Let's Send Back The Elgin Marbles. Comical Poem 840 by Angela Lansbury.

 Let's send back the Elgin Marbles

Then I'm sure we'll all be friends

Close down museums, just use AI

To create a happy end

We've got far too many statues

Columns town halls, and busts

Basements full of unseen objects collecting dust

We'll send them all back, if we must

Put them on a plane or train

Or a ship going that way

As for post, packing and insurance

I'm sure the Greeks will gladly pay

If they're keen to take the marbles

I'm sure they'd like entrepreneurial Greeks

We can close down all Greek restaurants

We could do it in six weeks

Send back retsina, rice in vine leaves

It can all go back to Greece

We can employ our unemployed

As museum and shop police

After we've sorted Athens

Let's have a look at Rome

We've far too many pre-loved columns

Let's recycle all of them back home

We don't need Roman villas

We don't need Hadrian's wall

As for health and safety

It does not comply at all

I'll be sorry to chuck out pizza

And the kids will miss ice cream

And spaghetti, and prosecco 

Cappuccino, gelato, the whole ice cream scene 

I sat outside Tesco Express, on a wooden bench

And thought, after Greece, and Italy

What about food from the French?

Rewriting restaurant menus, that will be a wrench

Instead of croissants, we'll have crescents

Not chocolatines but chocolate buns

Made from hazelnuts and chestnuts

That could create a lot of fun

Instead of baklava

Puff pastry, cakes of British honey

No Champagne, sell English sparkling wine

I'm sure we'll make a lot of money

You heard the words I spoke

I was serious, not just funny

I've given it a lot of thought

I've stayed up half the night

For get the past, rewrite the future

I'm sure we can make things right

If we send back the Elgin marbles

I'm sure some will all stay friends

But have we really thought this through?

Where will this send back venture end?

-ends-

For get with a gap was a typo but I liked it and left it.

My first draft read I'm sure we'll all stay friends, but I wasn't sure all would, so I changed it to the ironic, some will all stay friends. 

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