Singapore - what do I like? Comic poem number 152 by Angela Lansbury

Singapore, Singapore

What do I like?

Every day shopping

And one day I'll hike

I can take Uber

Or MRT trains

Or watch 3 films on

Singapore Airlines planes

What should you pack?

I'm always forgetting

Thick cut marmalade

And mosquito netting.

The orchids, magenta

Palm trees, lipstick and green

When food courts are dirty

Limping old folks sweep clean

Singapore is a place

Where I know I'll survive

Law-abiding, and silent

Then I'll stay alive.

If they say wear masks

Then we all wear masks

We do what we're told

They just have to ask

They have Disney style barriers

Outside public halls

Polite army cadets

At the entrance to malls

I can register a scooter

Or hire a bike

Trains and roads run in circles

What's not to like?

If I end up paying double

I might feel a bit cross

But a quiet guard helps

Whenever I'm lost

I can queue at the bridge

Go abroad - half day getaway\

But I'm glad to be home

See sunrise, then storms, then sunsets, most days.

I can eat all cuisines

If I want, I can swim

Join religions which permit armies

Join the army, pray, sing hymns.

Almost all speak Chinese

But at school learn English

They'll understand you

But can you translate Singlish?

It's simple, 

An exclamation ends 'la!'

It's simple

A question ends 'ma?'

It's simple, it's easy

The word mother is ma

For mummy, or two mothers

You screech (high tone) ma-ma.

They are all keen to help

They chatter and smile

They even have smiles

On cross cockroaches, cross dragons and cross crocodiles.

I've a doctor or dentist

If I'm willing to pay

First thing tomorrow

If it's too late today.

I can turn on the air con 

In a gym, ride a bike

Ride a bus round in circles

What's not to like!

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury 31 July 2022.

Komodo dragons are in the Singapore Zoo, and alarming monitor lizards are freely wandering in the Botanical gardens. The friendly monkeys would love to destroy your house. You only have to open a patio window when you see one. There is no mosquito netting, no fly screens.

I am a Singapore resident. I was not born there. I chose to live there. My husband went there for work, got used to wearing shorts all year, and paying less tax. So we stayed.

Pease share links to your favourite posts.

A Wild Garden comic poem number 151 by Angela Lansbury

 

Two foxes in back garden, apple tree and roses. UK. Photo by Angela Lansbury. 

We used to have a gardener

Who called once a week and moved the lawn

And trimmed rose trees to sensible heights

My machete's an umbrella, I feel prickled and forlorn

A garden is a lovely place

But we've no milk nor honey

Useless trees attract dogs, wasps, bees

Our annual gardener wants too much money

Our garden's full of wild life

Rats, cats, snakes, foxes,birds and bees

Welcome to squirrels - everyone

Except for you and me

But never mind 'cos love is blind

Our pot-holed lawn looks dappled

Only a poet could love a place

Where every worm has an apple.

That broken fence will cost a few pence

Rats feasted on my car engine

Although we spared no expense

The rat poison hasn't yet had a win

A mouse shows guests around our house

The ivy is strangling the gutter

The worms know they will be in for a treat

When we are soon six foot under.

How lucky we are

To have a garden and a house

We have it all, six dead neighbours,

Two sleepy neighbours' cats and an athletic mouse.

-ends-

I meant the cats are sleepy, contrasting with the athletic mouse evading the useless cats. The fox didn't catch the rats. But the phrase 

'sleepy neighbours' cats' was unintentionally ambiguous. The sleepy neighbours, suggests they have wandering cats and straying dogs. 

The large hole was made by the vixen, we think.

The mouse was not in this house, but my late uncle's. Dead in the breadbin. The mouse. Not my uncle. 

We have had six neighbours die in the last decade, at intervals. Two elderly couples. Plus one man. One woman. Not appriate to discuss more here in the footnote to a comic poem. I am hoping to live to 100 you will have a few more comic poems to read. 

My other lighthearted but slightly cynical, entertaining, blogs include travewithangelalansbury.blogspot.coml and dressofthedayangela.blogspot.com

Please share links to your favourite posts.

Games with Names - Carolyn. Comic poem number 150 by Angela Lansbury.

Games with Names - Carolyn

comic poem by Angela Lansbury

You'd like a poem on Carolyn

She's my good friend, where shall I begin?

She believes in original sin

Done by writers, and one's kith and kin

But, frankly, what you all want to know

Is: where this poem's going to go?

What will my friend do which strikes as new?

More important  - what's in it for you?

She edits, with helpers, self-help books

She's already finished two or three

All include her, and two include me!

She'll add you in an anthology

Say you're an expert on everything

Write personal, researched, dark or light

Promise you'll stay up beyond midnight

What you write wrongly - you'll put it right!

Yes, write to her now, it's a win-win

With sharing, caring, dear Carolyn

To end, I'll echoing where I begin

She swears, she's my good friend, Carolyn.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury 23 July 2022.

I began line four as 'once done by one's kith and kin', considered changing line four to 'gladly done by one's kith and kin'

The last line is ambiguous. 'She swears', meaning affirms, 'that she's a good friend', my meaning theirs, or mine, being me, Angela. I originally had, 'others swear' (profanities), but she never swears. However, the count of 9 syllables per line meant I had to change the meaning to fit the syllable count.

Go and look at the book Authenticity & Us on Amazon. 

Please share links to your favourite posts.

Confession Of The Accident-Prone Tormented Traveller. Comic poem number 149 by Angela Lansbury.

I wore pink and black to a funeral

When the others all wore black

I crawled on the floor under the pew

Reversed my jacket before the priest turned back

Disasters always happen to me

But they also happen to you

As I fly by, into spiders' nets

Beside you, you know it's true

Because I'm the anxious passenger

While you're the optimistic driver

Luckily I'm a survivor

But I wouldn't bet a fiver

Last week we got a parking ticket

And then the congestion charge

You shrugged, and said, just once in a while

The two fines, and my stress, were large

I've travelled a lot, near and far

Loved Corsica, 'til knocked down by a car 

On campsites I was unhappily muddied

I drove home, found my street was flooded

One boarding mishap can be blamed on me

I left my passport behind at security

Crew tried to stop racing back off the plane

I promise I'll never do that again.

Now you off travelling

Friends ask, "D'you mind being alone?"

Yes, I do, but travelling is so stressful

I'd rather fall off chairs and trip over at home.

-ends-

I changed, then add to the last line to I'd rather trip over at home, trip and trip over being useful puns.

Please share links to your favourite poems.

The Happy Traveller. Comic poem 148 by Angela Lansbury.

 I'm the world's most happy traveller

I've travelled far and near

To the kitchen and the bathroom

Around the world with you, my dear

I've travelled to Australia

Austria, America, Malaysia

To places grander, and seedier

All through Wikipedia

Travelling makes you happier

Travelling makes you greedier

Travelling makes you dishevelled and dappier

Travelling make you needier

You want to travel when you're stuck at home

You want to be home when you're far away

Today you wish it was tomorrow

Tomorrow you'll wish it was today

Travelling makes you wise and proud

Of what you leave, you see, and do

I'm glad to say I've travelled so much -

I can count one country more than you.

-ends-

July 12 2022

Shall I change that to

'I have travelled to one place more than you' ?

Please share links to your favourite poems

The Immortal Spider. Comic Poem number 147 by Angela Lansbury

The Immortal Spider - comic poem by Angela Lansbury

Subtitle: The immortal spider, on parole, gets the last laugh on spider police person

 Last night I woke up with a dreadful fright

I heard a little noise moving on the left - or right

I thought a ghost - or  burglar - had touched my shoe

Then suddenly my bladder told me what to do

I rushed to the bathroom, tripped on shoes in a rush

But felt much better when I heard the toilet flush

Then I saw a large black spider, hiding in the white bath

But you hear this from far away, so you can simply laugh

It's not that I'm a spider lover, we're not friends

But to throw it out the window seems a kinder end

I grabbed a mug to catch it, chased it round - and round again

I had no choice, sorry, I had to flush it down the drain.

I took a shower with one leg in the bath, one out

Ready to retreat if the plug's strength was in doubt

But, by the time the day's over, I no longer care

Wrong. There's danger - every day - and everywhere

Tonight that damned spider's back, 

Peeping round the washbasin tap

Is that the same spider? Or its close cousin or wife?

Did I give it a second chance when I saved its life?

Are the bath and basin connected by a pipe?

If so, washing it away is just a load of hype

I know I shouldn't say it, but to me all spiders look the same

We weren't that close, I didn't see its face or get its name 

This is not the time, to waste, on philosophy

The issue is quite simple, it's either it or me!

The spider's big, too big, trapped in a basin which is small

Catching it inside a toothmug wasn't hard at all

The bathroom window's opened,

 I quickly throw it out

No - It's climbing up the windowsill ...!

I'm ready to kill it - if only looks could kill

I quickly slam the window shut -

Hurray, hurray - it's out!

Do I need to wash the toothmug?

Why is there any doubt?

The job is done, and I have won

I've cleaned the bath and bathroom -

And I've just saved a life!

I'm the world's most perfect mother, wife and housewife!

Today I'm proud to say there's no spider in my bath

But you are far from my help, so I can laugh

I know you'll phone me, panicking, and ask me what to do

If my - living - spider takes a walkabout, and decides to visit - you!

-ends-

Copyright July 7th 2022.

Yes, both incidents true, in 24 hours. I cannot take credit for the plot, simply for the way of telling the story.

Spider emoji by Google.

Romeo and Juliet Updated. Comic Poem 146 by Angela Lansbury

 

What if Juliet was pregnant

And Romeo was rich

And they had a double wedding

And the other bride was a bitch

And they lived in a grand palace

And all went well, of course,

Until the suspected suicide

When one died during the divorce

But there has to be a sequel

And there has to be a prequel

And you have make things equal

So it starts and ends with twins.

-ends-

.