Thursday, May 1, 2025

Singing Birds But, Silence, Cats comical poem on birds 564 birds version 2 by Angela Lansbury

  Singing Birds comical poem by Angela Lansbury version 1


I have a box with a singing bird clock

I played it a whole day, then it was stopped

I thought it was cute, hourly birds tweeting

My spouse said it spoiled his online meeting


I heard a real bird, one early morning

Sound like a doorbell or a phone ringing

Like an alarm clock call joyful dawning

Or did that early bird sing code warning?

 

I listened, astonished, what could it be?

It woke me up and it gave me two turns

Who was it calling, was it calling me?

No, early birds tap like rain, luring worms

 

I love to hear birds tweeting, singing greeting

You hear them call from the top of the block

Like a friend calling when phones are ringing

But please, mr birdie, not at five o’clock!

 

One little bird has woken the others

Calling all, join my loud, cawing chorus

Each bird has fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers

Tweets and squeaks interrupt, annoy, bore us

 

I could shoot the nearest one, wave a gun

Like vine-grower's scarecrows, get arrested

My water pistol might miss and kill someone

Because my aim has, not yet, been tested


We’ve seen bin thefts tossed by a fox, and rat

Suddenly there’s silence, a prowling cat

Cute cats scratch babies, spray smells on roses

Tenants fixed repellant, I’m pleased at that.

 

I‘m sure you have heard that kittens like birds

Cats love birds, for their lunch or their dinner

If you banish cats, birds’ song will be heard

Old, bold birds sing praise, hymns, you're their saviour.

-Ends-

Wednesday, April 30, 2025

Too Many Singing Birds comical poem number 563 version 3 by Angela Lansbury

 Singing Birds comical poem by Angela Lansbury version 1



I heard a bird in the early morning

Sound like a doorbell or a phone ringing

Like an alarm clock calling the dawning

Instead it was the early bird singing

 

I listened, astonished, what could it be?

It woke me up and it gave me two turns

Who was it calling, was it calling me?

I guess not, early birds are wanting worms

 

I love to hear birds when they are singing

You hear them call from the top of the block

Like a friend calling when phones are ringing

But please, mr bird, not at five o’clock!

 

One little bird has woken the others

Calling all, join my annoying chorus

Each bird's fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers

Tweet until they annoy us and bore us

 

I could shoot big rooks or flocks with a gun

But I'm afraid I might be arrested

I might miss, hit a black hat, kill someone

Because my marksmanship's not been tested


We’ve had thefts from bins by a fox and rat

Suddenly there’s silence, I see a cat

I used to hate cats, today's pet hate's birds

So spotting a cat, I’m pleased about that.

 

I‘m sure you have heard about cats and birds

Cats like birds for their lunch or dinner

Banish, or chase cats, birds’ song will be heard

Birds sing praise of races, you're their winner.

-Ends-

Sunday, April 27, 2025

Granny's Dolls' House, version 3 with detailed illustrations comical poem number 562 by Angela Lansbury


Granny had a little dolly

And the dolly's name was Molly

Molly had a taller sister

And her sister's name was Elsa


Doll sisters lived in a big house

Which had a dog, a cat, and mouse

It had a garden, pots with flowers

The clock sundial counts hours

 

Dolls' house entrance with policeman and cars.
Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

By the front door shines a blue car

If dollies want to travel far

A train parks in the train station

Police guard their police station 

Dolls' house dog. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


In a tall box store outdoor shoes

The best ones you don't want to lose

On the dog house is a big dog

A hedgehog but no green frog



In the hallway see a round rug

Where Molly meets all with a hug

At parties many times a year

For both their birthdays and New Year

Japanese dolly. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


Korean fridge magnet doll. Packaging saved from Fortnum & Mason chocolate selection. 
Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


But the party which they like best

Is the one in national dress

See their Japanese housekeeper

Plus visitors from Korea 

Bed from wooden pen case. Japanese doll head. Cork body. Small soft toy lion. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


In the hallway by the window

Is a long inviting settee

When you have nowhere else to go

Shut your eyes, dream of sea - or tea

MAGA advertising on mini chef for a restaurant in Poland. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


In the kitchen, a chef and cook

Have hat, apron, bowl, dishes' book

In the kitchen the best honey

Which must cost a lot of money

DIY bed for dolls house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Upstairs, on floor three there's a bed

A pillow where dolls lay their head

Halloween walking toy. Guatemalan (anti) worry dolls. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


A toy box, plus small and big toys

Silent toys which won't make a noise


Small pictures fixed on ev'ry wall

(Gran used blue gum to fix them all)

A wardrobe with a long mirror

Smart dolls, and friends, dress for dinner


Up on the roof's a helipad

Where you can land a little plane

A tower and a sloping roof 

Which makes a run'way for the rain

The monster on the roof. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


The roof has statues of a dog

A Noah's ark, tortoise and frog

A cow, a horse, even a bear

A small monster with lots of hair

Santa saved from a Christmas cake, on the roof of my dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Santa and reindeer saved from a Christmas cake, on the roof of my dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


On the roof's a big cat with claws

Which sits beside the Santa Claus

Who lives, hides, on the roof all year

Deer waits to bring their Christmas cheer


Yes, dolly does have a brother

And a father, and a mother

Dolly-sitter Grans gladly stay

While dollies' Dad's on holiday.


Each day dolly girls go to school

The school has lots of written rules

About the times when you can play

A calendar of holidays.


Until at bedtime, yawn and sigh

Tired Dolly has to say goodbye

Gran and our dolls are here to stay

Ready to play another day


So Ava shuts the door, the house

Puts in the cat, puts out the mouse

She says, 'dear dollies, please sleep tight

I wish you, all, a peaceful night'.

-ends-

A new version, cut or expanded to fit 8 syllables per line, added jokes, with illustrations added later today.

Note to poem writers and readers: -

To cut out a syllable, change mother to mum, father to Dad, granny to gran, every to each, dollies to dolly, many other plurals to singular, little to small, a lot of to lots of, past tense and present continuous to simple present tense. To add a syllable, do the reverse, change small to tiny or little. Sometimes by making change you can add an alliteration. 

I needed an extra syllable in the line about the monster. Should I add the words bit or small. The monster was small. A small monster adds the inconguity which is amusing.

I needed to lose a syllable to the last line, ending a very good night. I changed it to peaceful night. That was slightly more original than good night.

Toys and DIY

It would be easy to print a tiny list of rules for a school wall, or dolls' house kitchen. Six point type. Or a postage stamp size piece of white paper with your best calligraphy. Or a piece cut from one of those irritating instruction books in tiny print in multiple languages. Or a postage stamp with the head of the president or king or hero or your country or the country you visit on holiday.

Please share links to your favourite posts.

Saturday, April 26, 2025

Ava's Dollhouse version 2 comical poem 561 by Angela Lansbury, revised with revisions explained


 Ava had a little dolly

And the dolly's name was Molly

Molly had a taller sister

And her sister's name was Elsa


Doll sisters lived in a big house

Which had a dog, a cat, and mouse

It had a garden, pots with flowers

By a clock sundial - counts hours

 

By the front door shines a blue car

If dollies want to travel far

A train parks in the train station

Police guard their police station 


In the hallway see a round rug

Where Molly meets all with a hug


In the hallway by the window

Is a long inviting settee

When you have nowhere else to go

Shut your eyes, dream of sea - or tea


In the kitchen the best honey

Which must cost a lot of money

In the kitchen, a chef or cook

Has hat, apron, bowl, dishes' book


Upstairs, on floor three, is a bed

A pillow where dolls lay their head

A toy box, plus small and big toys

Silent toys which won't make a noise


And pictures fixed on ev'ry wall

(We used blue gum to fix them all)

A wardrobe with a long mirror

Where smart dollies dress for dinner


Up on the roof's a helipad

Where you can land a little plane

A tower and a sloping roof 

Which makes a run'way for the rain


The roof has statues of a dog

A Noah's ark, tortoise and frog

A cow, a horse, even a bear

A small monster with lots of hair


On the roof the cat with claws

Sits beside the Santa Claus

Who lives, hides, on the roof all year

Waiting to bring his Christmas cheer


Yes, dolly does have a brother

And a father, and a mother

Dolly-sitter Ava will stay

While dollies' Dad's on holiday.


Each day dolly girls go to school

The school has lots of written rules

About the times when you can play

A calendar of holidays.


At bedtime with a sigh

Dolly has to say goodbye

But Dolly is here to stay

Ready to play another day


So Ava shuts the door, the house

Puts in the cat, puts out the mouse

She says, 'dear dollies, please sleep tight

I wish you, all, a peaceful night'.

-ends-

A new version, cut or expanded to fit 8 syllables per line, added jokes, with illustrations added later today.

Note to poem writers and readers: -

To cut out a syllable, change mother to mum, father to Dad, granny to gran, every to each, dollies to dolly, many other plurals to singular, little to small, a lot of to lots of, past tense and present continuous to simple present tense. To add a syllable, do the reverse, change small to tiny or little. Sometimes by making change you can add an alliteration. 

I needed an extra syllable in the line about the monster. Should I add the words bit or small. The monster was small. A small monster adds the inconguity which is amusing.

I needed to lose a syllable to the last line, ending a very good night. I changed it to peaceful night. That was slightly more original than good night.

Toys and DIY

It would be easy to print a tiny list of rules for a school wall, or dolls. house kitchen. Six point type. Or a psotage stamp size piece of white paper with your best calligraphy. Or a piece cut from one of those irritating instruction books in tiny print in multiple languages. Or a postage stamp with the head of the president or king or hero or your country or the country you visit on holiday.

Friday, April 25, 2025

Ava's Dolls' House comical poem 560 by Angela Lansbury



  Ava had a little dolly

And the dolly's name was Molly

Molly had a taller sister

And her sister's name was Elsa


The sisters lived in a big house

Which had a dog, a cat, and mouse

It had a garden, pots with flowers

A clock and sundial counted hours

 

Outside was small blue car

If dolly wanted to go far

And a train in the train station

And police in the police station 



In the hallway was a rug

Where Molly met you with a hug



In the hallway by the window

Was a long inviting settee

When you had nowhere to go

Shut your eyes, dream of the sea - or tea


In the kitchen the best honey

Which had cost a lot of money

In the kitchen was a cook

With an apron, bowl, and book


Upstairs was an attic bed

A pillow where you put your head

And a box with lots of toys

But the toys made no noise


And a wardrobe with a mirror

Where dollies could dress for dinner

And some pictures on the wall

With blue gum to fix them all


On the roof a helipad

Where you could land a little plane

Some of the roof was sloping

Made a runaway for the rain


The roof had statues of a dog

A Noah's ark, tortoise and frog

A cow, a horse, even a bear

A monster with a lot of hair


On the roof the cat with claws

Sat beside the Santa Claus

He hid on the roof all year

Waiting to deliver Chistmas cheer


Yes, dolly did have a brother

And a father, and a mother

Dolly-sitter Ava came to stay

When dollies' Dad went on holiday.


But the dolly girls went to school

And the school had lots of rules

About the times when you could play

The long weekends, and holidays.


At bedtime with a sigh

Dolly had to say goodbye

But Dolly was here to stay

Ready to play another day


So Ava shut the door, the house

Put in the cat, put out the mouse

She said, 'dear dollies, please sleep tight

I wish you, both, a very good night'.

-ends-

A new version with illustrations will be added tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

The Writing Business comical poem 559 by Angela Lansbury

Communication is a worldwide farm

Writers, like farmers, feed the hungry world, 

While the weather does wonders, or wreaks harm

Write drama, alarm, pass nuggets of charm


Instruction manuals are daily meat

Everyone needs guides, we all need to eat

The promises and hopes of each nation

A team, finds a theme, communication

Bus time tables, toilet signs at stations


At Toastmasters we listen, learn to teach

A set of tools within everyone's reach

To distill a clear message, with a joke

In a crisp five to seven minute speech


Right recalled wrongs, pen poetry and songs

Like icing preserves and decorates cake

Lullabies help restless babies to sleep

Rhythmic songs while you work, keep you awake


Businesses make losses in their first year, 

Be prepared, don't waste time on fears and tears

A cook's first home-made food, feeding only one

Cookbooks and pubs make money, profit, fun


Even a student starts hopeful and keen

But even beginners need small money

They needs lots of input for small output

Like worker bees, produce runny honey



But what I like is solid, thick, honey

It's crunchy and munchy and costs more money

So I can buy, guiltlessly, dear honey

I need to write what sells and makes money


To start a business or book's a worry

You sit up half the night - until daylight

There's hope, after years of experience

You learn what sells and you get it all right.


At last, writing's is easier and quick

The result's writer's and readers' delight.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posts.

A Poet's Time And Money comical poem 558 by Angela Lansbury



 


How long does it take a writer to write

A poem which woke you up in the night?

From thought and typing time you begin it

To the end, the first draft, if you wing it?


A serious question, not just funny

Everybody knows that time is money


The last verse I wrote took forty minutes

But that had only one quick revision

You need to rewrite and count syllables

Take quick decisions, or risk derision


Rather than eat, drink, or have a shower

Let's suppose you spend an hour

Charge the same as my window cleaner

Which is fifty pounds an hour.


Now I'm not being mean

But isn't this poem worth that?

Just like you keep your windows clean

A poet makes your mind feel clean.

-ends-

Good And Bad Poetry comical poem 557 by Angela Lansbury

 Some poetry is really good

Although a lot of it is bad

Good poems make you happy

Bad poems make you sad


Some of it's propaganda

And makes you seething mad

Sometimes it grabs with double rhymes

So you are doubly glad


Some of it tells mostly lies

Yet one line of it rings true

Some of it tells you nothing

The best tells you what to do



Sometimes you think you'd do better

Writing prose, shopping lists or a letter

Sometimes it keeps you awake

Sometimes you read politely for some sweet person's sake


Sometimes it's just a cliche

But sometimes it won't go away

Sometimes it helps you through the night

Make you nod all day, the world's all right


Then you think I'm glad

There's someone just like me

The me calling from yesterday

Exact, succinct, and meant to be


Sometimes you wonder

Where is this going?

The writer must be mad

But there's no way of knowing


Sometimes you are glad

When you're nearing the end

Yet that poem that matters

Brings a new poet, new thoughts, a new friend.

=ends- 

A Quick Poem comical poem 556 by Angela Lansbury


I do not wish

To cause you harm

But there's a ping

From our alarm


Don't discuss it

Over coffee

Let's calm down and

Then see clearly


Let's make a list

Of what to do

This half for me

That half for you


Write make it short

Let's both be quick

Write succinctly

So your thoughts stick


I  pomise I'll

Soon go away

Others have called

So I can't stay


I know you've lots

You want to say

But I've a lot

To do today.


Just tell me what

Don't tell me why

This is hello

Then it's goodbye


I've got no time

For longer rhymes

But I'll come back

Some other time.



The clock won't wait

Now here's the crunch

I did one thing

It's time for lunch


Legislation

Is changing soon

What happened to

The afternoon?


Thank goodness that

We got it right

Look at the time

Already night.


In any time

In any place

Our day look like

A hurdle race.

-ends-

Sunday, April 13, 2025

The Alphabet Cutlery Game comical poem 555 by Angela Lansbury



Have you played the alphabet game?

Use a knife and fork to form your name

I'll show you, then you do the same

If you cut yourself I'm not to blame


Knife and forks with tips together

Make an A, reversed a U

Take 2 spoons for horizontals

I saw it and did it too.


Quickly write short simple names

If he's Ali or she's Ava

Quickly make a lot of games

Auntie and niece work together..

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems

How I remember the NATO/Military/Phone/International Spelling Alphabet comical poem 554 by Angela Lansbury

Here's the handy phonetic alphabet\

I try to remember it, not forget

It starts with A alpha and B bravo

C for Charlie, D delta, then echo


F for foxtrot, G golf in a hotel

India - Juliet weighs a kilo

We met M for Mike in N November

I think M for Mike should get an Oscar


Like Papa in Quebec, a Romeo

In the Sierra doing the tango

In uniform with his best friend Victor

They shouldn't be drinking whisky, you know


Victor had an X-ray from a Yankee

With Mike and a South African Zulu

Congratulations to you and me, too

I'm delighted both of us made it through.


This is where this alphabet poem ends

Please share links to it with colleagues and friends.

-ends-



A - alpha

B - bravo

C - Charlie

D - Delta

E - Echo

F - foxtrot

G - Golf

H - hotel

I - india

J - Juliet

K - Kilo

L - Lima

M - Mike

N - November

O - Oscar

P - Papa

Q - Quebec

R - Romeo

S - Sierra

T - Tango

U - Uniform

V - Victor

W - Whisky

X - X-ray

Y - Yankee

Z - Zulu


A is easy. Alphabet. Bravo for remembering that.  You are a right Charlie if you forget it.

Six first or persoanl names are in the phonetic alphabet: Charlie, Juliet, Mike, Oscar, Romeo, Victor. Romeo and Juliet, are a pair, of course.

Delta is one of two geographical features. The other one is sierra.

Echo - please echo my recitation of the phonestic alphabet.

Foxtrot, golf and hotel are a threesome. I do a three-step foxtrot at an afternoon tea dance at the golf hotel.where my partner is playing golf. Foxtrot is one of two dances, foxtrot and tango.

I for India, one of the 4 placenames from all the continents. From the Americas, Y for Yankee, Q for Quebec. From South America the Spanish word sierra, and the city of Lima, which is the capital of the the country of Peru. And Latin Americn dancing, not the foxtrot but the tango.

From Europe, Italy's Romeo and Juliet. From the UK, Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and Scottish whisky. 

From Asia there's India. 

From South Africa the Zulu.

J - Juliet, one of the five people names, and one of a pair, as in Romeo and Juliet.

K - kilo, now hthe UK has joined Europe in being metric.

Lima - one of the five placenames.

M for Mike, one of the five people names. I met him in November.

N for November, when I met Mike.

O for Oscar. One of the six personal names. Papa should have got an Oscar for playing a papa. 

Q for Quebec. Not just the Yankees in North America, but also the Canadians.

Romeo, one of the six names. He went after Juliet, ran after her, courted her. His name is after hers in the alphabet.

S for sierra, one of two descriptions of land, ending with the letter a.

T the tango dance from South America. A pair with the other dance, foxtrot.

U uniform, worn by the military, and school children.

V - Victor - a militry man, a Yankee, or a school boy called Victor in school uniform.

W - for whisky, not drunk by the military, Yankees, nor by anybody in uniform.

X for X-ray

Y for Yankees, who lieve across the border from the Canadians in Quebec.

Z for Zulus, one of the placenames.

Saturday, April 12, 2025

Anniversary comical poem 553 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury and husband Trevor Sharot on their 49th wedding anniversary. 2025, April.

A birthday's a solo event

About when you think life begins

(Unless you are born a triplet

Or have to share because you're twins)


A wedding anniversary

Is for two of us, you and me

Now forty-nine years together

Four seasons of marriage weather


We tried all thes strong emotions

Let each one take their teaching turn

Drowning in parting, in sorrow

Forgetting when passion fires burn


We've surved wars outside each other

Been bold with new paint, painted mould

You ask what are the lessons learned?

Hear my half of how truth is told


Some say marriage is a blessing

Others say that it is a curse

I've tried single but stayed married

Single friends say single is worse


In marriage two are together

In snow and sun and wind and rain

And when things are not going right

Someone listens when you complain


By now I can sort a spider

You could sew buttons on a shirt

But I think I'll sew on buttons

Whilst you clear the car wheels of dirt


A long life's not always roses

Despite what young love supposes

Things won't always stay like first seen

Marriage runs like a football team


Sometimes winners have the last word

When it seems right, one speakes for two

Now we'll trudge on for one more year

You stay with me, I'll stay with youm

-ends-. 

Angela and anniversary plate. 



Friday, April 11, 2025

Idiotic Idioms comical poem 552 by Angela Lansbury

Darling, pull your self together

Because, better late than never

Always get your act together

For me, a friend in all weather


You can't teach an old dog new tricks

But learn something new every day

So, let's make hay while the sun shines

Quick, we have to go a good way


Today I am on tenterhooks

Wondering if I should leapfrog

Over to my umbrellas 'cause 

It's started raining cats and dogs


Should I sit tight, weather the storm?

Stay at home, I won't come to harm

You look as if you've seen a ghost

Maybe I should sound the alarm


Please, dear, don't give me a black look

I mustn't be in your black book

Maybe you should make a clean breast

Of it, and get it off your chest


I'm trying to stay on the ball

But this task drives me up the wall\

I think that you should all play ball

Because pride comes before a fall


We know, at the end of the day

You are as wet as a drowned rat

And, it seems, as blind as a bat

Phone home before you hit the sack


Please sit up, wind up, settle up

I think we should call it a day

I'm sure you can hold up, dear friends

If those pigs are all in your pay 


Ill winds blow no-one any good

It'll be right as rain, touch wood

I enjoy wining and dining

All clouds have a silver lining.

-ends-



Tuesday, April 8, 2025

Passion For Collecting Clothes comical poem 551 by Angela Lansbury

 Collecting spreads like infection

 Collecting creates connection

Connection leads to correction

Correction is like resurrection


As a child I collected stamps

Which showed dancers in national dress 

The colours of the national flags

Then coins with Queen's hats I liked best



I then collected small thimbles

Stored in a case hung on the wall

Though I've moved on, they haven't gone

I dust and make sure they won't fall


I collect clothes, caps and ear-rings

I collect scarves and belts and gloves

Collecting jewels, pretty things

In every shade, that's what I love


Sewing machine instructions, cards

Though many craft shops went away

They might open again one day

Their cards come in useful one day


What can I paint on a tee-shirt?

On a postcard or birthday card?

Copy fake flowers or a dress

From my vast store that is not hard


Now my friends have passed away, I

Collect poets' obituaries

I note dress codes for funerals

Cute quotes on invites to cemeteries.

-ends-

I accidentally saved my previous poem 550 to my blog on clothes, so I reworte it with verses on clothes.. S

Passion for Collections comical poem 550 by Angela Lansbury

 

Thimble collection. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Collecting is an infection

 A collection's a connection

A connection's a correction

A correction's resurrection


I used to collect postage stamps

I stored them in treasured albums

They made small me feel very tall

Scraps of paper the size of thumbs


I then collected small thimbles

Stored in a case hung on the wall

Though I've moved on they haven't gone

I make sure that they never fall


Collecting clothes, hats and ear-rings

Collecting scarves and belts and gloves

Colleccting jewels, pretty things

In all coours, that's what I love


Collecting brochures, leaflets, maps

Though many places went away

They might open again one day

Their cards come in useful one day


And now my friends have passed away

I collect obituaries

Write notes and dates on grey headstones

Collect dead in the cemeteries.

-ends-

Holiday Memories & Plans comical poem 549 by Angela Lansbury

Sunwing Hotel, Thailand. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

 I'm dreaming of next holiday

When I can simply laze all day

In the best hotel we'll afford

Where none of us is ever bored


I dream of holidays long past

Prepare for feasting with a fast

I do not need to buy more clothes

Where last year's went, God only knows


And while I think of what might be

My mind hunts through my memory

I censor problems, right wrongs

My mind only plays happy songs


I do not think of hammer toes

I do not think of buzzing mosquitos

I do not think of delays and dirt

Broken limbs, strains, stains, blisters, hurt


The shop sells everything you lack

A hundred things you didn't pack

You need sun glasses, pills, a mac

It's all too heavy to carry back


You have to search through all the tat

For gifts for those who fed your cat

The prices prove which goods are finer

Although worldwide, it's all from China


Think - swim around a swimming pool

Then ice cold drinks will keep me cool

I'll read, how slowly time will pass

We'll sit sunbathing on green grass


Children squeal in a special pool

It's even more fun than their school

Well watch with one eye from afar

Until it's time to call a car


On their big balcony we meet

See sea at sunset, busy street

I'm dressed in white shells, Thail silk best 

Look fine to dine, then huge bed rest


A table by a seaview window

Candles cast a romantic glow

The room's arches, murals, impress

Each server's sparkling national dress


The soup sipped, tasty, names are strange

Fruit colours carefully arranged

I'll take more photos with my phone

Re-live highlights when I get home.


In pictures of tropical lands

The palm trees lean across cream sands

Hammocks sway by cute, painted huts

No fear of falling coconuts


In dreamlands, the tough grass is greener

Distant, dirty streets look cleaner..

'though not as perfect as it seems

The past looks perfect in my dreams.

-ends-

I changed In dreamlands all the grass is greener, which flows well and has lots of sublt irony, but my revised version is more specific. Tough grass (in Singapore). Singapore is cleaner, but uniquely, everywhere else is dirty, apart from Disneyland. And five star hotels. Antywhere you are paying more than 100 dollars a day without food and lodging is clean. 

I changed 'the dirty streets look so much cleaner', adding the word distant.

Good in parts, says my husband. Not the holiday, the poem.

Saturday, April 5, 2025

Summer Sun Delights comical poem 548 by Angela Lansbury

 


In summer sun time, each British girl knows

In this brief time, pale people take off clothes

Build sand castles, like kids, slide down sand dunes

Sink into soft sand, play happy, loud tunes


If blue sea, white waves, wide sky, catch your eye

Buy tickets, then bouncing boats collect you

Ride with picnics, sunscreen, brimmed hats by you

Ouch - sunburn! Let brollies' shade protect you


In Singapore we could swim in the pool

In humid weather, it's good to feel cool

In tropical sun, ten minutes is enough

Clinic photos warned cancer, looked rough


Yet, we're all hoping for much warmer days

We envy friends who are going away

Until we hear tales of sickness, loss, cross

Glad to get home at the end of their stay


I won't sleep on sand, nor live in a cave

I'm neither so desperate, nor brave

Rescue me from remote beaches alone

I'm happy to sit at my desk here at home.


Palm trees looks romantic, and starry nightscave, sand, mosquito

Seafront promenades, coloured twinkling lights

Until you wake up with mosquito bites!

On balance, I prefer here, I'll all right.

-end-


Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Life, Death, Reincarnation and Dinner comical poem 547 by Angela Lansbury

What's life and death to you and me 

For me it's all a mystery

I don't feel reincarnation's

Like changing trains in life's stations


I stare at plates during dinner

Thinking the eater's the winner

Letters to lions from the deer

I'm sure would say, 'Wish you weren't here!'



I'm amazed silent strawberry

Reincarnates into laughing me

How milk turns into yellow teeth

Thin chicken to wide feet beneath 


A teeny weeny bit of me

Only the bit that others see

Stays in paintings and in photos

 All busy posterity knows


My childhood's already long past

Although my hair still grows like grass

I hope this poem stays all day

I'm preserved in a noval or play


Before it's tipped from life's wheelbarrow

When I'm gone like a shadow

And you'll have something left to see

But I won't see, no, no, not me


I shall leave money in banks and wills

To pay for a funeral, lawyers and bills

After death I shan't return

But distribute to hungry worms


Although in life I've a loud voice

After my death I've little choice

The wind will blow and life go on

Your voices sing my silly song.

-end-

Strawberries. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

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I originally ended with

Other voices will sing my song.

I thought that was too sad.

It's supposed to be a comical poem. You should end with a smile.

So I ended Your foices sing my silly song.



Tuesday, April 1, 2025

April 1st Jokes - False Flowers? comical poem 546 by Angela Lansbury

 On April 1st some people like

To paint a car just like a bike

I do not mind if what I've heard

Is clearly from first sight absurd


So long as it does not cause pain

But's merely meant to entertain

Looks at life in another way

Some write good night when it is day


All of us spend several hours

Walking past dresses showing flowers

And fake eyelashes helping looks

Bookends and coasters carved like books



Did you stop, stare and wonder why

Old church ceilings look like the sky

Statues show babies, holy heads

And sculptures which mimic the dead?


Pictures and texts long past we feel

Were thought by many to be real

But now you can't say girl or boy

People, like things, are all trompe l'oeuil


'though I don't like to waste my time

I'm happy some try breaking rules

If people make themselves look fools

If it will raise a laugh - that's fine


But turn back to reality

Reassuring normality

Admit you wandered off the path

Just briefly to ensure a laugh


So plant fake seeds, write praise of  weeds

Present gardens of mad misdeeds

I like surpises, but I'm kind,

Hide morals in bouquet punchlines.


Trompe loeuil painting. Wikimedia. Mario-dorf.

-ends-

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Censored Poems comical poem 545 by Angela Lansbury


I don't wish to hear a bad word

Which might invade my immune brain

'though I recognize all the bad words -

I do not want you to explain!


The problem is, I copy words

If I hear it once, I say it

I know you might find this absurd

When paid per word, yucks won't pay it. 


I do not wish to write a word

Which is vulgar, or slang or rude

'though nowadays it's often heard

One's status could be misconstrued


I've other ways to show my mood

Dictionaries give us lots of choice

Vinegar shouldn't drown brain food

Nor shouting show an icy voice


I admit words I deem taboo

Are scattered by the hoi polloi

A word acceptable to you

When used by me won't bring us joy


And so I censor all I write

'though passionate, no need to swear

I'd rather spread good news and light

Visions of angels with gold hair.

-ends-

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Illustration from wikimedia. Three wise monkeys.

Friday, March 28, 2025

Things I'd Rather Not Remember comical poem number 544 by Angela Lansbury


 I tried to help a lady

Why had Alzheimer's, to remember

I asked, 'Do you know if it is March or November?'


She laughed and shrugged

'There's lots of things I'd rather not remember'


I could not understand why 

She wanted to resist

The help which I was offering

So I worked through my list


'Do you remember, dear

The first time you were kissed?'

She said, 'There are a lot of things I'd rather not remember!'

I had no choice, it was my job, I had to persist


I asked, "Do you remember your first love?'

She sighed, 'I'd rather not remember

Frankly, there were lots of boys, whose memory's not missed.'

'But what about the sex? And your marriage in September?'


She shook her head, 'There's lots of things, I'd rather forget

You think I tell tall stories - you ain't heard nothing yet!'

She said, 'I wish I hadn't kept a diary

Bills, and lawyers' letters

My sister - and our court case

I'd rather forget her!



'I told you there are lots of things I'd rather not remember!'

I changed the subject. I said, 'You know we're heading for a snowy December?'

She said, 'I've already told you, I'd rather not remember.'

-ends-

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Picture of Three Wide Monkeys from Auckland Museum, New Zealand, in Wikipedia, under Three wise monkeys.

Thursday, March 27, 2025

What Other People Write About comical poem 543 by Angela Lansbury

What other people write about

On days when they cannot go out

Most children write of simple things

Bikes, scooters, not safe swimming rings


Of playing games and silly names

Of buses, cars and trains and planes

About goldfish, big cats, small dogs

Not giggly things like jumping frogs


Teenagers write about first love

A kiss and the blind moon above

Later they write about love lost

Of drugs and fast cars, not the cost


Whilst lying in their single bed

They dream of one they wish they'd wed.

Parents write of their baby's smiles

Not dripping taps nor laying tiles.


Old people, some like to complain

Although there's lots they should explain

Their youth which won't come back again

Claim their life's full of sun - or rain

Now, poets, what do poets write?

Of how they sat up half the night

And tried to put the world to right

Telling what other people write.

-ends-

Photo of Angela Lansbury with large pencil.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2025

The Perfect Body comical poem number 542 by Angela Lansbury

 The human body's wonderful

Until something goes badly wrong

All bits of of me work perfectly

Until I try to sing a song

Angela Lasnbury with smiley face balloon. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

When others sing happy birthday

You wonder why I shut my mouth

And why I have bought thirty bras

Because some parts start going south


The heart is an amazing thing

Goes tick-tock like a wound-up clock

Runs the whole body happily

Till it decides enough, I'll stop


I'll sleep in - I don't need an alarm

At six a.m. I wake, sadder

I haven't yet had eight hours sleep

I'm woken by my busy bladder


Somewhere between distand childhood

And the fast race towards old age

My whole body goes out of tune

It's lost and sings from the wrong page


A baby learns to walk and run

 It learns to crawn, ignores a fall

Maybe Alzheimer's a blessing

So the old don't worry at all


No, when your step is unsteady

Just shrug it off and then maybe 

The world will stay a happy place

Meet challenges like a baby.

-ends-

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New Friends And Old Friends comical poem 541 by Angela Lansbury

 It's always good to find a friend

When you have a lot in common

But you can say, have a nice day

Even to a smiling moron.

Angela Lansbury in pirate outfit at a Christmas party for a Club. Photo by Angela Lansbury.


When you don't have a lot to do

Or when busy, in a hurry

A simple smile can make your day

And lift you out of your worry


Don't waste life, grumbling, spreading hate

To fill time when queues make you late

Find others to commiserate

Make friends with others forced to wait


A nod or wave won't make you late 

But puts you in a happy state

Do tai chi when you're stuck at home

With music on a telehone


A few kind words can make your day

If you find something good to say

So fill your days with words of praise

And recall smiles from yesterday.


A simple cure for baseless sorrow

Is note the good things of good days

Save them up to say tomorrow

Others will recall you with praise.

-ends-

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Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Adult Nursery Rhyme on Numbers, Trees and Birds comical poem number 540 - (536 revised,) by Angela Lansbury

 

 A nursery rhyme and repetitive song to teach English to children and non native speakers.

One Tree

My front window framed one bare tree

On the first of January

I took a photo and made a note

In my new five-year diary.

My five year diary. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


Now in each March here's what I see

'One leafy branch high in the tree

On that high branch, moving, I see

One small bird hiding in that tree

 

'High in the sky I see one nest

In it, one bird's having a rest

Two birds start a cawing contest 

I wonder which of them sings best?' 

 

The next day's note was: 'Two fine trees

I checked their species. Both pine trees

The second housed one singing bird

Two birds, one more, that’s three I'd heard.'

 

On the internet on day three

I talked to my friend who's a kiwi

Beyond her window I could see

A mountain and one big palm tree.


On that tree what did I see?

'I saw coconuts, more than three

 I counted one, two, three and four

I counted, five, six, many more.'

 

On month four guess what I saw!

'In London outside our back door

Blossom on our green apple tree

Beside next door's red apple tree

 

Autumn's red apples beckoned me

'I called, “Look at that apple tree!”

My neighbour peered, “Yes, take one, please,

I hope you like it, dear, it’s free!" '

 

Some gardeners plant apple trees

Build or buy boats, catch fish at sea

Give away surplus, sell their skills

Some work two jobs, to pay their bills

 

I look out now - note what I see

'One small bird chirping in our tree

Happy calling, then a warning

Three tunes, for birds, not meant for me


'Dad likes green beans (I prefer peas) 

He hates tarts, sweets (leaves more for me!)

Grows apples, pears, plums, plants three trees

Serves fish from tanks, ponds, streams and seas

 

'Dropped from trees, in my lawn I found

Two small acorns, oval, width round

Years later, big oak trees rise

Cut to make chairs, of every size

                                 

'Their new swing's on their willow tree,'

'Two kinds of mint made strong herb tea,'

We grew sweet grapes on six grape vines.'

Four seasons, five years, happy times.

-ends-


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Drinks Good And Bad comical poem 539 by Angela Lansbury

 

Author Angela Lansbury with a glass of blush wine. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Drink's not neutral, a loaded word

Sounds very bad or really good

'You don't drink enough water, dear'

Or 'more alcohol than you should'


A vital drink is refreshing

Eases sports injuries and pains

Too much, even water, is bad

A little seems good and gives gains


What helps a hedgehog to survive?

Milk helps newborn babes stay alive

Champagne for new year, wedding toasts

On hot days water helps revive


Signs say bring water on the train

Carry a drink to run or walk

I don't think I need to explain

A drink, like tea, is shared with talk


I don't write this to earn a fee

Just to sip and smile, feel jolly

Merely to amuse you and me

While we drink our daily coffee.

-ends-

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Saturday, March 22, 2025

Happy Birthday, comical poem 538 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury's portrait on a birthday cake. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


 Happy Birthday! Darling. Happy Birthday!

I bet you know half of what I will say

If you have lived twenty to fifty years

You've outlived half of your friends far and near


If you have lived sixty to eighty eight

It's far too late to be told to lose weight

So, whatever your fate, please never curse

You already know that things could be worse


When you lie awake and worry at night

You know that I'm right - a mosqito bite!

Worse than news you saw, a faraway war

It's worse, that's the truth, losing half a tooth


When you reach ninety to one hundred years

Yesterday's troubles don't move you to tears

Whether good people go or bad ones stay

By ten you're in bed and they're far away


If you should reach a hundred and twenty

You'll have gained and lost friends, you've had plenty

No point in mourning the good who have gone

Smile at four-year-olds' birthdays, life moves on.


Because when you reach a hundred plus years

You've outlived most of the world far and near

But there's one last thing which seems rather nice

Everyone listens to your good advice


The question they'll ask, you always knew it

Is, dear one, tell us, how did you do it?

Don't admit that haven't done all that you should

No-one else was there - make up something good.

-ends-.

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Friday, March 21, 2025

World Poetry Day comical poem 537 by Angela Lansbury


 

Today is world poetry day

When every budding poet knows

You have to speak in poetry

And not one wasteful word of prose


I tried to speak in poetry

Asking prices from the plumbers

One cut the call. Seriously.

I got strange looks from the builders


I said, "Write down your quotation

So that my husband can compare

And please punctuate the numbers

Don't stick dots, commas, everywhere!"


Now that poetry day's over

We all breathe big sighs of relief

Poetry's best left to poets

Not busy builders, that's their belief.

-ends-


Wednesday, March 19, 2025

Small Birds Singing In Big trees, comical poem 536 by Angela Lansbury

 I started this as a nursery rhyme and repetitive song to teach simple English words to children and non-native speakers. However, simple sentences and repetition bored me. So this is my revised version



Small Birds Singing In Big Trees

By Angela Lansbury


 In our long street, what did I see?

From our street I saw one tall tree

On day one I saw just one tree

What blocked the view? I saw a tree


One stormy night all over town

Old rotten trees had fallen down

How they are missed when they are gone

Traffic is blocked, no place for song


On my tall tree what did I see?

A bent branch, too near, threatening me

On its far branch I hear, can't see!

Two birds perched hidden in their tree


Small sparrows sing a simple song

Their squeaky tweet does not last long 

Experts say it's a contact call

To lure bird friends behind the wall


Up in the sky's a big black nest

In trees, what do I like most?

Useful vultures and ravens rest

What sings sweet songs? Which bird is best?

 

Day two I walked, saw two fine trees

I checked their species. Scots Pine trees

I saw and heard one singing bird

Two more tweeted, that’s three I've heard!


RSPB relies on me

To spend an hour and do a count

How many birds are seen this year?

Do this year's numbers fall or mount?

 ***

More trees like slide show memories

Fill both open and half shut eyes

Years of travels leave sights which please

England's surprise, strutting magpies


New Zealand’s summer’s cool and calm

Pet cats catch birds, do lots of harm

Hard coconuts fall from tall palms

Big warning signs cause me alarm

 

Drivers see little, when it's late

Don't walk, parks aren't safe after dark

They clear the car park, close the gate

It’s shut and locked, eight o’clock sharp

 

Sleep at night when the park closes,

Bulgaria’s growing roses

Pink roses make pretty posies

At dawn guys pick perfumed roses

 ***

On day four, guess what we Brits saw!

Just outside our sliding back door

Birds peck at our green apple tree

And our neighbour’s red apple tree

 

One apple looked so good to me

I called, “Look at that apple tree!”

My neighbour peered, “Yes, take one please,

I hope you like it, dear, it’s free!

 

“You’ll find it’s very good to munch

Chopped for breakfast, or whole for lunch.”

 I said, “Thank you. You’re very kind

How did you see it? You’re half blind!”

 

He smiled, “I’m only colour blind.”

He grinned, “I don’t see red or green

You’d be surprised how much I’ve seen

Just sitting by the village green!

 

”Besides, there’s so much I can tell

From fruit’s soft touch, sniff the sweet smell -

Here comes a cat! How do I know?

The birds stopped singing. Where’d they go?

 

“Birds don’t complain, ‘I was here first.’

Don’t say, 'Stay, Let cats do their worst!’

Wise birds don’t sing a tell-tale song

They don’t rant, ‘I’m right, that cat’s wrong!’

 

"The world is big, they fly away

Wise birds find somewhere else to stay

They pray old cats will die one day

Spring birds fly back, happy to play.

 

"In warmer lands, birds fly to rest

Then they come back, our welcome guests

But farmers say big flocks are pests

We'll greet one couple, scare the rest

 

Wise birds know when to stay or fly

Some build black nests high in the sky.

Some Mums like birds, some Dads like cats

Dogs, mini zoos, you've heard of that!"

 

Boss builds big boats to sail high sees

Good gardeners plant apple trees

Bird box, mend fence, tree house, such skills

Work two jobs, more, to pay their bills

 

At weekends we stay home and rest

Admiring small birds in small nests

Retired Gran says, "We’ve done no wrong

We've worked and played, now hear bird song.”

 

I look again - what do I see?

A robin redbreast in our tree

He sings for birds, not just for me

But near here, clear, no food, no fee

*** 

Oranges flourish where it’s hot

Orchards thrive here where it is not

Bees in hives make farmers honey

Good honey sells for big money

 

In tropics, dates grow in the heat

Big juicy grapes, sweet, soft to eat

See rice, that’s nice, wines from grape vines

Pasta from wheat to sell, buy, eat

 

Some kids like fruit, nerds prefer greens

Some can’t eat fish, some won’t eat meat

Take sugar, nuts, but others don’t

Some guests nod thanks, whilst others won’t

 

We’ll eat differently, we agree

Sweets they ignore, leave more for me

Grow apples, pears, plant a plum tree

Fish, frog, pond, river, tuna, seas

 

Two small green song bird sing in trees

A parakeet is calling me.

What do I see? A big oak tree

Beyond fruit, a third, massive tree

 

Under the tree, guess what I found!

A small acorn, oval not round

After a time small acorns grow

Into big oak trees, kids all know

                                 

A garden swing sways from one tree

Two trees’ apples, a healthy tea

We grow sweet grapes on six grape vines

Four seasons’ worth of happy times.


Orange tree for Chinese New Year, Singapore. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.
-ends-
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