I Got Up comical poem number by Angela Lansbury

 I got up, great -

So I've survived!

I'm glad to know

That I'm still alive

I could say that

I got up late

But that puts us

In a bad state

I'll smile and lie

Got up early

Happy to join

Life's hurly burly

First of all

I washed my face

To make the world

A better place

My first success

Is getting dressed

Before I clear

Yesterday's mess

Took my pill and

Drank some water

Wrote this poem

Time-killing laughter

More hours on earth

I've matched up socks

To prove my worth

Matched keys with locks

I always seek

New things to do

They may not sound

So big to you

But if you're bored

Come over here

There's lots to do

And clear, my dear.

-ends-

Lost and Found comical poem number 575 by Angela Lansbury

So many lost things crowd my mind

Umbrellas which I've left behind

And every time I see my love

I end up with one more left glove

Look around, up and down

Maybe it's fallen on the ground

The spectacles are by the bed

The other pair are on your head

If it's lost don't dwell upon it

Maybe you are sitting on it

I'm glad we didn't change the locks

Enough trouble just changing clocks

And the odd sock, one more today

I've thrown the one with holes away

The chocolate bar I cannot find

Wrapper in bin, well, never mind

I've lost a lot but found some more

My toes find needles on the floor

After I've spent a sleepless night

Lost things are found in morning's light

The found scarf, label says pure silk

Finished the milk - I bought two milks

What pleasure finding keys for locks

My greatest joy, matching odd socks!

-ends-

Wine Without Whines comical poem 574 by Angela Lansbury

 I think it's time I wrote of wine

My Obituary comical poem 573 by Angela Lansbury

 

It's time to plan my funeral

I've reached the age of eighty-nine

Because if I wait ten years more

I won't have energy nor time

It's something that's been haunting me

I think about it day and night

I think I'll be a help to you

If I say who you should invite

That's easy. I'll just make a list

Of every friend and foe I've known

Then, as they die, I'll cross them out

Until, at last, I'm left alone

I'll list countries I've travelled to

What I've missed, done wrong - and done right!

And quirky things I like to do

Like writing poems in bed at night

I'll write my own obituary

So many good things to say of me

I used to write, I used to teach

I wrote my own funeral speech.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems. Poetry books by Angela Lansbury are on Amazon and Lulu.com

Dreams Of Colourful Scenes, Blue And Green comical poem number 572 by Angela Lansbury

 

Last night I had a vivid dream

I dreamed of a patch of bright blue

I hope you're excited like me

Though you'd prefer I'd dreamed of you

Then I saw trees, a moving scene

A road through trees, moving, great green

I wanted a destination

But saw, repeating, that tree scene

Why would my dreams be colours?

Why would I dream of green and blue?

Good, I didn't dream of others

Of dream lovers, instead of you

I search for a simple answer

What goes in minds, and what stays in?

I think my brain sorts out at night

What to throw out, stay in or bin!

I scan lots of WhatsApp pictures

Other people's walks and flowers

I admire the lovely colours

Images stay fixed for hours

 ***

Like ads and cards from yesterday

Record, in case, then throw it in

I must glance, memorize each one

Then tough, rough, throw all in the bin

I do not need to dream of you

For you are sleeping near

I do not need to dream of you

Because I have you, really here

 After night I forget most dreams

For they are not rationality

You are not just a dream, my dear

You are daytime reality

Next day, breakfast, a glass of water

No dream, waking, see a real face

Telling mad dreams, hearing laughter

No need to record a real place

Real's not just sight, made, thrown, at night

Fleeting fun thoughts to share with you

Of lovely coloured dreams, now gone

My joy at dreaming green, and blue.

-ends-

Author's note.

I originally entitled my poems comic poems. But, strictly speaking, a comic is a person, a noun, whilst comical is an adjective. So I have changed my titles on my blog posts.

See Angela Lansbury's books and ebooks on poetry on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk and Lulu.com 

https://comicpoemsbynutter.blogspot.com/2025/05/a-dream-of-blue-and-green-comical-poem.html

Please share links to your favourite poems. Poetry books by Angela Lansbury are on Amazon and Lulu.com

Throw It Away comical poem 571 by Angela Lansbury

 

I've been throwing it all away

All yesterday and all today 

Old clothes with mysterious stains

And cryptic notes I can't explain

Old newspapers torn to shreds

Faded sheets which don't fit current beds

Ornaments with missing heads

Out of date seeds for bare flower beds

Thermal underwear when I tried to ski

A torch with a leaking battery

A glued up cup, an odd, chipped plate

Tinned food ten years past the eat by date

Good items which I ought to sell

Hide in a shed, attic or well

Will you come home a happy you?

Or frown and sigh, 'Lots more to do!

'You've filled this house with junk for years!'

I refuse to be moved to tears

For if I stop, five minutes, too long

I'll never fix up what's gone wrong

So many things have been forsaken

Two tickets for journeys both have taken

Menus of restaurants closed long ago

Business cards of dead people we used to know

Boxes with hinges beyond repair

Out of date fashions even I won't wear

Cushions which don't match any chair

A fraying soft toy which I won at a fair

Our neat friend claimed she keeps everything

Not just old-fashioned diamond rings

Every ad, packet, envelope, box

Keys with locks and keys without locks

One day soon they'll be vintage things

What a fortune an old Steiff teddy can bring

You should be grateful and not grouse

You should have bought us a mansion-size house

So much dust stirred up, I'm feeling ill

Then you look for a missing - important bill!

You insisted, told me, 'It all goes, or I'll go!'

I warned you. I don't say, 'I told you so!'

-ends-

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Lessons Learned comical poem 570 by Angela Lansbury

 

When paper is burned 

That's a lesson learned

When you can't hear sound

Someone nearly drowned

What's learned from mother

Teach to another

When each wheel is turned

That's a lesson learned

None live forever

But their words live on

You'll remember this

Long after I've gone

Write a short poem

Or sing a long song

You know that I'm right

Love, laugh and stay strong.

-ends-

Why Is A Rose A Rose? comical poem 569 by Angela Lansbury

An orange rose by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

 

Why is a new rose born to be

A white rose, not an apple tree?

I don't suppose a small rose knows

It'll be a rose, not be me

I wonder why I'm not a rose

I've asked around, nobody knows

I'm sure rose likes to be a rose

I'm not free, but glad to be me

A white rose has no choice, it's white

It doesn't fight, it does what's right

The pinks are pink, the reds are red

Then when they're dead they're brown instead

When a child, I did not suspect

That one day people could change sex

And also, those who could change, would

And thought that it would do them good

Maybe one day, nobody knows

Both you and I could be a rose

And a rose could be you, or me

What next?Who knows? What'll be will be.

Maybe a rose will have a choice

And we'll give each new rose a voice

To be red, blue, black or yellow

Change to match it's near bed fellow

Maybe a rose will choose to be

A car, an elephant or star

That's too complicated for me

I think I like things as they are.

It's great to give sight to the blind

Let them be surprised by photos

But when I paint, or plant a rose

I don't want it to change its mind

To turn into a cauliflower

Or change its mind every hour

That would give the creator tears

So evolution takes us years.

Why is a new rose born to be

A white rose, not an apple tree?

I know but no little rose knows

I'm smart, you see, I'm glad I'm me

I'm glad that you have stuck with me

You learn a lot from poetry.

-ends-

Time For Rhymes comical poem 568 by Angela Lansbury

Books on writing comedy, songwriting and rhyming dictionary. Photo by Angela Lansbury.  Copyright. 

 No need to spend time saving rhymes

They're in my rhyming dictionary

I look online and find some more

Tick those already used by me.

I won't waste time re-using line

Not steal yours, nor over-use mine

We all know avoid moon and June

Instead use soon, or boon, or noon

I soon spin through the alphabet

To find old rhymes which I forget

Like bet, debt, jet, let, met and wet

My most memorable verse yet.

Yes, times for rhymes from other climes

Let my mind climb and not be blind

But use each word which I can find

Stored inside my tidy mind.

-ends-

Please share links to your favourite poems.

First Rose comical poem 567 by Angela Lansbury

 

Pink rose in May 2025. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

Guess what joy in my garden grows

In May, yet a first summer rose

When others buds will wait til June

One rose thinks that May's not too soon

This big rose, framed in green, bright pink

It's seen the sun, and had a drink

It's bold, attracts me like a wink

It makes me stop and look and think

Nearby I see small, lower weeds

Struggling up boldly, from wild seeds

Proclaim the gard'ner's lack of deeds

Dandelion soup, when in dire needs

My eye returns to that sole rose

Which grows where almost no-one goes

The back garden, where a fox shows

Slugs stop me wearing open toes 

April's cut roses wilt in vases

Whilst outside a real rose is born

A rose whose sent attracts my nose

But look, don't touch, for it has thorns

Today there could be sun or rain

Proudly proclaim, 'Summer, again!'

I'll smile all day, the whole world knows

What I saw first, that first, pink rose.

-ends- 

Please share links to your favourite poems. Poetry books by Angela Lansbury are on Amazon and Lulu.com

A Full Meal comical poem 566 by Angela Lansbury

 How should we start breakfast, lunch - or dinner?

With an olive or a glass of sherry

With brown bread and butter, or still water

Prosecco's fun, but it doesn't matter

Water or alcohol adds lubrication

Relaxes the mind and starts conversation

What is the best thing to talk about?

Thoughts which cause passion but don't make you shout

I like salad and fruit, something that's fresh

Something surprising in ev'ry great dish

Different colours, some vitamin C

Some A, and D, lots of variety

Some potatoes or bread, meat or fish

Something substantial in the main dish

I think of dessert but have to wait

For pudding, petits four, chocolate (cake)

I was on a diet but I'm not a fool 

In the short-term we're kind, though long-term we're cruel

Resisting it all cannot be done

Why stick to one when we're having such fun?

Last, espresso coffee, maybe mint tea

Something refreshing, I think you'll agree

Ginger and flavours you know I adore

Offer seconds, thirds, 'til guests gasp, 'No more!'

-ends-

Recycling comical poem number 565 by Angela Lansbury

 Every object and fabric has its use

We silent sewers must be outspoken

We growers save seeds from loss, that's abuse

Rescue brolly fabric when metal's broken

Saved umbrella covers. Photo by Angela Lansbury. Copyright.

What is your home's look?  Your body's your home

Feed your mind with sugar, dates and honey

If you lose bone teeth get new plastic ones

Best are gold teeth which cost plastic money

Folks with high IQs live in confusion

In fiction, art, and imagined heaven

No one dares say religion's delusion

Mine's perfect, yours twat, why can't all see that?

-ends-

Singing Birds But, Silenced, Cats! comical poem on birds 564 birds version 2 by Angela Lansbury

  Singing Birds comical poem by Angela Lansbury version 1

I have a box with a singing bird clock

I played it a whole day, then it was stopped

I thought it was cute, hourly birds tweeting

My spouse said it spoiled his online meeting

He said, 'Look - this annoying sound must stop!'

He silenced my birds, alas, that was that

Back in its box went my new singing clock

In our house my husband prowls like a cat

I heard a real bird, one early morning

Sound like a doorbell or a phone ringing

Like an alarm clock call joyful dawning

Or did that early bird sing code warning?

 

I listened, astonished, what could it be?

It woke me up twice, it gave me two turns

Who was it calling? Surely not for me

Early birds tap beaks, like rain, to lure worms

 

I love to hear birds tweeting, singing greeting

Calling, unseen, from the top of the block

Like a friend calling through the letterbox

But please, mr birdie, not at five o’clock!

 

One little bird has woken the others

Calling all, join my loud, cawing chorus

Each bird has fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers

Tweets and squeaks interrupt, annoy, paw us

 

I could shoot the nearest one, wave a gun

Like vine-grower's scarecrows, get arrested

My water pistol might miss and kill someone

Because my aim has, not yet, been tested

We’ve seen bin thefts tossed by a fox, and rat

Suddenly there’s silence, a prowling cat

Cute cats scratch babies, spray smells on roses

Tenants fixed repellent, I’m pleased at that.

 

I‘m sure you have heard that kittens like birds

Cats love birds, for their lunch or their dinner

If you banish cats, birds’ song will be heard

Old, bold birds sing praise, hymns, you're their saviour!

-Ends-