Knock, Knock, Who's There? Comical poem 736 by Angela Lansbury.

Knock-knock, knock-knock, knock-knock - 'Who's there?'

It's a stranger, better beware

A single, couple, plain, but odd

I do not wish to change my God

Don't get me started, not today

Although in debates I'm hearty

I don't want to change, with strangers 

My secret vote for my party

I won't tell if I like vegans

Or choose kosher or halal meat

I don't want to buy fruit or fish, 

Or to reveal which food I eat 

I am not keen on trick or treat

Please don't knock on the locked front door

Then run away, it makes your day

It's fun, until you see a gun

Angela Lansbury with the Singapore flag. Photo by Trevor Sharot.

In Singapore it is not allowed

To go around knocking on doors

Laws scared me, my first year out there

Thirty years on, I give applause.

-ends-

Boom boom - comic song by Angela

Boom Boom Be Doom
comic song by Angela

(Chorus)
Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

When you come over here
To be close to me, my dear
Your dreams will all come true
With what I've got 'inn' mind for you

(Chorus)
Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Last time we didn't finish

What we hoped but didn't start

But when you disappeared

That didn't break my heart

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

'Cos I knew that you'd be back

This time I'll give you what you lack

Yes, I heard what you hinted

I nearly had a heart attack!

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Keep both your eyes on me

Think what fun it would be

You'll have pendulum eyes

Your hands will hold a great surprise

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

You have skills which I admire
Your looks and words set me afire
When I see you in the street
My heart will race and skip a beat

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

When can we be alone?
I want to take you home!
But you live too far away
I'll make your night - you made my day

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

Maybe an unknown hotel - sh!
Would suit as just as well
One thing is certain
I'll slowly draw the heavy curtain

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom

There's just one small thing more
You'll click-ly lock, and bolt, the door

Boom boom be, doom be doom
Doom boom me doom be doom!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury copyright 2017 Sept 30.
The sound of Amy Winehouse's beat backing, and Eartha Kit's suggestive smouldering.
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Poem Catching a Cockroach by Angela Lansbury

I was emptying my gmail when I found a poem I had emailed to a friend.

1104 The Cockroach and A Woman’s Reaction

by Angela Lansbury

Regarding my no bread diet

Kitchen and bathroom scales kept quiet

Therefore I don't think I deserve

Such strong tests of resolve and nerve

I thought that I’d been very good

Someone anticipates a sin

So sent a subtle keep out sign

A cockroach in my kitchen bin

Alone, I’d deal with it, I’m sure

I’d stun it with a killer spray

Or else I’d simply lock the door

Shout, ‘Go away!’ go out all day 

Once when cornered by a spider

I called a passer-by, a man

Could not wait for my ex with specs

Impatient - that’s the way I am.

I am a typical woman

And if I were caught on a cam

I like men but hate cockroaches

Predictable, why, yes, I am.

Who needs a porsche or MBA

Just be here at the close of day

And be calm, not fazed, when I say

Cockroach - in bin - take it away!

You do not need a diamond ring

You do not need to strum or sing

I no longer need a life coach

Just get rid of that big cockroach

I'll call a passer-by or ex

You do not need to wear a suit

It helps if you are wearing boots

I'll give you coffee, money, sex

It’s the moment which strengthens love

The moment when you prove yourself

More important than health or wealth

The macho broom, bin, plastic glove.

The missus won’t greet with kisses

She’s staring at the kitchen floor

But you’re the strong man she adores

You’re always welcome at her door.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury 2017

Hoarder's Song by Angela Lansbury

Are you living in a clutter?
Did you learn it from your mother?
Just saving for a rain-swept day
So never giving stuff away?

Yes, collecting is rewarding
Wasteful folks may claim you're hoarding
They're not to bleu. You're not to blame
If you store two things, both the same

If you've two then they make a pair
Don't tell me that I ought to share
Don't say you're 'helping' 'cos you care
I'll lock all my doors, so beware

I'm tidy and dust when I must
Store leftovers, eat the last crust
I store what's broken or shows rust
There's no cleaner I could trust

Recycle, all can be repaired
Retired and poor I'm not yet scared
I can save cuttings from long hair
I've two lifetime's clothes yet to wear

I never lend, never borrow
But I'll tidy up - tomorrow.
-ends-
Author's note:
Inspired by
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3606311/Former-university-lecturer-59-clutter-spilling-letterbox-30-years-hoarding-thousands-books-lecture-notes-exam-papers-finally-clear-out.html#reader-comments

Angela Lansbury, May 24 2016 copyright