World Poetry Day comical poem 537 by Angela Lansbury

 

Today is world poetry day

When every budding poet knows

You have to speak in poetry

And not one wasteful word of prose

I tried to speak in poetry

Asking prices from the plumbers

One cut the call. Seriously.

I got strange looks from the builders

I said, "Write down your quotation

So that my husband can compare

And please punctuate the numbers

Don't stick dots, commas, everywhere!"

Now that poetry day's over

We all breathe big sighs of relief

Poetry's best left to poets

Not busy builders, that's their belief.

-ends-

Landlord's Lament

Landlord's Lament
by Angela Lansbury

I should call myself landlady
Yes, but that's my smallest worry
Because I've got bigger problems
I must write this quickly, hurry

You'd think that it would be easy
Just sit back and count the money
Yet today I feel quite queasy
Flats smell of smoke, drugs, fire, curry

If it isn't fire its water
Leaking down from the flats above
Can't decorate, wait -  one more leak
On the soft carpets which I love

Look - the leaking gutters spread mould
Which has ruined the walls and floors
Pay plumbers quick, I'm feeling old
Wish the problems weren't mine but yours

Why do firms make an admin charge
It's the money, and time, and stress
Now I see the cost in time's large
We're sorting out the constant mess

I bought an expensive oven
Tenants roasted, set on the grill
The fire brigade has just left them
Oven destroyed - who'll pay the bill?

-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury