Last night I woke up with a dreadful fright
I heard a little noise moving on the left - or right
I thought a ghost - or burglar - had touched my shoe
Then suddenly my bladder told me what to do
I rushed to the bathroom, tripped on shoes in a rush
But felt much better when I heard the toilet flush
Then I saw a large black spider, hiding in the white bath
But you hear this from far away, so you can simply laugh
It's not that I'm a spider lover, we're not friends
But to throw it out the window seems a kinder end
I grabbed a mug to catch it, chased it round - and round again
I had no choice, sorry, I had to flush it down the drain.
I took a shower with one leg in the bath, one out
Ready to retreat if the plug's strength was in doubt
But, by the time the day's over, I no longer care
Wrong. There's danger - every day - and everywhere
Tonight that damned spider's back,
Peeping round the washbasin tap
Is that the same spider? Or its close cousin or wife?
Did I give it a second chance when I saved its life?
Are the bath and basin connected by a pipe?
If so, washing it away is just a load of hype
I know I shouldn't say it, but to me all spiders look the same
We weren't that close, I didn't see its face or get its name
This is not the time, to waste, on philosophy
The issue is quite simple, it's either it or me!
The spider's big, too big, trapped in a basin which is small
Catching it inside a toothmug wasn't hard at all
The bathroom window's opened,
I quickly throw it out
No - It's climbing up the windowsill ...!
I'm ready to kill it - if only looks could kill
I quickly slam the window shut -
Hurray, hurray - it's out!
Do I need to wash the toothmug?
Why is there any doubt?
The job is done, and I have won
I've cleaned the bath and bathroom -
And I've just saved a life!
I'm the world's most perfect mother, wife and housewife!
Today I'm proud to say there's no spider in my bath
But you are far from my help, so I can laugh
I know you'll phone me, panicking, and ask me what to do
If my - living - spider takes a walkabout, and decides to visit - you!
-ends-
Copyright July 7th 2022.
Yes, both incidents true, in 24 hours. I cannot take credit for the plot, simply for the way of telling the story.
Spider emoji by Google.
