I'm Glad I Wasn't There: comical poem 728 by Angela Lansbury

 I'm glad to say I wasn't there

When the hairdresser cut your hair

When bin men forgot to empty the bin

When the lounge ceiling fell in

I wasn't there when the British empire ruled

I hadn't even started school

I wasn't there in World War two

So I have got no beef with you

I'm glad to say I don't do law

Though I will witness what I saw

Not much happens and so I win

A day of peace in my kitchen.

-ends-

About Angela Lansbury - my books of poetry

Poetry Pets & Pests

Angela's Alarming Animal poems

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The Coffee In Your Coffee Cup - comical poem 665 by Angela Lansbury

 The coffee in your coffee cup

Is important, drink it up

Add some milk if it's too hot

Drink it quickly if it's not

Tea For Two In World War Two

In World War Two the Brits drank tea

This was the story Mum told me

Not tea bags dust, real tea leaf tea

Shops' pots of tea - cup two came free

Then when I reached the caffeine age

To gain courage to face life's stage

My habits turned another page

When coffee became all the rage

Now coffee is for connoisseurs

We have capsules, his and hers

Coffee shows class (we can't wear furs)

A drinker smiles like a cat purrs

We offer coffee when we meet

A proper coffee is a treat

The coffee bars offer a choice

Each customer has their own voice

Your name is written on the cup

Don't drink too fast but make it last

An interlude to boost your mood

The food of love, a fattening food.

A pattern is drawn on the top

Cut out caffeine, I ought to stop

Save money spent in coffee shops

Give coffee chocolates, that's the tops!

-ends-

Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2025. Sept 25th

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Happy and Harrowing Harrow, Pinning Down Pinner, Ending with Hatch End. Comic poem 140.

I'm an author and live in Hillview Road 10 a

It's clean and green, I've a small abode 9 a

Tall trees lean, and arch, drop cones on the ground 10 b

Firs, flowers, bushes, busts, birds abound 10 b

Hidden away, back gardens, sure to please 10a

Hide gnarled apple, old pear, giant oak trees 10a

We grow six types of grapes, hoping for wine 10b

We might fill one bottle in ten year's time 10b

We've tame cats and dogs, a wild bush-tailed fox 10a

And an old-fashioned, domed, red letter post box 10a

Stooped friendly neighbours and neighbourhood watch  10b

Loud burglar alarms, high gates and strong locks 10b

I'll start my story with tales of Harrow 10a

Streets cobbled, then bricked, wind steep and narrow 10a

Historic and romantic after dark 10b

Drive up and find it's hard to double park  10b

Hillview Road once viewed Harrow on the hill 10 a

Now skyscrapers - please don't bear them ill will  10a

Neighbours in Harrow are nice as an ice 10b

Kids survived Covid-19, rats, head lice 10b

Pinner has Heath Robinson's museum 10a

His cartoons raise laughs, each time you see 'em 10a

Nelson's daughter sleeps in a nearby grave 10b

Near Tudor pubs whose names campaigners save10b

Walk up Pinner High street, historic, steep 10a (6a 4a)

Eat in Tudor pubs, drive round a few bends 10b

Along Uxbridge Road, flowers planted by friends 10b

And you'll reach Heaven, our litter-freed Hatch End 10b

Eat Chinese, or Jewish style served by Greeks 10a

Indian, Italian, dine out for weeks  10a

Twenty restaurants - when you've done with 'em 10b

At Grimsdyke hear Gilbert and Sullivan 10b

Mrs Beeton was our most famous cook 10a

She wrote a still-in-print cookery book 10a

A World War Two bomb blew her house away 10b

But a plaque clung on the wall yesterday 10b

We've twisted old trees, red clay soil, brown mud 10a 

High street photos show cars towed from a flood 10a

We've charity shops, collection boxes

Garden fences which don't block the foxes

My name's author Angela Lansbury 10a

I hope you'll recall this verse penned by me 10a

And dear Philip, who seems ordinary 10 b

Until he hangs poems on his front tree. 10b

-ends-

10 is the number of syllables. a and b are the rhymes

Written on Friday 20th May 2022 by Angela Lansbury at the request of Philip Barnet who has hung poems on the tree in Hillview Road, Hatch End, Pinner, Middlesex, England, UK, by the pavement (Americans say sidewalk) to entertain passers-by.

Community of the Retiree (Comic Poem 123) by Angela Lansbury

I don't live in a grand commune

But in a small community

Worldwide writers seeking readers

Facebook and blogs bring them to me

That little baby which I carried

Is now a father, newly-married

They hate advice; avoid dangers

So, instead I'll advise strangers

The smallest unit's when pregnant

Mother cum baby, you'll agree?

But suddenly when you give birth

Two turns into a harassed three

What can you do, what can you say

This Gran's on Zoom, too far away

Life's lonely in a silent room

Toothless smiles with waves make my day

Yes, your nearest help's your neighbours

I'm sure you've heard of this before

It's easy to make friends nearby

Start knocking on your neighbours' doors

Then when you're running from a fire

Or hear shrill alarm bells ringing

You can shout warnings as you pass

Even if you're bad at singing

I gave Chinese friends oranges

To celebrate Chinese New Year

Their food and fruit fed me a month

Of fruitless, lazy, living here

My recipe is, all grow fruit

Veggies and flowers in old boots

I find new use for broken pots, 

Save landfill from trash can what-nots 

We need to save small precious seeds

And think of Kiev, under siege

You never know what we might need

Nurture green talent in our liege

'Dig for victory', nuclear war

Britain's World Wars, and Singapore

Tsunami, hurricane, who knows

What weather, war or Covid blows

Then we'll be grateful, you will see

Each linked to our community

To prove we care, prepared to share

Mushrooms and fruits grown in old boots

Do you know Basil? I have thyme

To grow whatever suits this clime

Not green-fingered? Don't despair, a

Rampant as rabbits aloe vera

I've trouble keeping things alive

But ants, cockroaches, fruit flies thrive

The Chinese, on starvation bred

Eat crispy insects, live or dead

Eat oysters live, Maoris drink blood

Moths eat my clothes, everything's food

Ignore rules saying don't, or should

When starving, foreign food tastes good

So pray, whatever you believe

God, send good neighbours in my need

I gave them mushrooms, may they show

With tomato or potato

Thank you, it's free? I pounce with glee!

It's pale or stale? That's fine by me

Smile, water plants is what I do

Give thanks, advice, send words to you

If you've no fruit, send calories

In tins, plastic, bottles, wink, wink

You know, when pushed, I won't say no

Tap water, wine - 'reviving' drink

Think about it, and we'll agree

I'll give to you, you give to me

They can't tax friendship, sharing's free

Joyful retired community.

-ends- 

Green beer for St Patrick's Day.

Author's notes:

Dig for victory was a WW2 government slogan in the UK during rationing.