I'm Glad I Wasn't There: comical poem 728 by Angela Lansbury

 I'm glad to say I wasn't there

When the hairdresser cut your hair

When bin men forgot to empty the bin

When the lounge ceiling fell in

I wasn't there when the British empire ruled

I hadn't even started school

I wasn't there in World War two

So I have got no beef with you

I'm glad to say I don't do law

Though I will witness what I saw

Not much happens and so I win

A day of peace in my kitchen.

-ends-

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems

Poetry Workbook

 My latest book, Embarrassing Moments, is on Amazon, at a bargain price of well under ten pounds

My books are on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and Lulu.com

Take a look. You might like to buy one for yourself or a friend. 

See my other blogs on Travel, Wine and dine, and Dress of the day Angela. Please share links to your favourite blogs and posts.

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Mosquitos, What Everybody Knows, comic poem 416 by Angela Lansbury

 

My Floret fly spray. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

As everybody educated knows

I don't like fleas, big bees, wasps nor mosquitos

I don't like to see bites on my fingers

Nor my face, legs, body, back or toes

I do not like to hear them flying past

A sudden silence fills my mind with dread

I don't like them flying, living, dying

I'm not even keen on them drop dead

I don't like them flying around my house

In the kitchen, shower, bath, near the bed 

I don't like one anywhere near me here

I fondly wish them somewhere else instead

If they are gone tomorrow we'll forget

On bad days, things could be worse, they're a curse

Each job, ask or task could be much worse yet

By adding in bites from a mosquito.

Now I've sprayed away, is there any good

When you hear that whine, droning mosquito? 

I've no measles chicken pox, polio

Shingles, meningitis, no tests - I know

No harm from friendly spiders, helpful bees

Good! Not meningitis nor impetigo

No rashes, scorpions nor a hornet

It's just the buzz - of losing a mosquito.

Windows are open, hope it won't take long

Before enemy number one has gone

Then I can sing a happy, cheerful song

About the right to right a dreadful wrong.

-ends-

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The Happy Traveller. Comic poem 148 by Angela Lansbury.

 I'm the world's most happy traveller

I've travelled far and near

To the kitchen and the bathroom

Around the world with you, my dear

I've travelled to Australia

Austria, America, Malaysia

To places grander, and seedier

All through Wikipedia

Travelling makes you happier

Travelling makes you greedier

Travelling makes you dishevelled and dappier

Travelling make you needier

You want to travel when you're stuck at home

You want to be home when you're far away

Today you wish it was tomorrow

Tomorrow you'll wish it was today

Travelling makes you wise and proud

Of what you leave, you see, and do

I'm glad to say I've travelled so much -

I can count one country more than you.

-ends-

July 12 2022

Shall I change that to

'I have travelled to one place more than you' ?

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Hi God, a poem by Angela Lansbury on Does God Exist In Gardens

Hi God by Angela Lansbury

 "Does God exist in gardens, Gran? 

Looks like the devil's out there, too 

If you like bites from mosquitos 

Sorry to say I'm not with you!" 

 "Let's look around our garden, child 

Then you'll be sure there is a God "

Invite your friend to I take a look

 Under a log; bulbs, worms in sod ..."

 I pick a rose, scratched by a thorn I dodge, we see a honey bee 

Pick blackberries, dress stained and torn 

A bee, or wasp, starts chasing me ... 

 We try to hide behind a tree

 

I move a plant pot, ear wig, louse 

It doesn't even take a snake 

Slugs drive us back into the house

 I try to smile and not to sigh 

"It's sunny, phone the family 

Try to be good, don't make a fuss." 

 "When we die what eats you and me?" 

 When health and safety call on us 

They check for mice, mosquitos, rats 

Bugs live outside, must look for holes

 Roaches invade kitchens of flats

 I sometimes think I should desist

 I would not want to lose a friend 

An agnostic or atheist 

Can see both sides and round life's bend 

 If firm belief secures one's fate 

Grandchild's debate makes blood run cold 

It's time to choose, not quite too late 

Don't lose faith now, 

Gran - you're too old! 

 My rose is pretty, its perfume 

Would make believers of the blind 

Yes, pinks, and blues brighten my room 

But bee's buzz, greenfly, change my mind. 

 Angela Lansbury. Copyright Saturday, 6 May 2017. 

Author's note Pinks are the colour of roses but also the name of another kind of flower. 

I started writing a poem about the mixed blessings of a garden. I changed the poem to one in which an atheist or agnostic grandma debates with a child. I added another verse and changed it again to the worried child trying to secure a place in Heaven for grandma.

About the author

Angela Lansbury B A Hons ACG ALB PM5 EH5 DL5 VC5 
The Author of several books, including  Etiquette For Every Occasion. Wedding Speeches & Toasts. How to be the Best Man. Quick Quotations. Who Said What When.

Blogs travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

translateforfun.blogspot.com

Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters Speakers Club Vice President Public Relations (VPPR), Previous President

Join BHA 1st Wednesday 7pm and 3rd Saturday 2 pm Singapore time. 

Vice President Public Relations (VP PR) of Tampines Changkat Advanced;

Secretary of weekly online Singapore International Dynamic Toastmasters Speakers’ Club;

Member and past president of Harrovians toastmasters club, UK; Past member of HOD Toastmasters, London. Past member in Singapore of: Toastmasters Club of Singapore (TCS); Tiarel; and Senja Cashew.

More details from Toastmasters International find a club.

Regular attendee at annual Swanwick Writers’ School, England.

Regular attendee at annual Writers’ Holiday, Wales.

Contributor to poetry readings, and after tea courses on: Speaking On Radio To Promote Books; and Plots And Character.

Winner of many club and area speaking contests in the UK and Singapore.

Language advisor to Empire Toastmasters club in Indonesia.

Language and speech workshops in Singapore.

Speaker on radio and TV in England, Scotland, the USA, and Australia.

Compiler of a school course on public speaking for teachers to prepare pupils for school open days with attending ceremonies before government ministers, Singapore.

Former member of Harrow Writers’ Circle, London, and two writing groups in Singapore.

Angela is on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter. She would be delighted to link up with new friends.

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