My Latest Prayer comical poem 875 by Angela Lansbury

 All day I'm asking God for things

All night a constant list of prayers

But just like when I go shopping

I forget the most important things

And leave that vital list on the chair

Yesterday I asked for something big

Please send me a millionaire

I knew it was important

To clearly specify

He has to be keen on me

No one night stand, just passing by

I do not want a burglar

I do not want a gangster

I do not want a gambler

Nor a smoker, vegan, or prankster

He must be in good health

And take care of his wealth

And have all his teeth and hair

He must be willing to share

And he must not swear

He must like good food and wine

I still want all the other things

On my long shopping list

Lots of love and hugs

And be cuddled and kissed

Keep me safe from fire and flood

From car crashes and plane smashes

He must like good food and wine

And having a good time

Avoid sinking ships, diseases of the blood

I know that I must pay my way

Give something in return

Not drop litter, do the washing up

Remember foreign words I've learned

Make sure the dinner doesn't burn

Do exercise and brush my teeth

And wash my face and hair

Dear God are you listening

Dear God - are you there?

I'm not childish, nor unreasonable

Wicked or irreligious

I've noticed believers say it every day

They mention God all the time

In every sentence that they say

Whether they are healthy,

When they are ill

Jews, Arabs, dancers in Brazil

Yes, sexy Brazilian couples, too

They say, God willing, just listen

You know it's true, it's a usual thing to do

So I hope you'll understand

If I share my little prayer

May I live to be a hundred - and send me a millionaire.

PS Make that a millionaire

In pounds, Euros, or US dollars

Not in rupees, or currencies

Whose promises are hollow

I'm not in any hurry

Any time tomorrow

PPS

Please don't hurt my husband

He'll do fine for now

Any time in the next ten years

I'm sure you'll work it out, somehow

PPPS

I know you are a kindly God

Won't stress us, for you care

So just send me a billionaire

Who wants to have an affair.

-ends-

Granny's Dolls' House, version 3 with detailed illustrations comical poem number 562 by Angela Lansbury

Granny had a little dolly

And the dolly's name was Molly

Molly had a taller sister

And her sister's name was Elsa

Doll sisters lived in a big house

Which had a dog, a cat, and mouse

It had a garden, pots with flowers

The clock sundial counts hours

 

Dolls' house entrance with policeman and cars.

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

By the front door shines a blue car

If dollies want to travel far

A train parks in the train station

Police guard their police station 

Dolls' house dog. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

In a tall box store outdoor shoes

The best ones you don't want to lose

On the dog house is a big dog

A hedgehog but no green frog

In the hallway see a round rug

Where Molly meets all with a hug

At parties many times a year

For both their birthdays and New Year

Japanese dolly. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Korean fridge magnet doll. Packaging saved from Fortnum & Mason chocolate selection. 

Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

But the party which they like best

Is the one in national dress

See their Japanese housekeeper

Plus visitors from Korea 

Bed from wooden pen case. Japanese doll head. Cork body. Small soft toy lion. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

In the hallway by the window

Is a long inviting settee

When you have nowhere else to go

Shut your eyes, dream of sea - or tea

MAGA advertising on mini chef for a restaurant in Poland. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

In the kitchen, a chef and cook

Have hat, apron, bowl, dishes' book

In the kitchen the best honey

Which must cost a lot of money

DIY bed for dolls house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Upstairs, on floor three there's a bed

A pillow where dolls lay their head

Halloween walking toy. Guatemalan (anti) worry dolls. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

A toy box, plus small and big toys

Silent toys which won't make a noise

Small pictures fixed on ev'ry wall

(Gran used blue gum to fix them all)

A wardrobe with a long mirror

Smart dolls, and friends, dress for dinner

Up on the roof's a helipad

Where you can land a little plane

A tower and a sloping roof 

Which makes a run'way for the rain

The monster on the roof. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

The roof has statues of a dog

A Noah's ark, tortoise and frog

A cow, a horse, even a bear

A small monster with lots of hair

Santa saved from a Christmas cake, on the roof of my dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Santa and reindeer saved from a Christmas cake, on the roof of my dolls' house. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

On the roof's a big cat with claws

Which sits beside the Santa Claus

Who lives, hides, on the roof all year

Deer waits to bring their Christmas cheer

Yes, dolly does have a brother

And a father, and a mother

Dolly-sitter Grans gladly stay

While dollies' Dad's on holiday.

Each day dolly girls go to school

The school has lots of written rules

About the times when you can play

A calendar of holidays.

Until at bedtime, yawn and sigh

Tired Dolly has to say goodbye

Gran and our dolls are here to stay

Ready to play another day

So Ava shuts the door, the house

Puts in the cat, puts out the mouse

She says, 'dear dollies, please sleep tight

I wish you, all, a peaceful night'.

-ends-

A new version, cut or expanded to fit 8 syllables per line, added jokes, with illustrations added later today.

Note to poem writers and readers: -

To cut out a syllable, change mother to mum, father to Dad, granny to gran, every to each, dollies to dolly, many other plurals to singular, little to small, a lot of to lots of, past tense and present continuous to simple present tense. To add a syllable, do the reverse, change small to tiny or little. Sometimes by making change you can add an alliteration. 

I needed an extra syllable in the line about the monster. Should I add the words bit or small. The monster was small. A small monster adds the inconguity which is amusing.

I needed to lose a syllable to the last line, ending a very good night. I changed it to peaceful night. That was slightly more original than good night.

Toys and DIY

It would be easy to print a tiny list of rules for a school wall, or dolls' house kitchen. Six point type. Or a postage stamp size piece of white paper with your best calligraphy. Or a piece cut from one of those irritating instruction books in tiny print in multiple languages. Or a postage stamp with the head of the president or king or hero or your country or the country you visit on holiday.

Please share links to your favourite posts.

Ava's Dollhouse version 2 comical poem 561 by Angela Lansbury, revised with revisions explained

 Ava had a little dolly

And the dolly's name was Molly

Molly had a taller sister

And her sister's name was Elsa

Doll sisters lived in a big house

Which had a dog, a cat, and mouse

It had a garden, pots with flowers

By a clock sundial - counts hours

 

By the front door shines a blue car

If dollies want to travel far

A train parks in the train station

Police guard their police station 

In the hallway see a round rug

Where Molly meets all with a hug

In the hallway by the window

Is a long inviting settee

When you have nowhere else to go

Shut your eyes, dream of sea - or tea

In the kitchen the best honey

Which must cost a lot of money

In the kitchen, a chef or cook

Has hat, apron, bowl, dishes' book

Upstairs, on floor three, is a bed

A pillow where dolls lay their head

A toy box, plus small and big toys

Silent toys which won't make a noise

And pictures fixed on ev'ry wall

(We used blue gum to fix them all)

A wardrobe with a long mirror

Where smart dollies dress for dinner

Up on the roof's a helipad

Where you can land a little plane

A tower and a sloping roof 

Which makes a run'way for the rain

The roof has statues of a dog

A Noah's ark, tortoise and frog

A cow, a horse, even a bear

A small monster with lots of hair

On the roof the cat with claws

Sits beside the Santa Claus

Who lives, hides, on the roof all year

Waiting to bring his Christmas cheer

Yes, dolly does have a brother

And a father, and a mother

Dolly-sitter Ava will stay

While dollies' Dad's on holiday.

Each day dolly girls go to school

The school has lots of written rules

About the times when you can play

A calendar of holidays.

At bedtime with a sigh

Dolly has to say goodbye

But Dolly is here to stay

Ready to play another day

So Ava shuts the door, the house

Puts in the cat, puts out the mouse

She says, 'dear dollies, please sleep tight

I wish you, all, a peaceful night'.

-ends-

A new version, cut or expanded to fit 8 syllables per line, added jokes, with illustrations added later today.

Note to poem writers and readers: -

To cut out a syllable, change mother to mum, father to Dad, granny to gran, every to each, dollies to dolly, many other plurals to singular, little to small, a lot of to lots of, past tense and present continuous to simple present tense. To add a syllable, do the reverse, change small to tiny or little. Sometimes by making change you can add an alliteration. 

I needed an extra syllable in the line about the monster. Should I add the words bit or small. The monster was small. A small monster adds the inconguity which is amusing.

I needed to lose a syllable to the last line, ending a very good night. I changed it to peaceful night. That was slightly more original than good night.

Toys and DIY

It would be easy to print a tiny list of rules for a school wall, or dolls. house kitchen. Six point type. Or a psotage stamp size piece of white paper with your best calligraphy. Or a piece cut from one of those irritating instruction books in tiny print in multiple languages. Or a postage stamp with the head of the president or king or hero or your country or the country you visit on holiday.

Two Lime Green Cars comic poem 519 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury with her lime green car. Photo by Trevor Sharot. 

 My lime green car looks smart,  brand new

Drivers wave if they have one, too

Though really a very old car

Reliable, it takss me far

My speed's a conservative pace

An old car but with low mileage

I loved the zipped  parcel shelf space

Its small boot takes too much luggage

Alas one day on the M4

A car behind like tanks in war

Rear-ended me, (no rain to blame)

Hit barrier, stopped in fast lane

A lorry driver ran to help

I gasped, 'I'm ok,  block this lane!'

He turned his truck diagonally

Seen for miles, so no added pain

My car had spun right around

And scattered green metal on the ground

And there I stopped

My fault? It was not

My husband still says

It was your fault, driving too slow

He wants to share, but wasn't there

So he could not know

The AA drove me to the station

I was glad to hear what they thought

A car behind must leave room to stop

So the car behind - it's their fault

We looked for a new old car

we looked high and low

On the intenet

And, what do you know?

My husband says lime's a darker hue

I should call mine pistacchio

Just imagine a luminous green

Mine was the cleanest car you've ever seen

We found a newer old car in lime - or pistacchio

A BBC voice tells we where to go

I do not use the zip up space for maps

I use Satnav or google apps

It's another car, but looks just the same

Every day I feel like I've won life's game.

The colour still thrills me, I don't have to drive

Just looking at my green car makes me feel alive.

When you lose something, what to do?

Soemtimes a chance to try what's new

Sometimes, you'll find you don't complain

If you replace it with the same.

-ends-

Lorry is British English and truck is American English but truck is recognized.

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Suitcase Insecurity comic poem number 465 by Angela Lansbury

 Suitcases. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

Whever you go

Wherever you are

Secure your suitcase

But also the car

A suitcase in a car

I must say

Is not safe when

Your car's towed away

You can sew a zip

Inside your pocket

But that's no use

If they take the whole jacket

So buyer beware

The thief doesn't care

He's not like Snnta

With goodies to share

If the thief is arrested

He's bailed and then

He's back at the station

Stealing again

So buyer beware

Traveller beware

Don't say no-one warned you

My dears, please take care

It isn't enough

Just to stay alive

Make sure that your chattels

Also surive

When you have travelled

To so many places

With fond memories

Of kind, smiling faces

Never confidently leave

Your bags all alone

Be glad to arrive

With your bags safe at home

Now you know what you should

And you shouldn't do

I don't know all of you

But I care about you

I hope you will heed

The words that I say

And have a safe

Barricaded, happy holiday.

-ends-

Am I alone? Comic poem 401

 Some people want a partner

Some people need a friend

A baby, or a cat, or dog

Fill days with waves from start to end

Am I alone when I'm at home?

No, I can play the radio

Listen to angry wartime talk

I'd rather go out for a walk

I could waste several precious hours

Talking to dumb trees and flowers

Watching other people's dogs

Leap about like frenzied frogs

On second thoughts I'll stay at home

Because mealtimes I'm not alone

I can hear fifty-year-old songs

While husband lists what I've done wrong

I could have a vaccination

Save myself and half the nation

Check a statement from the bank

See how interest rates rank

I've had a stretch and had a yawn

Checked how many more are born

Rehearsed what I'm going to say

Recalled delights of yesterday

I sat in buzzy restaurant crowd

Where other people laughed so loud

Sheltered from the cold and rain

Until wine tasters meet again

Heard one strident woman's voice

Tell joys and woes, I had no choice

Moved for a group's reservation

Friends flooded in from the station

Too much food and too much wine

But I had such a good time

Afterwards, had a long, good sleep

Refreshed, check who I must meet

Home and alone, out and aboout

Silent, clock ticks, people shout

Cars are humming, friends are coming

Ears like fridge hum, boiler drumming

Tap drips, stops like wary mouse

Zinging all around the house

Books to tidy, lots to do

I've washed dishes, how about you?

Fill the glass, mow the grass

Watch the children trotting past

Take a walk or sit and talk

Listen - you just have to ask!

Feed the birds with apple trees

Pretty flowers feed the bees

Read how fussy orchids are

Put some petrol in the car

I make the bed, dust the bedhead

Clear an abandoned spider's web

In my clean, cockroach-free home

Sometimes it's good to be alone!

Drink some water, think of laughter

Daughter-in-law, or daughter

Make sure every table's clear

Ready, welcome, phone friends, "Come here!"

-ends-

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Forest Path comic poem 341 by Angela Lansbury

Path in Botanic Gardens, Singapore. Trevor and Angela pause to pose. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

 I walk from darkness into light

Happy to be alive, alone

From the city, in the forest

Peaceful, quiet like baby's home

I need no bath nor water glass

All I need is the pure fresh rain

I don't need to find a toilet

I hide behind the trees again

I don't need a bike nor a car

Don't need sign posts nor story books

My little feet will take me far

Each tree tells stories if you look

And yet at last lunch time has past

Lonely trails are known for murder

So I'll trot back, catch coach, bus, train

Seek hot coffee, big hamburger..

-ends-

Copyright Angela Lansbury 2023 

The essence of humour is to go in one direction and then, at the last minute, go in the other direction.

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Two Girls' Reflections comic poem 339 by Angela Lansbury

Two girls were walking arm in arm

Each right leg matched the other

Both the same race, both the same pace 

Like twins, triplets, sisters,

 brothers

Like two matched cogs, like two matched wheels

I'm sure that they sing together

Matched tee-shirts and matched umbrellas

Matched for rain or summer weather

Like two hear music. and both dance

Two see the same sight, and both glance

Two walk along a country path

Sit at a table, share a bath

Like a horse matched with a rider

Like two bike wheels or four car wheels

Each girl has a friend beside her

Who knows exactly what she feels

I am apart, I am outside

And yet I feel part of their scene

They are performing as I watch

Like a bride, singer, or a queen

Now they have gone like fallen leaves

Like memories of two roses

Part of the jigsaw of my life

Which my tiny brain encloses.

A happy moment which will last

 I see arms locked, recall their laughs

Like a dog's four legs like two halves

As two girls arm-in-arm paced past. 

-ends-

Rhyming Queen - Comic Poem 187b Too Fast by Angela Lansbury

 

👸

What do I aspire to be?

A rhyming queen. So follow me. 

I started this when trying to write a bilingual poem, which is more complicated, so I have put that in the next post.

A renowned bilingual queen

e

own

ort  

ort

-ends

comments

Begin with the end in mind. For the first time I have made a physical framework for a poem. I started it in my head, with the rhymes. Then I wrote down the two magic essential words in alternating lines. Why stop there? 

The simplest rhyme is a couplet. A sonnet has three four line verses, ending with a couplet. 

I first thought of the scheme of a villanelle, which has sets of three lines, ending with a couple. ending iwth alternating rhymes, ending with a couplet, I can write a whole poem scheme with the word, or at least the rhyme choices, at the end of each line.

I could add a chart with columns and lines and the rhyming scheme, a and b, or starter rhymes, written in. You could take a traditional out of copyright song and remove all the words which don't rhyme, then either write a totally new poem with the original rhymes, or write in different rhymes, or all the words which rhyme. 

Let's take Twinkle twinkle little star as an example.

.. .. .. star

.. .. .. are

, ,, , ,, high

.. .. .. sky.

Firstly, you could reverse the rhymes

are

star

sky

high

Or you could choose another set or words with the same rhymes

... car

... far

...why

... high

Or list all the possible rhymes ending with the same letters

bar, car, far, tar,  

bar, car, far, tar,  

buy, bye, die, fly, guy, high, lie, my, nigh, pie, rye, sight, tie (verb), tie (noun), vie, why

buy, bye, die, fly, guy, high, lie, my, nigh, pie, rye, sight, tie (verb), tie (noun), vie, why

Here's a parody of Twinkle, twinkle little star, same rhyming scheme for a cautionary tale. I didn't intend to write a cautionary tale, but the first line led to the whole message.

Too Fast

by Angela Lansbury

If you drive too fast in a car

Alas, my dears, you won't go far

Best case a wheelchair, worst case die

In imaginary cars flying through the sky.

Set this task to a class of  30 pupils or to a set of thirty people at a writing circle. Or a game at a Christmas party with a tiny gift of a notebook from Daeso as a reward for the best effort, or buy a set of notebooks online at collective or wholesale prices and give each participant a reward for attending and effort.

You might get several pedestrian or failed rhymes which attract polite applause or groans. But if you get just one great result, that is good for the writer, entertaining for the other listeners, and can go in the magazine about your ornaization's year's events.

Books by Angela Lansbury, author, include:

Poetry Workshop workbook, first published 2008

Writing Poetry For Fun, first published 2008, republished in 2011

Animal Poems 2012

see lulu.com and amazon.com

We saw a Dinosaur, published in 2013

 ...

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