I Read And Write A lot Of Advice comic poem 509 by Angela Lansbury

 I read a lot of newspapers

To tell me what to do

Then I must copy the best news

To send it on to you

I know you want to laugh and learn

I know that you don't have much time

If short of time and energy

You need to borrow mine

I remember Dale Carnegie

Wrote about preventing worry

He wrote work, play - sport, keep busy

Don't stress yourself with hurry

Instead of worrying about 

What might come, or won't be

Prepare worst case scenarios

Send recipes to me

If you give me your worries

I can look after yours

My poems send you mine this time

Peform, share the applause

If I work days and you work nights

Sure, you see just what I mean

 I'm rude to them, then you're polite

We'd make the pefect team

If parents say yes, never, no

Then toddlers learn the same

Instead of 'no,' 'yes - later, dear'

This is my fav'rite game

We both understand the secret

Be wise, calm, not a fool

The extra magic's, to do it

Take action's the last rule.

-ends-

Dale Carnegie picture from Wikipedia.

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English Tweeting Bird comic poem number 383 by Angela Lansbury

 I woke up as the light was dawning

Only six o'clock in the morning

In the bathroom I heard tweet tweet

From a tiny bird out in the street

I said, "Hello,' and then a tweet-tweet

I thought he's so cute and really sweet

But probably calling to his friends

Like police summons, it never ends

I told him, if I may be so bold

I know you're lonely out in the cold

I'll interrupt you, beg your pardon

Feel free to fly into my garden

I love to hear your near tweet tweet tweet

But please don't drop poo onto the seat

Nor on the head of people below

Please tell your friends that I told you so

In my bathroom I did my small wee

Some vulgar people call it a pee

I tell my toddler grand-child wee's twee

I hope you'll agree and copy me

I'm in the bathroom by the bath

Looking through the bathroom window

Wash my hands, smile, give a laugh

But what is on the seat below!

The bird has left there something new

It looks just like some white bird poo

I bang the wondow, crossly shout

The tweeter's gone, to rout about

Later I'll go to clean away

The first outside job of the day

And make the garden clean and neat

Then welcome back the birdy's tweet

It's my first job to clean it all

I must be philosophical

I wish the birds good food to eat

To me - yuk -  worms!  To them it's meat

I, too, must eat, through vegans frown

And when my vegan friend's in town

I stick to eating lettuce leaves

Agree with her so she won't grieve

Then when she's gone, I'm like the bird

Just hop about, unthinking nerd

And eat whatever comes to hand

No planned, whatever's in my land

Drink water, say 'thank you,' and 'please'

The water lubricates your knees

I wickedly eat milk and cheese

Like birds go with the flow and breeze

What goes up must come down, white or brown

What goes around will soon come around

Day after day, birds wee but look sweet

They make my day with their tweet, tweet, tweet.

-ends-

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Picture of hat for sale on RSPB website.

RSPB is the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds.

https://shopping.rspb.org.uk/gifts-home/clothing-and-outdoor/fashion-accessories/hats/rspb-beanie-2022.html

The colour is rust and the price is 25 pounds sterling. I have a birthday coming up.

Also see poem 400.

A Great Gram of Grammar From Grandma (Comic Poem no 129)

 In future I think I should teach the past 

Put rules in poems, so that they will last 

Better than rules are words you can copy

You say what I say; we'll both be happy. 

Do you see now what I saw yesterday?

Are you paying? Did you pay yesterday? 

We paid yesterday. We played yesterday. 

We practise what we've learned early each day.

D'you hear what I say? You heard what I said? 

Grandma's a widow. 'cause Grandpa was dead.

I wired up the lights. They hired and fired me.

I'm tired. He's tired. We're all tired - go to bed. 

I'm speaking. I speak. Yesterday I spoke. 10

I'm writing. I write. Yesterday I wrote. 10

I'm a teacher. I teach. Yesterday I taught. 11

I'm fishing. I like fishing. Look what I've caught! 11

I'm running. I run. Yesterday I ran. 

I'm winning. I win. Yesterday I won. 

I'm swimming. I swim. Yesterday I swam. 

I'm doing homework. Yesterday's task's done.

I hope you are listening. What have you learned? 

I hear the phone ringing. Tell me - who's phoned? 

I'll watch the toast. Yesterday it was burned. 

You keep watching it. Make sure it gets turned. 

You're spending my money. I've done the sums. 

We are out of cash. Let's hope something good comes.

What have you bought for me? What have you brought for tea? 

What shall I take bring? Please don't say anything.

Banks like to lend. The poor like to borrow. 

We love to spend. Don't think of tomorrow.

A library lends. Readers borrow books.

I hope this is cooked. We rely on cooks.

They're hearing. They hear. Yesterday they heard. 

D'you see what I mean? D'you get what I said? 

Did you read what I wrote? What have I read! 

They've all gone home. Was it something I said? 

Everybody knows where everyone goes. 

Does anyone know me? Who can show me?

Interesting books. I'm interested. 

I hope the grammar will stay in my head. 

Fight the good fight. Let's go. Turn off the light.

I was fraught, when I taught. It came to nought. 

He's a good speaker, gives lots of speeches. 

She told us a lot, knows what she teaches. 

Many and few are for things we can count 

How much, more or less, measures large amounts. 

I hope you've had fun. Now I have to run.

That's all. We've finished. She says we are done. 

-ends-