Angela Lansbury with Union Jack umbrella. Photo by Angela Lansbury.
When the English ask, 'How are you?'
They really don't want to know
Everything that's wrong with you
From left to right, and head to toe
The Brits don't want to know
About short sight and wonky teeth
Miscarriages, car accidents
Skin problems, troubles underneath
Nor morning sickness, a blocked nose
Nor vomiting and diarrhea
Dandruff. Sore throat and hammer toes
Lost weight, lost socks, and broken nose
'How are you'? is just a greeting
So answer, 'very well,' 'great', or 'all right'
Then add, 'how are you?' But neither of you
Should list aches and pains all the night
I've heard that Russia's different
They tell the truth and want to know
So if you want to tell your troubles,
That's the place where you should go
Long ago I went to Russia
And I hope I've got this right
'cause when my date asked, 'How are you?;
I talked throughout the night
I told him troubles Brits don't know
Aches and pains, again and again
From left to right, right through the night
From left to right and head to toe
Old-style British are so polite
They'll listen while you talk all night
At dawn, yawn, 'To put things right
Next time, when you're in distress, don't tell me, please call the NHS.'
-ends-
NHS stands for National Health Service.
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With all your friends and colleagues, both oh them. I mean both friends and family, or friends and colleagues, hundreds of them, or the two of them, if you have only two.
