Funny Hats and Cats. Comical poem 854 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury. Selfie.

 I don't care if you're thin or fat

I love it if you wear a hat

A funny hat or funny cap

Amusing slogans, cartoon cats

Colourful clothes which make me laugh

Two matching tee-shirts, each one half

Even repeating an old joke

But better if it is bespoke

Making me laugh at me or you

Or silly things which people do

Souvenirs from train stations

All nations, start conversations.

-ends-

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Suitcase Insecurity comic poem number 465 by Angela Lansbury

 Suitcases. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Whever you go

Wherever you are

Secure your suitcase

But also the car

A suitcase in a car

I must say

Is not safe when

Your car's towed away

You can sew a zip

Inside your pocket

But that's no use

If they take the whole jacket

So buyer beware

The thief doesn't care

He's not like Snnta

With goodies to share

If the thief is arrested

He's bailed and then

He's back at the station

Stealing again

So buyer beware

Traveller beware

Don't say no-one warned you

My dears, please take care

It isn't enough

Just to stay alive

Make sure that your chattels

Also surive

When you have travelled

To so many places

With fond memories

Of kind, smiling faces

Never confidently leave

Your bags all alone

Be glad to arrive

With your bags safe at home

Now you know what you should

And you shouldn't do

I don't know all of you

But I care about you

I hope you will heed

The words that I say

And have a safe

Barricaded, happy holiday.

-ends-

Pack, Pack, Bring My Case Back! comic poem 436 by Angela Lansbury

 

Suitcases. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Pack, pack. Pack, pack. Take out. Put back

Consult the list. Nothing must lack

The trouble's weight, like a coal sack

I'm worried it will break my back

I'll end up home helped by a crutch

The reason is I've packed too much.

I set off with all that I love

I lost a shoe but gained a glove

I seem to do this every time

Once claimed a case which wasn't mine

Next time I'll make sure that we share

Can't say, I've not a thing to wear

Once we travelled to the stations

Both on business, different nations

Both together to the airport

Gave matched luggage no second thought

Our only thought, 'Are we on time?'

We both made it, so all's fine.

Matching black suitcases - his switched with mine!

My bag will have pink blooms next time.

Because, you see, I can't wear a pair 

Of Calvin Klein's men's underwear

And you can guess, he won't get far

Doing business in high heels and a lacy bra

Luckily he ran straight back

To give me what he knew I'd lack

It wasn't for a farewell kiss

But my suitcase I'd sorely miss.

-ends-

True story. My husband and I had matching suitcases, black, and both had departure times the same day. He picked up my suitcase. The way he tells the story, I picked up his.

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A Gold-plated Necklace Of Words Comic poem 156 by Angela Lansbury - also known as Hazel Nutter

When you need a simple rhyme

There's no need to waste your time

Type synonyms and a Thesaurus

Roget's done the hard work for us

D'you need new words? Just look online

No need to spend a single dime

Synonyms crowd the thesaurus

Repetition needn't bore us

If syllables outrun your line

Count on your fingers, you'll be fine

Don't let all life's stresses gnaw us

When you're tired, write a chorus

When big news is all grime and crime 

Small positive words seem sublime

Good words open new doors for us

That's why readers all adore us

In the daytime, or after dark

Poets and speakers leave their mark

Life has found a new job for us

All our keen readers implore us

You do not need to waste your time

Wracking your brains to think up rhymes

Roget wrote in his thesaurus 

He's done all the hard work for us.

Each proud nation's patriots climb

Place ads at stations, flash flags and signs

Even those who never knew us

Send songs, hymns, and prayers, to us

Recycle, improve what went before

Words links chains, change people, add more

Thought and research prove chains are true

I'll pass these gold-plate words to you.

-ends

Photo of discarded, damaged, gold-plated tap, upcycled, glued, preserved, to make a glittery paperweight. 

Chains in a necklace was what I was thinking, not chains holding you down.

Yesterday's Rain Again Pain - Wiped By The Blessing Of Amnesia

Angela with silver-lined umbrella. Photo by Trevor Sharot, edited and cropped by Angela.

The blue sky said no umbrella
I strolled off in strong sunshine
All day long it's bright, no change
Except the gradual drip of time

The day's blue sky a fading dream
When I reached the edge of town
The path looked like a river
The rain was pouring, pounding down

Then when I left the station
I faced a dreadful shock
The clouds had emptied bucketloads
To drench each road and rock and block

The morning's sunshine haunts me
A dream I can't forget.
My sandals slosh through water
I hop from dry through swirling wet

The water's wet and dirty black
The only way's uphill and on
There's no point turning back
Just think, next year, this will be gone

What blessings come from water?
This monsoon could go on for days
It must make the flowers and trees grow
I hope the mist dispels the haze

My clothes cling wet, my hair hangs wet
I look like a half-drowned rat
I'm half way home, but not there yet
Rain cares not if you're thin or fat

I should have left home earlier

I should have packed spare socks

I should have done a hundred things

Not biked uphill past riverside rocks

My umbrella is far too small

The cloud is far too big

I should have worn a sombrero

Wellingtons and a wig

A journey of ten minutes
An obstacle race, takes half an hour
Strangers make friends, we share this war
They advise me, 'Have a hot shower!'

                

 ***

Next day by the pool, in sun again
Where the elderly can't remember
That yesterday it poured with rain
Their mind's in life's dead December.

The advantage of amnesia
Is that you forget bad days
If you suffer from dementia
You forget rain, complaints and praise

'It rained,' I say, 'it poured last night
That thunderstorm - you must have heard?
The sun, then rain?' I'll save such scenes
Preserve wet weather with wise words

I can move the memory away

My words paint over yesterday

And warm the world with what I say:

'Today's a lovely sunny day!'

Angela Lansbury

Revised Monday March 7th 2022. Copyright