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Thursday, September 10, 2026

The Perfect Policeman. Comical poem 856 by Angela Lansbury


Toy policeman with toy car. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

Detectives do dull paperwork

Dates, times, alibis, which we shirk

They look for two 'facts' which don't match

Alert, for criminals to catch


But in the daytime you don't meet

Enough policemen in the street

When there's too many, you complain

But too few - bring them back again!


Who can you call when others sleep?

Who stays calm when you wail and weep

But when there's fighting all about

Expect to get police who shout!

-ends-

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Autumn and Christmas by Angela comical poem 855 by Angela Lansbury

 

Xmas Santa bag. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Autumn brings the north winter chills

The sniffles, flu and winter ills

Turn heating on, prepare for bills

Granddads, please write or revise wills


Days shorter, darker, longer nights

New seasons brings children delights

Halloween, pumpkins, biscuit frights

Street decorations, trees, Christmas lights.

-ends-

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Funny Hats and Cats. Comical poem 854 by Angela Lansbury


Angela Lansbury. Selfie.

 I don't care if you're thin or fat

I love it if you wear a hat

A funny hat or funny cap

Amusing slogans, cartoon cats


Colourful clothes which make me laugh

Two matching tee-shirts, each one half

Even repeating an old joke

But better if it is bespoke


Making me laugh at me or you

Or silly things which people do

Souvenirs from train stations

All nations, start conversations.

-ends-

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First day of Holidays - Rewritten Several |Times. Comical Poems 853 By Angela Lansbury




Today's rewrite is 

On the first day of my holiday I drew a little tree

Two little faces

Three palm tree places

four little cats

five little hats (or bats)

six little dogs

seven little frogs

eight mouths singing

nine arms swimming

Ten little hens


Next version

six dog tails wagging

seven old beds sagging

eight swimmers swimming

nine runners winning

ten climbers climbing

eleven diners dining

twelve drummers drumming


Previously I wrote this 

I was thinking that songs for children should be up-to-date and educational. I want to update a numbers song. I thought of the first day of Christmas.

It was published in 1780 so it is out of copyright. There's a website called songfinder. But I decided it was safer to use Wikipedia. I found the words

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

My updated version 1 Holiday with Parakeets starts:

On the first day of Christmas please draw for me

A parakeet in a pear tree

On the second day of holiday please draw for me

two cats and two red roses

three dogs with big eyes and tails and noses

four flower posies

five little fishes

six bowls and dishes

Seven swans all swimming

Eight cows and milking

nine children dancing

Ten gymnasts leaping

Eleven pipers piping

Twelve drummers drumming.


Version 2 On the First Day of Holidays In A Park

During the first day of holidays I went to the park

On a bright afternoon, before it it got dark

We swam in one heated pool

Had two cold shower to stay cool


version 2 On the first day of holidays In a Park

We rode on one wooden donkey

And climbed up two nets like a monkey

Walked on three old brick walls

Making sure we didn't fall


Version 3

We swung on one swing

And climbed up two sets of ropes

We ran through three tunnels

Asked for ice cream, full of hopes


Version 4 Holiday Break By the Lake

We rode on one little train

Which went round twice and round again

We saw three people walking dogs

By ponds with four fish and more frogs


Version 5 Holiday at Soft Play

We went to soft play at a zoo

Saw an animal or two

I saw one long-eared rabbit

Which had a chewing carrot habit

I saw two happy goats

Smiling at me by the moat


I saw three little sheep

Their white wool was very deep.

It grew dark and we were tired 

From running with toys we'd acquired.

That was the most delightful day

Which started our long holiday

Ending it was such a sorrow

But we'll have more fun tomorrow.

***


And once someone fell on muddy ground

For five minutes cried, wailed, dreadful sound

Their Mum found mermaid sticking plaster

Soon I heard giggles, lots of laughter


Then we were yawning, and ready for a sleep

At the end of the day, my eyes could hardly keep (yawn)...


So we fed animals good food

Grandma said, we must go away

I wave goodbye to pigs and say 


I promise to all of you

Grinning goats, my dears, 

Dry your flowing tears, 

Calm your alarming fears


We promise we'll come back again

To feed the ducks, and geese and hens

To feed and play

Another lovely day.


-ends-

Dears hints at deer.

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Tuesday, September 8, 2026

On The First Day Of Christmas Please draw for me. Comical poem 852 by Angela Lansbury

 

Photo of Xmas tote bag. By Angela Lansbury. 

I was thinking that songs for children should be up-to-date and educational. I want to update a numbers song. I thought of the first day of Christmas.

It was published in 1780 so it is out of copyright. There's a website called songfinder. But I decided it was safer to use Wikipedia. I found the words

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

My updated version starts:

On the first day of Christmas please draw for me

A parakeet in a pear tree (or A parrot in an apple tree)

On the second day of holiday please draw for me

two black cats and two red roses

three dogs with big eyes, long tails, black noses

four pretty flower posies

five funny little fishes

six filled bowls and fruit dishes

Seven swans, and cygnets swimming

Eight cows, cups of milk and drinking

nine little children dancing

Ten gymnasts bravely leaping

Eleven pretty pipers piping

Twelve little drummers drumming

Thirteen in a choir, humming

Hum-m-m!


During the holidays I went to the park

Just for the afternoon, it soon got dark

We swam in one heated pool

Had a shower to stay cool


We rode on a wooden donkey

And climbed like a real life monkey


We swung on one swing

And climbed up two sets of ropes

We ran through three tunnels

Asked for ice cream, full of hopes


We rode on a little train

Which went round and round again

We saw people walking dogs

And a pond with fish and frogs


We went to soft play at a zoo

Saw an animal or two

I saw one rabbit

Which had a chewing habit


I saw two little sheep

Their white wool was very deep.

It grew dark and we were tired 

From running around with soft toys we'd acquired


And once somebody fell on the muddy ground

For five minutes they cried and wailed a dreadful sound

But their mother gave them a mermaid sticking plaster

And soon they giggled and I heard lots of laughter


And I was yawning and ready for a sleep

At the end of the day and my eyes could hardly keep ...


So we fed the animals some food

But then grandma said we had to go away

So I waved goodbye to pigs and promised

Grinning goats, dears, we'll come back another day.


-ends-

Dears hints at deer.

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Monday, September 7, 2026

The Bathroom Speaks. Comical Poem 851 by Angela Lansbury.

 

Bathroom basin.

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


At night when I take a walk

I dream the bathroom fittings talk

The carpet feels my large warm feet

And comments every time we meet


Imagine fittings don't forget

But love visits and take a bet

'Our room's important, we shall see ...'

'Sh, here she comes to fondle me!' 


'Hooray, householder's coming back.'

'I bet she'll pee,' 'I bet she'll crap'

'The body parts we must not mention

But, ooh, we do love attention!'


'Toilet's important, crushes mush

And has a satisfying flush ...'

'Turn me, I'm ready, here, hot tap'

'Hooray, my turn, she's coming back.


'I'm pretty towel, lovely, soft'

'I'm toothbrush, please lift me aloft.'

'I'm toothpaste, over here, please.

I love it when I get a squeeze!'


'She done, hooray, we all feel rich'

'Lastly, it's me, I'm the light switch

Whether you're clean, or have been sick

I give a satisfying click'


'I hope you like our happy rhyme

Goodbye, householder, till next time!'

-ends- 

Every time I write a poem, I am so pleased with it. I think, all the other hundreds of poems might be forgotten, but this one will be repeated, remembered and repeated, and give pleasure for centuries.

Which poem is your favourite?

I'd love to have a comment from you. Who was it who said, 'writers ask for criticism, but all they want is praise'? 

I asked Gemini. It was W. Somerset Maugham in his 1938 book Of Human Bondage. He wrote: 'when people ask you for criticism, they want praise'.

-ends-

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Saturday, September 5, 2026

The Toy Mouse In The House. Poem Number 850 by Angela Lansbury


Sleeping Unicorn Shoes. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.


 Once upon a time, not so very long ago

In a house with big windows lived a happy. little girl

She wore a pink, princess dress, and shoes which looked like unicorns

And had hair with plaits, a fringe, and two long curls


She liked to write the alphabet

And numbers to a hundred, in a large white book

And draw flowers, and houses, colour people with black hair

Eat strawberries, do gymnastics, and microwave cook


She lived in a tall house with steep stairs and red chairs

At school she had lots of friends with yellow, brown, black and red hair

She climbed on frames in the park until it got dark

Walked home past shops with windows around a curvy bend


On a holiday, grandparents took her out for the day

To a sandy beach by a lake, with a pirate ship

She rode on a tiny train which went out, and back again

Then she had a big white ice cream and ate every bit


At bedtime her parents would read her a book

With pictures in rainbow colours, red, orange, yellow, green and blue

Some of the pictures told funny, silly stories

But the best books told you things which you knew were true


Her favourite book was about a mouse

Which had lived in Egypt, thousands of years ago

It was terrified of a tall, black statue of a cat

Which stood by a pyramid, near where the Nile River flows


She imagined the descendants of that small, scared mouse

Lived in the field by the forest, far behind her house

Near to the river, but far from the sea

Where they ran about freely, under a tall tree


At night she dreamed she held, for them, a birthday party

She prepared, cleaned the house, swept, then would bake

Wrap ribbons, tie bows on bead bracelet gifts for dolls and toys

And share with the small mice a nice, large, cheesecake birthday cake


She slept soundly all through the night

When all her fears of monsters drifted on clouds far away

So she woke to see the rain stopped, just lovely sunlight

So she could play outside on a great weekend day


Each day ends with dreams of curved moons and straight sunlight rays

Or playing outside by swings on a great weekend day

Her fearful monsters shrank, and floated off, on clouds far away

She slept soundly all night to end a satisfying day.

-ends- 

Inspired by my extended family. The sandy beach, pirate ship and train were at Ruislip Lido in North West London, England, UK.

A child's bedtime story ideally has soothing sounds and lots of monotonous repetition to lull you to sleep, and ends with an image of somebody sleeping.

Please follow my posts and share with your family and friends, children and adults, the links to my blogs, on travel, dress, and comical poem, links to your favourite posts and entertaining poems. 

My books are on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk and Lulu.com

You can peep into some of the books online. If you buy a book and see me at a meeting of Toastmasters in Harrow such as Harrovians or HOD, I will sign a copy of the book and write a rhyming couplet for you, or the recipient, in the dedication.

If you want me to write a poem on any jolly subject, please write to me in the comments in this blog. I would love to hear from you.  I have readers from all over the world, the USA, Singapore, Brazil, France, Bangladesh, Vietnam, Hong Kong, India, the UK, and many more countries - amazing, isn't it!