Strange Senses; Sweet Smells. Comical poem 838 by Angela Lansbury

 I feel soft carpet on the floor

I feel soft towels, dry, and damp

I clasp hard handles on each door

Watch light cast shadows from the lamp

I hear the hum of traffic noise

Gulp down refreshing cups of water

I see shelves of dolls, big bears, toys

I hear bird song, far, joyful, laughter

Breathe in, aromas fill the room

Lavender, a pale pink spray

Musk, sweet jasmine, strong perfume

One day will all this go away?

No! Yet one day we'll all pass on

We will not sniff, nor touch, nor feel

It will go on, but I'll be gone

Yet what I see now seems so real

Rose in my garden, Hatch End. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Some say slow down, others hurry

I use my eyes, nose, teeth, and toes, 

Some say stay calm; others worry

Life's brief, real, sniff this lovely rose.

-ends-

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Teeth, Teeth comic poem 400 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

My teeth are what you see above

But teeth all have an underneath

Like icebergs, hidden, out of sight

Supporting, or destroying teeth

I hate to have a gaping hole

It makes a hole inside my soul

A nightmare, like a piece of coal

Waiting for fire, to give me grief

The dentist like a fearsome devil

With drills and bills, wholly evil

But I hope I can find a saint

To seal my teeth with sealant paint

To end my woes, in a short while

Either bring tears, or a big smile

And send me home with dancing shoes

Rest like mangy fox in calm snooze

Mangy fox snoozing on lawn in back garden, Hatch End, London, UK, April 2024. Photo by Angela Lansbury Copyright

Hygienists booked April til October

Can't even give me a look over

Fearing appointments will be missed

I settle for the waiting list

A new hygienist I could choose

To end my anxious eating blues

Like a glass of wine, beer or booze -

I hope my dentist gives good news.

-ends-

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my other blogs are

travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

You can link to me on LinkedIn or Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest

Or talk to me at a Toastmasters International Club such as

Harrovians in London which is hybrid, online once a month, or

Singapore Online Dynamic Fridays, and LILT multilingual language club online on Sundays.

My books are on Lulu.com and Amazon.com I have ten books by mainstream publishers, such as Wedding Speeches & Toasts. My collections of poems with instructions on how you can write in similar styles include Writing Poetry For Fun and Poetry Workbook.

More recently I have self published Improve Your English with alliteration, assonance and rhyme. I have contributed poems and pieces on writing to Writing & Us, edited by Carolyn Street, which is on Amazon books.

Dreaming, Dreaming rhythmic comic poem number 236 by Angela Lansbury

Dreaming dreams beyond belief

Waking up is a relief

Clearing, clearing, clearing head

Getting, slowly, out of bed

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning teeth

Search for shoes hidden beneath

Just one shoe, who was the thief?

Find the other, what relief!

Waking, waking, waking woke

Eating, eating, eating, yolk

Quickly, quickly, quickly, quick

Licking, lovely, licking, lick

Feeding, feeding, feeding, fed

Reading, reading, reading, read

Speaking, speaking, speaking, spoke

Telling, telling, telling, joke

Boating, boating, boating, boat 

Floating, floating, floating, float

Writing, writing, writing, wrote

Gloating, gloating, gloating, gloat

Building, building, building, brick

Feeling, feeling, feeling, sick

Some people are rather thick

Getting, getting, on my wick

Some people can do no wrong

Longing, longing, longing, long

Moving, moving, moving on

Going, going, going on.

Lovely, lovely, lovely sun

Time to run, and run and run

Til the exercise is done

Some people's idea of fun

If it rains, more rain and rain

It waters the flowers again

As for me, never complain

Ten umbrellas match all  rain

Angela with red umbrella. Photo by Trevor Sharot.

Shopping, shopping, shopping shop

Carry bags until I drop

Wonder if I'll ever stop

Keep them till buttons pop

Lovely dresses, dresses, dresses

Nine successes, what success is

Only ever had one flop

Never, ever, ever stop

I'm a poet, poet, poet

So I show it, show it, show it

If you have the talent grow it

Let the whole world love and know it.

Angela writing with outsize pencil. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury 2023, Thursday September 5th. 

Read this aloud. It is a triumph, a joy of rhythm. A perfect piece of performance poetry.

I hope to perform it at Swanwick Writers' Summer School in 2024. I must put it on Tiktok.

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Baby Teeth - Baby Food For Thought (Comic Poem 125)

I learned about food and first teeth 

From watching a small baby 

Although she doesn't yet possess 

A food vocabulary 

When she likes a favourite food 

She reaches out, keen for more 

Then when she's eaten quite enough 

She falls asleep - on the floor 

If she likes a big banana 

She will quickly gulp it down 

But if a new food disgusts her 

She shows - throws it on the ground 

When she chucks her milk bottle down 

It's always a loud surprise 

But my quick jumping up and down 

Is good granny exercise 

I always trust fate has a plan 

So it's my fervent belief 

Each day, each cry's a vital step 

Signalling soon we'll see teeth 

One day she'll grow her second teeth 

On her big day, I'm in line 

Old teeth will be treasured by me 

By that time I'll have lost mine! 

This granny will be tooth fairy 

Those teeth I buy won't be sold 

We should collect and keep first teeth 

For second smilehood when we're old. 

-ends-

Inspired by grand-child Ava who has two teeth and likes bananas.

Second smile hood is a pun on second childhood. I was thinking of toothless but thought smile was a more positive word.

Images

Baby teeth

Tooth fairy

dentures

Useful Websites

https://www.google.com/search?q=image+free+caricature+milk+teeth+tooth+fairy

Computer Dating

Computer Dating by Angela Lansbury
Version 1
Where is my millionaire?
Why does he keep me waiting?
I'll have to go and find him
So I'll try computer dating

You can look for one who cooks
Ask for a wit who's fit
Who reads balance sheets or books
Or say you do not mind a bit

I like company directors
Men with PHDs as well
Yet despite their education
Not one of them can spell

Now most men tell big lies
About their height and weight
Their body and wallet size
Married status, mental state

Their photos are out of date
They have no sense of time
I guess their photos, like their ages
Are just the same as mine

One said he'd give me a ring
Ambiguous beyond belief
One arrived wearing a sling
One had lost his two front teeth

I've seen the bearded and the bald
All religions, and free thinkers
I've met redheads, young and old
Priests, virgins, and sex-mad drinkers

When they ask, "Are you divorced?"
I reply, "It's complicated,"
The tenth man I saw this week
Asked, "Am I the first you've dated?"

I've met lots of reject husbands
I can't tell you what I've done
But after husband thirty-two
I'm calling husband number one.
-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury 25 July 2017

Revised at the suggestion of Alison Chisholm at Writers' Holiday

Computer Dating by Angela Lansbury
Version 2
Where is my millionaire?
Why does he keep me waiting?
I'll have to go and find him
So I'll try computer dating

You can look for one who cooks
Ask for a wit who's fit
Who reads balance sheets or books
Or say you do not mind a bit

I like company directors
Men with PHDs as well
Yet despite their education
Not one of them can spell

Now most men tell big lies
About their height and weight
Their body and wallet size
Married status, mental state

Their photos are out of date
They have no sense of time
I guess their snapshots, like their ages
Are just the same as mine

One said he'd give me a ring
Ambiguous beyond belief
One arrived wearing a sling
One had lost his two front teeth

I've seen the bearded and the bald
All religions, and free thinkers
I've met redheads, young and old
Priests, virgins, and sex-mad drinkers

When they ask, "Are you divorced?"
I reply, "It's complicated,"
The tenth man I saw this week
Asked, "Am I the first you've dated?"

I've met lots of reject husbands
I can't tell you what I've done
But after trying thirty-two
I'm back with husband number one.
-ends-
Copyright Angela Lansbury 25 July 2017.
This poem was read at Writers and Artists' Holiday at Fishguard in Wales.
I received lots of compliments.

Today I'm Not One Hundred

100

Today I'm Not One Hundred
by Angela Lansbury

Today I'm not one hundred
I'm a hundred and one!
It's tomorrow in Australia
Wave to my iPad, oh what fun!

My arms are frail, my fingers thin
Don't ask me to shake hands
Don't ask about my future
What's the point of making plans?

I've been sent vouchers for bungee jumping
And balloon trips to Australia
And some kind folks in Switzerland
Have sent discounts on euthanasia

Who are my friends? My dear, all ghosts
Of the past, I hear their laughter
Don't send more money-making priests
With bills, wills - prayers for the hereafter

What have I done? Eaten birthday cake
You ask me where I've been?
Speak up! What? I'm lip-reading -
Did you ask me who I've seen?

You can see all my photographs
Fading faces on the wall
I keep signing books, giving autographs
Getting chocolates, eat them all

You ask me what is the secret
Of living long? So long? Too long?
Like the queen mother, who had health and wealth
Drink bubbly, smile and stagger on

What do I eat? Just mushy stuff
Good teeth soft, not yet rotten
Now what's your name? Tell me again
I've already forgotten

I'd love to hear about your life
Dear, I wish you all the best!
Tell me, is our five minutes up?
I need my commode, a bath, a rest.

You asked if I'm staying queen?
This sign language stuff is hard!
Yes, I'm treated like a queen!
Yes, future kings signed a joint card!
-ends-