Life's Comic Train Journey Comic poem by Angela Lansbury, Poem 155

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This is your pilot speaking - again (Comic poem 133)

Boarding Announcement

Welcome, I'm your pilot speaking - again 

Expect thunder, lightning, snowstorms, and rain 

We're here to greet you with a friendly smile

Rules

Please - no praying, singing, dancing in the aisle.

Is this a real flight? They told me, rehearse 

Films show life stuck down mines could be worse  

We can't give free slippers, peanuts, nor wine

We sell unhealthy snacks. At midnight, land and dine 

Don't queue for toilets; the seats don't recline

Sit like masked robots; We'll get home on time

I'm sorry to say cheap seats don't have free socks 

But I'm glad to say the pilot's door locks

Safety

You'll be restrained, if you cause trouble, 

If anybody threatens you, run at the double

I'm looking at my checklist, what have I forgot? 

I'm practising speeches, the plane's on autopilot

On the runway, see, there's a herd of goats

We're blocked by some kind of demonstration

Fasten your seatbelt, I'll fly above them

They're for, or against, some other nation

And before this long-haul flight begins

Good luck to that pair I see trying for twins

Do what you are told, no ifs or buts

The only nuts are religious nuts

In flight so many depend on so few

Rugby team, security's all on you

Forget the pilot, we're in God's hand

Are you saints or sinners? We know if we land

You're lucky if you're by an empty seat

On planes you never know who you'll meet

When you want to chat and they want to sleep

When you're vegan and they're eating meat

Crew

I promise I'll try to get things right

Clap for the pilot. we're on his first flight

You'll be glad oxygen keeps you alive

I'm scared like you whether we'll all survive

In-Flight Announcements

My co-pilot has gone for a short rest

To comfort a stewardess in distress

You're with friends, drinking and laughing out loud

While I sit alone, and talk to the clouds

Just think about it and then you will see

There's hundreds of you but just one of me!

Ooh - aah oo  aah

Aside

Oops, dear me, Lordy, what on earth's gone wrong?

I watched porn - and left the microphone on.

Emergency Announcement

I'm ever so sorry, we have to turn back

I just found out there's something we lack

My co-pilot hasn't completed his training

Look on the bright side, it isn't raining.

While we look for a co-pilot you'll have to wait

You will start your holiday three hours late

Look on the bright side, we're all still alive

Some days the good news is we have survived. 

-ends

The last two verses were added 5 May 2022 after I read the news item about the Virgin Flight which had to return, according to the Daily Mail.

Useful websites

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10784111/Virgin-jet-forced-return-Heathrow-officer-not-completed-training.html?ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed_article&ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed

2022 April 20

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/christians-easyjet-flight-sing-guitar-b2061382.html

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Her Name Was Becky, she wasn't a techie - comic poem by Angela Lansbury

 

Her name was Becky; she wasn't a techie

She wasn't a fool, 'cos she went to art school

She wore a short dress - it was such a success

No boy could resist when that girl did the twist!

Her ear-rings shook, long - she could do nothing wrong

Black eyes, her face pale, one ex-boyfriend on bail

But what did he break? She claimed, 'just a mistake'

She got in a muddle, lost keys, such trouble

Yet she smiled, easy-going, always such fun

She quoted her Mum - 'there's someone for everyone'

She was my best friend, but, all good things must end

She married young. Why?  Had had a baby begun?

She did well for herself, found a millionaire

He was short and bald, she chopped off her long hair

I often wish I could find her, somehow

Bohemian Becky - please - where is she now?

-ends-

Based on my friend Cynthia. She went to art school. She had short hair and long dangling ear-rings. In the Swinging Sixties. We travelled to Greece, Turkey and Israel together. She married young. We lost touch.

About the Author

Angela Lansbury is a travel writer and photographer, author and speaker, fashionista. Please share links to your favourite posts or one or more of the blogs

Books include Wedding Speeches and Toasts (Ward Lock/Cassell)

Quick Quotations (Lulu.com) 

travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com