Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Life, Death, Reincarnation and Dinner comical poem 547 by Angela Lansbury

What's life and death to you and me 

For me it's all a mystery

I don't feel reincarnation's

Like changing trains in life's stations


I stare at plates during dinner

Thinking the eater's the winner

Letters to lions from the deer

I'm sure would say, 'Wish you weren't here!'



I'm amazed silent strawberry

Reincarnates into laughing me

How milk turns into yellow teeth

Thin chicken to wide feet beneath 


A teeny weeny bit of me

Only the bit that others see

Stays in paintings and in photos

 All busy posterity knows


My childhood's already long past

Although my hair still grows like grass

I hope this poem stays all day

I'm preserved in a noval or play


Before it's tipped from life's wheelbarrow

When I'm gone like a shadow

And you'll have something left to see

But I won't see, no, no, not me


I shall leave money in banks and wills

To pay for a funeral, lawyers and bills

After death I shan't return

But distribute to hungry worms


Although in life I've a loud voice

After my death I've little choice

The wind will blow and life go on

Your voices sing my silly song.

-end-

Strawberries. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

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I originally ended with

Other voices will sing my song.

I thought that was too sad.

It's supposed to be a comical poem. You should end with a smile.

So I ended Your foices sing my silly song.



Tuesday, April 1, 2025

April 1st Jokes - False Flowers? comical poem 546 by Angela Lansbury

 On April 1st some people like

To paint a car just like a bike

I do not mind if what I've heard

Is clearly from first sight absurd


So long as it does not cause pain

But's merely meant to entertain

Looks at life in another way

Some write good night when it is day


All of us spend several hours

Walking past dresses showing flowers

And fake eyelashes helping looks

Bookends and coasters carved like books



Did you stop, stare and wonder why

Old church ceilings look like the sky

Statues show babies, holy heads

And sculptures which mimic the dead?


Pictures and texts long past we feel

Were thought by many to be real

But now you can't say girl or boy

People, like things, are all trompe l'oeuil


'though I don't like to waste my time

I'm happy some try breaking rules

If people make themselves look fools

If it will raise a laugh - that's fine


But turn back to reality

Reassuring normality

Admit you wandered off the path

Just briefly to ensure a laugh


So plant fake seeds, write praise of  weeds

Present gardens of mad misdeeds

I like surpises, but I'm kind,

Hide morals in bouquet punchlines.


Trompe loeuil painting. Wikimedia. Mario-dorf.

-ends-

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Censored Poems comical poem 545 by Angela Lansbury


I don't wish to hear a bad word

Which might invade my immune brain

'though I recognize all the bad words -

I do not want you to explain!


The problem is, I copy words

If I hear it once, I say it

I know you might find this absurd

When paid per word, yucks won't pay it. 


I do not wish to write a word

Which is vulgar, or slang or rude

'though nowadays it's often heard

One's status could be misconstrued


I've other ways to show my mood

Dictionaries give us lots of choice

Vinegar shouldn't drown brain food

Nor shouting show an icy voice


I admit words I deem taboo

Are scattered by the hoi polloi

A word acceptable to you

When used by me won't bring us joy


And so I censor all I write

'though passionate, no need to swear

I'd rather spread good news and light

Visions of angels with gold hair.

-ends-

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Illustration from wikimedia. Three wise monkeys.

Friday, March 28, 2025

Things I'd Rather Not Remember comical poem number 544 by Angela Lansbury


 I tried to help a lady

Why had Alzheimer's, to remember

I asked, 'Do you know if it is March or November?'


She laughed and shrugged

'There's lots of things I'd rather not remember'


I could not understand why 

She wanted to resist

The help which I was offering

So I worked through my list


'Do you remember, dear

The first time you were kissed?'

She said, 'There are a lot of things I'd rather not remember!'

I had no choice, it was my job, I had to persist


I asked, "Do you remember your first love?'

She sighed, 'I'd rather not remember

Frankly, there were lots of boys, whose memory's not missed.'

'But what about the sex? And your marriage in September?'


She shook her head, 'There's lots of things, I'd rather forget

You think I tell tall stories - you ain't heard nothing yet!'

She said, 'I wish I hadn't kept a diary

Bills, and lawyers' letters

My sister - and our court case

I'd rather forget her!



'I told you there are lots of things I'd rather not remember!'

I changed the subject. I said, 'You know we're heading for a snowy December?'

She said, 'I've already told you, I'd rather not remember.'

-ends-

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Picture of Three Wide Monkeys from Auckland Museum, New Zealand, in Wikipedia, under Three wise monkeys.

Thursday, March 27, 2025

What Other People Write About comical poem 543 by Angela Lansbury

What other people write about

On days when they cannot go out

Most children write of simple things

Bikes, scooters, not safe swimming rings


Of playing games and silly names

Of buses, cars and trains and planes

About goldfish, big cats, small dogs

Not giggly things like jumping frogs


Teenagers write about first love

A kiss and the blind moon above

Later they write about love lost

Of drugs and fast cars, not the cost


Whilst lying in their single bed

They dream of one they wish they'd wed.

Parents write of their baby's smiles

Not dripping taps nor laying tiles.


Old people, some like to complain

Although there's lots they should explain

Their youth which won't come back again

Claim their life's full of sun - or rain

Now, poets, what do poets write?

Of how they sat up half the night

And tried to put the world to right

Telling what other people write.

-ends-

Photo of Angela Lansbury with large pencil.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2025

The Perfect Body comical poem number 542 by Angela Lansbury

 The human body's wonderful

Until something goes badly wrong

All bits of of me work perfectly

Until I try to sing a song

Angela Lasnbury with smiley face balloon. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

When others sing happy birthday

You wonder why I shut my mouth

And why I have bought thirty bras

Because some parts start going south


The heart is an amazing thing

Goes tick-tock like a wound-up clock

Runs the whole body happily

Till it decides enough, I'll stop


I'll sleep in - I don't need an alarm

At six a.m. I wake, sadder

I haven't yet had eight hours sleep

I'm woken by my busy bladder


Somewhere between distand childhood

And the fast race towards old age

My whole body goes out of tune

It's lost and sings from the wrong page


A baby learns to walk and run

 It learns to crawn, ignores a fall

Maybe Alzheimer's a blessing

So the old don't worry at all


No, when your step is unsteady

Just shrug it off and then maybe 

The world will stay a happy place

Meet challenges like a baby.

-ends-

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New Friends And Old Friends comical poem 541 by Angela Lansbury

 It's always good to find a friend

When you have a lot in common

But you can say, have a nice day

Even to a smiling moron.

Angela Lansbury in pirate outfit at a Christmas party for a Club. Photo by Angela Lansbury.


When you don't have a lot to do

Or when busy, in a hurry

A simple smile can make your day

And lift you out of your worry


Don't waste life, grumbling, spreading hate

To fill time when queues make you late

Find others to commiserate

Make friends with others forced to wait


A nod or wave won't make you late 

But puts you in a happy state

Do tai chi when you're stuck at home

With music on a telehone


A few kind words can make your day

If you find something good to say

So fill your days with words of praise

And recall smiles from yesterday.


A simple cure for baseless sorrow

Is note the good things of good days

Save them up to say tomorrow

Others will recall you with praise.

-ends-

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Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Adult Nursery Rhyme on Numbers, Trees and Birds comical poem number 540 - (536 revised,) by Angela Lansbury

 

 A nursery rhyme and repetitive song to teach English to children and non native speakers.

One Tree

My front window framed one bare tree

On the first of January

I took a photo and made a note

In my new five-year diary.

My five year diary. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


Now in each March here's what I see

'One leafy branch high in the tree

On that high branch, moving, I see

One small bird hiding in that tree

 

'High in the sky I see one nest

In it, one bird's having a rest

Two birds start a cawing contest 

I wonder which of them sings best?' 

 

The next day's note was: 'Two fine trees

I checked their species. Both pine trees

The second housed one singing bird

Two birds, one more, that’s three I'd heard.'

 

On the internet on day three

I talked to my friend who's a kiwi

Beyond her window I could see

A mountain and one big palm tree.


On that tree what did I see?

'I saw coconuts, more than three

 I counted one, two, three and four

I counted, five, six, many more.'

 

On month four guess what I saw!

'In London outside our back door

Blossom on our green apple tree

Beside next door's red apple tree

 

Autumn's red apples beckoned me

'I called, “Look at that apple tree!”

My neighbour peered, “Yes, take one, please,

I hope you like it, dear, it’s free!" '

 

Some gardeners plant apple trees

Build or buy boats, catch fish at sea

Give away surplus, sell their skills

Some work two jobs, to pay their bills

 

I look out now - note what I see

'One small bird chirping in our tree

Happy calling, then a warning

Three tunes, for birds, not meant for me


'Dad likes green beans (I prefer peas) 

He hates tarts, sweets (leaves more for me!)

Grows apples, pears, plums, plants three trees

Serves fish from tanks, ponds, streams and seas

 

'Dropped from trees, in my lawn I found

Two small acorns, oval, width round

Years later, big oak trees rise

Cut to make chairs, of every size

                                 

'Their new swing's on their willow tree,'

'Two kinds of mint made strong herb tea,'

We grew sweet grapes on six grape vines.'

Four seasons, five years, happy times.

-ends-


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Drinks Good And Bad comical poem 539 by Angela Lansbury

 

Author Angela Lansbury with a glass of blush wine. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Drink's not neutral, a loaded word

Sounds very bad or really good

'You don't drink enough water, dear'

Or 'more alcohol than you should'


A vital drink is refreshing

Eases sports injuries and pains

Too much, even water, is bad

A little seems good and gives gains


What helps a hedgehog to survive?

Milk helps newborn babes stay alive

Champagne for new year, wedding toasts

On hot days water helps revive


Signs say bring water on the train

Carry a drink to run or walk

I don't think I need to explain

A drink, like tea, is shared with talk


I don't write this to earn a fee

Just to sip and smile, feel jolly

Merely to amuse you and me

While we drink our daily coffee.

-ends-

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Saturday, March 22, 2025

Happy Birthday, comical poem 538 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury's portrait on a birthday cake. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


 Happy Birthday! Darling. Happy Birthday!

I bet you know half of what I will say

If you have lived twenty to fifty years

You've outlived half of your friends far and near


If you have lived sixty to eighty eight

It's far too late to be told to lose weight

So, whatever your fate, please never curse

You already know that things could be worse


When you lie awake and worry at night

You know that I'm right - a mosqito bite!

Worse than news you saw, a faraway war

It's worse, that's the truth, losing half a tooth


When you reach ninety to one hundred years

Yesterday's troubles don't move you to tears

Whether good people go or bad ones stay

By ten you're in bed and they're far away


If you should reach a hundred and twenty

You'll have gained and lost friends, you've had plenty

No point in mourning the good who have gone

Smile at four-year-olds' birthdays, life moves on.


Because when you reach a hundred plus years

You've outlived most of the world far and near

But there's one last thing which seems rather nice

Everyone listens to your good advice


The question they'll ask, you always knew it

Is, dear one, tell us, how did you do it?

Don't admit that haven't done all that you should

No-one else was there - make up something good.

-ends-.

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Friday, March 21, 2025

World Poetry Day comical poem 537 by Angela Lansbury


 

Today is world poetry day

When every budding poet knows

You have to speak in poetry

And not one wasteful word of prose


I tried to speak in poetry

Asking prices from the plumbers

One cut the call. Seriously.

I got strange looks from the builders


I said, "Write down your quotation

So that my husband can compare

And please punctuate the numbers

Don't stick dots, commas, everywhere!"


Now that poetry day's over

We all breathe big sighs of relief

Poetry's best left to poets

Not busy builders, that's their belief.

-ends-


Wednesday, March 19, 2025

Small Birds Singing In Big trees, comical poem 536 by Angela Lansbury

 I started this as a nursery rhyme and repetitive song to teach simple English words to children and non-native speakers. However, simple sentences and repetition bored me. So this is my revised version



Small Birds Singing In Big Trees

By Angela Lansbury


 In our long street, what did I see?

From our street I saw one tall tree

On day one I saw just one tree

What blocked the view? I saw a tree


One stormy night all over town

Old rotten trees had fallen down

How they are missed when they are gone

Traffic is blocked, no place for song


On my tall tree what did I see?

A bent branch, too near, threatening me

On its far branch I hear, can't see!

Two birds perched hidden in their tree


Small sparrows sing a simple song

Their squeaky tweet does not last long 

Experts say it's a contact call

To lure bird friends behind the wall


Up in the sky's a big black nest

In trees, what do I like most?

Useful vultures and ravens rest

What sings sweet songs? Which bird is best?

 

Day two I walked, saw two fine trees

I checked their species. Scots Pine trees

I saw and heard one singing bird

Two more tweeted, that’s three I've heard!


RSPB relies on me

To spend an hour and do a count

How many birds are seen this year?

Do this year's numbers fall or mount?

 ***

More trees like slide show memories

Fill both open and half shut eyes

Years of travels leave sights which please

England's surprise, strutting magpies


New Zealand’s summer’s cool and calm

Pet cats catch birds, do lots of harm

Hard coconuts fall from tall palms

Big warning signs cause me alarm

 

Drivers see little, when it's late

Don't walk, parks aren't safe after dark

They clear the car park, close the gate

It’s shut and locked, eight o’clock sharp

 

Sleep at night when the park closes,

Bulgaria’s growing roses

Pink roses make pretty posies

At dawn guys pick perfumed roses

 ***

On day four, guess what we Brits saw!

Just outside our sliding back door

Birds peck at our green apple tree

And our neighbour’s red apple tree

 

One apple looked so good to me

I called, “Look at that apple tree!”

My neighbour peered, “Yes, take one please,

I hope you like it, dear, it’s free!

 

“You’ll find it’s very good to munch

Chopped for breakfast, or whole for lunch.”

 I said, “Thank you. You’re very kind

How did you see it? You’re half blind!”

 

He smiled, “I’m only colour blind.”

He grinned, “I don’t see red or green

You’d be surprised how much I’ve seen

Just sitting by the village green!

 

”Besides, there’s so much I can tell

From fruit’s soft touch, sniff the sweet smell -

Here comes a cat! How do I know?

The birds stopped singing. Where’d they go?

 

“Birds don’t complain, ‘I was here first.’

Don’t say, 'Stay, Let cats do their worst!’

Wise birds don’t sing a tell-tale song

They don’t rant, ‘I’m right, that cat’s wrong!’

 

"The world is big, they fly away

Wise birds find somewhere else to stay

They pray old cats will die one day

Spring birds fly back, happy to play.

 

"In warmer lands, birds fly to rest

Then they come back, our welcome guests

But farmers say big flocks are pests

We'll greet one couple, scare the rest

 

Wise birds know when to stay or fly

Some build black nests high in the sky.

Some Mums like birds, some Dads like cats

Dogs, mini zoos, you've heard of that!"

 

Boss builds big boats to sail high sees

Good gardeners plant apple trees

Bird box, mend fence, tree house, such skills

Work two jobs, more, to pay their bills

 

At weekends we stay home and rest

Admiring small birds in small nests

Retired Gran says, "We’ve done no wrong

We've worked and played, now hear bird song.”

 

I look again - what do I see?

A robin redbreast in our tree

He sings for birds, not just for me

But near here, clear, no food, no fee

*** 

Oranges flourish where it’s hot

Orchards thrive here where it is not

Bees in hives make farmers honey

Good honey sells for big money

 

In tropics, dates grow in the heat

Big juicy grapes, sweet, soft to eat

See rice, that’s nice, wines from grape vines

Pasta from wheat to sell, buy, eat

 

Some kids like fruit, nerds prefer greens

Some can’t eat fish, some won’t eat meat

Take sugar, nuts, but others don’t

Some guests nod thanks, whilst others won’t

 

We’ll eat differently, we agree

Sweets they ignore, leave more for me

Grow apples, pears, plant a plum tree

Fish, frog, pond, river, tuna, seas

 

Two small green song bird sing in trees

A parakeet is calling me.

What do I see? A big oak tree

Beyond fruit, a third, massive tree

 

Under the tree, guess what I found!

A small acorn, oval not round

After a time small acorns grow

Into big oak trees, kids all know

                                 

A garden swing sways from one tree

Two trees’ apples, a healthy tea

We grow sweet grapes on six grape vines

Four seasons’ worth of happy times.


Orange tree for Chinese New Year, Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.
-ends-
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Sunday, March 16, 2025

St Patrick's Green comical poem 535 by Angela Lansbury

 St Patrick's Day the Colour green

Is on the pubs in every scene

The brightest green you've every seen

In drinks, on chairs, balloons and hair


The colours green, orange and white

Are sure to bring all great delight

Drinking by day, singing by night

And smiling all night til daylight


In some cities you see parades

New Yorker smile and wave all day

Singapore - hats given away

At pubs which wanted all to stay


Chicago turns its river green

And green drinks make the weirdest scheme

Different things in different places

Green on spectacles and faces


Ireland has a lucky shamrock day

Montserrat has a holiday

Each country celebrates its way

With bagpipes, harps, or dance all day


I see that opportunity knocks

Although I do not dye my locks

It would give all my friends a shock

I'll stick to a green tie and socks


Afterward I'll store them away

And send emails in which I say

My box of Irish goods will stay

Locked in box rooms til Patrick's Day.

Green four leaf clover sandals. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

-ends-

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Thursday, March 13, 2025

Bread and Board, Never Bored comical poem number 534 by Angela Lansbury


Sometimes children, and adults, too

Complain that they are feeling bored

They can't be short of things to do

Maybe they simply mean ignored


I've always got too much to do

Thoughts twirling in my busy head

Write poems, paint, try phoning you

Or exercise, lying in bed

Bread made by Trevor Sharot. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


If you are short of things to do

Why not try making home-made bread

You need flour, water, oil - and yeast!

Without yeast you will get flat bread

Yeast for baking. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Coyright.


You need to check the recipe

Yours hand-written or theirs online

You'll need to knead, remember salt

Set buzzers, check, that fills up time


First you must go to buy the yeast

Unless sour dough bread is your dream

There's always some new bread to try

Add nuts and seeds, that's my new scheme


Before or after making bread

Invite a new friend to try it

If your bread's not wild success

Compare commercial bread - buy it


First home made bread, like you, might sink

Stay stuck to the base of the pan

Plan to repeat recipes twice  

Before dinner parties, you can


But if your bread does not work well

You'll admire big, sliced, shop-bought bread

Read the long ingredients list

'How do they make that?' in your head


You can try making home made jam

Salted or unsalted butter

Serve your bread hot or serve it cold

Last week's first failure won't matter


The solution is be doing

Not worrying, idly thinking

Not spend time on over-eating

Nor staring into space, drinking


If you've tried something new each day

You'll have a lot of tales to tell

Of how you first failed, got it right

Explain how others do it well


Next time you get to taste good bread

Or see it sit on a wood board

You'll think, 'Did they add sugar, salt?'

I guarantee, you'll not be bored.

-ends-

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Wednesday, March 12, 2025

Beyond The Horizon comical poem number 533 by Angela Lansbury

 Beyond the horizon

Are dreams and real places

Beyond the horizon

Memories, new faces


Beyond the horizon

Not just old fading dreams

But plans for the future

Careful schemes, links and seams


Beyond the horizon

Where the grand, big ships sail

When you need a new home

Beyond the closed in pale


Beyond the horizon

Where I flew far last year

Beyond the horizon

Is my new friend, you, dear..


Beyond the horizon

If all goes very well

I'll bring yyou my best gift

Of new stories to tell


Beyond your horizon

Is what you can't yet see

It's a big, happy smile

From sweet, cute little me.



-ends-



My Dreamy Swimming Family (grand-daughter's view) comical poem 532 by Angela Lansbury

 

Granny Angela Lansbury by the swimming pool during Covid in Cashew Heights in Singapore. Copyright Angela Lansbury

My family all learned to swim

At different times from me

When did you learn to swim?

I asked my family


My granny learned on a cruise ship

The sea around was nice

Her parents took her there three times

'cos children paid half price


The cruise ship has a swimming pool

And although it was small

You have people all around

You were always near the wall


She pushed the water with one arm

And then she added two

Then three or four, then some more

It wasn't hard to do


When Granny was expecting Dad

She told hubby, 'Learn to swim

If ever he's in trouble

You will have to rescue him.'


Grandad protested, 'I'm too heavy!'

Granny said, 'That is not true

'cos bigger people learn to swim -

They are heavier than you!'


When he was in a lesson

He copied all the others

Lots of people went to learn

Expecting fathers, and mothers


Later my grandad learned to dive

One day I'll learn that, too

When I am older, four or five

So much to learn and do.


So when I go to sleep at night

When I put my head down

I dream I'm in a swimming pool

And swimming round and round.

-ends-

Tuesday, March 11, 2025

How Ava LearnedTo Swim comical poem 531 by Angela Lansbury


1

 Ava sent us all a video

She wanted us to know

That she learns to swim each weekend

She doggy paddles to and fro


2 She has a swimming costume

She chose a pretty patterned pink

She chose a no frills costume

So she can swim sleek and never sink


3 She wears her swimming goggles

And her matching swimming cap

She puts it all on by herself

She's keen and proud of that


4 Where is the lovely swimming pool?

The pool is in a local school

The pool is all a shallow end

Big enough for her and her new best friend


5 First she learned to get in

The water is quite warm

She trusts teacher to guide her

So she cannot come to harm


6 She knows that Dad is watching

And recording her progress

So that all the family

Can re-play her success


7 How long do her lessons last?

Only fifteen minutes

She looks forward to her first lesson

She can't wait to begin it


8 She stands beside the swimming pool

She is very confident and brave

Before she climbs down the ladder

She gives us all a happy wave


9 She holds the board in front of her

Her legs kick up and down

Swimming's easy, water holds you up

Far above the blue tiled ground


10 She swims the whole length of the pool

It's fun but very far

And when it's over she's so tired

That she sleeps in the chugging car


11 We wonder what she's dreaming

When she wakes she is confessing

Can you guess what she was dreaming?

About her next swimming lesson!


12 Her next lesson's twice as long

Teacher said she'd made great progress

She is confident and strong

Swimming is her new success!

(Possible end)


13 She watched a safety video

It warned don't swim far alone at night

In a pool, by day, with lifeguards watching

Is the way to do it right


14 Some people risk deep rivers

Some swim in big waves in the open sea

But in a pool, with a life guard

Is best (safest?) for Mummy, Daddy and me


15 Mummy and daddy and grandparents

All think she looks smart and sweet

Each week she learns something new

Now she's flapping flippers on her feet


16 She starts out swimmg on her front

She looks as natural as a green, swimming frog

She ends up swimming on her back

She's as happy as a grinning, tail-wagging dog.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury










Saturday, March 8, 2025

Sun Cycles comical poem 530 by Angela Lansbury

Halong Bay, on a sunny day, Vietnam.


Every morning I see the dawn's light

Some times hesitant, others boldly bright 

And I know life's cycle's rolling again

From flu to joy and back to pain


From mist to sun and back to rain

From glad to glum, silence to hum

From footpath to river, from stream to lane

From numb to singing, from singing to dumb


And lastly we turn from day to night

Jumping the hurdles, doing our best

Life's a relay race, as we pass each test

Sure that tomorrow will bring us daylight


We know that one day we won't go on

We've done lots of right and hid lots of wrong

Some times we were silent, others sang a song

Without us the world will still go on, and on..


Each day, somewhere, a nobody dies

But each day a cute baby opens its eyes

The sun doesn't stare, like a shrug, it's there

The sun doesn't care if you washed your hair


Our life's a pearl necklace, if we want to share it

Recording each day, so others can wear it

And after we've gone, children carry on

Like a circular train, trundling on.

-ends-



-ends-

 





The Child's Bible Stories comical poem number 529 by Angela Lansbury

Antique Noah's ark toy. Photo author Thomas Quine in Wikipedia.


My favourite story was Noah's Ark

More animals than the zoo and my park

But the whole bible I'd not read at all

It's big and heavy - the print's far too small


At school I learned about day and night

Which started when God said, 'Let there be light!'

He was alone and talked to himself

Everyone knows that's not good for your health


He made Adam and Eve, some people believe

And also a snake, which was a mistake

Eveyone knows that snakes are no good

It wouldn't let ancestors do what they should


I learned father, Christmas, wore red and white

His wife, mother, Mary, held their baby tight

Three wise men rode camels, they'd missed the plane 

I'd not got it right, but no-one explained 


When you like a book, what do you do?

You ask the librarian for the book two

They renamed the bible, the 'Old' testament

And promoted the next one with the word 'New'.

-ends-

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Friday, March 7, 2025

Up Early And Dressed comical poem number 528 by Angela Lansbury

Clock Dress label Catherine Kidston. 


I was up early at seven

Refreshed and ready, I'm in heaven

Half the jobs done by nine are mine

How much more I'll end by eleven


I've had a shower, washed and dried

My long-sleeve thermals hide inside

Dress for warm weather also cold

 Dressed young, sexy, chic, staid, old


It doesn't matter what I do

Just be ready, that is true

But add a bracelet, scarf or ring

Something red makes my heart sing


Dress in closed shoes prepared for rain

Don't yet wear open toes again

Dress in my best, just to impress

The mirror, family, the rest


I think I'll dress up every day

Fine clothes will send poor thoughts away

I'll comb my hair, wear lipstick, too

It's good for me and good for you


I'll pick my night dress from the floor

Ready to answer my front door

I'm dressed for outsides, not just ins

In case I need to move the bins


Do some sewing, check what's owing

Drink some water, lay the table

Never mind what I can't do

I'll do as much as I'm capable 


I can't hear talks, I'm finding forks

I've washed the dishes, made three wishes

Checked my emails, done some thanking, 

Last on my list, do some banking


Order eggs in the large sizes, 

For my contest dream of prizes

Move arms, legs, new exercises

Effortlessly, good surprises


Wrote a poem for my blog

Go for a walk, don't need a dog

Walk to the shops - but no stopping

Can't waste too much time on shopping


I've chosen good days and ticked best times

For firms to measure up new blinds

I've picked Roman, silk or cotton

Ticked conservatory, don't mind


Still on my list - to fix the fence

Though now it costs us pounds not pence

We also need to rebuild a wall

In one day I can't do it all


Ready to answer, 'Let's go shopping!'

For any outing, no stopping

I've had my pills and paid my bills

Just one thing left, to write our wills.

-ends-

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Thursday, March 6, 2025

Daylight comical poem number 527 by Angela Lansbury


 I see an end to the dark, silent night

Wake to the bustle and joy of daylight

I have happy thoughts that I'm keen to share

With my friends and family everywhere


When cold winter ends and warm spring has come

We can dance with flowers and jog and run

Last night I dreamed I ran a poem class

One beginner at the start, most ran past


I stuck big signs on door, Poets meet and greet

Then, slowly, pupils filled the empty seats

I taught the shortest verse line's just four words

For a simple message which must be heard


But I often count syllables of eight

Which makes more room for thoughts which I create

But if you extend up to ten or twelve

You've room for words which you don't need to shelve


My pupils' poems made a splended start 

They all wrote poems of love from their heart

Some were shy, wrote nicknames, and hid their name

Other were proud and wanted to proclaim!


Although it was a dream, I was thrilled

My mind had set a scene that was wish fulfilled

The happiness of the vision would stay

Help start with energy my joyful day


I must clean my teeth and comb my long hair

And choose my finest, gorgeous clothes to wear.

The good news is that I've another day

To make sure everything goes the right way


I read some shout and block the city street

When we've work to do and people to meet

They claim they've sympathy for others' plight

I wish that instead they would simply write.


For foreign wars and deaths are far away

The future's far away from bright today

There's always something to make someone moan

Yet I've got joy and delight in my home.

-ends-

The second line of the last verse was originally

But I've been given a bright, shiny day.


Wednesday, March 5, 2025

The Magic Of A Miniature Dolls' House comical poem 526 by Angela Lansbury

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. March 2025.

I stopped outside a charity shop

I saw my own childhood dream

The perfect dolls house, fifteen pounds

No dolls inside, an empty scene


What is it that attracts us all

To a cute miniature dolls' house?

The teeny people, chairs and stairs

The happy hedgehog, dog, cat, mouse?


 An empty house - a big mistake

I scan online to make it right

Prices more than my Fisher Price

The cost of sets gives me a fright


All kinds of figures catch my eye

This search could waste my entire day

I must resort to DIY

Another way to waste my day


I search my big house - what to take?

Dried rosemary will make a tree.

A santa from a Christmas cake.

A key ring car- take off the key




I decorate walls as I please

Create this little house with love!

What is it that entrances us?

To see dolls still, or make them move?


Best make them match, all twelfth size

Not mix up dolls of different sizes

But it matters not to toddlers' eyes

Life's full of invention and surprises


Gran makes a doll from an old cork

A garden urn from a wooden egg cup

Dolls listen to us as we talk

Their life stories? I'll make them up!


I'm sure my grand-daughter will love it

Cares not what's costly, what is free

I may pretend that it's for her

Yet, in a way, it's just for me.

-ends

Sunday, March 2, 2025

Nits Driving Them Nuts comical poem 525 by Angela Lansbury

 Nits are going around the school

Grand-child hot-headed, now is cool

Parents invested in nit combs

They did not want nits in their homes

Nit comb from bent twigs, about 2700 B C E.Wikipedia.

I asked family round for tea

But now hear they're more sick than me

So it's a case of wait and see

And hope they don't see two, or three


I phoned and heard they used a gel

And for the moment all is well

They'll repeat in a week or two

So nothing's passed to me and you.


When you're widowed you cry a bit

And seek consolation in verse

And think you've faced fate's hardest knocks

There cannot be anything worse


But toothache strikes, and then the flu

Things can get worse, I know it's true

The only thing that I can say

It's good when small things go away


I know I can't bring back the dead

All I ask is a little plus

Get rid of tootheache, and the nits

And vomiting nonovirus


When loved ones are no longer near

I pray aloud for fate to hear

When struck down by an urgent task

Just cure these ills - that's all I ask.

-ends-


Saturday, March 1, 2025

I Must Protest comical poem 524 by Angela Lansbury

We've had Stop Oil

And Stop the War

I guess you've heard

It all before


Now Farmers  - should

Teachers deplore?

I wonder if

I should do more


I should explain

The simple facts

All want more pay

Service, less tax


I must protest

Not blocking roads

Not shouting, nor

Raising banners


I must protest

Not marching on

Nor screaming out

I've good manners



Ah counter. Angela Lansbury.


I must protest

Not throw hammers

I'll just correct

Others' grammars


I must protest

Life can't get worse

Drop punctua-

Tion nto verse.


I claim spell check

Should bear the bleme

Yet sometimes I

Miss spell my name


I shall not sing

Nor throw a fit

But at least, dears,

I've done my bit


I'll simply type

Out abc

Chant loud praise of

The dictionary


I can't do more

I've done my best

To help you laugh

Through today's test


Now that I've got it

It off my chest

We deserve drinks

A little rest.

-ends-


Friday, February 28, 2025

Scared - false fears comical poem number 523 by Angela Lansbury


Angela Lansbury photographed with a giant smiley. Copyright Angela Lansbury. 


She was scared of everything

Of a broken bangle

A missing ring

Of high notes she couldn't sing


Of missing a bus

Of missing a plane

Of making mistakes 

And starting again


She was scared of needles

And breaking a thread

Dust mites sitting on the shelf

And lurking in the bed


She was scared of a jumping frog

And a barking dog

What was underneath a log!

And getting lost in a fog


Rules of cribbage and whist

Of being kissed

Of straining her wrist

And losing her list


Of standing too long

And sitting down, too

Being unemployed

Having too much to do


Fevers, on the Nile

And yet all the while

You would never know

From her big false smile.

-ends-


The Dolls' House comical poem 522 by Angela Lansbury

Fisher Price vintage dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


Why are some people scared of a tiny mouse

But feel in control of s small dolls' house?\

Is it becuase owners feel in control

When the dolls stay put and fulfil their role?


Dolls do what you want, don't say a word

Never the slightest objection is heard

They stand in the kitchen or lie in the bed

They are not alive but they're never dead


They don't move out or leave you ever

A doll is a friend who lives forever.

-ends-

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Thursday, February 27, 2025

God's Given Me Another Day, comical poem number 521 by Angela Lansbury.

 God's given me another day

To go to work, stay home and play

To walk, a dog, run, jog or hike

Sit on a bus or mountain bike

Eastern Explorer Hop-on Hop-off bus, sandy beach, blue sea, bay and boats, Waiheke Island, North Island, New Zealand. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

After good rest throughout the night

I see dawn's light with great delight

Small smears to clean, small wrongs to right

Add colours to life's black and white


I'll pick a pen or hold a mic

The world's my stagel. Does life, rehearse?

Thank Gods, parents, the universe

I'll crystallise it all in verse

With love. Selfie photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


I hear small bees, see big oak trees

Gardens, ponds, parks, date palms all please

So much to paint, snap, write and see

Big world of joy - for little me.

-ends-

I changed the negative line 'Cradle to grave, from crib to hearse'

to the line of the idea I had missed out, 'God ,,, (or just),the universe'.

I changed the universally relevant line

'sit on a bus or wheel a bike', because it was mundane,

to the more visual and fun 'open top bus or mountain bike'?


'Open top bus or mountain bike'

As usual I have stuck to eight syllables per line.

I took from 6 am to 6.23 to type up what I had thought about for half an hour. I had to get up early to capture it. at 7.40 am I have had breakfast, edited, moved a verse and added photos.

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