Holidays, Hotels, Homes, Husbands - The Opposite Of What You'd Expect comic poem 650 by Angela Lansbury

Pretty Riversides - Insects Beside

 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things don't turn out the way you think they should

Those cute hotels perched by fly riversides

Attract unwary diners, backless brides

Attractive Perfume On Holiday

My flower perfume attracts mosquitos

In New Zealand as ev'ry Kiwi knows

You need to wear long sleeves and covered toes

Ugly, triple layer, repellent clothes

Homes By Sweet Streams

And if your house stands beside a sweet stream

Life's not the pretty dream which it might seem

It's dangerous to toddlers, backing cars

And drunks who walk out watching up there stars

Lovely Lakes - Fun For Dog Detectives

Rivers and lakes look lovely in the day

Until at night a car misses the way

Long after parents die, children dry tears

Dogs find six drowned wrecks, after sixty years

Growing Fig Trees - Like Jack & The Beanstalk

And my small fig tree which refused to grow

For years had only one small fig to show

Wrong kind of figs, small, hard, only for stew

Now giant fig tree shoves our home askew

Fruit - Tasteless Blueberries & Tasty Strawberries

The blueberries we think will be a treat

Have no taste, though they are easy to eat

Bright red strawberries are hard as we fear

Yet really tasty, one week of the year

Fruit - strawberries, raspberries and blueberries,. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Hopeless Or Helpful Husbands

I married late, I thought worst of the bunch

Grumpy husband, gave hugs, made lovely lunch

 The good is often bad and the bad's good

Things often don't end how you thought they would.

-ends-

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Another Cockroach On The Floor and a Spider's Web Over The Bed

Another Cockroach on the Floor and a Spider Over The Bed
a lament by Angela Lansbury

I am barefoot in the bathroom
There's a cockroach on the floor
Which is worse, running or still -
Between me and the door?

If there's one thing I don't like
It's a spider on the bed
I'm sure its bad for flies
But now it hurts my head

Right now things would be better
If one of us were dead.

When I see a spider's web

Lurking empty overhead

I wonder where the spider's gone

It's bound to show, before too long

If I stay still and look around

Inspecting walls, ceiling and ground

Brooches shaped like beetles I don't like a bit
What use is a cockroach, a mosquito-ridden lake
Though I'm prepared to eat a pig-shape chocolate
And I've had round salmon-pink 'steak' from a cut-up snake

But another thing I don't like at all
Is ants on a table or desk
Although a gecko which eats them is useful
Up the wall, like me, devouring pests

We have filled the floor with insect traps
We're choking on insect spray
It's another day in the tropics
But neither they, nor I, will go away.

I read somewhere that cockroaches

Have survived a million years

Frankly a single insect, now

Is enough to tug at my fears

I can throw it through the window

Pretend I did it a favour

I didn't kill it - it might come back

Thinking I am its saviour.

-ends-