Do You Often Sit On The Fence? comical poem number 621 by Angela Lansbury

The Fence. Photo by Trevor Sharot.

Do you often sit on the fence

 Is it hard to make up your mind?

Do you wear one red and one green sock

When caught, pretend you're colour blind

When sandwiches are egg or cheese

You buy or make both, can't decide

Always buy clothes in both colours

Resulting in bills you must hide

Buy things you don't need in the sales

Buy birthday gifts for siblings, doting

And just in case, a dozen pails

Can't decide when you are voting

Buy wall to wall carpet, than add mats

Exercise lots but eat red meat

Regret lost birds but still keep cats

Take seconds, watching what you eat

Play the radio when it's quiet

I don't mean to be unkind

Eat chocolate when on a diet

Maybe you have a butterfly mind.

Do you suffer from indecison

You're dying, dementia, getting old

Does endless debating cause derision

It's a common, sickness, we're told.

-ends-

Singing Birds But, Silenced, Cats! comical poem on birds 564 birds version 2 by Angela Lansbury

  Singing Birds comical poem by Angela Lansbury version 1

I have a box with a singing bird clock

I played it a whole day, then it was stopped

I thought it was cute, hourly birds tweeting

My spouse said it spoiled his online meeting

He said, 'Look - this annoying sound must stop!'

He silenced my birds, alas, that was that

Back in its box went my new singing clock

In our house my husband prowls like a cat

I heard a real bird, one early morning

Sound like a doorbell or a phone ringing

Like an alarm clock call joyful dawning

Or did that early bird sing code warning?

 

I listened, astonished, what could it be?

It woke me up twice, it gave me two turns

Who was it calling? Surely not for me

Early birds tap beaks, like rain, to lure worms

 

I love to hear birds tweeting, singing greeting

Calling, unseen, from the top of the block

Like a friend calling through the letterbox

But please, mr birdie, not at five o’clock!

 

One little bird has woken the others

Calling all, join my loud, cawing chorus

Each bird has fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers

Tweets and squeaks interrupt, annoy, paw us

 

I could shoot the nearest one, wave a gun

Like vine-grower's scarecrows, get arrested

My water pistol might miss and kill someone

Because my aim has, not yet, been tested

We’ve seen bin thefts tossed by a fox, and rat

Suddenly there’s silence, a prowling cat

Cute cats scratch babies, spray smells on roses

Tenants fixed repellent, I’m pleased at that.

 

I‘m sure you have heard that kittens like birds

Cats love birds, for their lunch or their dinner

If you banish cats, birds’ song will be heard

Old, bold birds sing praise, hymns, you're their saviour!

-Ends-

The Speaker's Confession (Comic poem 134)

A Speaker's Club's President wears many hats

Getting speakers to speak free's as hard as herding cats

'I'm working late, again,' they say, 'I really have to work, 

I know you are important, and - I do not mean to shirk ...'

If you go online you can see me everywhere

You'll be shocked that I'm prepared to speak - although I'm not prepared

If another speaker disappears, at first it seems a pain

But I get one more chance to speak, that's why it's me again!

-ends-

Angela Lansbury in orange wig with puppet. Selfie photo by Angela Lansbury.

How to write a Christmas card poem + Comic Poem No 131 Christmas Crackers

CHRISTMAS & ANNUAL EVENTS

 1 To write poems for cards in advance, select an occasion, or series of occasions, such as:

Anniversary, Birthday

Christmas, Belated Christmas

New Year

Religious Christian/Other religion such as Jewish Hanukah/Secular

Make a small file to store your first drafts. Write down rhymes or rhythms or free verse ideas.

...

ANIMALS, PEOPLE, PLACES, TRANSPORT

Animals/Birds🦊🦄🐔🐄🐑🐪🐘🐿🦕🐓🦃🦢🦜🦉🐧. 

Beloved Cats, Dogs naughty or missed, pets, annoying or cute.

Animals: flocks of sheep, manger, cows, sheep, donkeys👀

Domestic animals: birds, cats, dogs, rabbits

Reindeer

Transport: Sleigh, husky dogs, horses

Season: sun; snow; before and after.

Location: Middle East, Jerusalem 

Humans

Central People: baby Jesus/Jesus/ Mary💖

Visitors: three Magi, Shepherds, visitors, strangers, passers by

Garden, yard, trees, wood, forest✔

.....

FOOD, DRINK AND DINING ROOM

Food; Turkey 

Dessert: Christmas pudding, 

Tea time: Christmas cake, yule log, stollen, panettone

Wine: mulled wine, red wine, pink, white wine, bubbly, Champagne

Dinner, supper, midnight feast🎉

table, chair, tablecloth

buffet❤

feast

candle, candle light

...

SEASONAL CELEBRATIONS
Gifts: parcel, present, wishes🌹🎁

Photographs Merriment: jokes, laughter,

Go through a dictionary of synonyms to find alternative words.

For example, 

tree, forest, branch, leaves, wood, fir, pine, cones

adore, appreciate, cherish, love, lust, love, marriage, show affection, worship

donate, gift, give, loan, present, share

family, love, mate, kith and kin, extended family, brothers and sisters, in-laws, significant other, mother, father, Dad, Mum, granddad, grandmother, grandchild, son, daughter, sweetie, offspring descendants

Go through a rhyming dictionary to find rhymes:

For example:

bed, head, bedhead, red, read, said, 👍

angel, bell, dell, Del, fell, heaven and hell, sell, tell, well

all, ball, call, fall, gall, hall, mall, pall, small, tall

bring, ding, ringing, ring, sing, singing, wing, winging, queen, king😃

Christmas day, far away, bay, gay, hay, holiday, jay, lay, may, neigh, pay, ray, say, tray, way

be, yet to be, Dee, fee, free, glee, he, me, see, she, tea, tee, three, tree, we, Zee🌴☘

wreath, beneath, heath, teeth

gift, lift, miffed, rift, sift, 😍

live, forgive

mice, nice, slice, spice🥠🍿🍓🍏🥕

above, love💖

prove, smooth, soothe

bow, doe, foe, go, ho-ho, Jo, Joe, loh, low, mow, know, no, row, show, snow, tow, woe

fleece, peace, 💋

calm, harm

been, dean, Dene, jeans, teens, lean, mean, teen, green, queen, seen, screen, wean,

Cream, scream 

cope, dope, hope

awoke, bloke, joke, mope, nope, Pope, rope, soap, woke😊🎉

clappy, happy

clap, mishap, tap

go, know, mistletoe😜

heaven sent, ornament, well spent✔

beer, clear, fear, year💕

Read your poem to another person or two or three to get their ideas, objections and corrections and additions to the subjects, recipients, people and events described.

Look up other Christmas cards to see their messages.

Find your previous year's Xmas photo for inspiration.

Useful Websites

dictionary.com

https://messages.365greetings.com/

About the Author

Angela Lansbury is a travel writer and photographer, author and speaker, fashionista. Please share links to your favourite posts or one or more of the blogs

Books include Wedding Speeches and Toasts (Ward Lock/Cassell)

Quick Quotations (Lulu.com) 

travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

https://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.com/

https://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.com/2020/12/how-to-write-christmas-card-poem.html

Christmas - Crackers!

by Angela Lansbury

When white snow paints rooftops and icy ground

When goodwill glitters grumbles all around

When sweet singing fills the frosty air

Ice skating, theatre, dark nights at the fair

When the golden bells are ringing

When the well-dressed choirs are singing

When people madly, badly dance in red and green

When parcels, ribbons, bows are seen

When the winter trees are green

Bright lights are white, or new and blue

When the seasons turn around

That's when thoughts turn from them to you

I think of a wide-eyed laughing child

I think of teens, parties so wild

I think of happy times we had

I think of you and I feel glad

Whether you're near or far away

Those best of times will always stay

That cinema inside I see

Re-plays happy days for you and me

So thank you for fond memories

For over-eating festive food, and sleeping after toasts with fizz

Our photos show the safety mask we know

Thoughts of bad and good old days make new days glow.