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Thursday, May 5, 2022

My Dear Reader (Comic Poem No.138 ) by Nutter (aka Angela Lansbury)




Every writer loves a poor spendthrift reader

Like naive followers love a rich, successful leader

Great thoughts when you let them out

First flap like wet washing, then butterfly about


Writers may start out befuddled

With lots of fine words jumbled, muddled

But keenly clean and iron them out

With thoughts of cute baby readers cuddled


Now we enjoy the internet, beat it, meet it

Which grabs thoughts like repeated ads you can't forget

Hope readers recall where they read it

So that they can give you credit


You can boast of love

Kick the air in a rage

Drop wild emotions

On an innocent page


Steal from a dictionary

Borrow from a thesaurus

Bow down before judges, 

All the geniuses before us


Ugly words obstruct like heavy logs

Half formed thoughts jump about like frogs

Indecision, like too many pretty hats

As the saying goes, like herding cats


But after years when we totter and rehearse

We can inject fast like a skilful nurse

Commas pause like little railway stations

Stops end lines, the terminus of punctuation


Shouting down the century

Daring to write on the page

Strutting on a hidden stage

Trying to dodge the waiting grave


To readers seeking what they lack

Like us, they try to answer back

Declaiming to the silent wall

When nobody can hear at all


And yet, like a map, a signpost, a guide, my writing works

Though the sender is dead, deaf or blind

Thoughts like an Uber arrow of dinner, dessert and drink

Leave my bow, reach the target, your mind.


I can pass on praise, create words of hope

For every ill, find an antidote

Paint a dance, sing a song, a merry whistle

Words can lighten, brighten and glitter like crystal.


And so, dearest reader, I share my treasure

And give to you new joy, in the old parcel of pleasure. 

-ends-





Your Box of Odd Socks (Comic poem 137)

 You're not alone in having odd socks

I, too, have a box of odd socks

I feel so sorry, they look so forlorn

I'm sure they were twins when they were born


But now I am wondering what to do

I've found a few which are nearly new

I know that I'll find the other, one day

After I throw this one away


Sometimes you've thrown the worn sock away

But kept the one which has seen better days

Sometimes one's under the washing machine

Or found inside shoes which needed a clean


There should be a swap box for odd sox online

So you could match your odd socks with mine

You've kept my odd sock from two years ago

Found under your sofa - now we know!


Alas some odd socks have lost their elastic

Some are stained, although made from plastic

Some are shapeless, covered in balls

I can clean them with tape, then they'll wipe down the walls.


Regarding odd socks, one joy I must share

Those who worry like me, those who really care

There's no greater delight, by day or by night

Than sorting odd socks and finding a pair.


I have good reason to not throw away

November 18th will be odd socks day.

-ends-

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_sock

Sock clips

https://www.sockclip.com/

Buying Odd Socks

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Unisex-Socks-Value-Pairs

/comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.com/

https://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2322090.m570.l1313&_nkw=odd+socks&_sacat=0















Saturday, April 30, 2022

Celebrating Poem Birthdays and Identity Numbers. (When and why? Poem 136)

I was sitting at my desk, feeling forlorn
When I wondered when my first fun poem was born
My rhyming dictionary tells me straight
Which one or two syllable words rhyme with date
rhyming dictionary, against apron with words, photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I started this blog in two thousand and four (11)

I didn't write much then, now I write much more (11)

I try to write bright poems every day

So I and my keen readers don't fade away


What's recently written looks best at first sight

But I'm counting to establish copyright

I want to proudly prove I was first to say

My gems flowed from the day before yesterday


I keenly count, syllables in every line

I make sure each poem shows some sort of rhyme

I insert a photo I take, or I find

I'm usually funny when I speak my mind!


I number each poem because titles change

I know you may think that a number looks strange

I keep life simple, poems listed like bricks 

Don't you love lucky poem, thirteen and six.

-ends-

Author's note

One and six evokes the days of pounds shillings and pence (abolished in 1971) when one shilling and sixpence would have been called one and six.

Monday, April 25, 2022

How To Write A Pretty Poem (Comic poem 135)

 

Angela Lansbury reciting poems at poetry night, organized by Alison Chisholm, Writers' Holiday, Fishguard, Wales, UK


How to write a pretty poem?

Very soon we're going to grow

But before you rush to write it

Here are top tips you need to know


Some folks think poems are just verse

Instead of commas, make a break

That's just staccato prose, or worse

Confusing cuts, a half-cooked cake


Poems start with a simple rule

People remember lines which rhyme

This is what I was taught at school

So now I use rhyme all the time


When you stand up, proud to recite

You want to smile and look around

At open mic, or a planned night

Not at your page, the sky, the ground


In the good old days, few could write

They could not read poems nor songs

A chorus repeats - you get it right

Those who recite or sing along


One more thing, alliteration

You repeat a strong first letter

Rhyme and a beat are good enough

Alliteration - even better


You need a beat so words will flow

Grab attention, get feet tapping

Like strong heart beats and nodding heads

So you end up hearing clapping.

-ends-

The Speaker's Confession (Comic poem 134)



A Speaker's Club's President wears many hats
Getting speakers to speak free's as hard as herding cats
'I'm working late, again,' they say, 'I really have to work, 
I know you are important, and - I do not mean to shirk ...'

If you go online you can see me everywhere
You'll be shocked that I'm prepared to speak - although I'm not prepared
If another speaker disappears, at first it seems a pain
But I get one more chance to speak, that's why it's me again!
-ends-
Angela Lansbury in orange wig with puppet. Selfie photo by Angela Lansbury.



Monday, April 18, 2022

This is your pilot speaking - again (Comic poem 133)

Boarding Announcement

Welcome, I'm your pilot speaking - again 

Expect thunder, lightning, snowstorms, and rain 

We're here to greet you with a friendly smile


Rules

Please - no praying, singing, dancing in the aisle.

Is this a real flight? They told me, rehearse 
Films show life stuck down mines could be worse  
We can't give free slippers, peanuts, nor wine
We sell unhealthy snacks. At midnight, land and dine 

Don't queue for toilets; the seats don't recline
Sit like masked robots; We'll get home on time
I'm sorry to say cheap seats don't have free socks 
But I'm glad to say the pilot's door locks

Safety
You'll be restrained, if you cause trouble, 
If anybody threatens you, run at the double
I'm looking at my checklist, what have I forgot? 
I'm practising speeches, the plane's on autopilot

On the runway, see, there's a herd of goats
We're blocked by some kind of demonstration
Fasten your seatbelt, I'll fly above them
They're for, or against, some other nation

And before this long-haul flight begins
Good luck to that pair I see trying for twins
Do what you are told, no ifs or buts
The only nuts are religious nuts

In flight so many depend on so few
Rugby team, security's all on you
Forget the pilot, we're in God's hand
Are you saints or sinners? We know if we land

You're lucky if you're by an empty seat
On planes you never know who you'll meet
When you want to chat and they want to sleep
When you're vegan and they're eating meat

Crew
I promise I'll try to get things right
Clap for the pilot. we're on his first flight
You'll be glad oxygen keeps you alive
I'm scared like you whether we'll all survive


In-Flight Announcements

My co-pilot has gone for a short rest
To comfort a stewardess in distress
You're with friends, drinking and laughing out loud
While I sit alone, and talk to the clouds

Just think about it and then you will see
There's hundreds of you but just one of me!

Ooh - aah oo  aah

Aside
Oops, dear me, Lordy, what on earth's gone wrong?
I watched porn - and left the microphone on.

Emergency Announcement
I'm ever so sorry, we have to turn back
I just found out there's something we lack
My co-pilot hasn't completed his training
Look on the bright side, it isn't raining.

While we look for a co-pilot you'll have to wait
You will start your holiday three hours late
Look on the bright side, we're all still alive
Some days the good news is we have survived. 
-ends
The last two verses were added 5 May 2022 after I read the news item about the Virgin Flight which had to return, according to the Daily Mail.


Useful websites
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10784111/Virgin-jet-forced-return-Heathrow-officer-not-completed-training.html?ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed_article&ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed

2022 April 20
https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/christians-easyjet-flight-sing-guitar-b2061382.html


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Sunday, April 17, 2022

What is an iambic pentameter? (Comic Poem number 132)

 



A pentameter is five pairs, five pairs

Just like a dining table with ten chairs



Five children have five pairs of hands, and feet



Five pairs of diners, so ten meet to eat





I am sure you want to know the truth, trust me

I was asked by a friend this week, at last

I've penned up all my knowledge from the past

But now I'm sure my time has come to speak


I'm sure you know duo / duet means two

You know bicycles have two wheels, not more



A tricycle has three wheels, triads - three

And triplets ride trikes with three wheels, yes three



Quadrangle have four angles at four points

Quadruplets have four times the food and fun



The Pentagon has five sides, we're quite near



A pentameter, five metres - we're done.



A human foot has ten toes, so a foot

In poetry or drama, is a verse

Used by the king, villain or chief or boss

The royals speak with rhythm sounding grand



In Shakespeare you can hear the strong heartbeat

'I am the king who rules the wilful waves

I stand, declaim, and claim, this throne, my seat

Behead the wives, beat slaves and kill the knaves


A hero, or anti hero has visions

To be or not to be has a strong beat

Count your beats, like Hamlet, make decisions

Two lots of four or five, your line's complete. 



It's sort of, not quite, no, that can't be right

Poetic feet have two syllables so a pentameter has ten

A meter's just a measure, rhythm, tight -

Maths wasn't my strong point, let's start again



Trochees stamp on first beats, iambic - two

Trochees have a marching sound, dum dee dum

Iambic sounds more like a flowing sea

Iambic flows on, like waves, leaves on trees.


Pentameter have ten beats in five pairs

Iambic like 'I am', stamps on beat two

The emphasis on second syllable 

Just count beats, it's easy for you to do:


You can if you wish use the useful bold

I dare say you could also under line

Or try Italics if that system helps you

I keep on changing systems all the time


The pentagon has five sides I recall

Ten syllables is easier than eight

Short lines to cut can drive you up the wall

For poems, long pentameters are great.


Unstressed, then stressed, unstressed then stressed

Iambic, oh no, oh woe is me. I feel undressed

Unstressed, then stressed, unstressed, then stressed

I was stuck, but now, I am happy, I am impressed.



-ends-

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You can also write songs in six beats and four to make ten syllables per line, as in the Bee Gees' song, First Of May.