Friday, November 21, 2025

Teeth And More

 


Thank God for whitening tootbpaste

For vaseline and vapour

Thank God for supermarkets

Thank God for soft toilet paper


Thank God for Satnav

For lawn mowers and combs

For cameras and waste disposal

For Zoom and mobile phones


Thank God for palm trees

Deck chairs, hammocks, sandy beaches

Dates and figs and kiwi fruit

Bananas and soft peaches  


Thank God for the internet

For pets, bushes and bones

For pens and pencils

So you'll never be alone


Thank God for history

About the bad old days

For the weather forecast

For seasons change to sunny days


Thank God for newspapers

And AI to solve all mystery

Thank God that after tragedy

We can turn to camedy


Thank God when I'm old or tired

The country has young leaders

Thank God for writers

Poets, printers and readers.

-ends-

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Tuesday, November 18, 2025

The Little Fig comical poem 688 by Angela Lansbury


Fig served in London. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

I had a fig to go with wine

I see others' figs all the time

Supermarkets are in the know

Figs can't be difficult to grow


I haven't got a fig they say

I didn't have a juicy fig

I went and bought a little sprig

Twenty years later it's too big


It started very cute but small

Planted a few feet from our wall

Three years I watched it anxiously

Alas it didn't grow at all


Then, hurray, it started growing

And then it grew its first small fig

Then more, but not soft nor big

What next? We'd no way of knowing


If you cooked them for several hours

Eventually they'd soften

Delicious in a syrup, we agreed, but

Something you won't do too often


Then we built a house extension

A glassed conservatory

But the fig's now too near 

Roots lift, shift a house, like oak trees


The fig leaves have grown enormous

At the expense of the plant's figs

They say that if your figs are small

It's 'cos you let leaves grow too big


Now it's rained for several days

No need to water the garden

The only problem is I see

The fig stalks start to harden


I do not want to cut it down

Wave all our years of work goodbye

Let's plant a bisexual tree

That's something I'm keen we should try


But my husband frowns angrily

'You and your damned little, hard figs

It took me hours to cook them up

And now the useless tree's too big!'


Yes, if we dig up my loved fig tree

The garden gains by looking big

But I'll point at the space and sigh

'We used to have a lovely fig.'


but I shall miss my healthy fig

Mixed with fruit, seeds and a fresh date

I'll raid my cheap supermarket

To fill my dawn five-a-day plate.

-ends-

Also see poem 667 on the fig, apple and other trees.

Please share links to your favourite poems on my blog posts. I have more blogs on travel, and fashion. 

Also see my latest book, the amusing Embarrassing Moments on Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk or Lulu.com . I have about nineteen other books on these websites. I have poems in books

Seriously Funny Poems by Angela Lansbury

Writing Poetry For Fun

Poetry Workshop Workbook

We Saw The Dinosaur (illustrated large book with one long poem for children)

In the And Us series of anthologies by Carolyn Street I have some poems.

In Addictions & Us I have a poem entitled Hoarding Plane Traveller. and a chapter 11 Confessions of a Hoarder, Keeping Order, and chapter 12 Fighting Fat, Getting Fit - Addicted to Eating Potatoes, Chocolates and Freebies. In Grief and Us I wrote Chapter 5 Coping with Bereavement and Depression, not humorous poems in that book, although I recommend reading humorous poetry and watching humorous films or videos.



Tuesday, November 11, 2025

I Haven't Got A Thing To Wear comical poem 687 by Angela Lansbury

Clothes in stacking  drawers. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 I haven't got a thing to wear

I won't buy wigs nor dye my hair

The problem is I've summer clothes

My winter ones get lost in those


Instead of wasting all my time

Browsing to buy more clothes on line

I'll view my crammed spare room with pleasure

A home jumble sale of treasure


I can't shop wearing my swimsuit

That swim hat looks wrong buying fruit

Stained top? Cut, make a patch, or rag

Lost button! Throw in my sew bag


Will I wear these old things turned grey?

I ought to throw them all away

No. Sell them. Yes. Another day

I don't have enough time today


Searching my own clothes takes up time

Tiring, but won't cost me a dime

Pretend it's a fun thing to do

Long-lost items look good as new. 


Look - there's last year's Christmas jumper

Found! My old favourite number

I'm pleased and proud I'm in control

Sorting is so good for one's soul.

-ends-

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I could change the last line of the last verse but one to

Vintage, long-lost, looks good as new. Dime is American but most Brits would understand it is a small coin. From the song, Brother, can you spare a dime, a Depression days song, sung by Bill Crosby, Dean Martin and Sinatra.

Sunday, November 9, 2025

Alive? Eternal Thrive, comical poem 686 by Angela Lansbury

 Some say that we're all dying from the moment we are born

Some say live in the moment, others treat philosophy with scorn

Some die early, going mental, some outlive their teeth, all problems dental

Teeth. Photo by Angela Lansbury.


From a cockroach point of view, insects score a point or two

Teenagers are likely to survive those middle-aged and half alive

We hope all babies thrive, and live lives healthy and long

Run marathons and are strong, so nothing will go wrong


If you follow a religion it promises us all heaven

Where we'll live sixes and sevens

With ancient Egyptian men, and all the enemies

Exes and insects we hoped we'd never see again.

-ends-

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In the long run, they out-run us, though I think humans have more fun

If we evaluate evolution, which one of us has won?

Each Time I Walk Down The Road comical poem / song 685 by Angela Lansbury


Walking boots. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 Each time that I walk down the road

I look at your former abode

On the far corner of the street

I remember when we would meet


I met you late, so late, in life

My fate fixed at a garden fete

Both alone, parted from our mate

So we made a romantic date


You came round one Saturday night

I dreamed of how you'd hold me tight

You gave me a bunch of flowers

We talked joyfully for hours


I thought that we were fixed for life

I'd be your happy second wife

But no, I was wrong, what went wrong?

I pushed too soon, came on too strong


Your words now echo in my head

'You like me more than I like you

I'm sorry but what I must do

Is get my coat, goodbye, thank you


'I'm glad I came, but you should know

Because we're bound to meet again

So, although this romance must end

I'm sure that we can still stay friends.'


I won't mope,  but no longer hope

So long ago it seems a dream

But I remember with pleasure

That night's first moment I treasure


For a year or two, I saw you

Sometimes when I walked down the road

When I passed your childhood abode.

You'd called on your mum. So I halloed


For one moment you'd look at me

You'd smile pleased, sorry, knowingly, 

Then look back over your shoulder

And say, 'It's late. I have to go'


Your mother died, you never cried

I joined you at the funeral

I showed my husband your new wife

Sad, glad, we'd all moved on in life


Your house for sale, your house was sold

The house, like me, was growing old

The flowers gone, another face

A concrete drive, a different place


I still see you on the internet

 I should forget, but remember

As I walk down the rebuilt road

Where others rebuilt your abode.


I think as I walk down the road

Of you, young, in your old abode.

As I walk down the now changed road

Still haunted by your old abode.

-ends-

Written listening to Country music.

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Muddle Trouble Over Countries And Flags comical poem 684 by Angela Lansbury

When you travel you stop to sample local food and drink

But the words on the menu make you stop and think

Don't translate nor remember words you learned last year

From some other country which on the map looks near


Don't ask for Greek coffee when you are in Turkey

'though Cypriot coffee might seem all Greek to you

Lebanon and the Saudis serve 'strong coffee' by another name

You have to learn a dozen words, but the coffee's just the same 


If you get in a muddle you get in a lot of trouble

It may help or hinder memory if you start seeing double

But people from one country aren't another, that's not right

They will soon correct you and make sure you see the light


The Scottish are now British but don't call them English

Although they speak English adding words which are Scottish 

People from Canada aren't from the USA

'though travelers (US spelling) worldwide say 'Have a nice day'


People from New Zealand are not from Australia

Both countries flags have a small Union Jack

And a lot of little stars, but Aussies will tell you

The one with the big star's ours.


As for country's capitals, for me they're a mystery

They change names, shift, not the big tourist city

Capitals move when they sink or get too busy

Is South Africa's Pretoria? Yes - but it has three.

-ends-

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Friday, November 7, 2025

Day Broke And I Woke comical poem 683 by Angela Lansbury

A happy sound. Somebody spoke.

They made a joke. Nudged me and poked.

I saw the light. I knew day broke.

I tried to sleep. No good. I woke.


You have to rise when nature calls

I felt dizzy and grabbed the walls

Don't sway. Stand upright and don't fall

Small problems but I fixed them all


I clean my teeth, brush and toothpaste

Water. Don't waste. Then spit a bit

Washed hands, face, more, now I can sit

At my desk, to capture my wit


Early rising's good for the soul

I'm in control. It's a tonic

I take my first pill of the day

The label calls it Alendronic


The leaflet warns me, 'stay upright

For half an hour'. I do that right

Small simple things in my power

My mind's re-fuelled in the night


The clock told me I rose at six

I checked my list of things to fix 

Most days a porridge and nut mix

Today make do with Weetabix


I rose too soon, wait for my mate

He weighed out porridge, then we ate

Our breakfast helps me to lose weight

Helped by the size of my small plate


I do not like to multi-task

When I'm on a super diet

I chew each mouthful twenty times

Drink water, and enjoy quiet


Blueberries, kiwi, fibe fresh fruits.

Shower, thermals, long sleeves to wear

Choose one of six, red, sequined suits

Day-dream of yellow ordered boots


American-style we say

'Goodbye, darling. Have a good day!'

I wave goodbye. He doesn't stay. 

Runs on his way to work and play


To meet good friends. When this verse ends

I shall click send, to my best friends

Let verses go, good things to show

To more dear souls I don't yet know


So in a while we all can laugh

Wipe up news bile, goodwill not guile

If something's nice, like cooking rice

In a trice say it twice, even thrice



I'm so happy! The world can see

Youngsters ask me the recipe -

Each day ensure good words are heard

Like shaking hands with other lands


At eighty I'll be worldly wise

Give praise and never criticize

Send souvenirs of laughing eyes,  

Spread by my smile, delight, surprise.


First Draft

Who spoke?

Or poked?

Day broke and

I woke


Just nature calls

I grab the walls

So I don't fall

I've fixed it all


I clean my teeth

And spit a bit

And then I sit

At my desk and

Capture my wit


Early rising

Is a tonic

Take a pill called

Alendronic


The box says 'stay upright

Half an hour'

Small simple things

Are in my power


It's only six

Thoughts I must fix

'Not yet eat nix'

Dream Weetabix


Wait for my mate

He weighed, we ate

Our breakfast

Only half a plate


On a diet

All was quiet


I eat fresh fruits

I shower and wear

One of seven red suits

Dream of yellow boots


And then we say

'Have a good day'

I wave goodbye

He's on his way

To work or play


To meet good friends

When this verse ends

I shall click send

To my good friends


Let verses go

Something to show

To more dear souls

I don't yet know


And in a while

We all can laugh

Wipe up news bile

Goodwill not guile


If something's nice

Like cooking rice

I'll say it twice

Or thrice, in a trice


I'm so happy

The world can see

You can come to me

And ask for the recipe


I can ensure

Good words are heard

Like shaking hands

With other lands


Add laughing eyes

A small surprise

To share my smile

Spread my big smile.

-end-

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Sunday, November 2, 2025

Musical Management At The Old Bridge comical poem 682 by Angela Lansbury



New View

The ivy-clad old bridge hotel

See the old bridge beyond the well 

Websites reveal past, boss won't tell 

Its wine dinners can still outsell


Times change, you put new owners in

Retire, you pass old owners out

The old owner consults, watches

Joyful newcomers dance about


No doubt there's bound to be a rout

Hurray, a new manager's in

Sorry, an old manager's out

In, out, and shake titles about


A manager deserted us

I heard he went with half the staff

Ambition's no sin, well done him

Promotion for us other half

Breakfast

Old customers keen on croissant

Black pudding? Puzzled, smile in doubt

'Where's the old chef? Are you new, too?

What's this month's menu all about?'


The manager's our brand new friend

We chatted through lovely dinners

Some discount deal is where this ends 

Happy customers are winners


We over-ate whipped mystery cream

And sniffed and spit out tannic wine

We video whispered drama

Record. Lip read another time


The old bridge hotel

Is still doing well

The old bridge and the old hotel

Have stories I guess but I can't tell.

To Bed

We admire the painted the woodwork

Looks like they've carpeted the stairs

So long as they are serving, no customer cares

If managers are playing musical chairs

-ends-

I copied the first verse to the last verse. Then decided to change it, as if the narrator now knew more but would not reveal it. The last line read Have stories I will but won't tell. Moving from they to I as if I was now part of the conspiracy of silence or secrets. (Or just afraid of slander or libel action.) 

My final version was stories I guess but can't tell. The word guess retains the air of mystery, with customers still not knowing what is going on. As is so often the case in hotels, conferences, clubs, committees with conflicts, big organizations.

Thursday, October 30, 2025

The Good Old Days comical poem 681 by Angela Lansbury

 In the good old days, yes, the good old days!

Were there really any good old days?

Or was there only one, when I had fun?

When restaurants and hotels had someone who got things done?


When I was single, I stayed home alone

And wanted to find a husband

And I looked everywhere, in a city of millions

But I found none, not even one


In the good old days, yes, the good old days

We started schooldays with songs of praise

We didn't know that three religions were certain God was one

And another group of millions said many more, and one said none


In the good old days, when were the good old days?

The days when life was simple and I was young

Heaven was in the sky, everyone went there

There was no hell, no-one would die, nor tell a lie


In the good old days, my mother said

You did not know what others thought

You only knew what you were taught

Sundays the shops were closed, yet no-one was bored nor fraught


My mother told me when she was young

Before she saw the news, before the war

The War was world war two, the other one was world war one

Paper was thick and heavy, Churchill and the British won


We did not know that France, Canada and the USA

All thought that they had made the difference

And won in Europe, or in Asia, which celebrated on another day

We thought that Jesus was alive, born everywhere, since he died, only on December 25


After the good old days, everything changed

We learned the calendar was run by the sun

Or by the moon, one year everyone lost a year,

The year without a sun, then everyone was really glum



Christmas could be the 26th, January 5th or 6th,

 Jesus could be born another year, another day

Or never born at all, some thought that way

And other people believed in conspiracy


That nobody had landed on the moon

You did not need a band, just one singer to croon

You had real strawberries! Only in June,

Then enlightenment, one's personal middle ages, came too soon


Some thought that the whole world was a myth

A dream, others debated philosophy

And said they thought therefore they were

But they never thought of you and me


In the good old days, people thought the world was flat

(It's really round, but), some people still think that

In the good old days, monsters were below your bed

Monsters grew, like migraines, and nightmares, only inside your head


You believed all that was said, and didn't know

That all the people in the history books told lies, and were dead

And most people fondly quoted never said 

What you thought (and everyone said) that they had said


The good old days, yes, the good old days

The days when innocent little children sang songs of praise

Children did not throw stones, and no-one lived alone

Then nobody had strikes, and everyone had bikes


Maybe the good old days will come again

When all our friends will be old men

And we'll talk about the good old days

Use computers, mobile phones, and watches to call our friends

And wonder how we coped, back then.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems. My latest book is called Embarrassing Moments and you can see the cover and buy it on websites Amazon.co.uk and lulu.com  - plus several of my older books, comical poetry on pets, Poetry WorkBook - writing poetry an A Z including limericks and villanelles. Also Quick Quotations.  Who Said When When


Thursday, October 23, 2025

Dream Exhibition In Fancy Dress comical poem 680 by Angela Lansbury



I had a dream about a scene

With booths from round the world

Where colourful clothes, masks, novelties

For free were flagged, unfurled


But most exciting of them all

Were sellers in fancy dress

And masks, like Trump, Madonna

Some wore more and some much less


The USA had dating booths

A bearded man of six foor four

Dressed up as a carrot

Said, 'You're the one I adore!'


I had so many offers

From weird, fun masked men for a date

I wondered would it really last

Which one might be my mate?


It was such a giggle

As I hopped from shop to shop

Til I hid in the toilet

And thought, this has to stop


Paired, dated in a restaurant

And that was really grand

But back in bed my date had

A lady in his left hand


I wasn't really bothered

I did not make him choose

He promised I was his great love

So I had nothing to lose


I was sorry when I woke

And found these scenes were a dream

My many men in funny, fancy clothes

Had not been what they seemed.

-ends-

I changed so long as I was chosen to He promised I was his great love.

I think this dream was inspired, after an evening of wine tasting, the wines free because all included in the price already paid. Then by looking at Indigo Moon patchwork clothes on ebay last thing at night. Also thinking about the ticket to the World Travel Market. Finally thinking about a Toastmasters Speech Contest where I was not a contestant therefore a performer or judge or audience member wooed by performing contestants voicing different characters wearing masks or hats or outfits.


Home Alone Without A Scone comical poem 679 by Angela Lansbury

 It's horrible to be home alone

When it's time for tea

And you don't have a scone

When you're in in a jam , wthout any jam

I gave a scream, I've finished the cream!


When you're alone, what to do about that?

I grabbed a pink jacket, black purse and white hat

I hurried down to the seven eleven

(In truth it was Tesco, which won't rhyme with heaven)


The man at the till gave a glum hello

And glum goodbye when I had to go

It's what you buy, not who you know

He's working, I should be happy at home

***

Then today it was tea for two

We had no scones, what to do?

What could we make? Not a pancake

We had pancakes yesterday, too


We found a crumpet

Too early to dump it

We know what to do to save

Heat it up in the microwave


By mistake we grabbed marmalade

Does anyone know why that doesn't go?

Maybe too sour when a crumpet is sweet

Hot crumpets with butter are great to eat



Add black currant jam

I lick my lips

It's on foodies' top ten list

With chicken and chips


The thought of food will banish sorrow

Think of what you'll eat tomrrow

If you can't, then think of today

If starving today, think of yesterday


When I die and come back

To say what I've seen

I'll talk about feasts of scones, jam and cream

Just like a cat with a smile at a dream..

-ends-


Wednesday, October 22, 2025

Homophones comical poem 678 by Angela Lansbury


 

I phoned home with my homophones

Words which homo sapiens says the same

But spells differently, spellers' hell

But great for teachers or you're into word games


Let us start with simple letter a

They English grey, USA gray

We pray we won't be anything's prey

But just be gay with friends who are gay


Hamlet said to be or not to be

He was not thinking of a bee

When we went out to have a wee wee

Some say pee, which sounds like pea


You need to see letter c at sea

C turns to s when you add e

I must confess I'm in distress

The English practise practice, a mess in the mess


The letter d appears in dye

You dye cloth black when someone dies

We all say aye when we agree

And it looks good in our eyes


F and ph both sound the same

Steve, Stefan or Stephen is his name

After the feast of Stephen

Out with Eve on Xmas Eve, even-ing


My friend Jorge like gorgeous George 

They gorge food on the gorge

The hair or the heir is in the air

Ere we're here on the weir

Flag of Wales

I've never seen hump-backed whales in Wales

We haven't take pails beyond the Pale

We left our hanger in the aircraft hangar

And drove to Bangor in a small old banger.

.

-ends-

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There's the flee that flew

When I had the flu

The burnt hankies flew up the flue

There are two of them too

Yesterday was apple day comical poem 677 by Angela Lansbury on blogspot.com/

 


Yesterday was apple day

Apples today and yesterday

All October they're in the way

Falling on lawnmowers on the lawn.


Some on the tree, others fall down

And lie with bruised parts on the ground

The birds all like to peck around

We're last. We pick. Now its our turn


We chop the apples carefully

Make honeycomb, cut bad bits out

Eat gingerly bite small, full of doubt

The first bite goes to teeny worms


The apple staste a little sour

We used to use them after stewing

But they're sweet and brown after an hour

Which saves the cooking or chewing


We hate to throw apples away

Take bags to collect them every day

In autumn it's all work no play

When every day is apple day.


Why does an apple need a day?

Is the only thing my man will say.

The shops all like to make a day

For seasonal goods so customers pay.


So yesterday was apple day

We missed it, but we've apples today

This week, all days are apple day

For home-grown apples, hurray!

-ends-

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Tuesday, October 21, 2025

Easy Spanish words comical poem 676 by Angela Lansbury



Spanish - English 

preferir - to prefer


English - Spanish

to prefer - preferir


Spanich is easy

Easy is facil

It's easy to order

If you want a meal


A gato is a cat

A villa is a house

If the cat is the house

There will not be a mouse.


Hola is hello

A sombrero is a hat

Adios is goodbye

How easy is that!

-ends-

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The World Hides On My Plate comical poem 675 by Angela Lansbury

It's time for lunch, what can hungry souls munch?

Pull out cartons, wash hands, don plastic gloves

We chop up greens, big leaves like fans with seams

Heat bread with small holes, and warm dead sausage rolls


 The whole world's on my plate - it's worth the wait

Red, white, orange, green, life's never better

Soft white cheese labelled where? Guess. Don't just stare. 

Greek, Turkish, Beirut, Israel, Feta


Now let's begin? Take palm hearts from a tin

What shall I grab? Dad chooses the pink crab

Spicy tomato soup, cumin, gloop, gloop

Glass of fine rose wine, well past its time


Leave room for mushroom, the size of tea spoons

Sliced up, stir-fried, soft small, button mushrooms

Lastly, strong coffee, no chokkies, toffee

Turkish delight? Rose smell, saved for tonight.


For dinner, choose solid protein to eat

Not just chopped up mush, a big piece of meat

'Don't cook too much!' That's no cause for sorrow

Leftovers hide in loved lunch tomorrow


Eat drink and be merry, I always say

For tomorrow you may die, so might I

So let's enjoy ourselves and feast today

Nobody feel sad after chicken pie.

Pie made by Trevor Sharot. Photo by Angela Lansbury.


-ends-


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Sunday, October 19, 2025

Night Time Movies comical poem 674 by Angela Lansbury




When I'm up before dawn

I yawn and yawn

I want to write

But I've meetings at night


 I have the best movie seat in my bed

My favourite dead all live in my head

They talk and laugh and give me pleasure

My memory is a store house of treasure


Their words repeat like the chorus of song

Everything's right and nothing is wrong

Like busy people, they must move on

Daylight strikes  - like Euridice they've gone 


Like Amazon, dreams will deliver

Fulfilling your order of what you lack

And if you don't like what you are sent

It costs nothing to pack it all back


I know they're just dreams

I create in my head

A private viewing

The blessing of bed.

-ends-

Euridice, Greek myth, wife following, but if husband looks back, she will vanish.

I like to end poems on a positive note.

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Clocks Go Back comical poem 673 by Angela Lansbury

 Clocks go back

Now some new clocks are smart

Rado controlled

Automatic like your heart


October 26

On the last Sunday

So I'm late for my book group

Not late for work on Monday


Spring forward is what they say

In autumn fall back

So every hour is earlier

Daylight at tea time is a lack


I'd like to put an end to this

If I were king or queen

And I'd leave my clocks on their old time

The way the previous month has been


I know I'm not the only one

They say that it has to be done

For the farmers to feed cows

So they get their night and day fun

Bird clock. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


But I think it's absurd

So I.m spreading the word

Please leave clocks alone

It's confusing the birds


They are all tweeting

Their morning greeting

But there's no traffic hum

Birds think, "What have we done?"


Please hear my pleas

It's not just me. It's not right

Accidents saved in mornings 

Increase in the night


We'd get more hours of light each night

And if I should sleep late

I'd still enjoy a longer day

And not make people wait.

-ends-

Thursday, October 16, 2025

The glass half full comical poem by comic Angela Lansbury comical pom 672

 


Did I start my day with a glass half full?

I can't remember, I gulped water down

I took a deep breath, I re-filled it up

I went on to a full coffee cup


I'll re-start my day with 'a glass full up'

Take my pill, drink water down, smile around

A great metaphor, think of happy days

Spread happiness like butter, round and round


My fine wine glass is gleaming clean, empty

So it should be at only ten a.m.

I need a dry day, or two, maybe six

Driving, before I dare to drink again


I day-dream of dancing at a wedding

An end to searching for the perfect one

Before I married I wasted free time 

I felt my life was like a job half done


A month in a wheelchair turned my thoughts round

Now talking and walking are a great joy

I'm so happy to be me and healthy

Silly living my life with thoughts upside down


Its great to see good food on a full plate

I've a roof not leaking above my head

M parents gone but I've husband and son

I've a chair, a pen, a book, and a bed


I've a smart old laptop and a smart old phone

I've had a lot of jobs, many lessons learned

I've friends and enamies who've come and gone

Today I'm alone but don't feel alone


I chat to strangers like friends on the bus

Dozens talk nonsense on the internet 

I've funny friends who I remember well

Odd and awkward ones we should all forget


Each day a million tiny things go wrong

The bus, taxi or plane will turn up late

I shrug at creaking floors, and squeaking doors

The tardy friend who always makes us wait


I've plenty of non-urgent things to do

I've ten jumbled poems in my small head

But I'll find time to listen hard to you

Before I escape to my soft silk bed.

-ends-

Thursday, October 9, 2025

Three Close Friends Wine Tasting comical poem 671 by Angela Lansbury

'Hello, my name is Natalie, 

Here's Janet, that is Beverly

I have a husband, he's not here

He's not a wine man, he likes beer'

Cheese plate. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


Beverley buys a plate of cheese

She hands it round, 'Do take some, please,'

She sends the plate round the table

Making friends, she is capable


Three good friends, smiling and happy

Three good friends, friendly, chatty

Every night they're out and about

They'll live to a hundred, I've no doubt.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posta



Wednesday, October 8, 2025

In The Night comical poem 670 by comic and poet Angela Lansbury

When I get up in the night

I often feel that nothing's right

First my hair's tangled, and frizzy

Second, worse, I'm feeling dizzy


My husband won't allow a light

Complains and claims it wakes him up

I tripped, tipped my glass of water

Now drink, blind, from a stable cup



Tipped glass, andcup, cup and upright glass and cup. Photos by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip

I've chewed dry lipstick off my lip

Secrets shared by my physios

Rest right leg, left foot, on pillows

***

When young I wanted a romance

A kind and handsome millionaire

Now that I'm old I do not care

And all I need is someone there


I had my chance, a millionaire

Short, ugly, bald, chest of white hair

He was deaf, half blind, wore a wig

His landscapred garden grew hard figs


Who cares if my hair was frizzy

Minutes after feeling dizzy

I'm glad to be back in my bed

It's best to have an empty head

***

Dawn, my hair's combed straight, not frizzy

Morning, I'm active, not dizzy

Next day, I've had a good night's sleep

Forget bad dreams I need not keep


Next day, nothing is what it seemed

Last night seems like a short, bad dream

The cup and glass are in their place

And you smile at my smiling face.

-ends-

My first version read

First of all my hair is frizzy, 

a minor mishap, which seems major to some, by day, but not night

secondly tangled is nearer the truth for me, and includes more people, although first of all is more conersational.

Pains in my shoulder and my hip

I changed this to pull my shoulder

Than I wondered if I could make an alliteration for hip

Yes hit.

Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip

My first version read 

Forget dreams I don't wish to keep

The second revised version was

Forget bad dreams I need not keep


Forget dreams I don't wish to keep

?

The revised version is alliterative.

I changed I sometimes feel that nothing's right

to

I often feel that nothings's right

Less vague.

Please share links to your favourite poems.

Then read my other blogs on Travel and learning Spanish, and dress of the day about clothes for different activitie and altering last season's clothes to fit this season's weight and size.

Saturday, October 4, 2025

The Tea In Your Coffee Cup comical poem 669 by comic Angela Lansbury

  The tea in your coffee cup

Is important, drink it up

Add some milk if it's too hot

Drink it quickly if it's not


The coffee in your tea cup

Is important, drink it up

The cups are neatly labelled

But temporarily disabled


I try to hide what is inside

It's not like coffee-tea on a plane

You drink that twice if you're insane

I never complain, but don't drink it again

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems



All The World Is Mad But Me comical song 668 by Angela Lansbury

 

Let's agree half the world is mad

We know the other half is bad

I'm looking for a new, sane, friend

It's hopeless. Sometimes I feel sad


A few decades before my time

Smart but mad women won the vote

Yet now some think black cats rule life 

What's superstition's antidote?



The streets are full of people who

Wear masks and scarves and funny hats

Religious, football, uniforms

You need ten hats to join all that


Party politics divides them

Plus the graffiti on the wall

If my only friends were those who're sane

I'd have no friends at all


I understand teenagers

Who want to raise their voice

But I have to be quiet

I do not have a choice


I have friends of all religions

And skins of every hue

And every kind of politics

And superstitions too


Some think that God spoke to them

Some believe in the big bang

Some think home school, and no rules

Others that insulters should hang


Some won't eat pig, some won't eat beef 

Some won't eat lamb, some won't eat meat, 

No fish, raw fish, no milk, no eggs 

Be gluten free, no sugar, what's left to eat?


As for me, today's thoughts

Keep quiet is what life's taught

Hunters, don't show what you've caught

Or all your friendships come to naught


An theist, agnostic, or a humanist

A left wing, right wing, woke or communist

If I told my friends they are wrong

I'd never be kissed and never missed


So if you want to know what I believe

I believe there is no need

For me to stir the water

Upset your transgender daughter


And if I have a special diet

I shall try to keep quiet

Yet some things have gone the other way

I can say I'm dying and sick today


I can't fly the flag of my nation

But can mention menstruation

I don't know where this debate will end

But hope to keep all my batty friends


If I'd known my husband was a rocker

But next weekend was a mod

I'd have had tears, not fifty years

With one who won't believe in God


Because people who at first seem sane

Are secretly mad, but I don't complain

For though it drives me up the wall

If I stuck to the sane, I'd have no friends at all.

-ends-

How to convert a poem to neat eight syllables in every line?

I saved a syllable by replacing only wih just.



Friday, October 3, 2025

Fig Trees, Figs, Firs, Apples And Fig Leaves comical poem 667 by Angela Lansbury

 

Fig tree in london, left. Apple tree right. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 


Our fig trees, firs, apples are big

Each day our fig tree grows bigger

Sadly the figs are hard to eat

But the leaves have lots of vigour


Stay calm, plants grow, do not panic

Online guides say we need to prune 

But to be truly organic

Only when we see the full moon


Meanwhile we have mountains of leaves

Which cause daily acute distress

 I'm a tidy person and grieve

At this woke unrecycled mess


But don't let dreams make gardeners grieve

Perfectionism sends distress

Be positive. We've big fig leaves

If we ever need a new dress.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite posts and poems.

Also see later poem on the fig tree.

Thursday, September 25, 2025

New Year, Autumn, Chinese, Jewish, School and Uni comical poem 666 by Angela Lansbury

 In autmn time we celebrate

Diwali, Sukkot, far and near

In every country and Indian state

Chinese Mooncakes, Jewish New Year


New year for preschool and for school

New Year for university

We learn computers and futures

And how to spell Deepavali


The teacher in the modern school

Needs to show that she's not a fool

Know all the names, candles, handles

Know every religion, food and rule


Diwali's lights will fill long streets

Each culture has sweet food to eat

Jewish New Year, blow a ram's horn

Christmas means God's dear son is born


On Yom Kippur the fit will fast

They only say nay to food one day

Follow bible laws from times long past

Then mooncakes from websites far away.


On Yom Kippur we confessed our sins

October brings cooler weather



Halloween's bright orange pumpkins 

More to celebrate together.\


Autumn means shorter days, long night

So festivals fill streets with lights

To keep us optimistic, warm

We fill ourselves with sweet delights.

-ends-


Please share links to your favourits posts and poems.

-

The Coffee In Your Coffee Cup - comical poem 665 by Angela Lansbury

 The coffee in your coffee cup

Is important, drink it up

Add some milk if it's too hot

Drink it quickly if it's not



Tea For Two In World War Two

In World War Two the Brits drank tea

This was the story Mum told me

Not tea bags dust, real tea leaf tea

Shops' pots of tea - cup two came free


Then when I reached the caffeine age

To gain courage to face life's stage

My habits turned another page

When coffee became all the rage


Now coffee is for connoisseurs

We have capsules, his and hers

Coffee shows class (we can't wear furs)

A drinker smiles like a cat purrs


We offer coffee when we meet

A proper coffee is a treat

The coffee bars offer a choice

Each customer has their own voice


Your name is written on the cup

Don't drink too fast but make it last

An interlude to boost your mood

The food of love, a fattening food.


A pattern is drawn on the top

Cut out caffeine, I ought to stop

Save money spent in coffee shops

Give coffee chocolates, that's the tops!

-ends-

Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 2025. Sept 25th

Please share links to your favourite posts.




Monday, September 22, 2025

Lost - But Found! comical poem number 664 by Angela Lansbury

 Yesterday we had a big loss

I'm trying to be pleased, not cross

I often find it seems the same

When something's lost, I get the blame


I keep hoping it's simply hid

I keep rewinding what we did

Check photos, phone shops, don't lose heart

Replay the day right from the start


We seemed to spend lots of money

In a delightful art-craft shop

Choose for me, next our small  honey

Then we both knew we had to stop


First buy - watercolour pencils

Then paper, a thick drawing pad

Then a putty rubber, eraser

The total sum was looking bad


We chose one thing, watching money

Just one thing more, it grew to four

One last thing, do me a favour

Small putty rubber, (eraser)


Four times seven is twenty eight

The assistant is working hard

Spending money's bad, yet great

Thank goodness we've a credit card


Do you want a bag? We disagree

My mistake, I thought it was free

Our friends have left, we must hurry

Where had they gone? Minor worry.

***

We'd checked the room of our hotel

Checked out. Trip over,  All seemed well.

One day later, unpacked at home

Our precious purchases? They've gone!


We both serched near, we both searched far

Not in my bag, suitcase, nor car

Not on my desk, under my chair

Hall, corridor, looked everywhere


I searched the web, hoped for a sale

Replace? Keep searching! Wrote email

Recorded message, use our web

Click send,  Type here, again it said!


For hours and hours I felt bereft

I wondered where it could be left

Left in the toilet I suspect

Our friend down south, she might collect

***

Next day, at last, thank God it's found!

His study floor it's run aground.

Lay hidden under something else.

What lesson for you? And myself?


Save yourselves from getting fraught

By recalling what you've been taught

Check which of you has bags, and where

Check table, under bed and chair


Stick address labels labels on each gift

Note where it is, each time you lift.

When you unpack, have a gifts place!

You'll save yourself a three-day chase


Nobody need apologise

Learn from mistakes, let's all be wise

Keep order, Calm down. Look around

Forget trouble. What's lost was found!

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems from this blog.

Also check books by Angela Lansbury poet on Amazon.co.uk  and Lulu.com

If you meet me and have one of my books with you I can sign it and write a rhyming couplet using your name, or the name of the person for whom you bought the book as a gift. 


Review from purchaser

I giggled a lot reading your book. 

Amparo, Harrovian Toastmasters International Speakers' Club, London.



Clocks, Locks And Socks comical poem 663 by Angela Lansbury Copyright


Watch to watch. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

 Clocks, Locks And Socks comical poem 66 by Angela Lansbury

I yawn - put clock faces away

I'll treat late afternoon like night

I shrug, put watch and phone away

Later I'll turn night into day


Forced to get up when nature calls

I see it's three, it's not yet light

That's how I guess that it's still night

Don't turn on lights, just hold the walls


I feel awake, go back to bed

Silk pillow's waiting for my head

I yawn and sigh, kick off my socks

I know it's night, I don't need clocks


I yawn and sigh and sigh and yawn

Can't sleep - yet suddenly it's dawn

I turn over, then check the clocks

I've overslept, that is a shock


I hear the bell, I hear loud knocks

I find my shoes, hunt, seek my socks

Unlock, Parcels. I sign, re-lock

Not yet mid-day! Good news from clocks!


It's getting late, I'm short of time

Sorry, I must re-use old rhyme

No-one's ignored me if they mock

I've won more time, beaten the clock.

-ends-

Please share with friends, family and colleagues the links to your favourite poems in the posts on this blog.

About Angela Lansbury

I have blogs on travel with angela, dress of the day, and this blog, Comic poems  Hazel Nutter, all on blogspot.

You can see and buy my books on Amazon and Lulu.com

My latest book published in 2025 is Embarrassing Moments by Angela Lansbury.






Saturday, September 13, 2025

Time To Diet - A Distraction comical poem 662 by Angela Lansbury


First thing - I ought to weigh myself

It's up to me it's my own health

My buttons burst, I've split my skirt

I must admit it's me I've hurt


I know when I'm on a diet

Don't tell your friends, best keep quiet

Eat half or whole? You're in control

When faced with breafast's brown seed roll


 Is time an enemy or friend?

It warns, bad start, good - break time ends

The one thing dieters can't stop

Is time's march like a ticking clock




I have a hunch it's time for lunch

To chew, to chomp, swallow and munch

At waiting I'm still a beginner

I struggle to wait for dinner


If I can't wait I'll take a date

Next time my loot's a piece of fruit

A glass of water helps me wait

Weigh myself in my birthday suit


Open the fridge, I look for tea

A host of food is calling me

Until I see the warning clock

Slam the fridge door, this search must stop


Postpone pleasure, postpone sorrow

Once more, diet starts tomorrow

Once a sinner, now a winner

Just say 'no seconds' at dinner


Old friends praise me, "You look thinner!"

I've a secret, I won't keep it

Avoid trouble, don't eat double

Snacks?  Half a chocolate biscuit.


Brain and tummy, like dad and mummy

Fight over who will win this time

Wine? Just one sip, Water first. Win!

Let's fight off hunger writing rhyme.



-ends-

Version one of thi poem read I gihgt off hunger writing rhyme. I thought that was a surprise. I changed it to let's fight off hunger writing rhyme. More inclusive of the reader. A message. Now I'm wondering if the first version was more original. I have left the second version but added this note, so leave it to the poem reader or poem performer to choose.

Let's fight off hunger writing rhyme is also an instruction to yself in the future. Distraction. Distraction activity. 

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

The Missing Mouse comical poem 661 by Angela Lansbury Copyright

 


Something is wrong with this house

A mouse which nobody can see

I knocked it on the floor somewhere

And it's eluding me


I'm sure that I would be just fine

If somebody could redesign

A mouse, which falls a foot or two

Will quickly bleep, alerting you


Maybe I'll add luminous tape

So that the mouse cannot escape

You wonder how I found it

What we did to confound it


After I had looked everywhere

My husband looked under my chair

And guess what,folks

Yes, it was there.


So with this mishap in your mind

I'd be glad if you'd redesign

A mouse which you see day and night

And shouts, 'I'm on the left,' (or right)


When your prototype's reached its best

And you want to give it a test

I will drop it right behind me

Dear friends, you know where to find me.


I'm on the floor

In my own house

I'm looking for

A missing mouse.

-ends-

Darling Little Squirrels - Stop! comical poem 660 by Angela Lansbury

 

  • Grey Squirrel on fence. Photo by Trevor Sharot. Copyright. 

Those darling little squirrels, cute

Were missing, never seen at dawn

They're back, cute, busy making waves

No - now they're digging up my lawn!


Now handsome is as handsome does

When my garden's their empty stage

Those heroes become villains when

Their actions put me in a rage.


All animals are friends or foe

Depending what they do to you

Depending where they and you go

The fashion, passion, what you know.


Some say that, 'They are troublesome

And when th,ey do their worst

Both they and their defenders

Are evil, and should be cursed'


While others say, 'Please let them be.

They were here first. They should be free!'

What's wrong? They're gone! Now you can see

Each five minutes life changes me.

-ends-

It's up to you, that's all from me.

 what will be will be.

Please share links to your favourite poems in posts on this blog.

I also have other blogs on blogspot.com on travel, and dress of the day.. My books of poems and on writing poetry are on amazon.co.uk and lulu.com


Why Should A Poem Be Serious? comical poem 659 by Angela Lansbury Copyright

Writer Angela Lansbury wearing black sheep apron. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.
 

Why should a poem be serious!

Should I be funny or not?

Comedians are popular

And they get paid a lot!


Newspapers are full of tragedy

My friend Sandra won't read news at all

I'm in need of distracting comedy

While listening for the emergency call.


When asked to dinner, what to do?

"What should I bring? Must bring something ...'

They smiled, "The entertainment was you!"

-ends-

Angela Lansbury copyright Oct 10th 2025

The Rain Is Waning comical poem 658 by Angela Lansbury

window on the rain. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

 The rain's not waning

But I'm not complaining


I've heard all the keep healthy talks

That I ought to get out in the sun

Stock up on vitamin D in walks

But my vitamin D pills have been done


My positive thinking will harden

As soon as logic takes over

'though a thwarted suntan lover

I need not water the garden


The garden looks like I've bungled

The plants are growing apace

Not a garden, more like a jungle

The poor weeds are fighting for space


The rain cannot last for ever

Tomorrow we'll see sun again

When the sun stays out, threatening drought

We'll be longing for rain again.

-ends-

copyright Angela LansburyWed August 9th 2025

Writer's Lament comical poem number 657 by Angela Lansbury from Harrow Writers' Circle Archives


Cuckoo clock for cuckoo writers. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

The Writer's Lament

The deadline loomed, the brain was dumb

And inspiration would not come

But I won't admit that I am so dumb

When clocks says it's too late - work's suddenly done!

Angela Lasnbury

-ends-

I wrote that for the Harrow Writers' Circle Christmas party on December 20th 2001.

Saturday, September 6, 2025

The Happy Sea's Shipwrecks comical poem 656 by Angela Lansbury

 I'm happy as the silver sea

Friends bring new happiness to me

I'm dancing like the tumbling waves

Like a lifeguard swims, free and brave


In winter travellers stay on shore

Lazy, till summer calls once more


A dog, cat, child, blind man can see

Who's brought purpose in life to me

Grandchildren end lonely misery

'though life's not always safe, pain-free


When I look in your lovely eyes

I see red earth, and bright blue skies

Sunmer sun, spring rain, winter snow

 The seeds we'll plant, water will grow


I'll teach you all the myths I know,

Tall palms grow fast,

The past won't last

Be patient, fruit at first grows slow 


We have a glowing group of friends

Ripples of goodwill never ends

We cut, and prune, and mow each hour

Dreaming of herbs, spices, flowers


Like a teenage couple glancing

A fairytale romance with dancing

Hold hands by bands, ballons, fir

Liqueur, bonheur and orchestra


Floating, glinting on sequinned sea

Wherever your float boat may be

Waves of joy bring you back to me

Vows like gems keep you happy


Like tourists surfing on the waves

Exploring vast inviting sea

Which pulls most hosts to safe sandy shores

Your shady haven, home with me.


But shores have rocks, you should expect

Don't shut your eyes, hope we don't see

Steer firm past pirates on shipwrecks

Who wish they'd sailed with you and me.

-ends-



Saturday, August 30, 2025

A Spider's Web comical poem 655 by Angela Lansbury

What is the best spider catcher

A glass with stiff card below

I've a spider catcher with a sliding panel

And a hoover works well, but few know 


We can never catch all the spiders

That is the big surprise

I'm sure that ten more are born

Each time one of them dies


A spider's web, one spider?

There must be a tribe

On the bathroom ceiling

The car mirror, and many more besides


When you see those trailing strands

Littering your house

You can guiltlessly dispose of them

In the bin with the abondoned wasps' nest 

And the short-lived dead mouse


The web which is worth keeping

Is the one which looks like crochet

Better than your woven blanket

It catches the spider's dish of the day


You have to take sides

The spider or the fly

It's a bit like watching tennis

One will win, the other die


I dont mind at all

So long as the spider's very small

It's got such a pretty house of doom

Better than racing round the room.


I could waste half the day

Spraying, and reading cans of spray

Smart spiders wait 'til I'm in bed

Then, unseen, weave their pretty webs instead.

-ends-




Mother Moth comical poem 654 by Angela Lansbury

 At bedtime, we saw a moth

As everybody knows

Moths are very fond of

Eating holes in your best clothes


My husband was very cross, full of wrath

When he was dive-bombed by a moth

He tried to end both their troubles

Thinking one less moth was no world-shattering loss


But, I thought, though never taught,

A moth must have a mother

Children, and parents

Maybe a sister and a brother


Luckily, for me, so it seems

I soon fell asleep

No abstract worry

Could keep me from my dreams.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems. 

If you like this blog, you might like my latest book, nw for 2025, entitled Embarrassing Moments. You can take a quick look and buy it on amazon.co.uk 




Tuesday, August 26, 2025

Dear Friendly Aspiring Poets - A Simple Task comical verse 653 by Angela Lansbury

 Dear Friends, Ill set you a simple task which has one aim

Write a couplet or verse which includes your good name.

My name is Angela and I'm happy to use it

My favourite saying is use it or lose it.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems.

I have some chapters and poems in this anthology on writing compiled by Carolyn Street.



Monday, August 25, 2025

The Cure for Typos is Tea. Comical poem 652 by Angela Lansbury


 

What could go wrong?

I got up late. I need to state

That's why I made everybody wait.

When you're tired, mistakes don't take long.


I now know I'm not the only one at fault

We all make typos. When did I go to bed?

Today someone else has made a worse mistake 

Sent us white wine, instead of the ordered red.


I sang out of tune, a well known song.

It was karaoke. I got all the words wrong.

After all of my hype - oh

The first page of my book has a typo!


'Can somebody help me?

And not charge a fee?'

'Yes, I can help you -

If you can help me


'Can you proofread?

Say what I lack

I'd appreciate

Your feedback''


Your poem's sweet, short, succinct

But it would be neater

If it had less predictable rhyme

And found missing metre.


'Why is everyone so rude?

I'm sure that I've done something good.

You should encourage, not discourage!'

I'll dot the ayes and cross the tees and make a cup of perfect tea.


'Now you've offended me

I helped and got no thanks

I gave you feedback

But we've nothing in the bank


'If you didn't want help

Completing this task

You should not get offended

Or, you shouldn't ask.'


My first job is to like myself

The only way to help my health

I'm not a whining wino

My type's worst fault is a typo.


It takes a while to reconcile

Make myself and others like me

But we all feel better now

I've served and drunk a cup of perfect tea.

-ends.

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