Dream Exhibition In Fancy Dress comical poem by Angela Lansbury

 I had a dream about a scene

With booths from round the world

Where colourful clothes, masks, novelties

For free were flagged, unfurled

But most exciting of them all

Were sellers in fancy dress

And masks, like Trump, Madonna

Some wore more and some much less

The USA had dating booths

A bearded man of six foor four

Dressed up as a carrot

Said, 'You're the one I adore!'

I had so many offers

From weird, fun masked men for a date

I wondered would it really last

Which one might be my mate?

It was such a giggle

As I hopped from shop to shop

Til I hid in the toilet

And thought, this has to stop

Paired, dated in a restaurant

And that was really grand

But back in bed my date had

A lady in his left hand

I wasn't really bothered

I did not make him choose

He promised I was his great love

So I had nothing to lose

I was sorry when I woke

And found these scenes were a dream

My many men in funny, fancy clothes

Had not been what they seemed.

-ends-

I changed so long as I was chosen to He promised I was his great love.

I think this dream was inspired, after an evening of wine tasting, the wines free because all included in the price already paid. Then by looking at Indigo Moon patchwork clothes on ebay last thing at night. Also thinking about the ticket to the World Travel Market. Finally thinking about a Toastmasters Speech Contest where I was not a contestant therefore a performer or judge or audience member wooed by performing contestants voicing different characters wearing masks or hats or outfits.

Home Alone Without A Scone comical poem 679 by Angela Lansbury

 It's horrible to be home alone

When it's time for tea

And you don't have a scone

When you're in in a jam , wthout any jam

I gave a scream, I've finished the cream!

When you're alone, what to do about that?

I grabbed a pink jacket, black purse and white hat

I hurried down to the seven eleven

(In truth it was Tesco, which won't rhyme with heaven)

The man at the till gave a glum hello

And glum goodbye when I had to go

It's what you buy, not who you know

He's working, I should be happy at home

***

Then today it was tea for two

We had no scones, what to do?

What could we make? Not a pancake

We had pancakes yesterday, too

We found a crumpet

Too early to dump it

We know what to do to save

Heat it up in the microwave

By mistake we grabbed marmalade

Does anyone know why that doesn't go?

Maybe too sour when a crumpet is sweet

Hot crumpets with butter are great to eat

Add black currant jam

I lick my lips

It's on foodies' top ten list

With chicken and chips

The thought of food will banish sorrow

Think of what you'll eat tomrrow

If you can't, then think of today

If starving today, think of yesterday

When I die and come back

To say what I've seen

I'll talk about feasts of scones, jam and cream

Just like a cat with a smile at a dream..

-ends-

Homophones comical poem 678 by Angela Lansbury

 I phoned home with my homophones

Words which homo sapiens says the same

But spells differently, spellers hell

But great for teachers or you're into word games

Let us start with simple letter a

They English grey, USA gray

We pray we won't be anything's prey

But just be gay with friends who are gay

Hamlet said to be or not to be

He was not thinking of a bee

When we went out to have a wee wee

Some say pee, which sounds like pea

You need to see letter c at sea

C turns to s when you add e

I must confess I'm in distress

The English practise practice, a mess in the mess

The letter d appears in dye

You dye cloth black when soneone dies

We all say aye when we agree

And it looks good in our eyes

F and ph both sound the same

Steve, Stefan or Stephen is his name

After the feast of Stephen

Out with Eve on xmas Eve, even-ing

My friend Jorge like gorgeous George 

They gorge food on the gorge

The hair or the heir is in the air

Ere we're here on the weir.

-ends-

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There's the flee that flew

When I had the flu

The burnt hankies flew up the flue

There are two of them too

Yesterday was apple day comical poem 677 by Angela Lansbury on blogspot.com/

 

Yesterday was apple day

Apples today and yesterday

All October they're in the way

Falling on lawnmowers on the lawn.

Some on the tree, others fall down

And lie with bruised parts on the ground

The birds all like to peck around

We're last. We pick. Now its our turn

We chop the apples carefully

Make honeycomb, cut bad bits out

Eat gingerly bite small, full of doubt

The first bite goes to teeny worms

The apple staste a little sour

We used to use them after stewing

But they're sweet and brown after an hour

Which saves the cooking or chewing

We hate to throw apples away

Take bags to collect them every day

In autumn it's all work no play

When every day is apple day.

Why does an apple need a day?

Is the only thing my man will say.

The shops all like to make a day

For seasonal goods so customers pay.

So yesterday was apple day

We missed it, but we've apples today

This week, all days are apple day

For home-grown apples, hurray!

-ends-

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Easy Spanish words comical poem 676 by Angela Lansbury

Spanish - English 

preferir - to prefer

English - Spanish

to prefer - preferir

Spanich is easy

Easy is facil

It's easy to order

If you want a meal

A gato is a cat

A villa is a house

If the cat is the house

There will not be a mouse.

Hola is hello

A sombrero is a hat

Adios is goodbye

How easy is that!

-ends-

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The World Hides On My Plate comical poem 675 by Angela Lansbury

It's time for lunch, what can we munch?

Pull out the tubs, wash hands, don plastic gloves

We chop up the greens, big leaves aren't what they seem

Heated bread with small holes, dead, revived sausage rolls

 The world's on my plate - it was worth the wait

Red, white, orange, green, life couldn't be better

Soft white cheese from where? No time to stare. Guess -

Greek, Turkey, Lebanese, Israel, Feta

Where did we begin? White palm hearts from a tin

What shall I grab? Dad chooses the pink crab

Spicy tomato soup, gloop, gloop, gloop, gloop

Glass of fine rose wine, well past its time

I left room for mushroom, not big brown mushooms

Sliced up, and stir-fried, the small, button mushrooms

Last, strong coffee, no chokkies, nor toffee

Turkish delight? We might have that tonight.

For dinner, choose something solid to eat

Not just chopped up mush, a big piece of meat

'Don't cook too much!' That's no cause for sorrow

Leftovers hide in loved lunch tomorrow.

-ends-

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Night Time Movies comical poem 674 by Angela Lansbury

When I'm up before dawn

I yawn and yawn

I want to write

But I've meetings at night

 I have the best movie seat in my bed

My favourite dead all live in my head

They talk and laugh and give me pleasure

My memory is a store house of treasure

Their words repeat like the chorus of song

Everything's right and nothing is wrong

Like busy people, they must move on

Daylight strikes  - like Euridice they've gone 

Like Amazon, dreams will deliver

Fulfilling your order of what you lack

And if you don't like what you are sent

It costs nothing to pack it all back

I know they're just dreams

I create in my head

A private viewing

The blessing of bed.

-ends-

Euridice, Greek myth, wife following, but if husband looks back, she will vanish.

I like to end poems on a positive note.

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Clocks Go Back comical poem 673 by Angela Lansbury

 Clocks go back

Now some new clocks are smart

Rado controlled

Automatic like your heart

October 26

On the last Sunday

So I'm late for my book group

Not late for work on Monday

Spring forward is what they say

In autumn fall back

So every hour is earlier

Daylight at tea time is a lack

I'd like to put an end to this

If I were king or queen

And I'd leave my clocks on their old time

The way the previous month has been

I know I'm not the only one

They say that it has to be done

For the farmers to feed cows

So they get their night and day fun

Bird clock. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

But I think it's absurd

So I.m spreading the word

Please leave clocks alone

It's confusing the birds

They are all tweeting

Their morning greeting

But there's no traffic hum

Birds think, "What have we done?"

Please hear my pleas

It's not just me. It's not right

Accidents saved in mornings 

Increase in the night

We'd get more hours of light each night

And if I should sleep late

I'd still enjoy a longer day

And not make people wait.

-ends-

The glass half full comical poem by comic Angela Lansbury comical pom 672

 

Did I start my day with a glass half full?

I can't remember, I gulped water down

I took a deep breath, I re-filled it up

I went on to a full coffee cup

I'll re-start my day with 'a glass full up'

Take my pill, drink water down, smile around

A great metaphor, think of happy days

Spread happiness like butter, round and round

My fine wine glass is gleaming clean, empty

So it should be at only ten a.m.

I need a dry day, or two, maybe six

Driving, before I dare to drink again

I day-dream of dancing at a wedding

An end to searching for the perfect one

Before I married I wasted free time 

I felt my life was like a job half done

A month in a wheelchair turned my thoughts round

Now talking and walking are a great joy

I'm so happy to be me and healthy

Silly living my life with thoughts upside down

Its great to see good food on a full plate

I've a roof not leaking above my head

M parents gone but I've husband and son

I've a chair, a pen, a book, and a bed

I've a smart old laptop and a smart old phone

I've had a lot of jobs, many lessons learned

I've friends and enamies who've come and gone

Today I'm alone but don't feel alone

I chat to strangers like friends on the bus

Dozens talk nonsense on the internet 

I've funny friends who I remember well

Odd and awkward ones we should all forget

Each day a million tiny things go wrong

The bus, taxi or plane will turn up late

I shrug at creaking floors, and squeaking doors

The tardy friend who always makes us wait

I've plenty of non-urgent things to do

I've ten jumbled poems in my small head

But I'll find time to listen hard to you

Before I escape to my soft silk bed.

-ends-

Three Close Friends Wine Tasting comical poem 671 by Angela Lansbury

'Hello, my name is Natalie, 

Here's Janet, that is Beverly

I have a husband, he's not here

He's not a wine man, he likes beer'

Cheese plate. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Beverley buys a plate of cheese

She hands it round, 'Do take some, please,'

She sends the plate round the table

Making friends, she is capable

Three good friends, smiling and happy

Three good friends, friendly, chatty

Every night they're out and about

They'll live to a hundred, I've no doubt.

-ends-

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In The Night comical poem 670 by comic and poet Angela Lansbury

When I get up in the night

I often feel that nothing's right

First my hair's tangled, and frizzy

Second, worse, I'm feeling dizzy

My husband won't allow a light

Complains and claims it wakes him up

I tripped, tipped my glass of water

Now drink, blind, from a stable cup

Tipped glass, andcup, cup and upright glass and cup. Photos by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip

I've chewed dry lipstick off my lip

Secrets shared by my physios

Rest right leg, left foot, on pillows

***

When young I wanted a romance

A kind and handsome millionaire

Now that I'm old I do not care

And all I need is someone there

I had my chance, a millionaire

Short, ugly, bald, chest of white hair

He was deaf, half blind, wore a wig

His landscapred garden grew hard figs

Who cares if my hair was frizzy

Minutes after feeling dizzy

I'm glad to be back in my bed

It's best to have an empty head

***

Dawn, my hair's combed straight, not frizzy

Morning, I'm active, not dizzy

Next day, I've had a good night's sleep

Forget bad dreams I need not keep

Next day, nothing is what it seemed

Last night seems like a short, bad dream

The cup and glass are in their place

And you smile at my smiling face.

-ends-

My first version read

First of all my hair is frizzy, 

a minor mishap, which seems major to some, by day, but not night

secondly tangled is nearer the truth for me, and includes more people, although first of all is more conersational.

Pains in my shoulder and my hip

I changed this to pull my shoulder

Than I wondered if I could make an alliteration for hip

Yes hit.

Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip

My first version read 

Forget dreams I don't wish to keep

The second revised version was

Forget bad dreams I need not keep

Forget dreams I don't wish to keep

?

The revised version is alliterative.

I changed I sometimes feel that nothing's right

to

I often feel that nothings's right

Less vague.

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Then read my other blogs on Travel and learning Spanish, and dress of the day about clothes for different activitie and altering last season's clothes to fit this season's weight and size.

The Tea In Your Coffee Cup comical poem 669 by comic Angela Lansbury

  The tea in your coffee cup

Is important, drink it up

Add some milk if it's too hot

Drink it quickly if it's not

The coffee in your tea cup

Is important, drink it up

The cups are neatly labelled

But temporarily disabled

I try to hide what is inside

It's not like coffee-tea on a plane

You drink that twice if you're insane

I never complain, but don't drink it again

-ends-

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All The World Is Mad But Me comical song 668 by Angela Lansbury

 

Let's agree half the world is mad

We know the other half is bad

I'm looking for a new, sane, friend

It's hopeless. Sometimes I feel sad

A few decades before my time

Smart but mad women won the vote

Yet now some think black cats rule life 

What's superstition's antidote?

The streets are full of people who

Wear masks and scarves and funny hats

Religious, football, uniforms

You need ten hats to join all that

Party politics divides them

Plus the graffiti on the wall

If my only friends were those who're sane

I'd have no friends at all

I understand teenagers

Who want to raise their voice

But I have to be quiet

I do not have a choice

I have friends of all religions

And skins of every hue

And every kind of politics

And superstitions too

Some think that God spoke to them

Some believe in the big bang

Some think home school, and no rules

Others that insulters should hang

Some won't eat pig, some won't eat beef 

Some won't eat lamb, some won't eat meat, 

No fish, raw fish, no milk, no eggs 

Be gluten free, no sugar, what's left to eat?

As for me, today's thoughts

Keep quiet is what life's taught

Hunters, don't show what you've caught

Or all your friendships come to naught

An theist, agnostic, or a humanist

A left wing, right wing, woke or communist

If I told my friends they are wrong

I'd never be kissed and never missed

So if you want to know what I believe

I believe there is no need

For me to stir the water

Upset your transgender daughter

And if I have a special diet

I shall try to keep quiet

Yet some things have gone the other way

I can say I'm dying and sick today

I can't fly the flag of my nation

But can mention menstruation

I don't know where this debate will end

But hope to keep all my batty friends

If I'd known my husband was a rocker

But next weekend was a mod

I'd have had tears, not fifty years

With one who won't believe in God

Because people who at first seem sane

Are secretly mad, but I don't complain

For though it drives me up the wall

If I stuck to the sane, I'd have no friends at all.

-ends-

How to convert a poem to neat eight syllables in every line?

I saved a syllable by replacing only wih just.

FigTrees, Figs, Firs, Apples And Fig Leaves comical poem 667 by Angela Lansbury

 

Fig tree in zlondon, left. Apple tree right. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright. 

Our fig trees, firs, apples are big

Each day our fig tree grows bigger

Sadly the figs are hard to eat

But the leaves have lots of vigour

Stay calm, plants grow, do not panic

Online guides say we need to prune 

But to be truly organic

Only when we see the full moon

Meanwhile we have mountains of leaves

Which cause daily acute distress

 I'm a tidy person and grieve

At this woke unrecycled mess

But don't let dreams make gardeners grieve

Perfectionism sends distress

Be poisitve. We've big fig leaves

If we ever need a new dress.

-ends-

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