How Are You? Comical poem 774 by Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury with Union Jack umbrella. Photo by Angela Lansbury. 

 When the English ask, 'How are you?'

They really don't want to know

Everything that's wrong with you 

From left to right, and head to toe

The Brits don't want to know

About short sight and wonky teeth

Miscarriages, car accidents

Skin problems, troubles underneath

Nor morning sickness, a blocked nose

Nor vomiting and diarrhea

Dandruff. Sore throat and hammer toes

Lost weight, lost socks, and broken nose

'How are you'? is just a greeting

So answer, 'very well,' 'great', or 'all right'

Then add, 'how are you?' But neither of you

Should  list aches and pains all the night

I've heard that Russia's different

They tell the truth and want to know

So if you want to tell your troubles, 

That's the place where you should go

Long ago I went to Russia

And I hope I've got this right

'cause when my date asked, 'How are you?;

I talked throughout the night

I told him troubles Brits don't know

Aches and pains, again and again

From left to right, right through the night

From left to right and head to toe

Old-style British are so polite

They'll listen while you talk all night

At dawn, yawn, 'To put things right

Next time, when you're in distress, don't tell me, please call the NHS.'

-ends-

NHS stands for National Health Service.

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