Saturday, August 30, 2025

A Spider's Web comical poem by Angela Lansbury

What is the best spider catcher

A glass with stiff card below

I've a spider catcher with a sliding panel

And a hoover works well, but few know 


We can never catch all the spiders

That is the big surprise

I'm sure that ten more are born

Each time one of them dies


A spider's web, one spider?

There must be a tribe

On the bathroom ceiling

The car mirror, and many more besides


When you see those trailing strands

Littering your house

You can guiltlessly dispose of them

In the bin with the abondoned wasps' nest 

And the short-lived dead mouse


The web which is worth keeping

Is the one which looks like crochet

Better than your woven blanket

It catches the spider's dish of the day


You have to take sides

The spider or the fly

It's a bit like watching tennis

One will win, the other die


I dont mind at all

So long as the spider's very small

It's got such a pretty house of doom

Better than racing round the room.


I could waste half the day

Spraying, and reading cans of spray

Smart spiders wait 'til I'm in bed

Then, unseen, weave their pretty webs instead.

-ends-



Mother Moth comical poem 654 by Angela Lansbury

 At bedtime, we saw a moth

As everybody knows

Moths are very fond of

Eating holes in your best clothes


My husband was very cross, full of wrath

When he was dive-bombed by a moth

He tried to end both their troubles

Thinking one less moth was no world-shattering loss


But, I thought, though never taught,

A moth must have a mother

Children, and parents

Maybe a sister and a brother


Luckily, for me, so it seems

I soon fell asleep

No abstract worry

Could keep me from my dreams.

-ends-

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If you like this blog, you might like my latest book, nw for 2025, entitled Embarrassing Moments. You can take a quick look and buy it on amazon.co.uk 


Tuesday, August 26, 2025

Dear Friendly Aspiring Poets - A Simple Task comical verse 653 by Angela Lansbury

 Dear Friends, Ill set you a simple task which has one aim

Write a couplet or verse which includes your good name.

My name is Angela and I'm happy to use it

My favourite saying is use it or lose it.

-ends-

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Monday, August 25, 2025

The Cure for Typos is Tea. Comical poem 652 by Angela Lansbury


 

What could go wrong?

I got up late. I need to state

That's why I made everybody wait.

When you're tired, mistakes don't take long.


I now know I'm not the only one at fault

We all make typos. When did I go to bed?

Today someone else has made a worse mistake 

Sent us white wine, instead of the ordered red.


I sang out of tune, a well known song.

It was karaoke. I got all the words wrong.

After all of my hype - oh

The first page of my book has a typo!


'Can somebody help me?

And not charge a fee?'

'Yes, I can help you -

If you can help me


'Can you proofread?

Say what I lack

I'd appreciate

Your feedback''


Your poem's sweet, short, succinct

But it would be neater

If it had less predictable rhyme

And found missing metre.


'Why is everyone so rude?

I'm sure that I've done something good.

You should encourage, not discourage!'

I'll dot the ayes and cross the tees and make a cup of perfect tea.


'Now you've offended me

I helped and got no thanks

I gave you feedback

But we've nothing in the bank


'If you didn't want help

Completing this task

You should not get offended

Or, you shouldn't ask.'


My first job is to like myself

The only way to help my health

I'm not a whining wino

My type's worst fault is a typo.


It takes a while to reconcile

Make myself and others like me

But we all feel better now

I've served and drunk a cup of perfect tea.

-ends.

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Busy Dizzy Days comical poem 651 by Angela Lansbury

First I make a shopping list

Keen that nothing should be missed

On my way to do the shopping

In a hurry, can't be stopping


 First I pass the lush green grass

Pause. Put my nose near a red rose

Stop to take a photograph

Smile at new neighbours, wave, joke, laugh


Window shopping, what is new?

In the shops, read each label

Find a bargain, if I'm able

Patiently, join a long queue


Back at home, I'm a winner

Arrived just in time for dinner

But I'm asked, 'What went wrong?

Why did you take so long?'


Tramp Davies wrote, 'What is life if full of care

You have no time to stand and stare?'

That's the thought of shameless, aimless young

I'm old, less time, more to be done


Rush. Make sure each day's got lots of value in it

I do not want to waste a precious minute

Then when I stare, I sort useful thoughts

Of what I should do with bargains I've bought


Is there anything I might be needing?

Does the garden need seeds or weeding?

Do I need cover to protect my knees?

Should I plant herbs, which attract birds and bees?


Do I want to dig dirty potatoes?

Better stick to quick growing green and red tomatoes

Photograph, sunlight makes trees dappled -

'Let's go out and pick some ripe apples!'


Save leftover food for another day

Turn the excess apples into puree

Brief stop for snacking on what I like most

Cheese and butter melting on hot seed toast.

Cheese and toast with coffee. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


***

Write, then. go out to enjoy today, 

Because tomorrow it might rain

Make another short list, start again

I'm busy writing, happy and don't need to explain.

-ends-

I changed 

then at last join a long queue 

to 

Patiently join a long queue.

The first version explains why I am late in the next verse.

The second version contrasts my dawdling with my husband's impatience to start dinner.

The toast (with mushrooms) was, in fact, breakfast. My picture shows toast with cheese for elevenses.

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. But my husband says, don't keep changing it. The flow is better with the first version.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2025

Holidays, Hotels, Homes, Husbands - The Opposite Of What You'd Expect comic poem 650 by Angela Lansbury

Pretty Riversides - Insects Beside

 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things don't turn out the way you think they should

Those cute hotels perched by fly riversides

Attract unwary diners, backless brides


Attractive Perfume On Holiday

My flower perfume attracts mosquitos

In New Zealand as ev'ry Kiwi knows

You need to wear long sleeves and covered toes

Ugly, triple layer, repellent clothes


Homes By Sweet Streams

And if your house stands beside a sweet stream

Life's not the pretty dream which it might seem

It's dangerous to toddlers, backing cars

And drunks who walk out watching up there stars


Lovely Lakes - Fun For Dog Detectives

Rivers and lakes look lovely in the day

Until at night a car misses the way

Long after parents die, children dry tears

Dogs find six drowned wrecks, after sixty years


Growing Fig Trees - Like Jack & The Beanstalk

And my small fig tree which refused to grow

For years had only one small fig to show

Wrong kind of figs, small, hard, only for stew

Now giant fig tree shoves our home askew


Fruit - Tasteless Blueberries & Tasty Strawberries

The blueberries we think will be a treat

Have no taste, though they are easy to eat

Bright red strawberries are hard as we fear

Yet really tasty, one week of the year

Fruit - strawberries, raspberries and blueberries,. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Hopeless Or Helpful Husbands

I married late, I thought worst of the bunch

Grumpy husband, gave hugs, made lovely lunch


 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things often don't end how you thought they would.

-ends-

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Tuesday, August 19, 2025

Do You Have A Butterfly Mind? Refuting an accusation, humorous poem 649 by Angela Lansbury

 

Butterfly. Free pic from 

 Do you have a butterfly mind

Leaving all the bad weeds behind

Some like to finish all they do

But others hop to something new


A butterfly mind's no disgrace

Pretty butterflies have their place

They do not touch the dirty ground

But fly about and hop around


Somebody once asked me, if I

Had a mind like a butterfly

The conversation wasn't of his choosing

I'd thought I was being amusing


It all depends on the time and state

But when I must, I concentrate

When all is done, one can move on

Divert or yawn when it gets late


A butterfly on plants or plates

Can fly over fences and gates

It's pretty, amusing, flies over walls

Better than being pretty dull.

-ends-

Sunday, August 17, 2025

I meant to write a song comical poem/song 648 by Angela Lansbury



 I wrote a poem today

Cute, Clever. So what went wrong?

I wrote a poem today

But I wished I'd written a song


A funny poem can be a moment's fun

It's personal, when aimed at one

But a song can entertain the world

Brighten dim dawns, console setting suns


A simple phrase can become all the rage

Words which dance, leap off the page

I'd rather enhance, strut across a stage

Despite age, wave a mike, sing a song


One famed speech for an investiture

Inspires students of tender years

Calms fears, moves to laughter or tears

But a strong song adds emotional gestures


Songs evoke nostalgia, love and laughter

Provoke, stoke, stroke, prevent a murder

Songs entertain, drummed, hummed forever

Bring millions hope and lasting pleasure.

-ends-



Today and Tomorrow - editing yesterday's errors comical poem 647 by Angela Lansbury

Upside down out of date calendar on fridge. Photo by Angela Lansbury.


 Today and tomorrow, early and late

I'm ready to move on, please wait

I'm learning all the vital words

Spanish and Swahili, must be heard


The trouble is I contemplate

Am I the mistress of my fate?

Today I'm already too late

Today's poem will have to wait


I'm still correcting yesterday's

I went to bed expecting praise

I woke, and saw no comma, a space

Typos and erors all ove the place


I edit to set it all right

Pefecting what seemed right last night

I need to fix, mend, yesterday

Before I move on to today


Alas the clock said it was noon

And heading for the afternoon

I've sorted yesterday, moved on

Ready to start more things half done.

-ends-

Saturday, August 16, 2025

The God I Wish For comical poem 646 by Angela Lansbury


Dove peace image free from Pixabay.

I hesitate to interrupt

I know the lord's busy because

You don't have time to think about peace

When you've got so many wars. 


I often think that books deceive

I don't believe all that I read

I only judge by what I see

And this is how it seems to be


The way I'd like the world to be

If I were you and you were me

One who would never desert me

One I'd trust to never hurt me


He deserves praise, in countless wasy 

He brightens days with the sun's rays 


He waters the buds and  flowers

Tireless for hours, with April showers

He also send the slippery snow

So I stay in, now that I know.


The one who made the birds and bees

I might believe did it for me

But, alas, I don't believe

He made tsunamis just for me.


I must admit that it's a puzzle

But as I my fruity breakfast guzzle

I do not pray, no sir, no Ma'am

If he wants me, he knows exactly where I am.


I brush these troubling thoughts away

The universe puzzles bigger minds

Which leave my mundance thoughts behind

I know more than the deaf and blind


Don't show others I'm in a tizzy

But, like the Lord, I must keep busy

And never ask which group has won

But keep creating, mend what's breaking, - carry on! 

-ends-



Friday, August 15, 2025

Embarrassing Moments Misunderstanding Language comical poem 645 by Angela Lansbury



Singapore's a country I really like

But I must offer a word of warning

They tell you to 'off' your phone, light, Mike',

Meaning turn, not carry. Is light dawning?


They called me he, when I think I'm a she

I waited for somebody else to speak

But they were waiting for the speaker, me

They beckoned. If not, we'd have waited a week.


In Mandarin, he, she and it are the same

So it's safer to say sombody's name.

They asked for my team when they meant my theme

What are tea trees? They mean three teas.





And pilots on Singapore flights

Just before they turn off all the lights

And wish you all a pleasant night

The pilot will wish you a peasant fright.



In England on our tiny island

I met a man who came from Thailand

He said he worked for the loyal bank

It took me a while to spot Royal bank.



Over in France, such a shame

We were confused by a hotel name

Why was Hotel de Ville closed?

It means the town hall, as each French person knows.


In France I was asked if I wanted some tea

So naturally, proudly, I said, 'merci';

I watched the tea strangely go

In French Please means yes, but Thank you means no.

-ends-

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I dream of Peace comical poem 644 by Angela Lansbury

Peace Monument, USA. Wikipedia.
 

I dream of a fast lasting peace

When former enemies shake hands

And common working, farming folk

Have marching, drumming, trumpet bands


And round the squares the banners wave

And kings pin mdals on the brave

From devastation good must come

When armies of young rebuild slums


Let's get the moguls to invest

New cities, railways, build the best

New skyscrapers will fill the sky

Over ashes, a new Dubai


Give all what quizzes say they need

Forgive gangsters for confessed deeds

Give workers long paid holidays

Workdays watch tennis, evenings, plays


The last thing done before we die

Is film ourselves using AI

Like new museums' holograms

Answer all questions on webcams..

-ends-


.https://www.ilholocaustmuseum.org/virtual-museum/

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https://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.com/2025/08/i-dream-of-peace-comical-poem-by-angela.html

New Look At Us Old Treasures comical poem 643 by Angela Lansbury

 I love old styles like art deco

The swirls and curls of art nouveau

The mirrows might show off-white teeth

But smiles hint layered wit beneath



My home's a store, chutney pleasures

I hoard hordes of games and treasures

Old gold, like jewels to behold

Old friends' names kept like Scrabble games


Old wonky drawers, parquet floors

Extending tables, solid doors

A garden where old roses grow

Dictionaries of words roots I know


No empty days, so much to do

More words creating something new

Wrinkles draw stories on faces

New shops, revive, open places


Roman stones found when we build new

Can the old folk be me and you

Grand children do not see grey hairs

But gladly climb the steepest stairs


Grandchildren glow and learn old games

And we remember old friends' names

We've read all books, know how to cook

And don't judge everyone by looks


Instead dress up when it's required

Effort ensures that we're admired

Retired, create, before expired

Share piled knowledge we've acquired


Though it's harder to push pedals

We display prizes and medals

Just like an old but comfy car

The world's amazed we drove so far..

-ends-.

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Monday, August 11, 2025

Performance Poets comical poem 642 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela Lansbury with her 2025 book Embarrassing Moments. Left, Emma Purshouse, with her book It's Honorary, Bab, which I bought and she signed, and Steve Pottinger with his book Snapshots from the fall of home, which I bought and he signed. 


These people jump around the stage
And make their words leap off the page
They wave their arms, exuding charm
Extend alarm and life's choices in funny voices

With black and white looks
And red and black books
Beard, brunette, blonde, words stick like honey
Always say yes, do anything for money

Putting a new slant on old news
Guess which rhymes follow from old clues
Rainbows of fun flow like clouds across the blues
A heady mixture of truths, lies and surprise.
-ends-
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Saturday, August 9, 2025

Opposites Attract omical poem 641 by Angela Lansbury

 Fruit is always good 

But biscuits are bad

Manics are happy

Depressives are sad



Opposites attract

Like us then when young

That's why we argue

Til everything's done


Some are astonished

And say, 'May I ask

How do you manage

To finish a task?'


We just struggle on

Each day's a surpise

When we see the world

Through another's eyes


You see only black

I see only white

You see only day

I see only night


You see it's all wrong

I say it's all right

That creates our strength

Gives us second sight.

-ends-

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Monday, August 4, 2025

Fruit For Tea comical poem /song 640 by Angela Lansbury


Fruit salad. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Early breakfast in pyjamas

Orange orange on a white saucer. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 


Oranges, and bananas


Yellow banana. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

In the fridge what do I see?

Strawberries we save for tea 


What shall we have for our tea?

For our tea, for our tea

What shall we have for our tea?

Not today, On Sunday


I see big red strawberries

Strawberries, strawberries

I bit big red straberries

For my tea on Sunday.

Ripe red fresh fruit. Finest flavour in August in London. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 


What shall we have for our tea?

Not today. On Monday

We can have big raspberries

Raspberries Raspberries


Not for tea on Sunday

For our tea on Monday

What do you like? What do you say?

For our tea on Monday.


Big blueberries. Photo  by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

Blueberries, blueberries

I love to see big blueberries

I'd like to eat big blueberries

For our tea on Tuesday


 Blackberries, blackberries

I see big blackberries

I would like big blackberries

For our tea on Wednesday


Red currants, red currants

I can see big red currants

Red currants on Thursday

For our tea on Thursday

.

Black currants, black currants

I can see big black currants

Black currants on Friday.

For our tea on Friday

Pitted Dates. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

Figs and dates, on the plates

On the plates, By the grapes

Red grapes from La Fromagerie in London
. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 


I think we shall have to wait

For our tea on Saturday.


Cream from top of Jersey whole milk. Sold by Tesco in London. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

On our birthday we add cream

Thickest cream you've ever seen

That is such a lovely dream

On next birthday we'll have cream


Toys' food's ready every dawn

For yellow teddy bears and a blue unicorn

Well give food them which gives them joy 

All the wooden and soft toys


For toy kittens and a puppy

Serve whatever makes them happy

Healthy food which does them good

On plastic plates, fruit made from wood


Artificial fruit. Fridge magnets. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

For my breakfast what do I see?

I see big red strwberries

Maybe we should save them for tea

Big and small red strwberries.


We went out to pick the fruit

Green and red apples on the tree

Green apples on tree in garden. Photo by Trevor Sharot.  Copyright. 

In supermarkets and small shops

Bananas and raspberries - not chocolate drops


Durian is served in season

Banned on buses for a reason

They smell bad to somebody

Never mind, there's more for me.


I see figs and I see dates

In the bowls and on the plates

We will have fruit salad soon

On the table, served with spoons.


On my birthday I will choose

Fruit that's red or pink or blue

On my birthday I can choose

To share it with my friends and you 


I imagine thick white cream

What a lovely coloured dream

I imagine thick white cream

What a lovely coloured dream.


I will share it all with you

Green and yellow, red and blue

I will share it all with you

It's a dream which could come true.


I thought I'd share my thoughts with you

It's a dream, let's make it true.

Coloured fruit, in red and blue

It's a dream, let's make it true.

-ends-

This can be sung as a round for children, at a birthday party, in a classroom.

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Sunday, August 3, 2025

Weird Noise - Was It A Ghost? Comical poem 639 by Angela Lansbury

 

Toaster. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Who should we all blame

When we smell burned toast?

A human being

Not a made up ghost


And when something 

Falls off a wall

It's just gravity, 

Not ghosts at all


And when you hear

Some creaking, late

You know you forgot

To shut the gate


And that strange noise

A kitchen cough

That is your fridge

Turning on and off


And clonking noises

Don't do a runner

You boiler needs

To see a plumber


And when I hear

A tap, tap, tap

I know I have

A dripping tap


And a funny noise

From the radiator

I must get around

To fixing, bleed, it later


Strange buzzing

Up in that lampshade

I sprayed the wasp

It hasn't stayed


You feel a chill - like a ghost?

You must be having a laugh

It just open doors and windows

Which are making a draft


My house is always

Alive with sound

But a sensible scientist

Is checking around.


'I've fixed all the problems

So you shouldn't complain

Then what's wrong now?

'It's eerily quiet again.'

-ends-

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I was rather pleased with the twist ending.

Exercise - comical poem by comical poem 638 Angela Lansbury

 

Walking Frame.  Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 


I got up from my wheelchair

and used my walking frame

I nearly fell over.

Who can I blame?


Tell someone in a wheelchair

That they need to exercise

Expect to get a glare or two

From incredulous eyes


After two weeks in a wheelchair

I found I'd put on weight

I walked at night to the bathroom

Next day I got up late


I have to get back on my feet

For ten seconds or more

I promise I'll do more next week

I might walk as far as the door


I did exercise while in my bed

Rolled my shoulders, rocked my head

I lifted my feet in the sky

And waved both hands to say goodbye


The physio said

When you're sitting in your seat

I want you marching

Both your feet


Life is what it is

No point moaning

You'll be happier

Creating seratonin


I've followed their instructions

To the letter

Now I deserve

To get better.


But if I don't

What can I say?

Whether walking, sitting, standing

Lucky you. Have a nice day.

-ends-

Confession time. The first verse was added to my poem about exrcise and a wheelchair because I had a picture of a walking frame.

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Saturday, August 2, 2025

Buy, sell, swap, recycle comical poem 637 by Angela Lansbury

 In large firm with many accounts

Some customers owe large amounts

Some people shrug about their debts

And hope the world will just forget


I always like to pay my way

Don't say I'll pay another day

I like to see numbers look neat

And that I stand on my own feet


So often when the urge has gone

It's time to pass old craftwork on

Give ski boots, lilos, high heeled shoes

Gain a wheelchair, what good news


But I have learned don't lend nor borrow

Owing money brings you sorrow

If you give someone what they lack

Earn kudos, don't expect it back 


In our street we have a whatsApp

People say what they'll give away

A useful way to clear your clutter

If you don't earn it doesn't matter


We clear out old baby clothes

And each year kids want different toys

Get rid of things which you can't sell

Musical toys which just make noise


Put surplus apples in a box

Make pairs of puppets from odd socks

Donate a bench to view the docks

On an old t-shirt paint a fox


So much to do now I'm retired

I wake each day with ideas fired

Recycle paper, in its place

An empty box makes a crayon case.

.

Emptly chocolate box from France made into a crayons case. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

We give somebody what they lack

We don't earn, but we don't pay tax

Just drop it round, no need to pack

Friends give to us - and we give back.

-end-

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Thursday, July 31, 2025

Digression On Your Possessions In Photos In A Suitcase comical poem 636 by Angela Lansbury


Suitcase. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 


Look around you. What do you love? 

What do love about this place?

Look around you. What do you have?

Can you pack it in one suitcase?


A baby arrives with nothing

But a lease for eighty years

And grandparents smiling faces

Hide years of wrinkles, tears and fears


A toddler owns a little world

A playpen and containing cot

But wants to walk and see outside

Treads on across the toys he's got


A bride wears one white wedding dress

It's new, but only for that day

When tomorrow pushes along

That dress is stored, sold, thrown away


Photos snap great but brief minutes

When she walks in the procession

Marks her brief point of progression

Photo's her best, brief, possession


You see the groom has got the bride

The bride and ghosts have got the groom

They invite whole village strangers

Or two close friends in one room


The president or king arrives

Big banners all around unfurled

Egyptians built big pyraminds

To show the world they ruled their world


When I take a long holiday

My world's packed in a small suitcase

My handbag holds bold eyeliners

Beside a mask to hide my face


Now that I'm retired, I'm hoarding 

Yes, I ought to be downsizing

And swap or sell my six bar stools

Buy one chair, which is reclining


After we're gone, clearance is called.

Front gardens convert to car parks

New owners change wood to marble, 

Paint walls, dark to light, light to dark


So, in a century or two

What will be left of me and you?

Who cares. I don't. We can't. Yet, your

Future, reader, Gran won't forget


So I'm leaving you this poem

A legacy. Share, re-read, see

This link you need, to you from me

To last, for all eternity.

-ends-

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My Garden Is A Zoo comical poem 635 by Angela Lansbury

 My garden is a zoo

It grows and grows and grows 

How dozens of weeds found us

God only knows


We have birds and sqirrels

Often a cat, once a lost dog

A dear little hedgehog

And a toad - or maybe frog


Although the yearly survey

Reveals sad loss of birds

I hear owls and see a woodpecker

My neighbout saw an escaped deer, I heard


Next door both sides throw bread for birds

They kindly throw it out and chuck it all around

I have broken, empty birdboxes instead

Lawn mowing noise and rain lure millions of worms from my ground


I'm glad to say no cockroaches any day

But a wasps' nest, a butterfly and some kind of bee

I don't need a lesson in biology

I've the lifetime of the maggot in every apple on my tree

Apple tree July 2025 by Trevor Sharot. Copyright. 

Sometimes I plan to picnic, or read a book

But a movement in the distance makes me stop warily to look

Like lounge grabbers by hotel pools, I see a sunbathing fox

I retreat to the house, shut windows, kitchen door, patio door's three locks


Every day something dies and something is born

Squirrels burying threatening acorns in small hills in the tripping lawn

A small garden, but, like persistent dodging fleas find, land and breed on my dinner plate

The tinest garden teems with life every dawn.


My garden's like a zoo, breeding endangered creatures

But I am not in a rage

I like to watch my visitors

I'm the biggest attraction, in my cage.

-ends-

I ought to edit this so that every line has the right number of syllables, sounding sweet and neat. But I rather like it as it is, jumping about, in a disjointed, flippant, conversational style, full of asides and jolting, out of control afterthoughts.

Which are my favourite lines? The sunbathing fox. How kiasu, as Singaporeans say, getting ahead of me, fear of missing out, got there first, - like holidaymakers putting towels on loungers around hotel pools at dawn.

I also like the dodging fleas.  The comparison of the garden being small, yet teeming with life, breeding like fleas on leftovers, or even while you are eating, over a dinner plate.

Best of all, the biology lesson from the maggots in the apple tree, a lesson in every apple. As they say, telling me without telling me. 

Praising the lesson, whilst obviously really not pleased about maggots.

And the overall idea of a garden being a zoo, which is well organized with every animal and insect labelled. Boasting, proudly, but revealing that the plants and insects in the garden arrive at random,unplanned, unwanted, over-breeding, escaped, sending the householder into the house like a cage.

I think this is the best thing I've ever written. But I alway think that after every poem. And every book.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2025

The Reasons For The Seasons comical poem 634 by Angela Lansbury

 There' s a reason for each season

And every spring small birds will sing

In summer time, as parents know

Red, white, pink,yellow roses grow

Roses in a garden.2025. By Trevor Sharot.


As a rule children go to school

Learn to cover books, wash their hands

Open windows to keep us cool

Learn about life in other lands


Granny teaches don't say never

But I cannot live forever

Every year some old folk have gone

But babies are born and life moves on


Winter sometimes brings us snow

Put on your boots and off we go

Spring time brings us refreshing rain

So we get to see new flowers again


Forget the past, not all things last,

We need to say, enjoy today

For every season there's a reason

Look around, our earth is heaven.

-ends-

Everybody Knows comical poem 633 by Angela Lansbury

 When you are beween Seven and Eight

As everybody knows

You get a lot pleasure from

Washing your face and counting toes


You get a lot of pleasure

From tying a shoe lace

From pulling on elastic

And feeling a piece of lace


Others like to measure you

See if you're small or tall

When really the important job

Is fixing magnets on a wall


From pouring a glass of water

Making a cup of tea

From looking in a mirror

Thinking that nice person's me


From seeing younger people

Have got left so far behind

Unlike you, the elderly

Are limping, deaf and blind


Now I'm in my second childhood

Between seventy and eighty

The tiniest of tirumphs

Solve problems which seem weighty


Politics and religion

Are strange, irrelevant beliefs

What''s import is a full night's sleep

And did I clean my teeth?

Toothpicks. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

A granny and a grandchild

They both understand

That life's most important question

Is, will you hold my hand?

-ends-

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Tuesday, July 29, 2025

Wine And Dine O'clock comical poem 632 by Angela' Lansbury

Morning At Ate O'clock

I'm always in the mood for food

It's necessary and does you good

My husband's joke on wine o clock

Started a poem I can't stop


 I rise early often at six

To eat my morning wake-a-bix

It's time for water, not yet wine

Seven's my first brekoffee time

Water bottle. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 


But then at eight it's eight a break

You have to wait

And weight yourself

 No-eating break for losing weight


I kick the kilo readout with incredulous sorrow

And note in my diary, diet -  tomorrow

Eight's known in dialect as eat-a clock

But Americans call it wheat o'clock


You might snack on your rice crispies

Like healthy vegan vegetime with beans and peas

After you've had your yog-a clock

You could set off for your jog a clock


For some lunch time is sandwich time

Ladies who lunch, schoolchildren dine

From fruit o'lock to soup o'clock

At twelve a buffet delve o'clock


Afternoon At Tea O'clock


Already hungry three o'clock?
Then have an early tea--clock
Stricly bee time, not a sea time
Strictly vegan, milk-free, mint and pea time

There's one event no child will knock

It's chocolate birthday cake o'clock

You might be wondering why, dear cock

They do not call it higher clock


Tea'time's replaced by coffee-clock

I'd rather have cakes choc-a block

Instead pf shopping round the block

Cook banoffee and toffee-clock


In Scotland where bodies are mighty

They have a huge five o clock High-tea

Plan snacking on some sweet nuts and dates 

A nice time with riectime on dinner  plates


Evening Around Wine O'Clock

At six it's aperitif-a clock
Andcock a clock for cocktails
Instead of food hich is hearty
In England there's a food-free sherry party


At eight bubbly at Champagne-o'clock
Before the piled dinner plate o'clock
Theres the meet and greet o'clock
Then the all you can eat o'clock

The Spaniards all eat late o-clock
They dine at nine for wino clock


But then again there's ten a clock
For cok au vin and parties for hen o'clock 
At eleven washing up o clock
Also known as clear up and clear off a clock


Now restaurant ban smoke a clock
Wwe used to have a late night coco clock
At midnigh there's no need to stop
Finally there's midnight snack oclock

And then we go to sleep to dream
Of all the food we've ever seen.
The body's a ong food and water pipe
Put it in and let it churcn around at night

In the morning the body can hail and rain
Make room for filling up again
That's why I've different times on clocks
And take away bags in my socks..

If alllergleis don't do you harm
Wake up for food with your phone's food alarm
A mobile's phone's main use I feel
Until those hunger pains get rea

You did not eat for hours - what shock!
Make sure you do not miss a meal
Make sure your phone has not been locked
But wakes each hour for food o'clock..
.

-ends-
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Sunday, July 27, 2025

Swim With Me comical poem 631 by Angela Lansbury

 I can't remember being a baby

Although therapists tried hard

I re-read diaries, Dad's obituaries

Like a stranger's nostalic birthday cards.


I'm like making an ice cube

Like making a cup of tea

Every minute you are changing

By your look, you're changing me.


Yet some things keep repeating

Like a favourite old tune

Like the goodwill card behind my screen

Which wished me Get Well Soon



You can change with criticism

You can change with smiles and praise

You can just accept what is, it is

Moments of brief joy in all our days.

-ends-

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The Bigger Mouse Two-Timing Cat With The Second Home comic poem 630 by Angela Lansbury

Cat come to visit us. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.
 

In my neighbour's conservatory we sat

Three ladies lunching having such a friendly chat

Creeping through the garden comes my neighbour's tabby cat

I adopted, she claims, this stray, hungry cat


I feed him each day, she joyfully says

At breakfast, the eating race, he's the winner

The other lady gasped, 'I'm shocked, not your cat!

He's mine, calls home promptly at nine for dinner!


The householder's husband, hears and sneaks outside

Pretends to do washing up, like a clean cat

'Cats and men are the same, two timers, I say,'

My two lady friends are laughing, flushed, blushing.

-ends- 

This is a revision of verse 508 called Catatonic.

Bigger mouse is a pun on bigamous.

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Saturday, July 26, 2025

Midnight Date comical poem 629 by Angela Lansbury

 

24 hour time and date clock. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

At midnight to our delight

We'll wave goodbye to today

So I can sit up til twiight

Not wasting time today


However, on the other hand

Things did not go as we had planned.

I must announce with sincere sorrow

Today has become tomorrow


Now just a minute

Yesterday, has not become today

But also tomorrow

Has now become today


This is a linguistic problem

Which will not go away

And now tomorrow's things to do

Tomorrow means today


No more procrastinating

Today I must be brave

And use buttons and ribbons

And new shirts I had saved


I kept them for a rainy day

But the rain has not gone away

I might never get to wear them

If I don't wear them today


But lets look on the bright side

And make the inside outside

Today will soon be in the past

The days are runnying past so fast


I do not have a wedding

A funeral or crisis

Give it a rest, I'll wear my best

And see that this day nice is.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2025. July 26th.

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The Victim's Revenge comical poem 628 by Angela Lansbury

 The victim's statement in the court

May tell only of how they're fraught

But now be glad the villain's caught

May their sorry life come to nought


At the end, how much did they gain

Why adding to the world's pointless pain

The contrast picture you can paint

Is your rogue loved one as a saint.


It depends on how you spell it.

It depends on how you sell it.

Create your own mystery.

Write your own history.



-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2025. July 26th.

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Deception Rejection, Recollection, Selection comical poem 627 by Angela Lansbury

 

Diary 2025 photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

What goes into my diary

Is all chosen by me.

I can note dentists, doctors, bills.

Or jokes and joys and thoughts and thrills.


Some say life's a river, some say life's a stream

Some say all's for a reason, others, there's no scheme

Some say it's all conspiracy

Words hide half of what they mean


Everybody has at least one story to tell

Thoughtful wise ones of all ages

Divide life into fixed stages

But say the best revenge is living well


Dramatise the ups and downs

Into scenes with frowns and clowns

Keep the story spnning round and round

Everywhere delights of days and nights are found


The bad, the sad, the mad, the glad

The boy and girl, the mum and dad

The older and the younger, the enemy and friend

Choose your last words, make your happy end.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2025. July 26th.

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Friday, July 25, 2025

My Thousand Lives comical poem 626 by Angela Lansbury


Pill and water glass. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 I am a person who has lived a thousand lives

I've learned a thousand new facts

Ignored a thousand old lies

I'm like a thousand white clouds floating past blue skies


I am not the person who I saw yesterday

In mirrors and in photographs

That stranger's fading far away

I'm someone else, changing today


I've seen warm sunshine and felt cool, refreshing rain

I've felt exquisite pleasure and excruciating pain

Some things keep repeating, others never seen again

But always something new, so I don't complain


Not healthy and strong like when I was young

Yet not so ill as others, the worst case in a distant place

Not allergic to everyone, My time has not yet come

There's still some fun, so much more to be done


I've paid a lot of bills but they keep sending me more bills

I've taken lots of pills and if I must I'll take more pills

And as circumstances change I must rewrite my will

I've not yet had enough, 'though I've had my fill



I've grown taller, but got smaller

I've grown fat and I've grown thin

I've flown half way round the world

Today I've chosen to stay in


I've eaten a lot of new food

I have paid a lot of cooks

I have read a lot of books

And I've written lots of books



I was younger, now I'm older

I was warmer, now I'm colder

I was scared but now I'm bolder

Full of passion, now just smoulder


I am smiling, but tomorrow

I may be full of sorrow

You won't find the same person

If you wait until tomorrow


Every day is something new

Each week, seven days to gain

The mystery of it all

Is too hard to explain


My childhood is far behind

But the sun is in the sky

And the light's a delight so

I won't waste time wondering why


In some ways I'm better

In some ways I am worse

I will always be a small blessing

Facing life's big evolving curve and curse






I am sending you this message

Not snappily but happily to say

Please meet me and greet me

To learn how I'm unique, today.

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury. 2025. July 25th.

"A man cannot step into the same river twice, because it is not the same river, and he is not same man." -Heraclitus. Quote.

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Thursday, July 24, 2025

Pills and Problems comical poem 625 by Angela Lansbury

 


I have big pills, and small pills

Small brown pills and big white pills

Plus take four times a day pills

Add morning, noon and night pills


I read: take them with water

Chewable, and, do not chew

Be careful take the right pills

Please say what patients should do


One pill a day's a challenge

I'm now taking more than six

I'm in such a dreadful muddle

Which  labels on each pill could fix


I have written down the times

And each pill name on the list

But now I've lost the paper

Which vital  pill have I missed?


If I miss a pill, I know

Because I'm in dreadful pain

I read the long instructions

With care, again and again


I'm tired from all this reading

The small print makes me suspect

That hating taking good pills

Is the biggest side effect.

-ends-



-ends-

Monday, July 21, 2025

New Day's Delights Returned From Hospital comical poem 624 by Angela Lansbury

 The dark night doubled each small pain

How good to see sunlight again

Home's silk pillow supports my head

The hospital begrudged a bed


From my curtained bedroom window

I can spy on the waking street

Like an animated painting

Of folk we'd love to greet and meet 


People march past without stopping

A gardener starts to cut the grass

Children off to school are hopping

Women with tote bags are shopping


Turning, whirring, bicycle wheels

A passing, busy, business car

New neighbours I don't yet know

I gaze and wonder who they are


I see passers-by parading

Preoccupied, they don't see me

It's like a free morning film show

Watching all day repeats is free


My new wheelchair's free

Borrowed, black paint

It folds, - and unfolds

My kind neighbour's a saint


Later I'll find a comb somewhere

I'll brush my teeth and comb my hair

And grateful for these tiny pleasures

Know my small home's crammed with treasures.


To halve the pain I've doubled pills

Maybe I should update my will

I'm better - bravely opened bills

I'll pay them later, sure I will


What a great start to a brand new day

Breakfast in bed, on a coloured tray.


My tummy wanted chocolate

My broken tooth said, 'No toffee!'

Someone else made breakfast

I said, 'Thank you for the coffee!'




-ends-

Breakfast in bed.

Coffee cup on coloured tray.

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright .

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Friday, July 18, 2025

The Lost Poem comical poem 623 by Angela Lansbury

 

Angela with magnifying glass. Photo by Angela Lansbury. 

I had a poem, with great rhymes

Two verses I should have written

But it was not at the right time

'Put that away - it's breakfast time!


Did I write one word, if so where?

I sigh. I search. 'Don't scratch your hair!'

It isn't here. It isn't there.

It's floating somewhere in the air.


Maybe like the sun and the rain

The same thoughts will return again

Next time I'll fight for writers' right

To sacrifice now for later sight


Ease my frustration and my pain

Though others shout, 'Come back to bed!'

I'll capture magic in my head

Face any loss, for fleeting fame.

-ends-



I try to reverse today's thoughts

And hope some glimpse of it is caught

I'm sad to say it's blown away

That pearl, that gem, from yesterday


Sometimes a thought will strike at night

I hope it will last till daylight

Resist the urge to stop and write

Lose sleep to swap for word's delight

Thursday, July 17, 2025

The Jasmine Tree & Mrs Li comical poem number 622 by Angela Lansbury

 

Jasmine rose from Wikipedia.


Jasmine Flowers

The bright colours of the flowers 

Evoke sweet smells of Singapore

I could dream of them for hours, 

Deeply inhale them all once more


Jasmine Path

Each day I alked down the hill

Crushed perfumed flowers beneath my feet

One day a lady's cutting them 

 The owner I wanted to meet


I said,' I see you're busy, a big job

I don't want to delay you, but in

But since you've cut some pieces off

Could I, please, take a small cutting?'


The Jasmine Family

She said, 'My name is Madam Li 

But you can call me Mrs Li

In Singapore there's quite a few

You must have heard of Lee Kwan Yew


More in China, and Hong Kong, too

You can spell it Li or Lee

Madam means it's my maiden name

My father's extended family


'A Li is a  plum tree, or white jasmine tree

My late brother planted all these flowers

I've a cutting for you, come inside

He was single, gardened for hours'


Jasmine Memories

'Li, like me, was kind, half-blind, old.' 

One day, her brother's house was 'sold'.

I still dream of that jasmine tree

The sweet smell, my sweet memory.

-ends-

'Sweet smells waft through my memory'?

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Do You Often Sit On The Fence? comical poem number 621 by Angela Lansbury




The Fence. Photo by Trevor Sharot.


Do you often sit on the fence

 Is it hard to make up your mind?

Do you wear one red and one green sock

When caught, pretend you're colour blind


When sandwiches are egg or cheese

You buy or make both, can't decide

Always buy clothes in both colours

Resulting in bills you must hide


Buy things you don't need in the sales

Buy birthday gifts for siblings, doting

And just in case, a dozen pails

Can't decide when you are voting


Buy wall to wall carpet, than add mats

Exercise lots but eat red meat

Regret lost birds but still keep cats

Take seconds, watching what you eat


Play the radio when it's quiet

I don't mean to be unkind

Eat chocolate when on a diet

Maybe you have a butterfly mind.


Do you suffer from indecison

You're dying, dementia, getting old

Does endless debating cause derision

It's a common, sickness, we're told.

-ends-