Nits Driving Them Nuts comical poem 525 by Angela Lansbury

 Nits are going around the school

Grand-child hot-headed, now is cool

Parents invested in nit combs

They did not want nits in their homes

Nit comb from bent twigs, about 2700 B C E.Wikipedia.

I asked family round for tea

But now hear they're more sick than me

So it's a case of wait and see

And hope they don't see two, or three

I phoned and heard they used a gel

And for the moment all is well

They'll repeat in a week or two

So nothing's passed to me and you.

When you're widowed you cry a bit

And seek consolation in verse

And think you've faced fate's hardest knocks

There cannot be anything worse

But toothache strikes, and then the flu

Things can get worse, I know it's true

The only thing that I can say

It's good when small things go away

I know I can't bring back the dead

All I ask is a little plus

Get rid of tootheache, and the nits

And vomiting nonovirus

When loved ones are no longer near

I pray aloud for fate to hear

When struck down by an urgent task

Just cure these ills - that's all I ask.

-ends-

I Must Protest comical poem 524 by Angela Lansbury

We've had Stop Oil

And Stop the War

I guess you've heard

It all before

Now Farmers  - should

Teachers deplore?

I wonder if

I should do more

I should explain

The simple facts

All want more pay

Service, less tax

I must protest

Not blocking roads

Not shouting, nor

Raising banners

I must protest

Not marching on

Nor screaming out

I've good manners

Ah counter. Angela Lansbury.

I must protest

Not throw hammers

I'll just correct

Others' grammars

I must protest

Life can't get worse

Drop punctua-

Tion nto verse.

I claim spell check

Should bear the bleme

Yet sometimes I

Miss spell my name

I shall not sing

Nor throw a fit

But at least, dears,

I've done my bit

I'll simply type

Out abc

Chant loud praise of

The dictionary

I can't do more

I've done my best

To help you laugh

Through today's test

Now that I've got it

It off my chest

We deserve drinks

A little rest.

-ends-

Soon A Sonnet. How Do I Publish My Poetry? comic poem, a poet dreams of publishing post 353 by Angela Lansbury

Soon a Sonnet

I can create a couplet

A couplet is two lines

So I can end a sonnet

I've written couplets many times

I can write a verse

Three verses start a sonnet

So often I rehearse

Three verses, a couple, done it!

 

A  good friend's relative wanted to know.

1 Does your poetry have a theme?

2 Who is the audience?

3 Are the poems of a regular length and do you have enough for one book, or a series?

4 Do you want to 

perform,

 publish on the web, 

make ebooks, 

print books, 

get status as a poet, 

meet other poets, 

leave records for your family, 

earn money, 

get feedback on poems https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12693021/Pro-organizer-closet-hack-baby-hangers.html

find a publisher

get testimonials?

A famous quotation says you make more money teaching poetry writing than publishing poetry.

Where to look

Fcebook

Instagram

Tiktok

bookshops

public libraries

You can perform every day and if you only sell one copy that is 360 a year. 

You can sponsor your own poetry prize.

You can enter contests in the hope of gaining a financial prize or credentials.

Writing events and other events take place every year.

Hotels have poets or writers in residence.

Countries have appointed poets.

You can write advertising jingles.

You can writing poems for greeting cards. 

You can edit a book of poems, an anthology, for a charity, putting your own poem first.

You can turn a poem into a song and perform for free in restaurants.

You can run sessions on reading or writing poetry in schools and colleges. they may forbid you to sell to the students. They might not pay. However, I read poems to a class in a school in London and they had no budget for teachers but from their book budget they bought one or two of my poetry books.

If you self-publish remember to donate a copy to the national library, so your book can be found, and kept forever to immortalize you.

You need an ISBN number which identifies the publisher, title, author,  so that the public can give it to the bookshops, and the bookshops can search for your book. 

Several websites run comparisons of self-publishing.

Avoid vanity publishing which takes a huge amount of money, does not editing, publishes no books, or charges you for a lot of books you have to store and cannot sell. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12693021/Pro-organizer-closet-hack-baby-hangers.html

Smaller books are easier to carry around, unless you can easily transport by bicycle or car, bus, train, or taxi.

When speaking at an event, have a copy of your book, or at least a flyer, with a call to action, buy my book, get it signed. Have the price displayed, ideally with a discount for buy now or buy two.

Check online what sells, other best selling authors for their subject, title, publisher, price, credentials, testimonials.

End every newsletter or blog post with a call to action

My books

Wnting Poetry For Fun

Poetry Workbook

The Poet & The Publisher comic poem 353 by Angela Lansbury

A poet dreams of publishing, 

Turn poems into songs and sing.

To che is paying you, have another buy a copy of the book and see if you get paid. If not, query it.

When you change your bank details, remember to tell the websites so that the money is credited to you.

You may need to pay tax on the money you earned online.

See Amazon books and Lulu 

https://www.lulu.com/shop/angela-lansbury/poetry-workshop/ebook/product-17517371.html?page=1&pageSize=4

A Pantoum Has Repeated Lines comic verse 348 by Angela Lansbury

 

A pantoum has repeated lines

You start and end it with line one

It saves the poet lots of time

It\s easy, looks smart, lots of fun.

You starts and end it with line one

Lines two and four in the next verse

It's like a wave, start and be brave

You need a strong line like a curse

Lines two and four in the next verse 

End with four verses, made from three

You need a strong line like a curse

It's easy friends, don't you agree?

End with four verses, made from three

It's easy, looks smart, it's good fun

It's easy friends, don't you agree

You start and end it with line one.

-ends-

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Photo of Angela Lansbury with large pencil.

Worse Troubles! comic poem 215 by Angela Lansbury

When the swimming pool water is cold

It's better to remember

Worst troubles at sea

It's colder in snow in December

I look out of my spotted window

And see that it is dismally raining

I could be out there, soaking, hiking

In a pak-a mac, so stop complaining

When you are suffering an itch

Its better to recall

The problems of the very rich

Who fear to lose it all

When your snack's too salty

Or maybe it's too sweet

Give it to the poor insects

The dear things don't care what they eat

Insect in toilet bowl. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

You might have constipation

A dead insect's in the toilet bowl

Flushed, it's half gone

Half''s a bit better than whole

Could it have been a cricket?

At first I thought a gecko

Alive, No, dead. I didn't know

Whatever, friends, it had to go!

When you have lost a loving friend

Think of the good things flippantly said

Just think, would you be happier

If both of you were dead?

If you don't like this poem

I'll put things right somehow

Put you out of your misery

By ending it all (the verse) now.

What good have I done today

To make your day and mine worthwhile?

A waste of time, of yours and mine?

No. It's always worthwhile to smile.

-ends- 

Wednesday 6th September 2023. Please share links to your favourite posts. You can quote the last verse in its entirety but make sue to include my name and a link to the whole poem. Thanks.

I think the last verse could become a quotable classic.

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Poetry Or Prose? Comic poem 166

 

In olden times we used to rhyme

And many careful hours were spent

To check the rhythm every time

Before our precious words were sent

So from the first glance you could tell

If your poet was quite unwell

If his rant, or hers, not its, meant

Help, call doctors, social workers

Undertaker, write sympathy

Because a real plea is in prose

But now, we're so confused, who knows

Like texting's terse, poems just verse

An unknown writer, overseas

Shocked all of us with heartfelt pleas

😟

'Modern life is

 killing me

Please save me 

from my enemies!'

Just texts without punctuation

Leaving anxious readers wondering

Should I phone friends - grammar police

Or welfare checks from real police?

After kind readers sent sympathy

'Explain, dear friend,' 'Come round for tea!'

A sharper cynic sent wise words:

'It's not a plea - just poetry.'

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury 2023 March 20th

Photo of suicide prevention barriers on Golden Gate Bridge.

Pentameters For You. Comic poem 141

Greek flag. 

The Greek had a word for five

And poetry keeps this alive

 

 I am writing this in pentameters

To count beats of each line on my fingers

That enables me to write more quickly

Read aloud, rhyme and metre sound slickly.

-ends-

by Angela Lansbury May 20 2022.

Response to a poem on leaving dusting to write or create

A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet

 but not when you have crumbs under the chair to sweep 

because I tell you here in Singapore, 

if you don't grab a crumb from ants you'll get a hundred more, 

and I'm alas allergic to dust mites, 

a dusty hotel gives me sleepless nights,

 I can compose a poem while I sweep or dust, that glass of water which we share is clean I trust? I would not eat in a dirty café. I promise I'll dust when you come to stay. And proud that all is clean and calm and orderly, we'll sniff sweet flavours, not sneeze in our tea. Please leave your dirty shoes outside the door, sit anywhere, a chair - I cleaned the floor, you'll like my place if you've an allergy - we're both dust mites and gluten free. I hope you like this, which I must rehearse, and whilst I dust I'll write another verse.

By Angela Lansbury April 27 2016. Copyright.