The Cat Under My Car comical poem 618 by Angela Lansbury

 

Grey cat. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

The cat was grey, ugly and fat

And growing, old - we're all like that

Today it's not sat on the mat

I guessed that it had not gone far

It slept in warmth under my car

I called, 'Hey, I know where you are!'

It jumped, up, fled, a tail I saw

Wave, inside my home's front door

I went inside - passed, it shot out!

Now every day I've fear and doubt

I know that it is round about

Dear neighbours, please don't let it out.

On Youtube I see kittens

In funny hats, teeny mittens.

One gulps down milk, it licks its fur

Eyes shut, gives a contented purr

For a day I'm sentimental

'Let's buy one?' 'No, Don't be mental

One tame cat will lure a wild friend

And you can guess where that will end

'Two kittens, a menagerie

An all day job for you and me

The vet's visits will not be free!'

'Okay. I'll let that idea be.'

For if I want to see a cat

Chase birds, or mice, even a rat

Loud sound reveals where two cats are

Caterwauling, under my car.

-ends-

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We Happily Met On the Internet Then He Asked Me For Too Much Money (part 2) 597 comic poem/song - how I revised my song

 Version 2 comical poem by Angela Lansbury

I met you on the internet

You sent a link, to meet on zoom

I set alarms, must not forget

 Frantic, tidy my messy room

I'd well prepared washed my long hair

I found short jokes, cut canned laughter

Threw dice to choose ten tops to wear?

Poured a whisky glass of  - water

Background Checks

Two strangers had a bad moment

A sensible moment of doubt

I checked on you on - everywhere

I hoped you, too, had checked me out

PR &SALES

In PR and sales, you're no fool

You asked me, 'Are you ready?

'Are you prepared to follow rules?''

'Happy, solvent, thrifty, steady  

TEACHERS

I knew mentors ask for money

It's what good teachers deserve

You must pay more for good honey

 I said, 'No, Wait.' I'd lost my nerve

PRICES

It seems a very large amount

So I'm waiting for a discount

I wait to hear tips as you speak

And ask how much it costs per week

Maybe one day I shall return

If money fell from heaven

For what you teach and I could learn

At sale prices like Seven Eleven

 SALES OPTIMIST

Once you have given your sales pitch

Don't despair, you're not in the ditch

Although a slow sale is a hitch

Just one in ten can make you rich

Maybe today they got the sack

Just wait til they are on the track

If you can offer what they lack

Maybe one day, one will come back

***

PROMISES & DREAMS

Some promise you a wedding

Some help you with divorce

Some promise you a fortune

Spend a fortune on a course

Then we'll meet on the internet

I'll open my file, teach you to smile

Our happy song will make us strong.

You'll pay me. Do you want to bet? 

-ends-

I added questions for suspense. I ended on a positive note. I changed the rhyming scheme from aabb, too predictable, to abab.

I changed won't take long, rather a weak phrase containing two negatives, won't and take long, to make us strang which is more positive.

won't forget is also a negative, double negative. But ir rhymes with intenet.

Set an alarm to not forget, a piece of history, or advice for children and adults. Not right for a song. A celebratory song, a song of ups and downs.

I changed set an alarm to not forget, which is mundane, changed to afraid to forget, adding emotion.

I set alarms Must not forget.

I started this thinking of an internet romance.The plot morphed into a business relationship, or an educational relationship in which the pupil overtakes the teacher. It's really what you want it to be, all kinds of internet relationships everywherer all day long.

You're My Honey Bee comical poem 595 by Angela Lansbury

Bee and honeycomb. Wiki article on bees.

  I heard a little buzzing bee

And that reminded me of me

When you are buzzing at my door

And then I thought and thought some more

I saw a little honey bee

And that's like you, calling on me

I'm your honey and you're my bee

And that's the way it's meant to be

But then a saw a flying fly

Annoying me as it flew by

I thought of us and wondered why

I think of you and doubt and sigh

I wonder if you'll fly away

And leave me all alone one day

I've thoughts which I don't like to say

I want to have a happy day

I heard you buzzing at my door

I thought my happy thoughts once more

As all who know us, say they see

We look just like two honey bees

Honey makes treats sweet to eat

I'll give you honey when we meet.

I think you're wise, You think I'm funny

I like your eyes, I am your honey

We are just like two honey bees

The perfect pair, just you and me.

-ends-

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Children - Curse But Blessing Later comic poem 422 by Angela Lansbury

Angela as a child and teenager. B/W polyphotos. Phot by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

A baby gives a hearty cry

To warn it's not prepared to die

No way will this thing go away

You'll be its slave both night and day

Whether you welcome boy or girl

You're trapped in a commercial whirl

And if your joy has turned to doubt

Ask yourself, how'd it come about

A boy and girl got together

Any seasonk, any weather

Decide that they'll stay together

Every season, every weather

A babe's a blessing you must keep

Although you lose a lot of sleep

Each day brings changes you will see

You'll get more sleep when it's past three

It starts to walk, it starts to talk

Falls on the floor, can open doors

Seven years of cute clothes heaven

Before teens, adults, cost you more

Now here's the most imprtant thing

You need a house more than a ring

A child's a blessing from above

Plants need water, for kids add love

Maybe the teenage years are tough

But you'll reach old age soon enough

Children warm you when you feel cold

They visit you 'though you look old

Depending what you said and did

Children like toys, you lift their lid

Treat well, tidy troubles away

They'll save you on a rainy day

Treat them with love, or treat with hate

For the results you have to wait

Don't be blind but make up your mind

Todays be kind, it's not too late.

Remember what ges up coes down

What goes around will cme around

Remember what you say and do

One day through them comes back to you.

-ends-.

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If I Were You comic poem 349 by Angela Lansbury

Dear, if I were you

Then where would you be?

For if I were you

I could not be me

You'd have to be me!

If a butterfly

And I fluttered by

You would ask me why

If I were a bee

I would make honey

My boss the farmer

Would make more money

If I were a bird

I'd not say a word

No thoughts would be heard

If I were a bird

If I were a horse

I'd run fast, of course

Neigh 'til I was hoarse

If I were a horse

If I were a cat

I'd sleep on the mat

Not care about that

If I were a cat

If I were a cloud

I'd not laugh out loud

That is not allowed

If you are a cloud

If I were a tree

How odd that would be

I could not be me

If I were a tree

If we were all fish

In ponds, streams, or sea

Non-swimmers can't be

I'm lucky I'm me.

Now let's start again

Pretend we're all men

All cocks but no hens

Don't let's start again

Last, if I were you

That would never do

You know that it's true

I'm me, and you're you

Let's think about it

You'll never doubt it

Don't take thoughts too far!

Leave things like they are!

-ends-

Photo Angela Lansbury in butterfly pattern caftan.

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