My Tooth's Life Expectancy. Comical poem 744 by Angela Lansbury

 

My dear friends, I must tell the truth

My problem is a broken tooth

A hole won't bite, it doesn't chew

It does no good for me, nor you

Lost molar teeth will not be missed

They do not stop you being kissed

They're not on anyone's wish list

But they bring business to dentists

The dentist smiles 'though I look glum

A root canal costs a large sum

You pay more if it's quickly done

You're sedated, so you can't run

 

Holes do not help you smile, you pout

Things could get worse, I have no doubt

Why does a loose tooth hang about?

I hope that it will not fall out!

I've searched around the internet

And haven't found the answer yet

Some of the options I have found

Best, composite filling; worst, a crown

Stop grinding teeth, what'll be will be

No alcohol, coffee, nor tea

Salt water gargle, soft as silk

And store the broken bit in milk

What more can I do, beside

Picking toothpaste with fluoride?

It's bad news my bones are crumbling

Life expectancy is tumbling

I asked a clairvoyant nearby

'How long before teeth and I die?

I'm eighty.' 'Twenty' was her reply.

'Good news,' I gasped. 'That's plenty!'

-ends-

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I asked a clairvoyant nearby

How many years

The Good News comical poem 615 by Angela Lansbury

When you're in bed and feeling bad

There's not much you can do

Except take pills and pay the bills

Be glad you don't also have the flu 

The very good news is, my friend

That life could be a whole lot worse

You could be in the ambulance

The Black Maria or the hearse

You could have broken one more tooth

Found black ants in the white flour bin

Or found holes in your leaking roof

Burglars! The children let them in

You left ten dogs in a hot car

Put salt in coffee, burned the toast

Somebody else has burned your bra

 Put mushrooms in the Sunday roast

You bought a lovely, brand new house

The worksmanship is shoddy

You moved into a lively city

But don't know anybody

You bought a detective triology

Already guessed the end

You've a thousand likes on Facebook

But I'm your only friend.

-ends- 

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Teeth, Teeth comic poem 400 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

My teeth are what you see above

But teeth all have an underneath

Like icebergs, hidden, out of sight

Supporting, or destroying teeth

I hate to have a gaping hole

It makes a hole inside my soul

A nightmare, like a piece of coal

Waiting for fire, to give me grief

The dentist like a fearsome devil

With drills and bills, wholly evil

But I hope I can find a saint

To seal my teeth with sealant paint

To end my woes, in a short while

Either bring tears, or a big smile

And send me home with dancing shoes

Rest like mangy fox in calm snooze

Mangy fox snoozing on lawn in back garden, Hatch End, London, UK, April 2024. Photo by Angela Lansbury Copyright

Hygienists booked April til October

Can't even give me a look over

Fearing appointments will be missed

I settle for the waiting list

A new hygienist I could choose

To end my anxious eating blues

Like a glass of wine, beer or booze -

I hope my dentist gives good news.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems and posts on my blogs.

my other blogs are

travelwithangelalansbury.blogspot.com

dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

You can link to me on LinkedIn or Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest

Or talk to me at a Toastmasters International Club such as

Harrovians in London which is hybrid, online once a month, or

Singapore Online Dynamic Fridays, and LILT multilingual language club online on Sundays.

My books are on Lulu.com and Amazon.com I have ten books by mainstream publishers, such as Wedding Speeches & Toasts. My collections of poems with instructions on how you can write in similar styles include Writing Poetry For Fun and Poetry Workbook.

More recently I have self published Improve Your English with alliteration, assonance and rhyme. I have contributed poems and pieces on writing to Writing & Us, edited by Carolyn Street, which is on Amazon books.