Which picture is the real me? Comic poem 480 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury, caricaturist.

Angela Lansbury wearing green Xmaa tree headband.

Angela Lansbury with cat puppet and fabric snake.

Happy Birthday plate at restaurant. Angela Lansbury.

Angela Lansbury celebrating with rose wine.

Angela Lansbury wearing red Toastmasters International tee-shirt.

 Which picture is the real me?

And do you see the me I see?

Pretty and young or wise and old

Careful, cautious, brash or bold?

Should I convey true me today

Or dressed up on a special day?

Can I perform in comedy

Still be taken seriously?

Should I be red and dressed for fun

Or white at night as game's begun

Then change into my dancing shoes?

It's marketing, choose gain not lose!

Should I hold up a microphone

And make sure that I stand alone

Hold a doll, a prop or puppet?

Add more photos, no, I'll stop it.

I'll add a book - do I need it?

If I show it, will you read it?

If I show it, will you buy it?

PR people say, yes, try it.

Or should I choose what makes me smile

Brings back a happy memory?

If you don't understand my choice

Nod and smile and write to ask me.

-ends-

Less And Few comic poem 378 by Angela Lansbury

 Someone used less instead of few

Neither they nor anyone else knew

The diff'rence, except, me and you

Out of the whole world only two

That is far too few, far too few

Two is too few, just me and you

We sigh, and cry, we wonder why

What can we do? What should we do?

Most people do not have a clue

If you can count them, there are few

But countless amounts are more or less

What a to do, and so much stress

Nowadays We hear the word like

Both on the bus and at the mike

And actually is scattered like confetti

Literary, not literally literally

You weigh more or less on the scale

Counting amounts, weight turns you pale

But the phrase which causes most distress

I confess, is just more or less.

-ends-

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-ends-

This is your pilot speaking - again (Comic poem 133)

Boarding Announcement

Welcome, I'm your pilot speaking - again 

Expect thunder, lightning, snowstorms, and rain 

We're here to greet you with a friendly smile

Rules

Please - no praying, singing, dancing in the aisle.

Is this a real flight? They told me, rehearse 

Films show life stuck down mines could be worse  

We can't give free slippers, peanuts, nor wine

We sell unhealthy snacks. At midnight, land and dine 

Don't queue for toilets; the seats don't recline

Sit like masked robots; We'll get home on time

I'm sorry to say cheap seats don't have free socks 

But I'm glad to say the pilot's door locks

Safety

You'll be restrained, if you cause trouble, 

If anybody threatens you, run at the double

I'm looking at my checklist, what have I forgot? 

I'm practising speeches, the plane's on autopilot

On the runway, see, there's a herd of goats

We're blocked by some kind of demonstration

Fasten your seatbelt, I'll fly above them

They're for, or against, some other nation

And before this long-haul flight begins

Good luck to that pair I see trying for twins

Do what you are told, no ifs or buts

The only nuts are religious nuts

In flight so many depend on so few

Rugby team, security's all on you

Forget the pilot, we're in God's hand

Are you saints or sinners? We know if we land

You're lucky if you're by an empty seat

On planes you never know who you'll meet

When you want to chat and they want to sleep

When you're vegan and they're eating meat

Crew

I promise I'll try to get things right

Clap for the pilot. we're on his first flight

You'll be glad oxygen keeps you alive

I'm scared like you whether we'll all survive

In-Flight Announcements

My co-pilot has gone for a short rest

To comfort a stewardess in distress

You're with friends, drinking and laughing out loud

While I sit alone, and talk to the clouds

Just think about it and then you will see

There's hundreds of you but just one of me!

Ooh - aah oo  aah

Aside

Oops, dear me, Lordy, what on earth's gone wrong?

I watched porn - and left the microphone on.

Emergency Announcement

I'm ever so sorry, we have to turn back

I just found out there's something we lack

My co-pilot hasn't completed his training

Look on the bright side, it isn't raining.

While we look for a co-pilot you'll have to wait

You will start your holiday three hours late

Look on the bright side, we're all still alive

Some days the good news is we have survived. 

-ends

The last two verses were added 5 May 2022 after I read the news item about the Virgin Flight which had to return, according to the Daily Mail.

Useful websites

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10784111/Virgin-jet-forced-return-Heathrow-officer-not-completed-training.html?ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed_article&ns_mchannel=rss&ico=taboola_feed

2022 April 20

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/christians-easyjet-flight-sing-guitar-b2061382.html

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