When I get up in the night
I often feel that nothing's right
First my hair's tangled, and frizzy
Second, worse, I'm feeling dizzy
My husband won't allow a light
Complains and claims it wakes him up
I tripped, tipped my glass of water
Now drink, blind, from a stable cup
Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip
I've chewed dry lipstick off my lip
Secrets shared by my physios
Rest right leg, left foot, on pillows
***
When young I wanted a romance
A kind and handsome millionaire
Now that I'm old I do not care
And all I need is someone there
I had my chance, a millionaire
Short, ugly, bald, chest of white hair
He was deaf, half blind, wore a wig
His landscapred garden grew hard figs
Who cares if my hair was frizzy
Minutes after feeling dizzy
I'm glad to be back in my bed
It's best to have an empty head
***
Dawn, my hair's combed straight, not frizzy
Morning, I'm active, not dizzy
Next day, I've had a good night's sleep
Forget bad dreams I need not keep
Next day, nothing is what it seemed
Last night seems like a short, bad dream
The cup and glass are in their place
And you smile at my smiling face.
-ends-
My first version read
First of all my hair is frizzy,
a minor mishap, which seems major to some, by day, but not night
secondly tangled is nearer the truth for me, and includes more people, although first of all is more conersational.
Pains in my shoulder and my hip
I changed this to pull my shoulder
Than I wondered if I could make an alliteration for hip
Yes hit.
Pains pull my shoulder, hit my hip
My first version read
Forget dreams I don't wish to keep
The second revised version was
Forget bad dreams I need not keep
Forget dreams I don't wish to keep
?
The revised version is alliterative.
I changed I sometimes feel that nothing's right
to
I often feel that nothings's right
Less vague.
Please share links to your favourite poems.
Then read my other blogs on Travel and learning Spanish, and dress of the day about clothes for different activitie and altering last season's clothes to fit this season's weight and size.
