My Latest Prayer comical poem 875 by Angela Lansbury

 All day I'm asking God for things

All night a constant list of prayers

But just like when I go shopping

I forget the most important things

And leave that vital list on the chair

Yesterday I asked for something big

Please send me a millionaire

I knew it was important

To clearly specify

He has to be keen on me

No one night stand, just passing by

I do not want a burglar

I do not want a gangster

I do not want a gambler

Nor a smoker, vegan, or prankster

He must be in good health

And take care of his wealth

And have all his teeth and hair

He must be willing to share

And he must not swear

He must like good food and wine

I still want all the other things

On my long shopping list

Lots of love and hugs

And be cuddled and kissed

Keep me safe from fire and flood

From car crashes and plane smashes

He must like good food and wine

And having a good time

Avoid sinking ships, diseases of the blood

I know that I must pay my way

Give something in return

Not drop litter, do the washing up

Remember foreign words I've learned

Make sure the dinner doesn't burn

Do exercise and brush my teeth

And wash my face and hair

Dear God are you listening

Dear God - are you there?

I'm not childish, nor unreasonable

Wicked or irreligious

I've noticed believers say it every day

They mention God all the time

In every sentence that they say

Whether they are healthy,

When they are ill

Jews, Arabs, dancers in Brazil

Yes, sexy Brazilian couples, too

They say, God willing, just listen

You know it's true, it's a usual thing to do

So I hope you'll understand

If I share my little prayer

May I live to be a hundred - and send me a millionaire.

PS Make that a millionaire

In pounds, Euros, or US dollars

Not in rupees, or currencies

Whose promises are hollow

I'm not in any hurry

Any time tomorrow

PPS

Please don't hurt my husband

He'll do fine for now

Any time in the next ten years

I'm sure you'll work it out, somehow

PPPS

I know you are a kindly God

Won't stress us, for you care

So just send me a billionaire

Who wants to have an affair.

-ends-

My Funny Family (version 7) poem by Angela Lansbury

My Funny Family
by Angela Lansbury

My family is very strange
But they are extremely funny
Some of them are obscenely rich
Won't help us who beg for money

My mother talked for twenty years
But never stopped to pause for breath
Father always smiled and nodded
Nobody noticed he was deaf

Dear Mum didn't think it mattered
After we lost my mother, dear
I asked my widowed Dad, 'Tea? Tea?"
And realised he could not hear.

My uncle played the violin
Better than all, than me or you
Won scholarships, played on cruise ships
A fine player, but stone deaf, too!

Played for radio, BBC
A fine player, not one wrong note
He left me books on lip-reading
He'd been deaf as an old, dead goat.

Poor Uncle's toilet filled with weed
He had no cash for a plumber
Instead he taught one the trumpet
Yet the toilets stank all summer

My son says, "You're the weirdest one
'Cos you write comic poetry!"
I can't see why he thinks I'm odd
My family's more strange than me.

-ends.

 Copyright Angela Lansbury, May 12 2017.

Grammatically it should end more strange than I am but me rhymes. Poet's license.