number four
A mystery writer vanished, that left only three
One would be writer ran off to reality TV
One writer left, one reader stayed - two, only you and me

I've been writing my first novel twenty years or more
I'm no longer a newbie, I'm the one you saw before
Why aren't you writing? Don't be a zero
Write me praise and thank yous and you will be my hero.

-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury

The Diet Poem by Angela Lansbury

The move which was my worst mistake
Was taking that third chocolate cake
I'm often told, I'm sure it's true
That dieters should stop at two

For health, I eat brown bread with seeds
Jacket potatoes fill other needs
They provide me with vital vitamin C
My favourite foods are lunch, dinner and tea

I want to be healthy, wealthy and strong
But at mealtimes we don't get along
People stare at my plate too long
And tell me what I'm doing wrong

Some choose drink to drown their sorrow
Some parachute for escapist thrills
Some take drugs, others vitamin pills
But I eat like there's no tomorrow

For I have found life's greatest treasure
I have found a lifelong pleasure
Although Champagne's a welcome drink
Flowers or chocolate - what do you think?
-ends-
copyright Angela Lansbury 2107

I'm happy, happy, happy

I'm happy, happy, happy, yes
Like a cat that's climbing a tree
When you see someone smiling back
That's somebody who's just like me

When you see me smiling at you
You should be smiling at me, too
So somebody watching can see
Then join to make a smiling three

I drew myself in a mirror
Concentrating - I didn't smile
Friends said, "It's not a bit like you
You haven't frowned for a long while

So I'll re-draw myself smiling
So that my picture looks like me
Because I'm always so happy
As happy as can be, be be

Make the most of the days you've got
'cause you may not be here so long
So be like me, be creative
Do a drawing or write a song

I'm happy, happy, happy, yes
Like a cat that's climbing a tree
So if I see you smiling back
I'll know you're happy, just like me!

Nodding, smiling, thumbs up, happy
Two hand clappy, two feet tappy
Nodding, smiling, thumbs up happy
Clappy, clappy, happy happy

Happy-happy, happy-happy;
Happy-happy, happy-happy
Happy-happy, happy-happy;
Happy-happy, happy-happy.

Now I'm sure you know the refrain
Now you're sure, sing it once again:
Two hand clappy? Two feet tappy!
Happy-happy, happy-happy!

-ends-

Gone But Not Forgotten - Dancing On The Grave

One day, years ahead, I'll be gone
But I hope I'm not forgotten
Even though undulating earth
With ups and downs, spoiled me rotten

One day all my generation
Will have had fun, come, and then gone
And your, bright, new, generation
Will dance along, stop, look, walk on

I'm sorry to leave, but leave you
A poem, one good thing I've done
Wish you a lovely, living day
Full of wonder, like mine, have fun!

Angela Lansbury. Copyright. Aug 2nd 2017.

NOTICE, I Hazel Angela (née) Lansbury, hereby assert and give notice of my right under section 77 of the UK Copyright, Designs and Patented Act 1988, to be identified as the author of all works presented within this website, http://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.co.uk
 and other related sites on blogger.com. Some of the poems have appeared in one form or another, in the following websites: Facebook; and in books such as: Writing Poetry For Fun With Angela; Poetry Workshop.

Poem after 35 UNBELIEVABLE COOKING HACKS for holiday drinks and fruit bought from the market on holiday

Oops. Wrong blog. What shall I do?
Leave it, my friend. Hope it's of use to you.
Then call it serependipity, a lucky clog
Misplaced video makes an odder blog.

Poem On Cooking and Eating
by Angela Lansbury

I wish that I could learn to cook
Spend no less time writing a book
Or reading books. Let other cooks
Use aromas like a title's hook

May all book titles have a colour
Nothing bland, boring, duller
But instead, a strawberry red
As spicy as pepper, as soft as bed

All through the day I alternate
Writing and reading, food and drink
The hunger which makes me want to eat
Feeds my drooped brain, pushed to grow, create and think.

Angela Lansbury

First version reads
Then feeds my brain with the urge to think
Second version ends
Then feeds my brain urged to make and think.
Third version above.

I read in a book on songwriting that you should edit your first draft with surprising and contrasting words to make your song (or poem) original, memorable, not just doggerel.
However, adding adjectives, metaphors, removing a and the, sometimes spoils the flow.

I remember contradictory advice:
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Don't over-write. (In both senses: don't cross out, don't spend too much time changing your first thoughts. I often write a blog and add a sentence to the end of a paragraph. Then the following paragraph's first sentence does not follow on, because the last sentence of the preceding paragraph has now gone off at a tangent.

I leave both final sentences so you, or a later editor, can choose what goes best.

PS Adding a syllable to every line:

How I wish that I could learn to be a cook
But spend no less time on writing a book
Or reading books. So let some other cooks
Use aromas to tempt, like a titles' hooks

May all book titles have vivid colour
Nothing bland, boring, grown dry, or duller
But instead, a bright, slap, strawberry red
As spicy as pepper, soft as shared bed

Each day I yo-yo, forced to alternate
Writing and reading, stop for food and drink
The hunger which drives my strong urge to eat
Feeds my drooped brain, pushed to grow, create, think.

-ends-

Write A Poem Every Day

Monument to great writers, Berlin.

Write A Poem Every Day
by Angela Lansbury

He asked a question, my 'young' son:
"How many poems have you done?"
"I've no idea, dear. I have lost count.
I'm sure that it's a large amount.

"I used to number every one
I piled them, dated, in a file
Until alas, my laptop crashed
Then I lost heart for quite a while

"I thought I ought to do something
From one thousand, re-numbering
I started at one, changed to songs
Then stopped that, 'cos I couldn't sing."

"Mum, write a poem every day!"
"Yes, I'll do that! I've lots to say.
On second thoughts, I won't, no way!
Another burden. Go away!

"I've made more vows that I can keep
Too tired to think, too tired to sleep
Follow more rules? Like school! Like sheep!
Go with the flow? I'm in too deep!

"You see the way I work. You see
I'm losing heart before line three
I think I'll make a cup of tea
Better you do it, dear, than me.

"The trouble is, I work alone
I get distracted by the phone
Hey! Give me a nudge on the phone -
We'll help each other - not alone!"

"But poetry's like health and wealth
Don't wait for help; do it yourself
Don't blame others, get on with it!
Not a tome, five minutes, one bit."

"Yes, take heart, I'll give it a try
Let's get it done before we die
A simple goal. It's short and clear
Three hundred couplets plus, each year!"
-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury July 30 2017.
Please don't copy but please do share a link to my pages, on travel, and poetry, and this poem. Thank you so much.

Computer Dating

Computer Dating by Angela Lansbury
Version 1
Where is my millionaire?
Why does he keep me waiting?
I'll have to go and find him
So I'll try computer dating

You can look for one who cooks
Ask for a wit who's fit
Who reads balance sheets or books
Or say you do not mind a bit

I like company directors
Men with PHDs as well
Yet despite their education
Not one of them can spell

Now most men tell big lies
About their height and weight
Their body and wallet size
Married status, mental state

Their photos are out of date
They have no sense of time
I guess their photos, like their ages
Are just the same as mine

One said he'd give me a ring
Ambiguous beyond belief
One arrived wearing a sling
One had lost his two front teeth

I've seen the bearded and the bald
All religions, and free thinkers
I've met redheads, young and old
Priests, virgins, and sex-mad drinkers

When they ask, "Are you divorced?"
I reply, "It's complicated,"
The tenth man I saw this week
Asked, "Am I the first you've dated?"

I've met lots of reject husbands
I can't tell you what I've done
But after husband thirty-two
I'm calling husband number one.
-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury 25 July 2017

Revised at the suggestion of Alison Chisholm at Writers' Holiday

Computer Dating by Angela Lansbury
Version 2
Where is my millionaire?
Why does he keep me waiting?
I'll have to go and find him
So I'll try computer dating

You can look for one who cooks
Ask for a wit who's fit
Who reads balance sheets or books
Or say you do not mind a bit

I like company directors
Men with PHDs as well
Yet despite their education
Not one of them can spell

Now most men tell big lies
About their height and weight
Their body and wallet size
Married status, mental state

Their photos are out of date
They have no sense of time
I guess their snapshots, like their ages
Are just the same as mine

One said he'd give me a ring
Ambiguous beyond belief
One arrived wearing a sling
One had lost his two front teeth

I've seen the bearded and the bald
All religions, and free thinkers
I've met redheads, young and old
Priests, virgins, and sex-mad drinkers

When they ask, "Are you divorced?"
I reply, "It's complicated,"
The tenth man I saw this week
Asked, "Am I the first you've dated?"

I've met lots of reject husbands
I can't tell you what I've done
But after trying thirty-two
I'm back with husband number one.
-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury 25 July 2017.
This poem was read at Writers and Artists' Holiday at Fishguard in Wales.
I received lots of compliments.

10 Egg Tricks - and an egg poem which I was egged on to write

I'll have to beg

I'll have to beg
You to go shopping for a pint of milk
Another box, I need another egg
I shall reward you with a great surprise
Not just an egg, a shape to please your eyes

It's just five minutes walk, my dear
It's exercise, not losing a whole day
Besides, I have a secret plan
Something I'll do while you're away

Please don't suspect I'll phone another
Friend, or mother, or waste time watching porn
Trust me, I have a tea-time plan
I promise something new will soon be born

I long for your return each time we part
I shall create messages of love upon the plate
For cookery is just another love, another art
To give, and to receive, an egg - shaped like a heart!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2017. Wed 2nd August.

Please don't bury me in a cemetery

Tomb of Oscar Wilde. France.

by Angela Lansbury

Please don't bury me in a cemetery
Where I'll be stuck for eternity
With words declaiming misery

Sit me in the box of a theatre
Until you can think of something better
A comedy to distract my debtors

When you are sure that I'm deceased
Prop me up at a table watching a feast
Give me bread and water and fruit, at least

I'd like a coffin with a window
Flowers and gold and a silken halo
And a phone in case I don't want to go

Romanian gravestones get biscuits and beer
Write on my headstone, 'Wish you were here'

Like primitives, dig me up a every year
Each year wash me off, provide a new dress*
In Sulawesi they say it saves children distress
So make me and my dead friends all look our best

If you have to pay for a cemetery
To please somebody from the powers that be
Then publish my books of comedy
Because laughter's the best tribute to me.

Angela Lansbury
copyright 2017

Inspired by Wolfe's poem about the burial of Sir John Moore at Corunna in Spain.
Toraja, Sulawesi, Indonesia
*http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2745169/Zombie-chic-Indonesian-village-Toraja-s-bizarre-annual-ritual-Ceremony-Cleaning-Corpses-MaiNene.html

Additions July Wed 26, written at the request of Alison Chisholm, poetry teacher, for performance at the last Summer Writers' Holiday in Fishguard, Wales. (You can still book for a spring weekend, Feb 2018. See www.writersholiday.net.

The Graveyard
by Angela Lansbury

Please

Plastic Bag Poetry by Angela Lansbury

Angela wearing a plastic bag as an apron.

I live on an island of plastic bags
As far as the eye can see
Instead of a coral reef there's an isle
Of old plastic bags and me.

Some kind folks praise me for all that I do
Some shake their heads and mutter
'Why is she living in such a big mess?
This house is full of clutter

I'm doing my bit to save the great world
I'm sorry it's just delay
Because one day when I'm dead and long gone
You'll have to throw them away.

Angela Lansbury, copyright 2017 June 9th.

Camels Mating On The Motorway

Camels on the Motorway 2017

by Angela Lansbury

Two camels are out on the motorway
You often see one which runs the wrong way
Today, not running, but cause much delay
Today two are mating, what can you say?

A racing camel, three times a winner
Is not what the owner wants for his dinner
He wants to keep it, it isn't for sale
But it disappears - seeking a female

Morning, evening, even hot afternoon
It scents a female, hid beyond that dune
He's randy, and racing, a headstrong chap
But when he has done? I guess he'll come back

For camels, sex is a dangerous game
They could break legs, not two but four!
Get travel insurance, fill out a claim
"Leg broken while mating, can't prove who's to blame ..."

But back to our two on the motorway
You can judge by the grunting, a day of delight
Our drivers tuts, "They should stay out of sight
Over the dune in the dark of the night."

Imagine they're paired on a dating site
Ask a female camel what type she likes?
She likes 'adventure', and 'the outdoors'
'A camel who's keen' is the kind which excites

Ask macho males to mark forms with his hoof
He doesn't want 'the kind who's aloof'
Likes: 'a dune', 'a motorway', 'any place'. Many!
A motorway? Now we've seen the proof!
-ends-
copyright Angela Lansbury, 2017. All rights reserved.

Article in the Daily Mail, May 30 2017. Camels in Dubai. I uploaded to Facebook and several people made comments which inspired this poem.
Please see my articles on travel on this website, blogger.com
Please share links to your favourite posts.

Landlord's Lament

Landlord's Lament
by Angela Lansbury

I should call myself landlady
Yes, but that's my smallest worry
Because I've got bigger problems
I must write this quickly, hurry

You'd think that it would be easy
Just sit back and count the money
Yet today I feel quite queasy
Flats smell of smoke, drugs, fire, curry

If it isn't fire its water
Leaking down from the flats above
Can't decorate, wait -  one more leak
On the soft carpets which I love

Look - the leaking gutters spread mould
Which has ruined the walls and floors
Pay plumbers quick, I'm feeling old
Wish the problems weren't mine but yours

Why do firms make an admin charge
It's the money, and time, and stress
Now I see the cost in time's large
We're sorting out the constant mess

I bought an expensive oven
Tenants roasted, set on the grill
The fire brigade has just left them
Oven destroyed - who'll pay the bill?

-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury

Poem Catching a Cockroach by Angela Lansbury

I was emptying my gmail when I found a poem I had emailed to a friend.

1104 The Cockroach and A Woman’s Reaction

by Angela Lansbury

Regarding my no bread diet

Kitchen and bathroom scales kept quiet

Therefore I don't think I deserve

Such strong tests of resolve and nerve

I thought that I’d been very good

Someone anticipates a sin

So sent a subtle keep out sign

A cockroach in my kitchen bin

Alone, I’d deal with it, I’m sure

I’d stun it with a killer spray

Or else I’d simply lock the door

Shout, ‘Go away!’ go out all day 

Once when cornered by a spider

I called a passer-by, a man

Could not wait for my ex with specs

Impatient - that’s the way I am.

I am a typical woman

And if I were caught on a cam

I like men but hate cockroaches

Predictable, why, yes, I am.

Who needs a porsche or MBA

Just be here at the close of day

And be calm, not fazed, when I say

Cockroach - in bin - take it away!

You do not need a diamond ring

You do not need to strum or sing

I no longer need a life coach

Just get rid of that big cockroach

I'll call a passer-by or ex

You do not need to wear a suit

It helps if you are wearing boots

I'll give you coffee, money, sex

It’s the moment which strengthens love

The moment when you prove yourself

More important than health or wealth

The macho broom, bin, plastic glove.

The missus won’t greet with kisses

She’s staring at the kitchen floor

But you’re the strong man she adores

You’re always welcome at her door.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury 2017

Benjamin Franklin poem by Angela Lansbury

Bust of Franklin in Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA

Benjamin Franklin poem
by Angela Lansbury

"I'm a Brit in America, what must I see?
Lots of things which fascinate me
A historic city, where should tourists being?
At the exhibition of Benjamin Franklin!

"He said 'early to bed and early to rise'
Makes shops wealthy, tourists happy and wise
As Philadelphia's buildings grew higher and higher
He invented lighting conductors to prevent fires ..."

"The building I'm in is made safer by him
The building you're in is made safer by him
People worldwide are indebted to him
Don't you want to know more about Benjamin Franklin?"

"He invented bifocals, I don't know how
I'm indebted to him, I'm using them now
He did so much for you and me
Come to Philadelphia - so much new to see!

He was also in London, a well-travelled man
Visit his home in England, soon if you can.
"Early to bed ...," that's what he would say
I repeat his words to myself every day.

Copyright Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, poet, performer, speaker, English teacher.

PS
You can see how I came to write this poem, in a post today 12 May 2017, on my travel blog on blogger.com.
Please share a link to my posts on blog on travel and blog on poetry.

http://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.co.uk/2017/05/packing-list-poem. (My poem on packing)
https://www.visittheusa.com
http://www.visitphilly.com
http://www.visitphilly.com/museums-attractions/philadelphia/benjamin-franklin-museum/ (USA museum in Philadelphia)
http://www.benjaminfranklinhouse.org/site/sections/ (Benjamin Franklin house in London, England)

Packing List Poem

Packing List Poem
by Angela Lansbury

Every day I make a list
To make sure nothing vital's missed
The suitcase must be in the hall
Packed and locked for the taxi's call

I start to pack a month before
My bedroom looks like there's a war
The swimsuit, cap and new pool shoes
Papers to read - all last years' news

Dress, warm coat, skirt, shirt, light jacket
I can't find it - did I pack it?
The hat and gloves, map and notebook
Chocolate, sardines - no need to cook

The night clothes and the towel shoes
I might get more but can't be sure
A lipstick, pencil, pen and comb
Each thing I use each day at home

A toothbrush, toothpaste, a small soap
'though I'll get more when there, I hope
Hand cream, conditioner, shampoo
Repellent, empty food box - more to do

Count days away, work, sport and play
Clothes for touring, evening and day
Pickpocket proof - sew pocket zips
Add clipboard, sewing kit, paper clips

The underwear, the socks, the vest
Old clothes for hiking, dress that's 'best'
I'll always need smart clothes I know
For last night dinner and the group photo

I have to buy new hiking shoes
I'll go online, what should I choose?
Find old spare socks, they're clean but gosh
They're gray, they need another wash

Print long lists of what we should see
(To find one on which we agree!)
Check opening times, put numbers in phone
Neighbours, taxi for coming home

The reason I've so much to do
Is 'cos my phone update's not new
The passport, ticket, padlock - lock it
Lastly what goes in my pocket?

The keys, the fruit, water, spare bag
The pills, the ones which beat jet lag
A note to tell me empty bin
Take milk to neighbours if they're in

Remind the kids to water plants
Give them address, and phone the aunts
The doctors, dentists, clinics here
Check destination, what is near?

Yes, just in case I fall or slip
Check or buy insurance for the year, trip
Check time zones, sleep early or late
Set six alarms - prevent mistake

And make sure that when I'm away
When I arrive, the date, the day
I lose a day when flying east
Get jet lag; book tours, folklore feast

Cancel the meetings I can't make
I list and photo what I take
I'm sure that everything is planned
So all goes smoothly when I land

Plus list those vital words I'll need
If I lose my passport, I'm sick or bleed
Spanish, French, German, Russian, Chinese
Lunch, how much, too much, thank you, please.

Because I've learned from past mistake
The vital things I need to take
The sting relief and sticking plaster
Songs and jokes, for traffic jam laughter.

Am I a pessimist, or an optimist
No, I think I'm a realist

I'm overweight, re-pack, "We're late!
You're always late! The plane won't wait!"
I've packed too much, leave half behind
I was prepared, in my mind.

***
Copyright Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, poet, performer author and speaker.
Please share link to this post.

About the author

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

 Please share links to your favourite posts.

My Funny Family (version 7) poem by Angela Lansbury

My Funny Family
by Angela Lansbury

My family is very strange
But they are extremely funny
Some of them are obscenely rich
Won't help us who beg for money

My mother talked for twenty years
But never stopped to pause for breath
Father always smiled and nodded
Nobody noticed he was deaf

Dear Mum didn't think it mattered
After we lost my mother, dear
I asked my widowed Dad, 'Tea? Tea?"
And realised he could not hear.

My uncle played the violin
Better than all, than me or you
Won scholarships, played on cruise ships
A fine player, but stone deaf, too!

Played for radio, BBC
A fine player, not one wrong note
He left me books on lip-reading
He'd been deaf as an old, dead goat.

Poor Uncle's toilet filled with weed
He had no cash for a plumber
Instead he taught one the trumpet
Yet the toilets stank all summer

My son says, "You're the weirdest one
'Cos you write comic poetry!"
I can't see why he thinks I'm odd
My family's more strange than me.

-ends.

 Copyright Angela Lansbury, May 12 2017.

Grammatically it should end more strange than I am but me rhymes. Poet's license.

What I saw today - flowers

What I Saw Today - Flowers

Song by Angela

08052017

Today I saw an angry man

But then I saw a pretty girl

I saw a broken bracelet

But then I saw a glowing pearl

I picked a perfect rose

And I threw away dead flowers

Wasted ten minutes writing this

But still have fifteen hours

Forget about the lonely days

And think of your best kiss

I should think of holidays I’ve had

Forget the ones I’ve missed

Take action to achieve my dreams

Breathe deep, enjoy the rest

Add up the ticks in every day

And then you’ll pass life’s test.

-ends-

version 2

Today I heard an angry man

My mirror showed a pretty girl

I fell and broke my best bracelet

But knelt and grabbed one glowing pearl

I picked a perfect perfumed rose

I threw out old, faded flowers

Wasted ten minutes writing this

But still can fill fifteen more hours

Forget about the lonely days

An optimist thinks love and kiss

I'll think of holidays I’ve had

Forget the ones which I have missed

Take action to achieve my dreams

Breathe deeply and enjoy the rest

Add up the ticks in every day

And then you’ll win and pass life’s test.

-ends-

Hi God, a poem by Angela Lansbury on Does God Exist In Gardens

Hi God by Angela Lansbury

 "Does God exist in gardens, Gran? 

Looks like the devil's out there, too 

If you like bites from mosquitos 

Sorry to say I'm not with you!" 

 "Let's look around our garden, child 

Then you'll be sure there is a God "

Invite your friend to I take a look

 Under a log; bulbs, worms in sod ..."

 I pick a rose, scratched by a thorn I dodge, we see a honey bee 

Pick blackberries, dress stained and torn 

A bee, or wasp, starts chasing me ... 

 We try to hide behind a tree

 

I move a plant pot, ear wig, louse 

It doesn't even take a snake 

Slugs drive us back into the house

 I try to smile and not to sigh 

"It's sunny, phone the family 

Try to be good, don't make a fuss." 

 "When we die what eats you and me?" 

 When health and safety call on us 

They check for mice, mosquitos, rats 

Bugs live outside, must look for holes

 Roaches invade kitchens of flats

 I sometimes think I should desist

 I would not want to lose a friend 

An agnostic or atheist 

Can see both sides and round life's bend 

 If firm belief secures one's fate 

Grandchild's debate makes blood run cold 

It's time to choose, not quite too late 

Don't lose faith now, 

Gran - you're too old! 

 My rose is pretty, its perfume 

Would make believers of the blind 

Yes, pinks, and blues brighten my room 

But bee's buzz, greenfly, change my mind. 

 Angela Lansbury. Copyright Saturday, 6 May 2017. 

Author's note Pinks are the colour of roses but also the name of another kind of flower. 

I started writing a poem about the mixed blessings of a garden. I changed the poem to one in which an atheist or agnostic grandma debates with a child. I added another verse and changed it again to the worried child trying to secure a place in Heaven for grandma.

About the author

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time. 

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

 Please share links to your favourite posts.

Your Pilot Speaking

(See explanation and background to this poem on my travel blog.) To be performed wearing a cap with gold buttons. Your Pilot Speaking by Angela Lansbury

 "This is your co-pilot speaking
I promise we're leaving on time
I know you feel like you're dying
Just breathe deeply, and you'll be fine ..."

"This is your co-pilot speaking
I'm sorry about the delay
If you look out of the windows
You'll see goat herds on the runway

"We don't usually tell you
When we see a snake on the plane
I lift my feet in the cockpit
Calmly sigh, 'Oh no - not again!'

"Whilst I am waiting for the vet
I announce, 'We're waiting for parts ...'
I send for vets - and two doctors
Mine quickly checks my waltzing heart!

"We know you've paid lots of money
We pretend complaints don't cause stress
Altitude makes food taste funny
Crew clean toilets, they do their best

"I hope you enjoy a pleasant flight
A safe journey, a lovely day
Remember whilst you have a holiday
We're working, driving, smiling, all day."

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury April 21 2017 Sorry, readers - I typed this out as verse but it appears on the page you read without the breaks because somewhere I have clicked on showing the HTML which means I have to insert the instructions for line breaks. One day, when I've sorted this out, I shall go back and check and change every post. Meanwhile I have to rush off to meetings.